Ace Hood & Shelah Marie On How Partner Yoga Has Changed Their Relationship
Downward Forward Dog. Double Plow. Reclining Bound Angle.
No, these aren't names of kinky sex positions (although they can be), but yoga poses designed to help get your mind and body right. It's a practice that actress Shelah Marie and her boyfriend, rapper Ace Hood, know all too well. In fact, it's part of what caught my eye when a post of the couple went viral with the caption:
“Get yourself a black spiritual feminist from Erykah Badu Twitter and be happy like Ace Hood."
Hilarious!
It lead me to scour their Instagram pages, where images of Ace Hood—legs crossed, hands open in quiet meditation—graced his feed, while images of Shelah giving #bodygoals popped up with every downward scroll. I was certainly loving the cute selfies the couple took together, but it was an image of them meditating together that really stood out.
One, because seeing a rapper who's actually being still is freaking amazing. Outside of Russell Simmons and David Banner, I don't know too many hip hop artists who speak openly about meditation. Also, they both looked to be at such peace—with themselves, and one another.
While the physical benefits go well beyond the mat, it's the mental benefits that Shelah believes is essential to helping couples in and outside of the bedroom. “You have to sit and listen to yourself and be comfortable with yourself, and you also have to do the hard work. And I think yoga, when you practice sitting in a very uncomfortable position for a long period of time, that mindset is transferrable to other parts of your life."
Everyone is looking for that secret formula for a happy and fulfilling relationship. Great communication, willingness to compromise, and fulfilling your partner's needs are just a few tidbits that married couples have passed down to those of us who are single or navigating the murky waters of love. But what if someone told you the answer lies not just within your actions, but in your attitude? And that embracing the ancient practice of yoga can help prepare you for the trials and tribulations of relationships?
When Shelah first started doing yoga four years ago, her original intent was to get back into stretching to increase her flexibility. Although she's always been active in fitness, as she got older she started noticing a change in her body, and wanted to do something that would push her beyond her limits.
“I've always been interested in what you can do with you body, and I've always taken dance classes, so fitness is just an extension of me challenging myself physically and mentally and sharpening my tools."
Through meditation and discipline, Shelah continued to grow in all areas of her life, but it wasn't until her partner Ace Hood expressed interest in doing yoga that the practice begin to not only impact her life, but her relationship as well.
Shelah was admittedly surprised that Ace was open to yoga, mainly because of the stigma that yoga is a feminine practice, despite becoming more popular amongst males. But the artist, who is also athletic and does MMA training, was looking for something that would add stretching to his strenuous workouts. “Ace is an open person and he's very smart, so he can tune into when something can be good to you, and he's like I'll give it a try at least. But he was actually really interested in yoga before I introduced him he just never had the opportunity."
Not wanting to get his feet wet in a formal class (let's be real, it's can be distracting to be in a room of women contorting their bodies into unimaginable positions), Shelah reached out to a Racheal Weathers—a self-taught yoga guru who goes by Yoga Racheal, and who has gained a massive following on social media—who agreed to do private sessions with the couple while they were in Los Angeles for the summer.
“I followed her for like a year before that, and I remember thinking look what she's doing with her body! I'm attracted to people who do interesting things with their body, because it's a reflection of other things to me. I saw her discipline, she's super flexible, and can do all of these cool poses. She used to move me man," says Shelah.
The first session was intense. One that Racheal remembers being full of laughs and tears as the couple learned to come together as one through partner yoga. “When couples do [yoga] together, it's just total different connections. On a physical level, it's like if you do something wrong they're going to fall and vice versa. And the connection is just different; I feel like it taps into a whole other part of the brain, a whole other part of the emotional ecosystem in our bodies. It definitely creates a deeper connection," says Racheal.
Shelah accredits Racheal's soft style of leadership to making the session peaceful and productive. They pushed past their weaknesses and learned to be strong in areas where the other lacked. For Shelah, it was her core and arm strength that needed work. For Ace, his flexibility.
It also helped bring the couple closer together as they mastered each other's love languages. “I would say ultimately they're communication increased. Not that they had bad communication, but it got better and better," Racheal says.
And of course, adding to their sex life didn't hurt either.
“Intimacy happens in the mind first, so I think yoga helps you to become more in tuned with yourself," Shelah says. “When we're in tune with our own selves and become more comfortable with ourselves, then you become more comfortable with your partner."
Shelah also noticed a change in how Ace approached life. As a rapper, the “can't stop, won't stop" mantra is real. Running from show to show and in and out of studios at all hours of the night leaves little time for rest, and being in the game where everybody claims themselves to be hustlers, it's no wonder that sitting still can sometimes feel uncomfortable. But yoga forced Ace Hood to slow down, breathe, and take a moment to get his thoughts together. Now it's nothing for him to wake up and sit in silence for 10 minutes before paper chasing.
Shelah says in awe of her partner, “I think he's so brave. I used to tell him that in the beginning, just being with a black girl who has natural hair and not being afraid to go out and meditate, I think it's brave for somebody in his position. He's going to wake the game up and let them know what time it is!"
As far as the overall impact to their relationship? “I would say it changed many parts of our relationship. The fundamental idea of yoga, if I understand correctly, is yoga and meditation are together. Because it takes the meditation to soothe yourself and actual tangible actions that you have to do. And that's why it's beneficial for a couple because it goes both ways."
As the saying goes, couples who sweat together, stay together—great sex is just a bonus.
- Shelah Marie Ace Hood Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Yoga Sex Positions: Poses That Improve Your Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Best Yoga Poses For An Emotional Release - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- Ace Hood & Shelah Marie's Wedding Was Everything! - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Principle-Based Partner Yoga with Elysabeth Williamson ›
- 7 Benefits Of Partner Yoga + 5 Poses To Get You Started ›
- 7 Couples Yoga Poses for Beginners That'll Bring You Closer ... ›
- PARTNER YOGA POSES FOR BEGINNERS - YouTube ›
- Partner Yoga | YogaGlo ›
- 10 partner yoga poses for building intimacy | Well+Good ›
- 10 Yoga Poses to Do with a Partner - Health ›
- @theshelahmarie • Instagram photos and videos ›
- Shelah Marie ›
- Shelah Marie (@ShelahMarie) | Twitter ›
- ABOUT — Soul Study with Shelah ›
- Curvy, Curly, Conscious ›
- Meditation Mixtape by Shelah Marie on Spotify ›
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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