The Godparents Title: Who Really Deserves It
When I became pregnant with my first son, everyone stressed to me the importance of having Godparents. Although I never had one myself growing up, I had friends who spoke highly of the people in their lives who weren't blood related, yet fulfilled their roles as guardians should something happen to the parent(s).
In understanding the significance of a Godparent, I decided to choose mutual friends between me and my partner–an honor accepted by all who were chosen. Best friends got first dibs on the title and had the privilege of calling my child their nephew and Godson, but months after, I realized some weren't living up to their roles and did nothing at all. There were no check-ins or genuine interests or concerns about the wellbeing of my son and soon thereafter, I realized that I had selected people because we shared a few years of good friendship, formed by long college nights and post-grad happy hours.
Two of the “Godparents" had a wavering faith in God and hadn't gone to church in years. With other friends who were Mommies, I witnessed a similar pattern of picking besties to play the part. In becoming uncomfortable with the fact that people ran with the title and didn't walk the talk, I wondered who actually deserves to be chosen and called a Godparent.
Godparents should not only live up to the capacity of being a positive role model through investing their time into a child for a long lasting relationship, but should also help that child grow in the faith of God. Godparents should serve as mentors, setting an example of how one is to live and walk in Christianity. In a conversation that should've been discussed prior to the arrival of our son, my partner and I realized that some of our friends picked up the role without having to be crowned a Godparent, while others excitedly wore the title like a badge of honor but refused to put in the work. While my friends jumped at the opportunity to be a Godmother–finding more of an interest to flaunt a title and be called “Auntie" than the live up to the expectations–there wasn't a sincere interest in the child.
Godparents aren't a must in a child's life and opting into having one (or two) boils down to selecting people who are practicing members of the faith, dedicated to assisting in the child's spiritual growth. People change and most friendships don't last forever, so it's important to choose someone other than the close friend you knew from way back when.
If I could do it all over, I would.
Children deserve someone who is going to fulfill the duties of a Godparent–one who is willing to invest in them spiritually and ready to pick up where the child's parents left off, should something happen–not a family friend who likes the word and not the work.
I asked a few friends what their thoughts were on being a Godparent, the roles they play and what it means to take on the title. Check out a few of the answers below!
“When my friend first asked me to be a godparent, it honestly felt like an honor because she could've chosen anybody else for the role. She told me that she knew if something were to happen to her or her parents that she knew I would make sure that her son was taken care of. Being a godparent is just about having the title, but realizing that someone trusts you with their child in the event of unfortunate circumstances. Though I can't always be around for my godchild since I live in another state, I do my best to be there for birthdays or holidays and to be aware of what's going on in his life." – Kiah
“The role of a Godparent in todays' society is often overlooked and forgotten. Many people are just focusing on the “title" and not the positive actions he/she should be displaying for the child. Becoming a Godparent means that you are chosen to mold and help guide a child, a responsibility to be cherished. Trust that you can nurture, give words of encouragement and advice that will allow them to navigate this difficult world. As a Godparent it is important for the individual chosen to be physically present when the parent is unable to do so. If religion plays a large role within that family it is the duty of a Godparent to ensure the child is taken to sunday school and church whenever the parent(s) are unable to do so. Also, it is the duty of a Godparent to ensure that their Godchild gets the necessay steps to help maintain a comfortable and self-sufficient life." – Kenni
“When I was asked to be a Godparent, I expected the position because my best friend asked me to I'd do anything for her. I really didn't know what the role of being a Godparent was besides being second in line in taking care of the child, God forbid, anything should happen to the parents. But I love being a Godparent because its practice for me in the future for when or if I decide to have kids. I also believe that having a child is the only way you'll be able to create a better version of yourself and even though I didn't give birth to my Godchild, I'd like to believe that being around, makes that child the best version of our friendship. There's a piece of me and her within him." – Janaé
“I asked a family member to be the Godfather to my child because of how much he did for me growing up. At first he denied the opportunity, saying he didn't go to church and knew walking in the faith was a big part of being a good Godparent, but when I became sick not too long after having my daughter, he accepted, knowing that things change in a second and someone needs to be there to pick up where I left off. Since then, he's been highly active in her life–taking her out on weekends, celebrating milestones with her, and so on and so forth–on top of being a father of three to his own children. My little girl now knows that someone has her back and cares for her wellbeing, not because her mother and her cousin are related in some way, but because he picked up that title and has thrived in it." – Angel
Do you or your child(ren) have Godparents? Are they necessary? Weigh in in the comment section.
Featured image by Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images