How YouTuber 'Shan Boody' Built A Powerful Sex Positive Platform
Not everyone can have an open conversation with their parents about their sexual exploits, let alone broadcast it to the world. But Shannon "Shan Boody" Boodram, a YouTuber who's known to keep it real when it comes to anything sex, love and relationships, has managed to do both. Her latest video? A bare-all sex talk with her parents, and let's just say that it goes there.
“At first my parents, of course, weren't thrilled and people around me are like are you sure? And I've lost jobs because of it," Shannon admits about her risqué career-path. “But the firmer that I get and the more sure that I am, the more other people feel that way."
As taboo as the topic of sex is in the black community, Shannon has managed to capitalize on the one thing that everyone's doing but few are willing to openly talk about. And when it comes to lovemaking, Shannon is as much of an expert as she is an enthusiast. The certified sexologist earning her credentials from the University of Toronto has made guest appearances on shows such as The Amber Rose Show, Just Keke, and The Insider, lending her expertise to the millions looking to gain a better understanding of their anatomy and how to use it, as well as dropping knowledge (and the occasional tear over an ex) to her 140,000 plus fans on YouTube.
So how exactly does one choose to specialize in sex? Well, if you ask Shannon, it was something that just came about naturally.
Growing up Shannon tapped into her sexuality at a young age. Her mother called her crude but Shan calls it having a natural sexual development. Her Barbie's became sexually active before she could even quite understand the depth of the act. She found the available information on the subject to be boring, so she relied on popular urban books such as Coldest Winter Ever and Fly Girl to school her on what to expect for first-time frisking. And though her parents didn't hide sex, their open door policy still left questions that she didn't quite know to even ask. So at the age of 16, when she lost her virginity to a hot London bloke while attending a track meet in Hungary, it didn't quite meet her expectations.
“The first time that I had sex I thought the clitoris was inside of the vaginal canal, and so I kept waiting for that experience—for this button to be pressed and for it to feel amazing—but the truth is your vaginal walls have as many nerves as the back of your hand, so there's not a lot," says Shannon.
At 18, when she stepped on the campus of Baltimore's Coppin State University, she had five notches on her belt and zero orgasms to complement them. Describing her own teen sex life as “shitty," she became fascinated by the stories of her more experienced friends. The honest conversations with her fellow peers sparked a desire in her to get the real scoop on sex, and not just the sultry scenes that television shows and porn portrayed the act to be.
“I met a girl there who was 18 years old and HIV positive, and one of my friends from Baltimore, she was a lesbian. And so I learned about sex from her and I was like man, this is what's kind of missing. You have the facts and information but competing with that are these interesting stories."
The textbook version of sex was dull, so she started gathering real experiences from her peers and compiled the answers into a book that touched on topics ranging from abstinence to STI's and unplanned pregnancies. “I didn't really think to myself, oh I'm going to make sex my career. I was just like this is a really good book idea."
After a year of touring with her book, Shannon decided that she wanted a less controversial career path, but just as she began turning down the sex talk, BET reached out to her with an opportunity to be a sex and relationship educator for a new talk show they were filming, so the Toronto native applied for an American work visa and flew to L.A. to audition. She landed the role, but the pilot didn't get picked up. Back in Toronto she was specializing in wedding photography when a year later the television network reached out again, this time for a talk show featuring Eva Marcille, Jessica White and Wendy Raquel Robinson. Although once again the show didn't get picked up, Shannon, felt that her calling was in L.A., and relocated to the city of dreams with no job and no place to live to continue auditioning for roles.
But the move was far from easy. She was shooting pilot shows, but each pilot locked her into a six-month holding deal in which she couldn't audition for other roles. Her American work visa limited her to working only in television, making it difficult to pick up outside work as is typical for those pursuing television and film roles. The constant cycle of going in and out of holding deals left her penniless, feeling purposeless, and struggling with depression. In one video, Shannon breaks down in tears as she recounts the experience of fighting to get out of bed everyday while waiting for the next opportunity to come.
“L.A. is one of those cities where if you're not really clear on what you want to do, go home, and once you have that clarity and what you want to do the second part of that is constantly knowing what is giving back to you, and putting that energy out there," Shannon says.
Despite the seemingly grim circumstances, Shannon learned to hustle and picked up hosting and journalism gigs to make ends meet, as well as continued building her brand on her YouTube channel, where she speaks openly on the topics of sex and relationships in today's culture. “I'm getting better at my craft, I'm connecting with people on my own, and I basically can make my own schedule. People can't take that away from me. You have to find a space for yourself that you have control of and that you actually are getting a return from."
"You have to find a space for yourself that you have control of and that you actually are getting a return from."
Not only has she battled with inconsistent jobs, but being known as a “sex expert" also impacted her job opportunities. In November, she was offered a stage-hosting gig for a tech company, but upon accepting the offer the company had a sudden change of heart after researching her and discovering her passion for pleasure.
“I'm not hiding the fact that I talk about sex. I'm a strong woman who's educated. I volunteer at a sex trafficking clinic. I give the best that I can to this world, and to devalue me because I talk about something that people search on the Internet more than anything else is disgusting," says Shannon.
"I give the best that I can to this world, and to devalue me because I talk about something that people search on the Internet more than anything else is disgusting."
The experience taught her to not only be firm in who she is, but also be patient with those who don't understand who she is. “I think that I'm finding my comfort, but I'm also respecting my pace. And I think a big part of maturity for me was giving that permission to other people—giving them room to find their comfort and to respect their pace. If they're not where I am right now it's okay. The more confident I am and the more that I'm honoring what's authentic to me, that will rub off."
Perhaps the biggest challenge for the 30-year-old is continuing to walk in her purpose even when it seems that all odds are against her. In a recent video, “Am I Cursed by God?", she celebrates finally becoming an American citizen after months of fighting to be approved for her green card—a big win in the midst of battling bed bugs, hunting for a new apartment with little money in the bank, and purchasing a plane ticket for an event that was cancelled last minute.
“How hard you work in the worst of it will determine how temporary this is," she says. “The slower you act, the more that you indulge in self pity, the more you indulge in comforts to take your mind off of it, the longer it will take to get rid of these issues." Pushing through the hard times has proven to be rewarding for the sex educator, who recently picked up a big contract with Trojan and continues to speak on sex panels amongst her other hustles.
As stressful as the struggle has been, those same experiences have given her the confidence to say that she's no longer a young girl just trying to figure it out, but a woman who knows who she is and is unapologetic about it.
"I've definitely grown up as a woman," Shannon says. "I've dealt with so many things. I've dealt with bed bugs, I've dealt with car problems I didn't know how to fix and flats on the side of the road and running out of gas, and my Internet turning off for no reason and having to call the Internet guy. It's just life. And I'm proud that I'm busy and I'm focused, and I don't spend as much time worrying about other people's opinion. When I first came here, I still felt weird about the word 'woman', but now I'm super clear that's what I am."
In addition to her success with her Shan Boody YouTube channel, Shannon recently inked a deal with Fullscreen where she created, executive produced, and starred in her own multi-episode series exclusively on the streaming platform. The series, all 12 episodes now available in full on the platform, is called "Shan Boody Is Your Perfect Date" and is a social experiment where Shannon sets out to prove that the key to being anyone's perfect date is tapping into the psychology of seduction versus looks and appearance. It did so well, she's getting a renewal!
Shannon also went public about her open relationship with up-and-coming artist Jared Brady, someone she gives further credit to about the growth she has experienced as a woman in recent years. They are very committed, very in love, and very open with their audience and even branched out from her channel to create a couple's channel called The Examined Life, which is formatted in a style that is part-podcast, part-vlog where Shannon and Jared talk and have candid conversations about everything from their relationship to their own journeys as individuals.
That's how you really glo up.
Catch up with Shannon by subscribing to her YouTube or giving her a follow on Instagram.
All images courtesy of Shannon Boodram
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images