How This Radio Host Went From Refugee Camps To Rocking The Mic
In an industry where few women are positioned in front of the mic, Vildana “Sunni" Puric is on a mission to make a name for herself.
During the late mornings and early afternoons tune your radio to WPGC 95.5 and you can catch Sunni on the airwaves as the voice of Washington, DC., ironic considering at one point the Bosnian native didn't even speak English. As a radio host in the coveted midday slot, she's breaking down doors that aren't often left open for the female minority, proving that sacrifice and hard work pays off when relentlessly pursuing your passion.
It's almost hard to believe that at one point Sunni hated radio. The on-air personality is a perfect balance between upbeat and down-to-earth, the home girl that you can kick it with and talk everything from gossip and glamour to what's going on in the gritty streets of the DMV. When Sunni's in the city you can catch her on the social scene hosting parties or interviewing celebs, but when she's not living the glamorous life she's in the streets giving back to the community that she so closely connects with. For Puric, it's not simply charity work to write off on her taxes, but a reminder of her humble beginnings before Reggie Rouse, VP of Urban Programming for CBS, called her during her stint of unemployment to fill the midday slot.
“When I see a homeless person I'm like yeah, I know exactly what it's like to sleep out in the cold. I know what it's like to go days without food," she says on our call.
And that's an understatement.
***
It's the early 90s, and nine-year-old Sunni is playing outside in the woods with her sister and brother in Donji Purici, Bosnia—a town so small that even Google gave up on trying to map it.
Sunni (left) with her family in Croatia.
Life is simple, but good. Slow. No telephone. No car. There was a television, which was occasionally tuned into one of two channels that showed The Simpsons and Beverly Hills, 90210, but even that remained relatively untouched. She preferred climbing trees and running through the countryside to planting herself down in front of the TV.
But when bombs began to drop one summer morning as a result of religious tensions between the Serbs and the Muslims, the Puric's carefree lifestyle quickly turned into chaos within minutes as the family was forced to snatch up anything they could carry and join the thousands on the run towards the borders of Croatia. While they escaped the mass killings that lay behind them, they had little to look forward to in their makeshift refugee camps.
The Croatian army wouldn't allow them to camp in nearby towns, many of which were littered with land mines ready to take the lives that weren't cut short by gunfire. The journey south quickly turned into the survival of the fittest and the generous—there was no room for selfishness when everyone was just hoping to stay alive. “If you have a piece of bread you share with whoever is next to you. Or if you get some water, you share that. I think that's where we created our own situation. Like we have to survive here so let's just make it happen."
For three years, they were on the run before being offered the opportunity to migrate to America. After an intense interview process to determine if her dad was a terrorist, Sunni and her family arrived in Hamtramck, Michigan in the middle of winter. It was a culture shock, nothing like the palm trees and white picket fences that she saw on 90210.
Surviving war was just one of the many battles that the future radio host would have to face. As a new immigrant who didn't speak English, Sunni was placed in ESL classes in the basement of the school with other refugees. Her new mission? Learn English so that she could move to the top floor with the “regular" kids, and somehow manage to survive the middle school bullies who picked on her for not wearing deodorant or the latest threads.
The summer before eighth grade she and her siblings pigged out on cheap chips and sweets while brushing up on their English from popular American television shows such as Family Matters. By the new school year she walked in with her head held high speaking the language fluently in her thick Bosnian accent. “I was like I just want to be American and blend in. I don't want nobody to know where I'm from. I just want to be a regular American girl so people will leave me alone," she says.
Sophomore year, her family relocated to the suburbs to a predominantly white school where her slang was just as unwelcome as her accent. She spent more time trying to fit in than creating a way out for herself, and by the time she reached her senior year had yet to settle on a career path. She took a radio class, but hated the small studio set up in a dark corner of the room. The good grades that she once brought home began to slip as she carelessly coasted through her courses, and her family began to pressure her about her next step, reminding her that they came to America to give her a better life, not a purposeless one.
After high school she attended community college and her sister snagged her a job as an assistant at a dentist's office, but she hated the sight of blood. What she did like was listening to the radio, which is what she was doing when on-air personality Kris Kelly for Detroit's WJLB announced that she was looking for interns. Sunni arrive at the radio station for the open call interviews, only to find herself in a room full of hopefuls that she felt she couldn't compete with. She didn't have the experience but she did have a story, which she poured out to the radio host. “She was like 'oh my God, this is really incredible. Yes, I'd love to hire you as an intern.' She gave me the job on the spot."
It wasn't paid, but it was a start. Her first day at the station was much different than the small, dark corner that she imagined it to be. Big studios filled with DJs and celebrity guests made her reconsider the career path she has written off just months before. “I was like holy shit, this is completely different than I thought. I can't be on the radio, but I'm definitely going to figure out a way to stick around and did something here."
Finding a way meant doing what others wouldn't with a smile. Her bright and cheery demeanor earned her the nickname “SunShyne" (she would later change her name to “Sunni" when she started working on air), which she maintained despite balancing school, an internship and an overnight clerk job at Walgreens. For eight months she hustled before her boss finally told her that she had gone beyond the standard length of an internship. She boldly told them she wasn't leaving without a job, and snagged the Promotions Assistant role for $9 an hour with an extra $100 doing club promotions one night a week.
But as much as Sunni loved her new position she wanted to go to the next level. Watching the on-air hosts sparked a desire to have her own show, but her thick accent made public speaking a challenge. Instead of giving up she got to work, and at the recommendation of her boss contacted the program director at a smaller radio station in Lansing, Michigan and drove two hours from Detroit for her first interview. She arrived to find that the afternoon host was sick, giving her the opportunity to do her tryout shift on the spot.
“Everything I learned in Detroit watching the personalities there, I did that here. I changed the show. I had a four o' clock countdown. I had a DJ at five o' clock—all this stuff that I added. And he was like okay you're pretty good, but you're still terrible. Literally people would be like you got the idea you just have to work on your voice."
She was offered a Sunday shift for $6 an hour, which covered the gas for her four-hour drive there and back from Detroit. She worked on perfecting her voice by reading books out loud and recording herself in the studio. The years of practice paid off, and it was just enough to eventually land her back in the top 10 market of Detroit as a part-time on-air personality. “If you really want something and you work hard at it, it's going to have to pay off. You will not fail because you're going to work so hard at it you're not going to allow it to fail."
"If you really want something and you work hard at it, it's going to have to pay off."
From 2002 to 2009 Sunni built her name in radio before Clear Channel was bought out, resulting in massive layoffs. Sunni, who was then working the late night “Quiet Storm" shift, found herself jobless at 26. Looking for a change of scenery, she packed her bags and drove to Miami where she ran into friend and former promotions department worker Necole Kane, who extended an offer to work on the then popular celebrity gossip site Necole Bitchie.
Initially sunny Florida was a much-needed break from the bitter cold of the north, but the heat and humidity soon had her packing her bags and following Necole to New York just months later. “When I got to NYC I decided that the whole blogging thing wasn't for me. I told Necole this is my year of my transition. And she was like great, I can see that your heart is not in it, and she's like you're going to get back in radio. I'm like no I'm just going to take a break from everything, and she's like no trust me, one day you'll get back in radio."
While walking through a New Jersey mall with only five dollars to her name, she received a call about an open position at WPGC in Washington, DC. Her former boss in Detroit sent her tapes out in hopes to replace the radio job that she lost months prior, and by January—just eight months after being laid off—she had relocated to the Chocolate City to work as the midday host for the radio station and continue the next chapter of her dream.
***
February 2011, Sunni sat in silent reflection as if she were alone instead of in a room surrounded by 80 people celebrating another year of her life—courtesy of Ciroc, of course.
It had been a year since she took over the midday airwaves, and though she'd built a reputable name for herself, she humbly remembered when just a year prior she brought in her birthday in a hotel room alone and a little scared, but determined to make the most of her opportunity. “I was in my own little world like holy shit, last year I sat on the fucking couch watching the NBA All-Star Slam Dunk Contest eating a pizza not knowing one soul here."
This past January, Sunni celebrated five years at WPGC, and she's finally giving herself credit for all of her accomplishments. “Overcoming that fear of feeling like you're not good enough…in the presence of certain people I get like I'm just some radio girl that doesn't speak well, that's always really extra, that's tatted up, whatever. And then I have to be like no, you're a radio girl who worked her ass off, who's been in the business for 14 years now, who's done amazing charity work, who's helped so many people, and who's overcome so much. I feel like so many times I just get so…I'm just on the air, that's just what I do. And I'm like no…"
“You're phenomenal," I say, a slight attempt at completing her self-motivational thought.
“Yeah, you have to remind yourself of that, otherwise you can fall so deep into that thought of yes my job is shallow and I talk about celebrities all day. But I think the other things outside of [radio] has made me really appreciate and love it so much more."
Photo by Terri Baskin
Sunni isn't driven by accolades from herself or from others, but by the memories of once being the girl who wore the same pair of ripped socks for two weeks straight at a refugee camp miles away from home. In an industry where a woman at the top is questioned on her climb, Sunni finds peace in knowing that everything she's gained has come through a positive attitude and relentless work ethic. The best advice she received on navigating the industry came from a former boss, who reminded her that she deserved to be exactly where she is.
“For women, it's always hard for us because it's like when you get that promotion, how did you get that promotion? Or if you're pretty, oh it's only because she's pretty. Nobody can ever deny your hard work, and your reputation is all you've got. So when you work your ass off and somebody tries to bring you other shit, you know the hard work you put in you're never going to feel like it's anything else.
"Nobody can ever deny your hard work, and your reputation is all you've got."
Her best advice to other young women following their dreams? Stay away from boys.
“I was just a hot mess," she says, chuckling at the naivety of her youth. “I'm happy that I definitely stuck to my career because it taught me so much. Looking back at my early experiences in my twenties, I guess I had to go through all of those heartbreaks just to be the person that I am right now—easy breezy, no drama, very calm about everything."
But in all seriousness, she hopes that her story, which she's penning in a memoir, will encourage anyone with an unconventional childhood, who may be walking a crooked path instead of the straight and narrow, or who's just simply chasing purpose that it's all going to be fine.
“Looking back there were so many crazy moments in my life that if I were in front of [younger Sunni], I would be like girl, you're going to get through it. You're amazing."
*Featured image of Sunni via @officialsaraboyd
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images