I Raised My Income From $45K A Year To Over $150K By Making These Life Changes
Making money is, essentially, a game.
Once you learn how to play any game, it's often easier to win.
I've doubled my income multiple times over the last five years. Each time I made a leap in my income, it was because I worked on myself more than anything. I worked on how I lived my life. I worked on the beliefs I held. I worked on healing old wounds. I worked on my faith. I worked on my skills and abilities. I raised myself up to become the person who could make the kind of money I desired to make.
The first four years of my career were spent working at a global consulting firm. Although it seemed like the perfect job on the outside, there was a lot of pressure and bureaucracy that came with such a prestigious job and I didn't feel like I fit in there.
I was also working one, sometimes two side jobs, just to make some extra cash doing everything from promotional modeling to hostessing. Despite the hustle, I was only making around $45,000 a year. That was a lot of work and a lot of fight for such small paychecks.
I was also pretty unhappy in life and with myself. I was living in a place I didn't like. I spent most of my evenings watching TV. My friends and coworkers were buying homes, traveling, and living a life that was richer and fuller than mine.
I finally got fed up with my situation and started to work on myself. At 24, I realized no one was coming to save me and that it was up to me to save myself.
I canceled my cable and started going to the gym. I started reading books about personal growth, life, and money. I started cooking and eating healthier foods. I started thinking for myself as opposed to what we're told to think. And I starting focusing on the goodness in life as opposed to the things that sucked.
It was not easy, but I was determined to create a better life for myself. It took me about two years of self-improvement before my outside world fully reflected the inside world.
Before I knew it, I had paid off over $10,000 in credit card debt with the principles I learned about money and I set a goal to make $60,000 a year. That seemed like a lot of money and I didn't know how I was going to make it happen, or if I could make it happen. But something in me believed it was possible.
I shared my goal with my therapist at the time. I was shocked at her response when she told me my goal was bull-ish. Instead, she lovingly told me that I should aim for $75,000 a year. Not because $75,000 was some magical number, but because I was worth it.
$75,000 a year felt like a ridiculous goal. How could someone like me make that kind of money? I didn't have more than an undergraduate degree and a few years working experience. How in the hell was I going to pull that off? The fact that my therapist believed in me and believed I could earn $75,000 a year made me believe it also.
Related: How Getting Laid Off Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me And My Career
A few months later, a friend and colleague reached out to me because her consulting firm was hiring for a specific position that she thought I would be perfect for. A few interviews later, I had a job offer for exactly $75,000 a year. And because I was starting to realize how powerful and worthy I was with all of the work I was putting into myself, I had the balls to ask for $80,000 - and the company accepted my counter-offer!!!!!
The day I went from working two jobs making $45,000 a year to $80,000 a year with one job was one of the most profound days of my life. I felt like I had won the lotto. I remember crying, overwhelmed with joy thinking, How did this happen to someone like me?
It happened because of all the changes I made in my life and within myself. They had paid off - literally.
Once I started making $80,000, I knew I was on to something. So I set my next income goal: to earn more than $100,000 a year. And I wanted to own my own business.
After I set that goal, I kept focused on myself and on my growth because I knew my life had changed because I had changed. I did the necessary work on myself and had a higher sense of self-worth. And I delved even deeper into becoming the woman I knew I could be. I started attending online seminars and meditating as well as all of the other things I had been focusing on.
But as I grew, so did the challenges I had to face. I ended up getting unexpectedly laid off from that company after only a year of being with them. And I was devastated. I felt like I had just started making more than enough money to pay my bills and save.
And there I was jobless.
When I was laid off, I was able to handle it like an adult. I never thought I could have handled something to awful with so much grace. But I chose to view it as an opportunity to create something even better in my life.
And it was.
Instead of taking any job that came my way to make ends meet, I continued to work on myself while scouring job boards for positions that fueled my passions. I envisioned myself in those positions, and after only six weeks without work, an opportunity came my way. It would allow me to start my own business and I would be earning over $150,000 a year. A friend and colleague knew my situation and put me in touch with the program manger of a big project she was part of who was looking for a consultant. After a few phone interviews, the gig was mine. I registered my business and started a bank account in my business name the next week!
This was another profound, pivotal moment in my life. I had done it - again. I had achieved both goals within a year of setting them. But most importantly, I had evolved to the next level of myself and so I was ready for the next level of success.
When I started working on myself, it was out of fear that I might never move out of that crappy house and that I would be stuck in a job I didn't like. Fear that I would live paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. Fear that I might never live the full life I knew was possible. Constantly focusing on that fear and what I didn't like about my life only attracted more fear and turmoil in my life. Once I changed my thinking, and started focusing more on the things I enjoyed, where I wanted to be, and how I was going to get there, my life started changing for the better.
And I've continued to work on myself, not because of the money, but because of the woman I continue to evolve to be. Once you are able to build your self-worth, it will allow you the security of knowing that you will never have to settle for less than what you truly deserve in all aspects of your life.
Brittney Pappano consults and advises businesses of all shapes and sizes, from Fortune 100 companies to life coaches to women with a big dreams. She's a self-made hustler determined to live her best life and to help other women do the same. Her saviors are books, yoga, Drake, and daydreaming. Connect with her on Facebook: Brittney.pappano, and Instagram: @Brittney_pappano
Featured image by Getty Images.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images