So I just realized I haven’t written a personal blog on this site since November 2011, and I wanted to say a few things….
It’s been exactly five years since I started my website NecoleBitchie.com and I have been taking a lot of time to reflect on, not only how far I’ve come on this journey, but where I want to go. Sometimes when you are on the brink of thinking that you’ve made it, you have to take a step back and realize that there is so much more work to do and that your purpose may be far bigger than what you originally imagined.
Those of you who have been reading this site since the beginning have seen it go through so many changes and that has been a direct reflection of my growth as well as the transitions I was going through in my life. I’ve grown a lot as a person in these last five years, but I’ve also struggled a lot behind the scenes, while trying to maintain a blog and a business that was growing faster than I was. In the midst of that, I was working on fixing things in my own life, however, no matter what I was going through, I was dedicated to continue to get up every day, keep the site updated, and finish what I started.
Looking back, the biggest struggle I believe I have had to deal with over the past two years was choosing what content to put on the site — being aware of what I am feeding my audience. Is it always negative? How do I balance all of the negativity that’s on the Internet with more positive posts that provoke discussion? How are younger girls who visit the site being influenced by what they read? Am I part of the problem or am I going to be a part of the solution? It’s difficult to write about fighting, cheating, lying, beefing, and a lot of the drama that goes on in the entertainment and reality TV world every single day and expect to live a positive well-balanced life when you walk away from your computer screen. There have been times I’ve clocked out completely and didn’t want to do this anymore but at some point I realized that you have to be the change you seek. It has to start somewhere.
I am still finding my voice. I’m also still finding my place in this online space as it continues to change and I appreciate your patience during this time. My hope is that as time goes by, when you log on to the site, there will be a few posts on the homepage, whether it’s on relationships, friendships, music etc., that makes you think about something that you may be going through at the time and it may bring some sort of clarity.
Although the site is celebrity-driven, my overall goal has always been to push the story behind the site. I felt like I had absolutely nothing when I started this: no money, I had lost my parents, I didn’t have a permanent place to live and I felt like I was at the end of my road. I didn’t have an extraordinary talent: I couldn’t dance, I couldn’t sing or rap, but I had access to what every person who is reading this today has access to, and that’s a computer and the Internet. And with those two tools and my perseverance and a vision, I made a better life for myself. If I can make my dreams happen, just know that no matter what you are going through in your life at this very moment, you can too!
With that being said, I sat down with Bryan Cain-Jackson a few weeks ago over at the Huffington Post, and in the midst of talking to him about this amazing book “The Dream Giver” that I chose for my new book club, we began a really good conversation regarding life and the sacrifices that you have to make in order for your dreams to come true.
Catch an excerpt below:
Bryan: What are some of your most important childhood memories that led you to being the woman that you are today?
Necole: My mother worked so hard, so I spend a lot of time with my grandmother. She was the first business owner that I ever knew. My grandmother owned a barber shop and she cut men’s hair all day. I felt some type of power in that. She was sitting there and she’d laugh a thunderous laugh all day and they admired her. They’d come in everyday and pile into her shop and talk about the latest. She really guided my steps. I was 16 when she passed away — I was lost after that.
When a tragedy takes place, we’re lost. Tragedy places a person at a position of needing to decide what their next move is going to be. Who was Necole Bitchie at that time of being at a crossroad?
You know how a stage play has three acts? I feel like in my life right now, I’m on the fourth act. Right after my mom had passed I had lost everything that I felt was important in my life. I was going to a job everyday and I was in school, which was when I was at a crossroad. That’s when I had an epiphany. I received an email from a lady that was basically saying that we shouldn’t be held down by material things. We want to achieve certain goals, but we have a car payment or we have to make the rent — we have all of these material things that really don’t matter and are holding us down to going into that job every day. I started to think about how true this was. I don’t have any kids, I’m still young, so why am I working so hard every day and who am I working hard for? I’m definitely not working this hard to pay a car payment. Two weeks later, I started selling all of my furniture. I left school in my last semester, I quit my job and I was headed to Detroit.
Why Detroit? What was there?
I chose Detroit, not because I had a plan — it was a place where I didn’t know anybody. I felt like that was the best place to get to know myself and really find out who I was.
What did you do once you were there?
Initially, I was in the entertainment industry — I found an internship opportunity. My drive is pretty intense; so once I was out there I was moving pretty quickly.
You were meant to be a free spirit, not held down to commitments that don’t seem as pivotal to the direction your life is going in.
Exactly. I’ve spoken to a woman who didn’t go after her dreams because she was worried about what she was going to do with her house full of furniture. Really? You’re going to let a house full of furniture stop you from following your dreams? If you said a husband and a child then I get it — but, you’re not sure what to do with your furniture? I sold everything for $700 and just kept it moving, I couldn’t let that hold me back from achieving what’s right for me in my life.
Wow, Necole. You have redefined the meaning of the word fearless in a few different respects.
I do have to say this though — there are going to be moments of discomfort in your life because there is going to be a struggle. There will be times where you have to sleep on other people’s couches and that will take away your pride. You’ll be asking those friends to use their couches while they are doing their routine of going to and from work and they’re moving up, all the while you’re struggling.
You swallowed your pride and made sacrifices to achieve what you wanted. That’s truly inspiring.
I did the sleeping on couches; I was always in a different state whenever someone called me. I didn’t have a place. They all looked at me as though I didn’t have myself together. But, look at me now because of that sense of sacrifice. I say that because when people don’t see a return on their going out on a limb and going for their dreams immediately — like if they don’t see results in three months, they’re ready to stop trying and go back to the land of familiar. It takes time to get that breakthrough.
You can read the entire chat over at the Huffington Post!
For those who are interested, we are launching our book club website in the next few weeks. In the meantime, you can check us out on Facebook, and on Twitter. I also have a personal Tumblr and personal website, I Am Necole.
Thank you so much for your continued support!
I will continue to drop in every now and then because I feel it’s more important than ever these days to continue to offer words of encouragement and uplift each other. You never really know what people are going through.
Necole Kane is the Editor-In-Chief and brainchild behind xoNecole.com. After walking away from her celebrity gossip blog, NecoleBitchie.com, Necole spends her time creating new ways to empower women and encourage them to live in purpose. Follow her on twitter @iamnecole | Instagram: @justnecole
xoNecole is a newly defined platform for women to share their personal stories, showcase their signature style, and speak their minds.
Evolving from Necole Bitchie, our mission is to promote positive images of woman of color, as well as empower, educate, and inspire millennials through our beauty, fashion, lifestyle, career and travel features. We strive to engage in responsible reporting of entertainment-related news. Our intention is to solidify ourselves as a trusted destination that also touches on the humanity of all celebrities and shows how they seek out purpose, happiness and love – like the rest of us.