While I’m the first to encourage my fellow African-Americans to spread them transatlantic wings to hop across the pond and join me in Europe, there’s a part that I’m always hesitant to open up about when it comes to the reality of our existence in some parts of the world.
And while I can’t speak for every black woman, nor every country’s views, I can share my experiences, my observations, and my discoveries, in hopes that it can prepare and even educate fellow black women as to something that is far too common, and yet, beyond our control.
Sorry to build the suspense, but I have to contextualize this, because again, I was so oblivious to it at first, that when it happened, I was so shocked, disgusted, and confused. And a bit saddened as well.
Toledo, Spain
Because when you’re so used to doing everything to control the perception others have of you, and then having that “power” taken away from you for the simple fact that you’re in a city or region where people that have your skin color, are usually prostitutes, it’s a hard pill to swallow. Yes, that’s right.
I was mistaken for a prostitute.
Not just once. But dozens of times. And I’ve honestly lost count.
The first time it happened, I was in Spain.
The second time, The Czech Republic.
The third time, Albania.
And before the cynics begin to question what I was wearing, it didn’t matter. I was clothed, covered, and respectable. Whether that be in a long, flowing skirt or in jeans and a peacoat, there are just some regions of the world who see black skin on a woman, and assume that the only way I was able to afford to get there and stay there, was by way of selling my body to a local. This way of thinking isn’t born overnight. It’s taught and it’s engrained by what’s happened in the past.
Costa Brava, Spain
In Barcelona, my favorite city in Europe (and that’s extremely biased as I got to call it home for a year), I soon learned that there were certain streets I just couldn’t walk down at a certain hour, even as “early” as 8PM.
One time I was with my German friend leaving a restaurant, and he was walking me back to the train station on the famous La Rambla street, and one by one we’re met with these strange looks that I can’t quite describe. It was a mix between a look of congratulations to my friend and a look of dirtiness to me. We pass police officers who mutter something along the lines of “good job” in Catalan, while looking towards my German friend, and seemingly scaling me up and down as if imagining what Nicki Minaj moves I had in my repertoire. My friend and I look at each other, mutually sensing the discomfort of the situation, but still wondering why we were attracting such strange expressions. And this was one of my closest friends while in Barcelona, strictly platonic, and now incredibly awkward.
I start becoming self-conscious and more observant of everyone around us, wondering why we were getting so much attention. And then I lock eyes with what looked like a West-African (specifically, Nigerian) woman. She stares me up and down, then looks at my German friend, eyeballs his crotch area, then looks at me again and mutters something to her friend nearby. It’s now clear they were prostitutes, and they’ve mistaken me as their “competition” and crossing into their territory. By now, we’ve made our way off the main strip of La Rambla, and off to the smaller sidewalk, because the attention became too much.
And then we notice a trend. Every 100 feet or so, there’s a new African woman, claiming her spot/corner and giving me the same “jealous” glare as if they’re mad I had found a “customer” for the night, while they were still out there harassing every man that passed them by. The worst part is, they did look like me. And I looked like them.
You see, most African prostitutes in Europe don’t exactly dress like prostitutes do. They wear coats, scarves, sweaters, and jeans. Just like me. Therefore, making us almost indistinguishable. I was an empty corner away from looking like one of them, and the embarrassment was enough to keep me away from that street past dark for the remainder of my time in Barcelona.
I tried hard to forget about that night, and my friend and I only talked about it once over coffee, before agreeing to pretend it never happened. It was awkward. To have a friend walk down a street for 15 minutes under the assumption that you, his good friend, was purchased for the night. I don’t walk around flashing my college degree, credentials, or achievements on my arms, but the fact that I couldn’t and didn’t really know how to defend myself, was something new. I was embarrassed. A type of embarrassed that leaves you speechless and unsure how to vent or open up about it with friends.
Madrid, Spain
Another time while I was out and about exploring the city, I arrive at a small intersection where I see a car coming.When I’m in no hurry, I’m always very laxed about letting cars just go in front of me, and depending on where you are, most of them do anyway. But I see him slowing down, and encourage him to press the gas again, and do a motion with my hand that waves him through to carry onwards. But he instead brakes even harder so that his passenger window is right in front of me, winds down his window, and excitedly asks me in Spanish how much I charge, soon motioning that he didn’t even care, to just hop in the car anyway, reaching over to open the door.
The shock hit me so hard again, I felt like someone just punched my gut. I *accidentally* kicked his car and walked around him and crossed the street. My Spanish/Catalan was so bad at that time, that I hadn’t taught myself how to be angry in a foreign language yet. And God knows that was probably for the best. Jesus took that wheel.
And as much as I try to forget it happened. It soon happened again in Seville, Spain. And then in Prague, Czech Republic, and then in Gjirokastra, Albania. And several other cities, towns, and villages around Europe. And being here now in Cyprus, I was reminded yet again, that this is just a part of my solo travel experience that I have to accept. Because it’s happened again.
Kyrenia, Cyprus
The other day I met a lovely lady from The Philippines who’s the pastor of a church here who told me about their worship service happening in a few minutes. She wanted to prepare a few things and had her husband walk me to where the church was located.
Sidenote: After traveling for so long, you start to develop a spirit of discernment, and I knew from the sound of their voices and the joy in their heart from finding a “sister in Christ” that I was in good hands.
So her husband and I start walking down the main street and heading for the church. He was probably in his early 60’s, and since the wife was off picking up some things, there we were. An older man, with a 20-something old black woman, and immediately, the heads are turning, I’m hearing mutters, and on this narrow street lined with bars and restaurants of hundreds of people sitting outside facing towards the street, we soon become the center of attention. And by the looks of their faces, it was not for anything good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than the thought of someone thinking you were just “purchased”.
I knew what everyone thought, and my jolly new friend, oblivious to it all, is telling me about his journey of being a born again Christian, and how much God has worked miracles in his life. And there I was, instead of rejoicing with him in his victories, allowing my human side to take over, and I put my head down, trying to avoid all the stares and mutters we were receiving. It was different than the stares I got when I was by myself exploring Cyprus. People smiled and waved, and even chimed in a few times with, Welcome to Cyprus! It was beautiful. But it was about 8PM this time. And all I saw were judgmental faces.
We soon arrived to the church and I’m greeted by a cheerful group of Filipinos, Sri Lankans, and Africans who are so delighted to see a new face in their church. But the walk I made to get there was too much for me to handle at the time, and I was still trying to process it all. I honestly just wanted to break down and cry and run back to the comforts and confinements of my hotel. I wasn’t in the mood to serve or sing, although that was probably the exact type of environment I needed to be in, but I was tired of going through that same worthless strut that had followed me in far too many cities around Europe.
But writing is my form of healing. And just like my Prague experience, I’m slowly but surely teaching myself that I simply cannot control others’ perceptions of me. Despite my accomplishments, despite my education, despite what I’ve overcome to get where I am today, if they’re accustomed to associating my skin color with those of prostitutes, then I simply can’t let that get to me.
Cliffs of Moher, Ireland
Their ignorance is NOT my problem.
So while I want nothing more than my fellow African-American women to go out and explore this beautiful world around us, on their own if they can, please do be prepared and aware that this might be your experience too.
I’ve been traveling around Europe cumulatively for almost 1,000 days since 2012, and that’s been filled with beautiful encounters, cultural exchanges, and inspiring conversations.
So these moments definitely make up the minority of my experience. And it’s important to remember that while we can’t change the perception of black women in these countries overnight, we can do our best to increase our presence, as everyday tourists, worthy of respect and not lazy assumptions about how we afforded to get there in the first place.
Limassol, Cyprus
And know that these problems aren’t exclusive to these cities and countries, nor is the prostitution label exclusive to black women, because it really depends on the history of foreign women in that area.
And if a fellow African-American female traveler went abroad for the first time and experienced this, I can at least feel good about letting her know that she is not alone and it’s completely out of her control.
So while I wrote this as more of a therapeutic way for me to cope, I also hope it enlightened some of you all too.
Thanks for listening.
Originally posted on The Blog Abroad.
Gloria Atanmo is an American Travel Blogger and Digital Storyteller at TheBlogAbroad.com where she recounts her experiences from traveling for over 1,000 days. With 30+ countries under her belt, she hopes to continue educating, empowering, and inspiring others to get out and explore the beautiful world around us.
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
Transform Your Space With Home Decor Ideas Inspired By Your Zodiac Sign
Astrology is reflected in our personalities and also in the way we style and prefer our homes. When looking at your zodiac sign and the symbols, colors, and aesthetics associated with it, you can discover ways to enhance your home and have it reflect your tastes and style. Home decor is such a personal perspective in one's life and can create the overall mood for your day and how you move through the world.
Having a home that makes you feel like yourself and reflects to others what you want them to see in you is sentimental, and by studying the stars, you can develop your personal style in the home.
When it comes to your overall taste and vibe in the home, there are a few different areas you can look at in Astrology. Your sun sign, first and foremost, encapsulates you in your entirety and what makes you feel most like yourself. We all know Cancers and Taurus love their home, and they tend to have and create spaces that make people feel comfortable, safe, and taken care of. Their home decor style borders simplicity with comfort, and they know how to create an inviting ambiance.
Your Venus sign also has a way of pointing you in the direction of what aesthetics resonate with your heart, and you’ll want to learn more about the sign your Venus is in and different ways you can express this side of you in the home.
Your Home Decor Aesthetic, According to Your Zodiac Sign
Finally, your 4th house in Astrology, which rules your home, foundations, inner world, and family, is the perfect place to look at and discover how you can reflect more of your personal energy in the home. Having a planet like Jupiter in the 4th house can represent having a large home and a grand taste for extravagant decor.
Having Venus or Libra here could reflect a more feminine and soft touch in the home, and being inspired to create a space that makes people feel at ease and loved.
With Scorpio in the 4th house, people are private with their homes. When you enter, you get a sense of mysticism and depth with unique art surrounding, that gets you sucked in and intrigued by their world. Dive into where the stars align for you, and get inspired by what you can create in the home.
Read below for your home decor inspo for your sun sign. You can also look at the sign of your 4th house or your Venus sign for more inspiration here.
ARIES: Prints & Patterns
Oxido Turkish Silk Throw Pillow With Down-Alternative Insert 23" by CB2
Aries express themselves freely in the home and have a more unique taste than most. They are inspired by colors, design, authentic pieces, and having an exciting energy in the home. Aries has the perfect balance of being a minimalist and also a person with an eclectic taste when it comes to their home decor style.
Prints mixed with simple pieces bring an elegant twist to their fiery personality, and it’s all about self-expression for Aries. Playing with different patterns and styles and having one-of-a-kind pieces works well for them and showcases their personality.
TAURUS: Romance & Luxury
Curvo 95" White Performance Fabric Sofa By Goop by CB2
Not many people can do home decor like a Taurus. The home is essential to this earthly soul, and they tend to have good taste. The Taurus home is filled with candles, lush rugs, deep colors, and an ambiance of romance and safety. Taurus makes the best plant parents, and a space filled with greenery makes them feel at home.
Earthy tones, gem tones, greens, and pieces that have a sense of comfort and luxury are perfect for the Taurus soul. They want to feel beautiful and comfortable in their home, and they want others to feel the same way as well. They are the type of zodiac sign to invest in good, high-quality, pieces.
GEMINI: Modern & Minimal
Gemini’s home incorporates their creative personality and style, but it also represents a more minimalist and intentional side to them. Most Geminis prefer a modern, minimal, and airy home. They don’t like clutter, and they want a space that can help ease their mind.
Different textures, open windows, and a neutral color tone are perfect for the Gemini home. They will have a few pieces of color and charm, but overall, they thrive in spaces that are a blank slate for them to roam, be, and create.
CANCER: Comfort & Connection
Isobel Console
Cancer thrives when there is flow in the home. Unique pieces that are inviting and express comfort, connection, and love are what they are inspired by. Everything has a place when it comes to Cancer’s home and belongings, and they often keep their pieces forever. They see their home itself as an investment, and everything within it has a purpose and special meaning.
Furniture pieces that provide comfort but that also make you want to connect, talk, and enjoy the comforts of the home align with this water sign. Creams, tans, light blues, rounded or uniquely shaped pieces, and an atmosphere that provides calmness are the perfect home decor style for Cancer.
LEO: Maximalism & Mirrors
Lila Adam Chair
Leo loves a space that reflects their sunny personality and, of course, a home with lots of mirrors. They need their home to be a place in their life where they can feel safe and loved, but also feel a sense of happiness and joy as well. They are not so particular about comforts like an earth sign, and they will choose style over comfort any day.
The Leo is a maximalist at heart and needs a large closet, prints, and colors. They aren’t so concerned with trends as they are with what appeals to their eye, and they want a space where they can entertain and enjoy their life with their loved ones.
VIRGO: Neutral & Pops of Color
Ruffle Marble Decorative Bowl
Virgos are the rulers of all things health, and they want a space that reflects good well-being, simplicity, and a healthy lifestyle, but also a home that looks lived in and has charm. They aren’t minimalist, but they aren’t maximalist either, and they tiptoe between the two with their home decor style.
Neutral tones thrive in Virgo's energy, but they also like a pop of color in the home as well and will have a space that showcases their mutable character. Flowers, rugs, plants, simple home decor pieces, crystals, and neutral backgrounds provide the perfect ambiance for Virgo.
LIBRA: Beauty & Venusian Energy
Light Beige Wabi-Sabi Painting
Credit: Etsy/Getwallartgallery
Libras are ruled by Venus, the planet of love, and they take good care of their home. This is an area of their life where they exemplify a lot of beauty and comfort, and they want to experience love in the home and for other people to feel this energy when they enter. Libras typically have a more minimalistic style, and they know how to say a lot with very little.
A lush white rug, with a cream or pop of color couch, and a functionality of the home that makes people want to connect is perfect for Libra. They will have photos and sentimental pieces of loved ones around the home, and their home decor style reflects their Venusian energy.
SCORPIO: Emotional Depth & Deep Tones
Chambord Grand Pendant
Scorpio loves a moody atmosphere in the home. Blacked-out curtains are a must, and a sense of privacy and emotional depth in the home are, too. You will see a lot of dark colors, browns, burgundies, deep blues, and blacks in the home of a Scorpio, and they are intentional about every piece they have in their space.
They tend to be more minimal, but they do love to adorn their walls with pieces that reflect their heart and make them and others feel something as well. Scorpio’s home tends to look like a vampire's den, and they want their space to feel intimate, mysterious, and intriguing.
SAGITTARIUS: Free-Spirit & Feng Shui
Dowel Counter Stool
The Sagittarius home reflects their free-spirit personality. Sagittarius is one of the signs that is not home too often, so when they are they want things to be easy to find, easy to move around, and a little bit more quiet than all of the energy of the outside world.
They don’t have too much in the home because they prefer to keep things light and accessible, but they wouldn’t necessarily be defined as minimalist either. The Sagittarius has a bold personality that needs a room that’s going to match, colors that will enhance their mood, and a spiritual taste of Feng shui that reflects their inner wisdom.
CAPRICORN: Natural & Traditional
Morrell Dining Chair
Capricorns take their time with their home. They wait till they can acquire the best of the best for themselves and spoil themselves with things that bring them a sense of comfort and groundedness. They want their home to feel organized and comfortable and reflect their hard work and what they have accumulated for themselves.
As with all earth signs, plants are a must, and they enjoy a lot of earthy pieces, woods, and different natural materials as well. There is something traditional about the home of the Capricorn, and they provide a lot of history and value here.
AQUARIUS: Unique & Eclectic
Marais Sectional
The home of the Aquarius is inspired by their other-worldly, cultural, and magnetic personality and interests. Aquarius has a space that is unique and eclectic, and that represents everything that inspires them. They have a lot of pieces that some may not think to put together right away, but the way Aquarius does it makes it look like a masterpiece.
The Aquarius is the trendsetter, and they often do things ahead of their time. They love color, pattern, different aesthetics, and a lot of eclectic pieces on the walls and surrounding them. They need a space that can fuel their wondrous soul and that feels inviting and conversational to friends and family as well.
PISCES: Comfort & Luxury
Carson Bench
Pisces love their home, especially their bedroom, and the comforts of it. Pisces puts comfort over all else when it comes to their home decor style, and they have a home that makes others feel calm and at ease. Pisces' most important home decor piece is their bed, and they prefer the best bedding, the most luxurious bedroom furniture, and lots of pillows and items of comfort.
They have a good balance when it comes to colors and neutrals, and they overall just want to feel like they can wind down in peace when they are at home, and it’s more about how things feel rather than how they look for Pisces in the home. Their style is dreamy, sentimental, and comfortable, with a little bit of magic.
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