The Best Gift: 5 Fathers Share How Seeing Their Children's Birth Changed Their View Of Life
It’s not often we see a grown man remove the "tough guy" stigma and shed a few tears.
Those moments are usually reserved for Super Bowl wins, award shows and maybe reality TV episodes, but we love when we get to see the softer side of a man that’s only revealed when a child comes into the world. But like anyone experiencing the not-so-pleasant joys of labor, any minute leading up to a baby’s arrival is one full of anxiety, excitement, and sometimes, a surprise or two.
As a mother, I can easily say that children do indeed change you for the better. I’ve loved the quote “A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, a home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for” since joining the Mommy Club back in ‘09 because it’s pretty accurate, but I wanted to get the flip side and ask a few men what their thoughts were on fatherhood.
I was particularly interested in hearing how witnessing the arrival of their sons or daughters changed their perspective on life, so I picked the brain of five awesome fathers I know to get some answers. Check them out below.
Irving on the birth of his daughter, Sofia Catalina:
Where do I start? It’s takes a real man to be able to deliver a baby, especially when it’s your own. So many things can go wrong, but all you can do is stay positive. There is nothing more beautiful than to be front row and witness life being born. Me and Carol used a midwife, so our birth was natural–no pitocin or epidural were used. It was a one-on-one experience and I had to be there in the moment and make sure I was her back bone. The times she felt that she couldn't do it, I never once gave up on her. I helped in making her realize that we as a team could do this.
Birth is not a one-sided journey–you should always have a partner (husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, family member), someone that will help you progress. The whole journey changed my relationship with Carol for the better and it also made us stronger as a couple. It made us love our daughter so much more. I think it changed a lot in me. I don’t just have to worry about me; I have to worry about my daughter. Any decision I make that can negatively affect her. I don’t go out as much and when I spend time with friends, I try and spend more time with friends who have kids because they understand what you’re going through. I’m so excited to be able to mold my daughter into something great and see what kind of person she will become.
Rob on being a father of the Fantasic Four:
During labor, a lot of things were running through my mind. I kept telling myself not to cry, but instead be happy that my first born is coming into the world. The minute I saw my first born arrive, I knew that my life was changing. I immediately cried and realized that I am a father. I considered myself a father raising my stepson at eight months, but to see your son born is a totally different feeling. It is a feeling until this day that is indescribable.
Fatherhood is a great feeling, especially to four beautiful kids. I feel blessed to have come from a big family. I came from one myself, but I didn’t imagine I would have a big family of my own. My fiancé and I get the crazy looks when we tell people we have four children, but again, it’s the biggest blessing.
Big Tim on being a father to his junior, Little Tim:
In a word, “renewed” like I was being born. It switched my whole mindstate. It’s like I instantly went from being a man, to now me being a father, protector, overseer, and future planner. When my son took his first breath, everything changed. I can’t say it was overwhelming, because I was ready for it, because I had months to prepare to be a father.
When I held him, I felt an overabundance of joy, happiness, pride, and for the most part, relieved because he made it. No parent wants to feel that ever. (Note: xoJoy and Big Tim’s son was born footling breech and she went into cardiac arrest during a caesareansection.)
It was one of those times where my faith purely carried me through to the next hour.
JJ on life with his son, Ethan:
I was there the entire birth and I originally wanted to get my son everything the moment he was born. Within days, I got his footprints tattooed on my chest around my heart as a pledge to be the best dad I could be. I think the first year of his life going through court and having to fight made me realize that he was indeed special and I would fight for him every minute I can. I then became more spiritual and began pushing for a family atmosphere. Fatherhood has its challenges and changes as the child grows, especially when you and the mother are not together, however, each moment I spend with my son, our bond continuously develops and I am thankful for that.
The first relationship a child has is with his mother. Therefore to me, fatherhood is a supportive and firm role where you lead and also give support to the mother in the overall development of the child. I hope to give my son a life that wasn't given to me. Be there and be active regardless of the relationship between his mother and I. My biggest wish is to help him create his own legacy and support him along the way as he chases his dreams.
Robert, on our sons, Kae and Kam:
I was anxious to become a father. I come from a large family, so I was ready to add to that with my own children. I wasn’t afraid to see my sons come into the world, but I was actually scared for you because I didn’t know what could happen.
There’s a love you have for your child the minute you hear “I'm pregnant,” but that love hits a high when you see the birth of that baby and even then, it’s a feeling that has no limits. It changed my outlook on the world and it was seeing them come into the world, that brought me joy and peace. They were a light and I have clarity on life because of them. I make better decisions and I'm a better man because of my boys.
If these stories don't have you in your feels, my favorite celebrity story would have to be from Iman Shumpert, who by the way has been over the moon and back since his junior, Iman Tayla Shumpert Jr has come into the world.
Junie’s (TT and Iman’s nickname for their little one) unexpected birth, coming one month earlier than anticipated, and Shumpert’s frantic and very emotional 911 phone call is proof of how frightening, but beautiful, the experience can be, especially if you aren’t even in the hospital!
Calling that moment in their home “an assist [he’s] never going to forget,” Shumpert told the story of how Teyana was going into labor in their bathroom; calling his daughter the best Christmas present he’s ever received.
Iman: “She’s telling me, ‘I’m not going to make it to the hospital,’ but I’m like, ‘You got to make it to the hospital because I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what to do.’ It was just time for her to come, so we counted to 10 and she did her [mimics breathing exercises]. She pushed and the head came out.”Teyana: “He’s way too calm.”
Iman: “I wasn’t that calm. It was like finishing a long marathon. [Cries] And Junie was right there.”
Teyana: “She was ready to show us what love really, really, really looks like.”
And after playing his part as Superhero Dad and Supportive Fiancé, it’s easy to see why. Shumpert is the real MVP!
Do you know a man who did a 180 on his life once becoming a dad? Shout ‘em out, show them some love, and tell us why in the comment section below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, Caribbean culture has always been all around me, from the food to the dancehall and soca music to traditions carried out by all of the Caribbean people living in the city. As a youngin, I loved attending the West Indian Day Parade every September because the floats, steel drums, extravagant feathers, and upbeat music made me feel free and gave me a deeper appreciation for the culture.
As I got older, I learned that the yearly Carnivals happening across the Caribbean put NYC’s little festivities to shame. Traveling to the islands themselves and experiencing the people and culture first-hand really gives you a deeper understanding and appreciation for Caribbean culture.
The history of Carnival celebrations in the Caribbean can be traced back to enslaved people who were forbidden from participating in the Pre-Lenten celebrations and thus created their own celebrations and traditions, which over time developed into celebrations of freedom and rebellion. Each country in the Caribbean has its own unique history of celebrations, as well as its own Carnival traditions that set it apart from other festivities.
What started as a Pre-Lenten celebration is now celebrated during a range of months throughout the year and now attracts hundreds of people from all over the world. Here are six carnivals that you should go to this year to experience this culture for yourself.
Crop Over - Barbados Carnival
Crop Over Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 6, 2024
What better place to celebrate carnival than the home of our Bajan Queen Rihanna? While some festivities start as early as May, the official festival season in Barbados starts in July and ends in early August. Crop Over originally started as a way for plantation workers to celebrate the end of the sugarcane harvest season and has now evolved into a much larger celebration. Crop Over is a blend of both old and new traditions, such as the Ceremonial Delivery of the Last Canes, and Cohobblopot, where bands show off their beautiful costumes and play soca and calypso music.
All of the week's festivities culminate with the Grand Kadooment, Crop Over’s big parade featuring all of the bands and droves of people taking to the streets in their beautiful costumes and dancing to the local music.
Other things to do: Visit Hunte’s Garden in Joseph’s Parish and find peace in the picturesque garden while spotting an array of different birds and animals. If you’re looking for beach relaxation, spend a day at Carlisle Bay, the perfect beach for swimming, taking in some sun, and a possible turtle sighting.
Saint Thomas Carnival
Saint Thomas Carnival Dates: April 28, 2024 - May 5, 2024
No passport? That won’t be a problem for U.S. travelers looking to get in on the carnival experience. Saint Thomas, one of the three U.S. Virgin Islands, is known for its crystal clear beaches, scuba diving scene, and overall vibrant culture. The island celebrates its carnival in late April and features a dynamic lineup of events including colorful adult and kiddie parades, calypso competitions, and street parties. Virgin Islanders are known to love to party, so make sure to fill up before the festivities with some local favorites like johnny cakes, callaloo, and conch fritters.
With its rich cultural heritage and lively atmosphere, this is a carnival experience perfect for a first-timer who wants to ease their way into the lifestyle.
Other things to do: Visit one of Saint Thomas’ many turquoise blue beaches such as Coki, Magens Bay, Brewers Bay, or Lindquist Beach. Coki Beach is perfect if you're looking for a more lively experience and want to snorkel without swimming far out, and Brewers Bay is best known for the sea turtles that you can see from the sand. You can also take a short ferry over to Saint John, another of the Virgin Islands, and spend a day at Lime Out, a floating taco and margarita bar.
Spicemas - Grenada Carnival
Courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority
Spicemas Dates: August 7, 2024 - August 14, 2024
Grenada, also known as the Spice Isle due to its production of a variety of spices, has one of the most anticipated carnivals every year. During Spicemas, revelers hit the streets for lively music, paint, oil, dancing, and good times. One of the most important aspects of Spicemas is Jab Jab, a celebration that involves covering one's body in black oil or paint. This tradition started as a post-emancipation masquerade, in which former enslaved Africans would paint themselves black emulating a “Jab” derived from the French word diable, which means devil.
This was a way of mocking their former masters and also represented rebellion and freedom. Since then, the tradition has evolved into a staple of Carnival on J’ouvert morning, a celebration of freedom, and undoubtedly an element that makes Grenada stand out from other Carnivals across the diaspora. Outside of J’ouvert, Spicemas is a beautiful culmination of colorful and vibrant costumes, steel band competitions, delicious rum, and music that you’ll dance to all night.
Grenada is celebrating 50 years of independence this year, so just know that Spicemas is going to be extra special!
Other things to do: For the ocean lovers, the Molinere Bay Underwater Sculpture Park is a must-see attraction. It is the world's first underwater sculpture park and a popular excursion for folks visiting the island. This year, five new installations are being added to the park, which can all be viewed through snorkeling, diving, or a glass bottom boat ride.
Antigua Carnival
Antigua Carnival Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 7, 2024
Every August, carnival lovers flock to the beautiful island of Antigua for its annual carnival festival. First celebrated in 1957, Antigua’s Carnival started as a celebration of emancipation from slavery and has since expanded into a dynamic showcase of local talent, music, and cultural pride. Some events to look forward to are the Party Monarch and Calypso Monarch competitions, as well as the Caribbean Queen’s Competition.
Antigua Carnival is an almost two-week extravaganza that leads into J’ouvert on Carnival Monday and the main parade on Carnival Tuesday. If you love good music, vibrant costumes, and delicious food, this is the carnival for you.
Other things to do: Take a trip to Shirley Heights Lookout for live music and breathtaking panoramic views of the coastline and ocean. And with 365 beaches in total, you’d be missing out if you didn’t fit in a few on your itinerary.
Bermuda Carnival
Bermuda Carnival Dates: June 12, 2024 - June 17, 2024
Also known as Heroes Weekend, Bermuda Carnival may be smaller than some of the other carnivals, but is still a great time. Bermuda is one of the newer carnivals, originating in 2015. Celebrated in June, this long weekend of festivities draws inspiration from other popular carnivals while also highlighting elements of Bermudian culture. You can expect some similar elements as other countries such as daily fetes, soca music, and a parade filled with different bands and extravagant costumes.
They also celebrate Bermuda’s National Heroes during carnival with a national feast. Bermudians have immense pride in their country and culture, and their carnival is the biggest celebration of the year that you don’t want to miss.
Other things to do: Take a day trip to Crystal and Fantasy Caves, beautiful caves formed over millions of years that you can take tours of. Spend a few hours taking in these beautiful natural wonders and seeing some of the formations and underground pools.
Saint Lucia Carnival
Saint Lucia Carnival Dates: July 10, 2024 - July 17, 2024
Home to some of the most beautiful mountains and beaches in the Caribbean, Saint Lucia has the perfect backdrop for an unforgettable carnival experience. Saint Lucia Carnival didn’t take flight until the late 1940s but has grown into a favorite for both novice and seasoned masqueraders. Formerly held in February, this carnival now kicks off in July which allows it not to compete with the highly revered Trinidadian carnival that also happens at that time. Saint Lucia’s Carnival has grown in popularity over the years because of the lively music, delicious food, and turned-up fetes.
One of the highlights is the Parade of the Bands, where masqueraders adorned in elaborate costumes dance through the streets to the rhythms of soca, calypso, and steelpan music. The best way to prepare for the Saint Lucia Carnival is to stay hydrated and well-fed so that you can thoroughly enjoy the plethora of events and parties happening from early morning to nightfall.
Other things to do:The Pitons, Gros Piton and Petit Piton are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the main attractions in Saint Lucia. Take a hike of Gros Piton or just marvel at its natural beauty. If you're there on a Friday night, stop by the weekly Gros Islet Street Party, which is filled with music, drinks, and local food.
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Featured image courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority