The Evolution Of Draya Michele From Fine Ass Girl To Fearless Ass Woman
Draya Michele has learned a lot of life lessons over the past few years.
Be careful whom you allow into your circle, because “friends” turn into the foes as quick as a camera flash. Be above the influence, because in a world of photoshopped and carefully cropped images, social media has become a way of controlling the masses, adding unnecessary pressure “to be perfect and to be cool and to be socially accepted,” as Draya would say. And probably one of the biggest lessons of all—and one that Draya has implemented since she first stepped foot in LA—stay focused on your business.
Whether you hate her or love her, one thing that you can’t deny is that Draya Michele is one boss chick. Maybe even somewhat of an opportunist, if you will, because stepping in front of the cameras wasn’t just a selfish attempt to be seen, it was strategic. It was what she felt she had to do in order to build the foundation of her swimsuit line Mint Swim. In order to make her dream happen she turned to the business of reality TV.
“Starting a swimsuit company is something that I've always wanted to do,” says Draya from her Los Angeles home. “I was blocked off from creativity and resources because I was in Pennsylvania, so when I got the call that I was able to do Basketball Wives and move to California, I said oh I have to do this, because this is going to be my chance to get my swimsuit company going.”
Over the last four years, we’ve watched Draya go from a naïve girl from Reading, Pennsylvania to a bold and feisty female who unapologetically speaks her mind—sometimes saying questionable things at the wrong time. She tells me that before the show she was just a girl who was happy to have a way out of Pennsylvania, even if it meant sacrificing her image for fame and a few hundred thousand dollars.
“I was so appreciative of Basketball Wives, and I still am. But I was very eager to get away, so I looked at it like, if this is what I've got to do to move to L.A.—if I have to argue with these girls for four or five months out of the year—then fine; then I can relax the other seven months and not think about them at all,” she says.
In between catfights and petty arguments, she kept her sanity by shifting the focus to growing a side business that would help pad her bank account long after the reality show checks stopped rolling in. Just a few years prior, the now 30-year-old birthed the idea for Mint Swim out of her apartment, turning her den into a makeshift office with custom shelving to house her growing collection of sexy and chic designs that tease the eye and tempt the pocketbook. The swimsuit line has been just as much of a staple in her life as the show that made her famous. And in case you were wondering, Draya has her hands in every aspect of the business from designing to pitching, which she runs with the help of only one other full-time employee—no blueprint, no business plan, just creativity and a will to win.
Perhaps having a more concrete plan would’ve saved her time and money from costly mistakes. She admits to wasting a lot of money on unnecessary things but credits her experiences to help her learn the tricks of the trade, such as shopping around to get the most bang for her buck. To a business owner, lower costs mean higher profit margins.
“It’s best to shop around and get a good price because there are a lot of people out there that'll take advantage of you."
"They'll know that you're new in the industry and they'll look at you as you're green and they'll overprice you. So you have to just do research and check prices between different companies and make people compete, you know? That way you save money and you get the best deal.”
[Tweet "You get ripped off a lot by trying to do things fast."]
Each year the company has continued to double in size, to the point where it has exceeded the money she makes from she show that made her famous, and it has become her primary source of income. She no longer has to rely on the checks that girl fights and club appearances has afforded her, she’s now her own boss and can make her own rules.
“Once my swimsuit company began to grow and develop and it became the number one income source for me, and I saw how much more money I was making from swimsuits than reality TV, I decided that I'm done arguing for four months out of the year. I just didn't want to do it anymore.”
Recently, she announced her resignation from Basketball Wives. In an interview with Juicy Magazine, she says that she “mentally checked out of it” and that she lost the joy of going to work. It’s possible, too, that the show wasn’t just killing her vibe, but killing her image as well. I tell her that being in that kind of space [with reality TV] seems to bring out the worst in people, and that I felt like she was just ready to go.
“I just wanted to focus on my company and make sure that I never ever put myself in a situation that someone was able to bash my company on TV or just put me in a space where I'm not taken serious as a designer because this [fashion] world's really serious to me."
"Reality TV will make you say anything, whether it's hurtful, or whether it's going to take money out of your pocket. I just didn't want to take that risk anymore."
Every time I put myself in front of the camera it was another opportunity for someone to say anything they wanted about me. It didn't have to be true, it could just be hurtful and we had two million viewers, it's like, some of those two million are going to believe whatever was said about me.”
There’s no doubt that being a reality star equipped Draya with the tough skin that was necessary to start her own clothing line. The same confidence that she had to develop whenever a new episode aired exposing her to a flood of negative comments is the same confidence that was needed when she started posting her designs on social media.
In one interview she admits to not posting pictures of her models because she didn’t want to expose them to the hatred and backlash from her followers, but has since has changed her tune by launching Mint More. The new line of swimwear is for those full-figured beauties who are often neglected or left with less-desirable options in the swimsuit market. She found a gem in one of her models, Nancy, who she says she selected due to her confidence.
“Just being a plus-size model itself is hard because a lot of people are too ignorant and don't understand it,” she says. “[Nancy] was just everything I needed her to be, and the reaction was great. I thought people were going to talk about her size and her curves, but there were so many people that were happy and they were saying yes, Draya, finally. This is real, real women are shaped like this, this is amazing, what you're doing.”
Building Mint Swim has also given the designer the courage to launch other clothing lines, including Fine Ass Girls, which caters to a younger demographic, and also a menswear line, which she says is moving slower than anticipated.
Besides being her own boss, behind closed doors she’s also a devoted mother and wife-to-be. Yet, despite her obvious growth, Draya is still shedding the images of her past. Reality TV fights, rumors about her parenting, and who she has or hasn't dated have all overshadowed the woman that she’s attempted to portray to the public—a woman who’s soft and delicate, but still alludes strength and resilience.
Having her life play out in front of critical eyes hasn’t made it any easier to maintain a healthy relationship for the 30-year-old either. Earlier this year, we witnessed the falling out between her and on-again, off-again fiancé Orlando Scandwick, cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys before the couple reconciled and welcomed a baby boy. When I ask about this, she suggests that being well known made it difficult to keep her love affair going strong.
“We're learning to just not put everything on social media,” Draya says. “But the way that social media works, it's so pressuring to have your love life out there because you have this fear that if you don't post about it, it's not happening. I finally feel like I'm at the point where I don't have to post every single thing.”
So social media caused issues in your relationship in some way?
“I wouldn't blame it on social media, I would just blame it on the influence it has over actual people. We've got to learn to not let social media control us. People are obsessed with the way other people look on social media. At the end of the day, it's social media; you can trick yourself to look however you'd like.”
[Tweet "We've got to learn to not let social media control us."]
Draya is at a point where she’s less concerned about what people think, and more focused on managing her household and making her family a priority. Running to her son’s soccer games, her fiancé’s football games, and being her own boss doesn’t come without its struggles, but she says time management allows her to make sure that everyone in the house gets the attention that they need.
I ask her what being a woman and a mother mean to her.
“I think that we're here to uplift our men and raise our children. And being a mom means believing, leading by example, and trying to set a blueprint and create a legacy for what you created.”
It’s clear that Draya is starting to grow into her own. Is she perfect? Not at all. But she’s definitely not the same Draya that left Pennsylvania years ago. What we’re witnessing now is the evolution of a fine ass girl to a fearless ass woman—one who’s sexy and confident, and knows how to handle her own on and off the camera.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images