So Your Man’s Not Feeling Your Sex Toys, Here’s How To Change That
The other day, I was having a conversation with some of my girlfriends about the topic of sex toys, and somehow, we came across the fact that sometimes men aren't so into it. I was taken by surprise because every man I've been with has never objected to me whipping out my sex toy box and choosing what to play with for our evening of kinky fun. But, to hear that some guys have attested in the past for her piqued my interest quite a bit and I decided to take my curiosities to the street to speak to some random guys about their feelings on the subject at hand.
I got very mixed feedback.
The first guy blatantly and outright said, "Hell no." Another guy shared the same feeling and added the question of, “Why would she need me if she has that?"
One guy grew mildly interested when vibrators were introduced, and I noticed that pattern more and more as I talked to men closer to me in age. I came to a conclusion that, 1) yes, with age, some men are very set in their ways and sometimes irrevocably so, but that 2) it is not necessarily that guys aren't open to it, but instead that maybe they haven't been introduced to sex toys in the right way. So either way, it's worth exploring together to see which category your guy fits into.
Ease them into sex toy land the right way and ensure him that the toys are for mutual pleasure and you can have whatever you like. Always.
Feel the Vibe
“I feel everyone should be open-minded to incorporating sex toys in the bedroom. I know for men it can seem a bit taboo, as we often attach an ego to our sexual ability. But it does not take place of you, rather, it is a bonus or a helper. And I believe men should be open to some of the sex toys being used on them. My fiancé has a small vibrator and it can be used to stimulate both you and her. It all comes down to communication and willingness to try new things. When you're willing, it can benefit in not just the bedroom, but the relationship itself." – DaVion Lee, @daeizm
Sex toys are instruments meant to enhance and elevate, but unfortunately it often gets a bad rap because it suggests that they in some way you're currently not feeling the dick you're getting from your partner. This is not the case, but some men experience skepticism due to that feeling of inadequacy and redundancy. I suggest starting small with a vibrator that you use on just yourself and slowly but surely, allow your man to get his feet wet, so to speak.
“It's pleasing a woman, and you have to do whatever you have to do to please a woman. I like to use a Bullet on a girl. There are a lot of things you can do with it. It's small and to the point. (If you're man's not feeling it), you just gotta whip it out. Sometimes you just gotta let a dude know that it is what it is. We won't tell you no. Just whip it out and start playing with yourself with the vibrator like it's nothing, like how guys do with their dicks." – Xilla, @BlogXilla
Get 2 On
A c-ring is a great couple's version of the popular sex toy and can be used for mutual pleasure too. Shop together at an adult novelty store or online and pick out items that interests you both. He might be more interested in things to use on you like restraints or a whip, and that can be your “in" to introducing him to sex toy playland. Men are incredibly visual creatures, so watching you play with yourself is another way to get what you want. Entice him by giving him your own version of a Red Light Special featuring you and your sex toy.
He'll bite his lip and salivate at the way you're writhing against the sheets without him and immediately want to tap in to join in fulfilling your fantasy. Seductively say, “Come here," or express your lust for him in some other way: “I can't come without you daddy," in a breathy voice is a line that never fails, he'll come. Then you both will.
“Just like within any relationship, you have to condition your partner to certain things. If your man's not into it, try to find a compromise in the form of reciprocity. If you try this, I'll try that… If you try that, I'll try this. It might not even be a feeling of inadequacy on his part; he might not be something he's into. Warm him up to it. If you want to try a c-ring, condition him to it. I wasn't always into trying a c-ring; I had all of these thoughts about my dick exploding, but she coaxed me into it and I tried it." - Michael
Most men are down when you help them to see the light. Tell him, teach him, guide him to that waterfall girl. I'm certain he'll oblige.
Featured image by Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage