The Godparents Title: Who Really Deserves It
When I became pregnant with my first son, everyone stressed to me the importance of having Godparents. Although I never had one myself growing up, I had friends who spoke highly of the people in their lives who weren't blood related, yet fulfilled their roles as guardians should something happen to the parent(s).
In understanding the significance of a Godparent, I decided to choose mutual friends between me and my partner–an honor accepted by all who were chosen. Best friends got first dibs on the title and had the privilege of calling my child their nephew and Godson, but months after, I realized some weren't living up to their roles and did nothing at all. There were no check-ins or genuine interests or concerns about the wellbeing of my son and soon thereafter, I realized that I had selected people because we shared a few years of good friendship, formed by long college nights and post-grad happy hours.
Two of the “Godparents" had a wavering faith in God and hadn't gone to church in years. With other friends who were Mommies, I witnessed a similar pattern of picking besties to play the part. In becoming uncomfortable with the fact that people ran with the title and didn't walk the talk, I wondered who actually deserves to be chosen and called a Godparent.
Godparents should not only live up to the capacity of being a positive role model through investing their time into a child for a long lasting relationship, but should also help that child grow in the faith of God. Godparents should serve as mentors, setting an example of how one is to live and walk in Christianity. In a conversation that should've been discussed prior to the arrival of our son, my partner and I realized that some of our friends picked up the role without having to be crowned a Godparent, while others excitedly wore the title like a badge of honor but refused to put in the work. While my friends jumped at the opportunity to be a Godmother–finding more of an interest to flaunt a title and be called “Auntie" than the live up to the expectations–there wasn't a sincere interest in the child.
Godparents aren't a must in a child's life and opting into having one (or two) boils down to selecting people who are practicing members of the faith, dedicated to assisting in the child's spiritual growth. People change and most friendships don't last forever, so it's important to choose someone other than the close friend you knew from way back when.
If I could do it all over, I would.
Children deserve someone who is going to fulfill the duties of a Godparent–one who is willing to invest in them spiritually and ready to pick up where the child's parents left off, should something happen–not a family friend who likes the word and not the work.
I asked a few friends what their thoughts were on being a Godparent, the roles they play and what it means to take on the title. Check out a few of the answers below!
“When my friend first asked me to be a godparent, it honestly felt like an honor because she could've chosen anybody else for the role. She told me that she knew if something were to happen to her or her parents that she knew I would make sure that her son was taken care of. Being a godparent is just about having the title, but realizing that someone trusts you with their child in the event of unfortunate circumstances. Though I can't always be around for my godchild since I live in another state, I do my best to be there for birthdays or holidays and to be aware of what's going on in his life." – Kiah
“The role of a Godparent in todays' society is often overlooked and forgotten. Many people are just focusing on the “title" and not the positive actions he/she should be displaying for the child. Becoming a Godparent means that you are chosen to mold and help guide a child, a responsibility to be cherished. Trust that you can nurture, give words of encouragement and advice that will allow them to navigate this difficult world. As a Godparent it is important for the individual chosen to be physically present when the parent is unable to do so. If religion plays a large role within that family it is the duty of a Godparent to ensure the child is taken to sunday school and church whenever the parent(s) are unable to do so. Also, it is the duty of a Godparent to ensure that their Godchild gets the necessay steps to help maintain a comfortable and self-sufficient life." – Kenni
“When I was asked to be a Godparent, I expected the position because my best friend asked me to I'd do anything for her. I really didn't know what the role of being a Godparent was besides being second in line in taking care of the child, God forbid, anything should happen to the parents. But I love being a Godparent because its practice for me in the future for when or if I decide to have kids. I also believe that having a child is the only way you'll be able to create a better version of yourself and even though I didn't give birth to my Godchild, I'd like to believe that being around, makes that child the best version of our friendship. There's a piece of me and her within him." – Janaé
“I asked a family member to be the Godfather to my child because of how much he did for me growing up. At first he denied the opportunity, saying he didn't go to church and knew walking in the faith was a big part of being a good Godparent, but when I became sick not too long after having my daughter, he accepted, knowing that things change in a second and someone needs to be there to pick up where I left off. Since then, he's been highly active in her life–taking her out on weekends, celebrating milestones with her, and so on and so forth–on top of being a father of three to his own children. My little girl now knows that someone has her back and cares for her wellbeing, not because her mother and her cousin are related in some way, but because he picked up that title and has thrived in it." – Angel
Do you or your child(ren) have Godparents? Are they necessary? Weigh in in the comment section.
Featured image by Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty