#ThePowerOfMakeup: Why You Should Think Twice Before Makeup Shaming
Social media shaming of all sorts is something that is inescapable in this day and age. Some people will criticize literally every little thing about you on social media from your weight to your parenting skills. Quite frankly, most of us are over it.
On an episode of The Real, Adrienne Bailon brought up a different type of shaming that has become very prominent on social media--makeup shaming. Women are using the hashtags #ThePowerOfMakeup and #MakeupShaming to clap back (in a positive way) to women who shame other women for wearing makeup. Joining in on the movement first started by makeup artist and beauty vlogger NikkieTutorials, women are sharing half glamed up/ half natural selfies to combat makeup shamers and allow women who love to wear makeup to live their lives beautifully beat!
Makeup shamers feel as though women who choose to wear makeup do it for the following reasons:
- Because they are insecure and have low self esteem
- They want attention, especially from the men
- They don't love themselves
Women who love to wear makeup (myself included) say they actually do it for the following reasons:
- It's a fun way of expressing yourself
- It gives that extra boost of confidence that you may need when your not feeling all that hot (physical, emotionally and spiritually)
- It's none of your business!
Beauty vlogger Shalom Blac's story is a true testament to #ThePowerofMakeup. She's been using makeup as a teen to cover her burn scars, but learned to love herself and accept that her scars are a part of who she is.
I'm absolutely no stranger to makeup shaming. I've been into makeup for basically my whole life and I've definitely crossed paths with a few shamers along the way. Since I was a little girl, I struggled with expressing myself and was always on the hunt to find an outlet that I could stick to. I took piano lessons; I was no Alicia Keys. My artwork looked like I drew with my feet. I tried guitar and went home everyday with calluses on my fingers. I actually loved dancing but I was sick of people underestimating me because I was bigger than the other kids. One day I began dabbling in makeup and we've been best friends ever since.
In high school, when I was finally allowed to wear makeup out of the house, you could catch me prancing down the halls with a bright lippie, blush and even possibly a coat of blue mascara on my lashes (yes, blue mascara). I loved the compliments that I got but that was absolutely never the reason why I would wake up a 30 extra minutes to apply it. It was all for ME, and it still is.
I had this one particular shamer that I wish to this day I gave a piece of my mind; not because of the horrible things that she would say about my makeup but because she was my “friend." She would call me Ru Paul or a tranny and all sorts of mean things just because I enjoyed wearing and doing makeup. But (there's always a but) she would run out and purchase similar products that I would use and emulate some of the things that I would do. I was absolutely baffled, but as Adrienne Bailon said some women makeup shame other women simply because they don't know how to properly apply makeup themselves. Present day, I often find that same shamer liking some of my selfies displaying my face beat to the GAWDS on instagram.
I now work as a beauty consultant for Clinique and absolutely love spreading #ThePowerOfMakeup and confidence to my clients. Women come to me on a regular basis wanting to learn the tricks of the trade; sometimes they just simply want to learn because they were never taught or they may be at some new stage in their lives and they're just looking to feel and look refreshed. Wearing makeup is honestly no different than revamping you're wardrobe in my opinion.
One particular client story over the years of why she chooses to wear makeup has stuck with me. A few years back my client was diagnosed with lupus, which has left her skin blotchy with very noticeable red rashes on her fair skin. She wears makeup primarily to cover the rashes of course, but also to not have a constant reminder of the disease that she is battling every time she looks in the mirror.
[Tweet "Work on the inner before even attempting to alter your outer appearance."]
As far a confidence goes, yes makeup can be used as a booster, but at the end of the day you need to genuinely happy with whom you are. Work on the inner before even attempting to alter your outer appearance. And if makeup just isn't your thing, there is no reason to shame someone who loves it.
What are your personal thoughts on makeup shaming? Share them with us along with some of your #PowerOfMakeup selfies, and check out the gallery below of some beauties showing #ThePowerofMakeUp.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images