Got A Fine Co-worker? 5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Mix Business With Pleasure
"I don't mix my honey with my money."
I recently chatted with one of my good friends and old college roommate about our careers and relationships after watching a recent episode of Being Mary Jane. When I asked her if she would ever date anyone at her job, she stood her ground and firmly replied, "Girl no! I don't mix my honey with my money!"
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Honestly, my friend's response is easier said than done. What do you really do when you find someone at your job and you develop something more than just an attraction for them?
Most people have either experienced or thought about dating someone that they work with. As professionals, we spend the majority of our time with our co-workers, so naturally it is not abnormal to develop a crush on someone that we interact with every day. In a recent study, 51% of workers believe that dating a co-worker is okay, and 37% of employees admit to having been involved with a co-worker romantically. These statistics shouldn't be ignored, and we as professionals should take the necessary precautions before entertaining the thought of mixing business with pleasure.
Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert, noted that the idea of interoffice dating is a common question that she gets often. "Modern thinking is that you spend so much time in the office and online that those are the most likely places you will meet Mr. or Ms. Right," Taylor said. "Occasionally you'll hear: the gym, supermarket, or Starbucks, because those may be the only other places you even have time to escape to outside the busy office these days."
Interoffice dating is so common and honestly, no one knows when true love will strike. There are plenty of cases when interoffice dating has occurred and either went really wrong or really great. When cupid comes your way and hits you with his arrow, you can't ignore the potential impact that it will have on your professional life.
However, before you move from the office to the bedroom, it is important for you to ask yourself the 5 questions below.
1. What is my company's policy on interoffice dating?
If you don't know your company's policy on interoffice dating, read your employee handbook to see what your company has to say. Lynn Taylor noted in an interview, "The variation on corporate practices is so broad that you have employers with lenient policies, strict policies, and no policies, even at Fortune 500-sized companies." Figure out what the company policy is, because they may be extremely opposed to interoffice dating and you may be subject to consequences if you break their rules. When you look to see if dating a coworker is allowed, you can also look up "non-fraternization policies" (this is a common term that most companies use when discussing interoffice dating).
2. Is this person my direct or indirect boss?
If they are your boss, don't do it. "Problems can result from dating a person in a subordinate or superior position," says Taylor. "Also, remember this: If things go sour in your relationship with a subordinate, there may a claim of sexual harassment or hostile work environment."
Dating your boss can put you in a very vulnerable position. If you break-up, things can possibly become very awkward for you. If you are actually a match made in heaven and stay together, other employees may think that any success that you have at work is a result of your relationship.
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3. Could this relationship distract me from doing my job?
No matter how cute your coworker is, don't let them get in between you and your check. If interoffice dating is allowed, it's important to keep the romance out of the office and stay focused on your job. If you are at work, you should be doing just that, working. In a survey, one person noted that, "there is NO WAY to focus on your job when the object of your affection (or diluted three-week mistaken hookup) works in your office."
When you date someone that you work with, it is easy to get caught up in their office chatting away, or accidentally taking extended lunch breaks with them. You should treat your relationship with your lover as professional as possible. Keep the non-work related small talk and the flirting to after hours. You don't want to become so attached to your coworker that you are neglecting the very place that hired you.
4. How close do I work with my crush? Do we work on the same team?
If you work closely with your crush, you may want to reconsider dating them. Working on the same team with someone that you date can make work more difficult than it should be. I talked with one of my friends that used to be in a serious relationship with an old coworker and he told me that this was the worst mistake he's made. He and his ex worked in sales on the same team together, but naturally, since they were in sales, they were really competitive. Their jobs and competitive nature began to affect their relationship and the team whenever they were going through issues. My friend told me that eventually, he ended up moving to a different sales team over a different region because he was becoming too distracted with his girlfriend. In addition, their relationship was not only affecting his work, but it was also affecting his money.
5. What will I do if it doesn't work out?
When we get into relationships, we live in a fairy tale land and we dream that we will be madly in love, extremely happy, will later get married, have beautiful children, and then retire happy with our loved one. Sadly, this is not the case for every relationship as both you and I know.
No one can predict if a relationship will work out or not in the beginning, but you should be smart and think about how you will be affected if the relationship took the wrong turn. When you date someone that you don't work with and you break up, you can just block their number, delete them from social media, and avoid all places where they hang out. Unfortunately, you cannot do the same if your ex-lover works with you.
Before you start a romantic relationship with a colleague, consider how often you would see him or her, and how much you would have to work with them, even after the break-up. Sometimes depending on how the break-up occurred, you may be put in a very uncomfortable situation. This in turn could negatively affect your work performance, and that could affect your growth at your job.
What are your thoughts on interoffice dating? Have you ever done it or know someone that has? Drop your comments below.
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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7 Black Men On TikTok Making Everyday Living Look ThirstTrappy
You know how many of us, ladies, keep wondering why men don’t have the same sexy, handsome looks of yesteryear? That look from the ‘60s to the ‘90s? I FOUND THEM. And guess what? They’re doing what “real” men do best…simply making themselves handy (and not just in the traditional, gendered sense of the word). These fellas make it easy to fantasize about the reality that there are still good men out there – men who come into the lives of women and make it easier and softer by contributing every day but meaningful ways.
No, I don’t know them in real life because I found them via TikTok, but that’s the fun of fantasizing. You get to take one piece of the pie and make up the rest of it as you go alone. It’s like a game of MASH–choose your fighter and then go from there.
When I was watching their videos, I was totally unaware that my libido had been laying so low OR how attractive a useful man was until I tuned in to these guys (it started with Cam, and you’ll see why shortly). And I don’t mean to make it sound like men are only as good as what they can do for you, but I think it’s safe to say that far too many men are weaponizing their incompetence and enjoy being cared for but aren’t as quick to pour back into the women keeping their day-to-day afloat. Not even in minimal ways.
That said, these men seem to be a breath of fresh air on a sunshiny day. And, allow me to be wholesome and candid for a minute but they made me optimistic that there is hope for us after all. That we can find husbands and fathers who allow us to exist in this world with less harm and hope.
And, on a less wholesome note… never mind. I choose to keep it cute, but you’ll soon know exactly why this feels like a helluva task in just a moment. The other refreshing thing about many of these videos is the ASMR vibes – very cathartic to watch; really brings a sense of peace and calm over you. And, not to gas it, but if watching a man in action in that way via TikTok does that, JUST imagine what having the real thing would be like. My God.
Here are seven Black men on TikTok making everyday living look thirstrappy AF.
Cam
@renaissancecam subsist ⚙️ #vlog #dailyvlog #sundayvlog #peace #adayinthelife #gardening #handyman #rotties #bbq #pitmaster #juicing #health #healthy #fruit #fyp #explore #foryou #viral #menshealth #farming #country #outdoors #dogs #landscaping #food #vibes
Not only does Cam (28 and single) understand the assignment when it comes to carefully selecting Sunday’s cleaning playlist but he also was handcrafted by God himself, giving us #TradMan in only the best ways possible. Based on my lurking/Inspector Gadget deep dive through his content, he chops wood, gardens, fishes, and cooks–it’s no mistake that his handle is Renaissance Cam. And, ladies, I was able to get a few other little details about him because we all know curiosity kills the cat. No need to stay curious when we can just know. Yes, he’s single. He’s a Leo. And his ideal first date is a picnic at his favorite sunset island near one of the spots where he likes to fish.
Derwynn
@lifeofdwho Look how dirty my washing machine was 🤢🤮 . . #sundayreset #sundayroutine #cleaninghacks #cleaningmotivation #homefragrance #fyp #explorepage
Next up is Derwynn, who is more of a modern man. His content centers on his Sunday resets which entail deep cleaning his home–and, if you know, you know–Black household law is that this type of cleaning must occur on Sundays. And, man, ol’ man, does he make cleaning look good. It’s no wonder more men don’t do this willingly. Most have speculated that he’s a Virgo, but he’s actually a Cancer (but maybe he has other Virgo placements throughout?)
Deon
@chakmahtheking Brcome someone you woukd be proud of‼️ Don’t settle, you’re a KING! Follw me on IG @chakmahtheking #fyp #diy #motivation #jackofalltrades #king
Mister DIY himself, in living color! Admittedly, I did have to mute that Rocky music, but all the fix-it action 100 percent makes up for that. I don’t know him, but it’s giving “my man, my man, my man” type of delusion the minute I saw him handle that power tool (like my little pun). Unlike the first two, Deon isn’t quite as subtle in his understanding that he is indeed a prize (not to be confused with thee prize, y’all). But, he is, in fact, a man that adds value in many ways. And, this is what we mean when we say bring back these men – the good with their hands, easy on the eyes type men – and we’ll bust out the apron and the table settings.
Oklahoma Cowboys
@oklahomacowboys0 🤠 #oklahomacowboys #rodeo #blackcowboys #fyp #explorepage #cowboy #blacktiktok #fypシ #losangeles #countryboy #billpickettrodeo #race
When Destiny’s Child said, “they always be talkin’ that country slang,” I imagine these are the type of men they had in mind. Cause the video alone gone bring out my Southern ancestors in my spirit, and I was born and raised in Michigan. Babbbby, this is a retro type of man, and I’m here for it. It’s also a personal belief of mine that it speaks volumes about a man’s ability to nurture in the way that they care for animals and, in turn, the way animals respond to them. What’s that they say about animals and children being the best judges of character? Unfortunately, we don’t have a name for this cowboy, but fortunately, this page is action-packed with other cowboys.
John Doe
@atvmvp #honda #hondaaccord #carsoftiktok #cars #bodywork #painting #spraypaint #restoration #accidentrepair #southcarolina #blackmen #cartok #cartiktok #7thgenaccord #blackentrepreneur #blackdudes #budgetfriendly #voiceover #countryboy
While it’s always safest to have a bald-headed daddy to handle all your car issues, it definitely doesn’t hurt to have a car-fixing zaddy on call, too. Well, here you go! Out in the garage, in the hoop shorts and the slides – now him coming inside smelling like outside, car parts, and fading cologne. We also stan a frugal, problem-solving king! Peep how he purchased a used car and a five-dollar can of spray paint and got to work. The definition of getting it out the mud, if you ask me.
Stephen
@styleunrivaled #fyp #trending #viral #atx #car #ignitioncoil
Impressive, I must say. This gentleman, Stephen, walks us through replacing his ignition coils, but he also makes himself useful in other ways. That’s word to his other TikTok, where he offers the young fellas who want to argue about why women aren’t submissive instead of giving them something worth submitting to advice.
Lee
@leeshomeimprovement Deck for the chicken coop #fyp #foryou #dmv #blacktiktok #watchthis #explore #HousestoHomes #HomeImprovement #BuildingstoCompanies #blackmenbuilds #building #constructing #StayFocused #menwithdreads #follow #share #baltimore #HGTV
While this video doesn’t quite show Lee’s face, it does show his craftsmanship. I mean, it looks secure enough–I don’t know too much about building decks, but I do know this looks about right.. As for the rest, I scoped out the facecard on his other videos, and he is worthy of this list.
These men were difficult to come by, and I’m not sure if it has to do with the ratio of podcast mics to rakes/power drills/etc. Or because they’re simply not documenting themselves. But you should know that we’re looking for some more of these men folk to lust after while they check off the one honey-do list item within their reach through the internet … the one with my Rosé. Send more over! Tag them. I might even start a Make Men Great Again campaign on behalf of these brothas.
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Feature image by @renaissancecam/ Instagram, @steviie_j/ Instagram, @derwynnwho/ Instagram