
Syncopated Ladies: How These Tap Dancing Sisters Are Changing The Game

I sat in the corner of the studio enamored as Chloe Arnold hit the replay button for the umpteenth time that day.
She was getting her ladies in formation—her Syncopated Ladies to be exact—and that meant rhythmically tapping out another set of eight counts to Prince’s “When Doves Cry.” They were practicing for an upcoming tribute to the artist formally known as, just four days after the seemingly-abrupt announcement of his death shook the world. Some dressed in purple in recollection of their trendsetting leader, but Chloe and her sister Maud laced up their tap shoes and did what they do best—let the emotions flow through each click and clack of their rapidly moving feet.
Photo Credit: Kiah McBride
“We met Prince with Debbie Allen,” Maud discloses in excitement. “There was a club called 2K9. We were in DC doing a show with Debbie Allen, and I’m like oh my God, Prince is over there! And Miss Allen was like, ‘Ya’ll want to meet Prince?’ And she says, ‘Prince! Come here! Meet my family!’ And so we literally got in line and he went up to each of us, shook our hands, looked us in our eyes and was like ‘nice to meet you.’ We got in the car and we were screaming. I was 14!”
I would soon find out that this would just be one of many awe-inspiring stories that I would be privy to that day. There was the story of meeting Michael Jackson, Denzel Washington, and Will and Jada Pinkett Smith—all thanks to the graciousness of their mentor Debbie Allen. “She’s known for that,” Chloe says. “She’s the best!” Maud pipes up.
There’s also the story behind the “Formation” video that went viral and brought tap dancing to the forefront of mainstream media—from local news stations to Good Morning America thanks to Beyoncé and her loyal Beyhive members.
“I’m in the Apple store and I see Beyoncé share it, and I scream,” Chloe recalls. “Everybody in the Apple store was like what’s going on? What’s going on? And we’re like, Beyoncé shared our video! And the best part is that all of these strangers who have no idea what we’re talking about, but just the fact that Beyoncé did something that was helpful they were excited, so then everybody in the story started pulling up the video because they wanted to know what it was and it was incredible.”
But as amazing as the sagas of their celebrity embraces and encounters are, the story that stands out the most—the one rooted in tears, trials, and tribulations—is the their own rags to riches story. It’s the one where two littler girls who grew up in the hood of Northwest Washington, D.C. in a one bedroom apartment shared by four somehow escape the snares of the ghetto to snag Ivy League degrees. It’s the one where a young Chloe developed serious tunnel vision, leading her to dance with some of the greats such as Gregory Hines and the Nicolas Brothers, all before the age of 11, and who by 14 would teach her six-year younger sister to fall in love with the art as well—not knowing that she was being prepared for her purpose, and would one day coach thousands of hopefuls across dance floors all across the world.
The story starts with a six-year-old Chloe, who first fell head over magnetic heels with tap, within the confinements of a strip mall dance studio. At the last thing that she was thinking about was turning her talents into a viable career, but she did find that her tap classes were the perfect daycare for her younger sister. “She had to sit in on all of my dance rehearsals and come along because pretty much we grew up poor,” says Chloe.
“The dance class was my babysitter,” Maud says.
Tap dancing sisters Chloe and Maud Arnold
On the cusp of her teenage years, Chloe was put to work finding every little odd job possible to help cover the costs of keeping a roof over her family’s head. She sold scrunchies. Shoveled snow. Baked some goods, and gave them a cool swig of lemonade to wash it all down. Maud, who had yet to even claim double digits, swept hair at the local barbershop. “Not having resources can do one of two things: either break you down and make you feel a sense of despair, or it can make you incredibly resourceful and tighten it. And that’s the route we went,” says Chloe.
Dance became their solace from the harsh realities of their home life. The Arnold sisters collected VHS tapes featuring underground tap masters such as James “Buster” Brown and Diane “Lady Di” Walker so they could study their routines, and whenever more mainstream notables like Gregory Hines would come to town, they didn’t hesitate to take a class. “I don’t necessarily remember the steps from any of those classes,” says Chloe. “But what I do remember is how they made me feel. I remember the inspiration, the stories, the empowerment, the feeling of being lifted up by someone’s spirit, and that it drove us towards our dream.”
They spun their 45s and choreographed routines to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” and “Beat It” and Kool Mo Dee, connoisseurs of pop culture. And people began to notice that these little girls weren’t just your average hobbyist just tapping about for fun—they were forces to be reckoned with. So much so, that they got on Debbie Allen’s radar. During the summer months they would stay at the choreo queen’s L.A. home while attending the Debbie Allen Dance Academy.
“In many ways our story is kind of like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, where she opened up her house to us and her house is really nice, very nice. And it’s really inspiring me to come to a new city, start with nothing, be able to live with her and learn all of these lessons ranging from womanhood to being a woman in Hollywood—,” says Chloe.
“—to be able to wake up in the middle of the night to wash dishes, just responsibility for stuff,” Maud jumps in. “It was like a family it was like summer camp at her house.”
When Chloe graduated from Columbia University with her film degree, Debbie Allen invited her to live with her back in L.A. to work at the academy and get on her feet. It was hard work but not without the play. Mondays meant jam sessions where fellow dancers dib and dabbed to the beat with their freestyle routines, and it was at one jam session in particular that Chloe came across a group of ladies who tap danced with a level of passion and courage that was unforeseen in the male-dominated industry. She gathered them together for rehearsals and began doing at least two shows a year with the goal of spreading awareness about the lost art, and the ladies who were bringing it back to the forefront.
Like tap dancing, becoming a syncopated lady was no easy feat. Chloe was determined to have the best of the best, something that fellow group member Anissa Lee remembers when she auditioned twelve years prior. “I was all over the place and she had me do it by myself and it didn’t go well. She was basically like no you’re not going to do it this time and I cried and she rubbed my back and was just like you’ll get over it. Keep practicing. And I was like yeah I’m going to keep practicing. And I was like the next time there’s an opportunity to perform, I’m going to make it happen. And so it kind of geared a switch in my head to amp it up and get these steps together.” It was another two years before Anissa would finally make the cut.
Meanwhile, Chloe was making cuts of her own. Particularly the mentality that she had to be like the boys. Up until 2006, she worked hard to fit into the male-dominated industry and felt self-conscious about her large bottom and womanly curves. So she dressed in baggy clothes and wrapped sweatshirts around her waist, even going as far crafting routines that kept her facing front to keep her butt from being the center of attention. But her first encounter with Queen Bey while working on set at a video shoot reminded her that there’s beauty in femininity and no shame in embracing the assets that women are gifted with.
“That experience was really pivotal and defining for everything that I was doing because I watched this woman be such a powerhouse and be on set with a female director, so it was this incredible empowering experience,” says Chloe. “I thought to myself, how do I transfer this energy to tap dance? I want us to rock out and it changed my entire vision for how I saw myself as an artist, and what I imagined I would do with Syncopated Ladies. And that’s when I then went back to the crew and started to revamp our style. And basically realized that we didn’t have to apologize for being women.”
Armed with a new sense of pride, Chloe returned to her dance crew with more sensual, yet strong movements, not realizing at the time that her shero would one day be the source of her sudden fame.
“I really thank her for evolving my style, which is so incredible that now—10 years later—she’s the person that’s taking my art to the world. It’s such an incredible feeling that the person that evolved my art is also seeing my art and hearing my voice and connecting to us and saying here ladies, here world are these women, and I’m going to support them and share what they do with you.”
Unity.
Sisterhood.
Fearlessness.
They’re characteristics that were instilled in the Arnold Sisters since Debbie Allen began taking them under her wing, For Chloe and Maud, their mentor has not only taught them the value of loyalty, but to be confident in who they are and to accept their own uniqueness. It’s part of what keeps them empowered and strong as they continue to uplift and inspire many more young girls looking to break into the business.
“We really believe in giving people opportunities because we’ve been given so many opportunities and people have taken so many chances on us, and I think that’s what human nature is about,” Chloe says.
It’s part of why the Syncopated Ladies movement is so strong—it’s not about self-gain, but the development of self-love through the selflessness and the desire to see the woman next to you reach her fullest potential. “I’ve seen the power of love transform what could see the end of the road for people,” Chloe says. “I’ve known suicidal dancers that just feeling loved, feeling cared about, brings them back around. I’ve seen extreme poverty, on the bottom, and people rise with love. So I’m just a firm believer that sisterhood is love, and if you value that then your life becomes so full.”
“Sisterhood means loyalty, solidarity, and holding ourselves and each other accountable,” Maud adds. “Even when you don’t think people are looking, it’s about what you’re doing behind closed doors and holding yourself up to standards and holding up your sisters to those same standards, and not being afraid to call people out and holding them accountable.”
And that, ladies, is how you get into formation.
Can't get enough of Chloe and Maud? Check out the interview below to get a behind-the-scenes look at the Syncopated Ladies.
Your April 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Softening Into Love & Speaking Your Truth
April is a month to slow down and to fully grasp what has been. The month starts in fiery Aries Season, but we are also in the thick of Retrograde Season as we begin the month as well. Thankfully, Mercury finally goes direct on April 7, after being retrograde mid-March, and communication matters are clearing up. This is a month of mental clarity, a fresh start, and not being afraid to dream a little bigger.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, and this Full Moon brings relationship and financial matters full circle. This is the time to let go of what doesn’t make you feel balanced or in harmony and to create space for more peace to enter your life. Venus goes direct in Pisces on the same day, after being retrograde since March 1, and love is healing. With Venus now direct, there are more opportunities for commitment and longevity in love, and there is overall a greater feeling of romance, receptivity, and compassion in the air now.
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
ARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
SCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Hmph. I know there has got to be at least three times a week when our grandparents will hear about something that folks present as being revolutionary that causes them to just roll their eyes, shrug their shoulders, and continue to go on with whatever they were doing. Listen, call it old-fashioned thinking if you want to but if you want to avoid a lot of unnecessary regret in this life, hang out with your elders (and actually listen to what they are saying) sometimes — they’ve already been where you are and, since when it comes to them, you can’t say the same, you just might get a few gems (in fact, I can almost guarantee it).
Take sobergasms, for instance. Oh, I’m willing to bet that a senior in your life has mentioned them, just in another way, before. If you’ve never heard of the term, it’s actually a pretty good one because it means just what you think it does: SOBER ORGASMS. And just to make sure that we all are on the same page, it’s sex — that hopefully includes orgasms — that involves very little to no alcohol.
I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
Aight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
When it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
You know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
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Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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