SELF Magazine's Alexis Bennett Dishes On The Ins And Outs Of Navigating Gigs As A Freelancer
I fell in love with writing many years ago and actually majored in Communications in undergrad with hopes of one day working in journalism. Unfortunately, it was my fear of failure that persuaded me into pursuing a different career. Since graduating from undergrad, I have always loved my career in management, but a part of me still longed for picking up a pen and letting my thoughts flow (while of course collecting coins - hey, a girl's got bills to pay).
Now fast-forward to almost five years out of undergrad, I have recently started a side gig in digital media. Prior to refocusing on my career in journalism, another dose of self-doubt came over me after I realized how over-saturated the blogging world was. No matter where you go or where you look, you will find a blogger. Because of that reason, it became discouraging to start seriously blogging and pursuing my dream. This is why I had to sit down and chat with Alexis Bennett, journalism pro with a background in freelance writing and editing. Alexis has done amazing work with Vibe Vixen, Essence, InStyle, Real Simple, and now SELF magazine. From starting her career from the bottom with unpaid internships to now having an editorial career with a mainstream, international medium, Alexis’ plight to perseverance and confidence is something that anyone can learn from that is trying to find their self and prosper in the journey to success.
During our chat, I was able to personally learn so much from Alexis in regards to networking as a freelancer, being motivated, and how to know when to charge for freelance work (and what to charge).
Here are my 8 takeaways from our chat:
You have to be fearless and persistent
I am a Southern girl from South Florida and went to college at Florida State University. After undergrad, I had dreams of moving to New York to work as a writer in the fashion industry. I didn’t have a job waiting for me in New York and the cost of living is outrageous, so I knew that the only way I could move without a job was to go back to school. So I went ahead and got my MBA at LIM college in Fashion Management and from that point on, I interned as much as possible to get my foot in the door. Interning and networking was important to me because I didn’t know anyone at all when I moved to New York so I really had to start from scratch. It was honestly tough because although I already had a Bachelor's degree under my belt, I felt like I should be able to get a job easily, but it did not work out like that. So between my internships and networking like crazy, I made the decision that no matter what I was going to do what was needed to work for a fashion magazine. I stuck with that decision and didn’t give up - no matter how hard it got or far my dream seemed.
[Tweet "Stick to your dreams even when it seems like they are falling apart"]
Sometimes you have to work jobs that you don’t want to get the career you want
Even after receiving my MBA, the fashion editorial jobs were not coming my way like I imagined. So what did I do? I did what I needed to do and took internships. Of course I would have rather had a full-time job, but if it was unpaid internships that I could get, that’s what I did. No, it wasn’t easy, but I feel like I made the right decision. I feel like at the end of the day if you know exactly what you want and an opportunity comes your way that aligns with that end goal, you should do it, no matter what it pays or if it is an internship. Because in the long run it will pay off. It may not pay off financially in the beginning, but you will gain experience and knowledge. Before now, I interned with Vibe Vixen and I worked for free. I pretty much worked wherever I could get a job. I worked at Bed Bath and Beyond folding towels (yes, even with a MBA, but I wasn’t bitter about it because I knew that the job was temporary and I knew I would get the opportunity that I’ve always dreamed of - it was only just a matter of time. So I worked at Bed Bath and Beyond, I worked at Barney’s as a Sales Associate, and then I landed a full-time position at Real Simple magazine as a fashion assistant. While I was interning for free, I was also doing little jobs to pay for my rent and other things. You have to always remember, no job is beneath you.
Know your worth as a freelancer
As a freelancer, you have to know when to charge, when not to charge, and what to charge at times. It’s really important to know your value and find opportunities that align with what you desire in the long run. After receiving my first paid gig as a freelancer, I used that as a starting point and did research to see how much freelancers normally get paid in my field. Also, when you look on certain freelance job sites, some companies will note how much they pay, so that is also another good resource to get an idea of how much you should charge for an article. After I started getting paid for freelance work, I realized that there were so many publications that paid, and I also started to realize my worth. Once I realized my worth, I communicated that when taking freelance jobs. Too often, I think that people don’t voice their value - they are afraid to negotiate. Fear of negotiating and not realizing your worth will keep you from receiving the most out of opportunities.
[Tweet "Know your worth. Don't be afraid to negotiate."]
Stay in touch with people, even when they don’t hire you for the job
Before I worked at InStyle full-time, I applied for an internship there but didn’t get it. Even though I didn’t get the opportunity when I first applied, I stayed in contact with the person that interviewed me and some of the employees there. During my internship interview with InStyle, there was a moment during the interview where the interviewer took me around the office and introduced me to several people. Immediately, I remembered their names and decided upon myself that I would reach out to them. Even though I didn’t have an email, address, or phone number, i found a way to connect with them. If you didn’t know it is so easy to figure out a professional’s email address. Most of the time, businesses have the same email structure - first name.last name and then “@” the business name. I simply just tried different combinations of each person’s name until I figured out their email address. When I emailed them, I didn’t send them anything creepy, I was polite and sent something like, “Hey it was so nice to meet yesterday in the office and I would love to stay in contact.”
To be totally honest, everybody that I emailed didn’t respond, but there was one person that did. I took the opportunity to stay in contact and build a relationship with her. After she responded to me, I scheduled a call with this person a week later and we talked and she gave me really good advice. About two years later, she reached out to me to see if I knew of anyone that would be interested in working with InStyle. At that moment, I reminded her that I was still interested in working with them and landed the job. I fully believe that this opportunity wouldn’t have come into existence if it wasn’t for me staying persistent by following up, sending random emails, and really just staying in contact.
I think that’s really important because often when people interview for jobs and don’t get them, they don’t send anything back. By sending messages back, even if that is just thanking them again for the opportunity to interview, you will be remembered by the hiring manager. Even more so, by staying in contact with them, it is more likely that they will remember you when they are hiring again. For example, I have done this to various people by sending them emails of how I saw their work in XYZ magazine, or I would casually email some writers and say things like, “Hey, I saw you on the Today show, talking about XYZ,” - literally just sending random emails and staying on their radar.
If you don't have a degree - networking and ambition can take your far
Even though almost every job in most industry says you have to have a bachelor’s degree, I don’t think it is 100% crucial. I really think that in most industries (especially the writing industry) it is more about who you know. 90% of the opportunities that I’ve had occurred because of the relationships that I have built. If you don’t have a degree and want to be a writer - don’t be discouraged or think it will break your chances of being successful. Just network, be fearless, and believe in yourself. I honestly feel like that is more valuable.
Do not sleep on LinkedIn
I recently just got a new job working at SELF magazine and I will be the new Assistant Style and Beauty Editor. The way that I got this new opportunity is an amazing story on its own. I was really happy at InStyle magazine and wasn’t looking for a new job. SELF magazine actually reached out to me on LinkedIn and that’s how I secured this new position. I think this shows the importance of having an updated and active LinkedIn account and a presence online that accurately reflects your work.
Take some time out of each day to focus on yourself
I love quotes and right now the background at my desk is “raise the bar higher.” Whenever I do something, I am always trying to outdo myself. Not necessarily looking at other people and what they are doing, but focusing more on myself. I always try to push myself further.
I also love to meditate and be centered with myself. At the end of the day, you have to learn how to listen to your own intuition and be able to make the best decisions for yourself. Motivators like mentors are great, but no one knows you better than you. If you are not in tune with yourself, your vision can be clouded by the influence of others.
I am currently reading the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the section today discussed how important it is to plan ahead. When you plan ahead and can foresee that you will have a busy day, that is when you should already make time to spend the most time for you in the morning. You should at least try to spend one hour to yourself. Those days that you feel the busiest is when you need more time for yourself, to refocus on you.
The universe will give you signs -- pay attention
My favorite book of all time is The Alchemist. I read this book right after I moved to New York and I really connected with the main character. Similar to the main character, I was on my journey of finding myself and my treasure and I had to figure my way out through it all. Just like the book said, there are so many different things in life that unconsciously speak to us. Unfortunately sometimes when we don’t pay attention to the signs of the universe, life knocks us upside our head to get our attention.
Just as Alexis says, we have to remember to stay centered and focused in our careers - especially as entrepreneurs and freelancers when times get tough. Also, even when we apply for opportunities and are rejected, remember that there is power in following-up and networking - Alexis is a perfect example of the outcome of it.
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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