So Your Man’s Not Feeling Your Sex Toys, Here’s How To Change That
The other day, I was having a conversation with some of my girlfriends about the topic of sex toys, and somehow, we came across the fact that sometimes men aren't so into it. I was taken by surprise because every man I've been with has never objected to me whipping out my sex toy box and choosing what to play with for our evening of kinky fun. But, to hear that some guys have attested in the past for her piqued my interest quite a bit and I decided to take my curiosities to the street to speak to some random guys about their feelings on the subject at hand.
I got very mixed feedback.
The first guy blatantly and outright said, "Hell no." Another guy shared the same feeling and added the question of, “Why would she need me if she has that?"
One guy grew mildly interested when vibrators were introduced, and I noticed that pattern more and more as I talked to men closer to me in age. I came to a conclusion that, 1) yes, with age, some men are very set in their ways and sometimes irrevocably so, but that 2) it is not necessarily that guys aren't open to it, but instead that maybe they haven't been introduced to sex toys in the right way. So either way, it's worth exploring together to see which category your guy fits into.
Ease them into sex toy land the right way and ensure him that the toys are for mutual pleasure and you can have whatever you like. Always.
Feel the Vibe
“I feel everyone should be open-minded to incorporating sex toys in the bedroom. I know for men it can seem a bit taboo, as we often attach an ego to our sexual ability. But it does not take place of you, rather, it is a bonus or a helper. And I believe men should be open to some of the sex toys being used on them. My fiancé has a small vibrator and it can be used to stimulate both you and her. It all comes down to communication and willingness to try new things. When you're willing, it can benefit in not just the bedroom, but the relationship itself." – DaVion Lee, @daeizm
Sex toys are instruments meant to enhance and elevate, but unfortunately it often gets a bad rap because it suggests that they in some way you're currently not feeling the dick you're getting from your partner. This is not the case, but some men experience skepticism due to that feeling of inadequacy and redundancy. I suggest starting small with a vibrator that you use on just yourself and slowly but surely, allow your man to get his feet wet, so to speak.
“It's pleasing a woman, and you have to do whatever you have to do to please a woman. I like to use a Bullet on a girl. There are a lot of things you can do with it. It's small and to the point. (If you're man's not feeling it), you just gotta whip it out. Sometimes you just gotta let a dude know that it is what it is. We won't tell you no. Just whip it out and start playing with yourself with the vibrator like it's nothing, like how guys do with their dicks." – Xilla, @BlogXilla
Get 2 On
A c-ring is a great couple's version of the popular sex toy and can be used for mutual pleasure too. Shop together at an adult novelty store or online and pick out items that interests you both. He might be more interested in things to use on you like restraints or a whip, and that can be your “in" to introducing him to sex toy playland. Men are incredibly visual creatures, so watching you play with yourself is another way to get what you want. Entice him by giving him your own version of a Red Light Special featuring you and your sex toy.
He'll bite his lip and salivate at the way you're writhing against the sheets without him and immediately want to tap in to join in fulfilling your fantasy. Seductively say, “Come here," or express your lust for him in some other way: “I can't come without you daddy," in a breathy voice is a line that never fails, he'll come. Then you both will.
“Just like within any relationship, you have to condition your partner to certain things. If your man's not into it, try to find a compromise in the form of reciprocity. If you try this, I'll try that… If you try that, I'll try this. It might not even be a feeling of inadequacy on his part; he might not be something he's into. Warm him up to it. If you want to try a c-ring, condition him to it. I wasn't always into trying a c-ring; I had all of these thoughts about my dick exploding, but she coaxed me into it and I tried it." - Michael
Most men are down when you help them to see the light. Tell him, teach him, guide him to that waterfall girl. I'm certain he'll oblige.
Featured image by Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Exclusive: Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story: ‘I Was Never A Girlfriend’
Gospel singer Koryn Hawthorne has used her voice to let the world know about what God can do, and now the Season 8 finalist of NBC’s The Voice is sharing a miraculous act that led to her engagement.
The Praise This actress shared in an interview with xoNecole that prior to becoming engaged to her partner, Hunter Register, she passed over one particular title on her way to becoming a fiancée.
“I was never a girlfriend,” Hawthorn, 26, tells xoNecole.
“We've known each other since we were kids, so we just kind of always had this distant friendship. We would hit each other up on social media, and [I] slide up under things that he was posting,” she says. “We ended up hanging out together, and when we hung out, it was an instant immediate connection from all fronts. I think we just knew from the first day that I don't want to spend a day apart from you.”
Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story, New Album, & More
She continued, "And yeah, we probably were boyfriend or girlfriend after — am I delusional? Then we were engaged a few months later.”
The Grammy-nominated singer, who became engaged in November of 2023, went on to share what her experience has been preparing to become a wife, exploring the personal growth, challenges, and emotions experienced throughout the process.
“It's a journey, I'm not gonna lie,” she says. “Relationships, in general, are hard, and whenever you think about marriage, is just different from being boyfriend and girlfriend because if you piss me off, I could just go,” she shared. “But marriage is an actual commitment. It's a partnership. It's a ministry.”
Hawthorne, 26, and Register, 27, were childhood friends growing up in Louisiana and sealed their love during a weekend getaway in New Orleans last fall.
For the gospel star, marriage involves more than lovely-dovey aspects, emphasizing how her relationship has allowed her to grow, mature, and learn valuable lessons through love.
“We were supposed to get married in May, but like for us to be mature enough to be like, ‘You know what? No, let's take the necessary time to make sure that we're fully prepared for this commitment such a beautiful thing,” Hawthorne reflected.
“It's a learning curve for sure, but our preparation for marriage would have been the only thing that brought this out of me. It's hard and it's scary at times, but it's God's purpose and His plan for our lives.”
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Featured image by Dia DipasupilGetty Images