Most Women Are Here for 5 Minute Sex
No woman wants a one minute man... but a five minute one? Now we might be talking.
Contrary to our favorite eroticas, it was revealed that most women do not necessarily desire nor require a power-hour of extended intercourse. According to Penn State Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, who conducted a survey of 50 sex professionals (including doctors, psychologists and other researches who are in constant contact with sexually active women through their profession), five minutes (the median between 3 to 7 minutes) was the average for "satisfactory" sex.
Cum again?
These were the results in detail:
"Too Short" sex is 1-2 minutes
"Adequate" sex is 3 to 7 minutes
"Desirable" sex is 7-13 minutes
"Too long" sex is anywhere between 13 to 30 minutes.
Researchers also added that the idea that intercourse should be full-course marathon comes from the media's unreal portrayal of it. According to various sexperts, most men take about 5 to 10 minutes to climax while women can take about 10-20 minutes (with foreplay included, less with foreplay excluded). About 75 percent of women also experience "clitoral" climaxes, which can bring them to orgasm quicker. Knowing what works for your body, along with communication with your partner on what satisfies you both is so key:
"A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal. Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. "
In other words: A little sweat during sex doesn't hurt, but don't sweat the technique!
Keep it mind, it is also important to add that knowing the difference between a quick in and out and getting-it-in-for-the-win is crucial. The actual act of engaging in intercourse is not the same as the extended amount of foreplay that may take place before hand. All the things that heighten your senses as a man and woman (kissing, teasing, touching, rubbing, feeding... each other food *smile*) is not included.
A few years ago, the ladies of The Real talked about their preferences when it came to the bedroom. They proved the stats to be somewhat true after host Jeannie Mai took a roundtable survey and asked her co-hosts how long they thought the "horizontal mambo" (aka sexual intercourse) should last. Their responses were honest, with the average time being anywhere between 7 to 13 minutes for exceptional sex.
For example, Adrienne Bailon was the first to respond and her idea sexy-time was around "20-30 minutes."
"I think more people would have [sex] more frequently if they didn't think... it would be a 3 hour marathon. I hear a lot of women say 'I don't want to have as much of it because I'm tired!' I feel like on weekdays and on work days, a good 20-30 minutes is right on point. That is including kissing and foreplay. A good 20 or 30 minute as a night cap or when you wake up in the morning!"
A very shocked Tamera asked Adrienne and the audience whether or not engaging in sex for an extended period of time brings discomfort or even "hurts," with Adrienne defending her half-hour cap on sex by stating that this includes foreplay and kissing too:
"20 minutes is not something crazy you guys! 30 minutes is not a lot of time; that's as long as a sitcom! I think that people that want to have this hour long situation, there are for sure snack breaks in-between, a little rest time, and some 'Can you grab me a water out the fridge.'"
Tamera Mowry-Housley broke it down best:
"I believe there are two different ways you can have intercourse. For one, I really enjoy making love. Making love requires time. To me, that is like 15 minutes, that is not including foreplay. Then I believe there is another way of having intercourse, which is the "wam, bam, thank you ma'am," which is like 5 minutes-"
Jeannie Mai: "I love that one! The 5 minute one!"
Tamara: "Right? And it's all the same, you just feel it different ways some time."
So in "short" (no pun intended): When it comes to "doing" it, just do you boo-boo!"
And don't confuse the "length" of time per moment with the frequency and amount of times you engage in intercourse and love-making. Know what is best for you and your partner so that you both might enjoy sexing more and stressing less!
What are your thoughts on this, ladies?
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Between the rise of the creator economy and the gig economy, the window of opportunity to leverage your creativity for long-term gain has never been more potent.
For the last four years, I’ve worked as a full-time freelance writer and content creator. A year into this journey, I knew that if I wanted to create a sense of structure around my life outside of a traditional 9-5, I would have to create it.
To my surprise, that came in the form of social media.
Now, you might be wondering how someone might be able to juggle their work in a creatively-dominant career like writing while still having the mental capacity to produce ideas for their own personal brand, and well, that answer didn’t come easily.
In 2021, I hit a wall with writing and content creation.
With the stress and uncertainty that came as a result of the pandemic, to being burned out from having to live off my creativity, I reached a breaking point. For me, writing was always a space to explore my thoughts, process heavy topics, and express concepts that only words could bring reason to. However, when I didn’t have the brainpower to write or create content, I knew it was time to set parameters around my hobby of content creation and my passion for storytelling.
In this case, the biggest challenge was finding the balance between the two by releasing the guilt and shame of taking a break from both in order to reconnect with them.
Through years of trial and error, the fog finally cleared, and I was able to hit my stride in 2023. From garnering over 10K followers on TikTok, building an Instagram community around lifestyle and creative encouragement, along with my wellness collective, Black Girl Playground, and writing for xoNecole as a lifestyle contributor, the creative juices have been flowing steadily.
And it all happened by creating a strategy that allowed space for planning, resting, and creating. Today, I’ll be sharing my top tips to help you find your balance between your side hustle and passions.
On staying inspired and motivated when working on various content creation and freelancing projects:
Early this year, I came to the bright conclusion that I needed to shorten the gap between ideation and execution — and it completely changed how I create.
Oftentimes, when we have an idea come to us, we let it sit for too long, and then before we know it, we’ve either lost the enthusiasm to put it into action, or someone else grabs it. If you want to stay in a flow of creativity, whether side projects or full-time work, it’s important to not get slowed down by self-doubt, procrastination, or perfectionism.
Give yourself permission to act on your ideas as they come to you. Even if they’re a little muddy or not “perfect,” you can always fine-tune them later.
@yagirlaley shrinking the gap between [ideation] + [execution] 🧠💡#fyp #creativeadvice
On the importance of choosing a niche:
If there’s one thing that has helped me balance my work as a writer and content creator, it’s putting each in its own niche (or category). By definition, a niche is a specialized segment of the market or a specific area of expertise.
When you are creating in the same niche that you’re also making a living in, that’s an easy way to get your wires crossed. And at times, this could lead to feeling as if you don’t have any ideas for yourself because you’ve given them to the other area you're juggling.
When balancing two, you want to have enough fresh ideas to give to your personal projects and your full-time work to avoid any overlap. This ensures that your personal creative vision isn’t compromised when working on client projects while still having some for yourself.
On the strategies that have helped to maintain a consistent workflow in both areas:
I can’t stress enough how important it is to create a workflow and structure for yourself as a freelancer — this applies to those with a 9-5 in the day and a 5-9 at night, too.
As someone who admittedly has ADHD tendencies, object permanence can sometimes create a block in time and project management. That’s why I encourage creatives and professionals to create systems that allow you to see the work that’s ahead of you.
Personally, I can’t live without having multiple calendars going at once. My Google calendar keeps track of interviews for articles and events, while my physical calendar helps me keep track of important dates. I also work out of an Excel sheet where I can log in ongoing stories and track their status from drafting to submission. I’ve also heard great things about the Notion app for planning and tracking.
When it comes to creating content, spending time doing bulk content days has been an asset to my creative workflow. When I complete the videos, I save them to my drafts and upload them as needed.
Credit: Amberita
Courtesy of the writer
On the best advice for someone who is considering pursuing both content creation and freelancing simultaneously:
Don’t be ashamed of taking a break and resting — because both are essential to the life of a creative. Last month, I returned to Instagram after taking 6 months off from posting. During that time, I worked on growing my TikTok page, using the platform to practice vulnerability and allowing myself to put the fun back into creating content. Without the time, I can’t say I’d be able to approach Instagram with the same ease and playfulness; but thanks to that time away, it was possible.
Resting, letting our minds wander, or simply doing nothing are all just as productive as creating. No one can produce at all times, we have to allow ourselves the space for new concepts and ideas to flow to us. In addition to that, when we take breaks from social media, it allows us to stop the wheel of comparison and consume more than we create. So if you feel like you’re in a creative rut with all you want to balance, it may be time to take a step back, unapologetically.
Your creativity will thank you for it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Sir Taylor