My Parents Made Me Think I Was White My Whole Life  | xoNECOLE
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My Parents Made Me Think I Was White My Whole Life 

Comments (62)
  1. If I didn’t go to school with a boy who said the same thing I would have laughed…
    He lived in a white area and was adamant he was white. All his friends said he was white. But to me he was clearly mixed but it was his personal business so I didn’t pry.
    Years later he told me his mother said he was a darker tone due to some throwback gene and my assumption was his ‘father’ believed it and no one questioned it.
    I don’t believe it though. He doesn’t even look like his sister or his father. To this day, 15 years after he first told me, he still believes it.

    (2)
    1. Back in Jamaica, where my family come from, the term they would use for this scenario is: Jacket 😄

      (7)
    2. Would you give up white privilege….???? Even if it is lie

      (1)
  2. I think she deserves a little more explanation from her mother unless her mom was a rape victim in which case it makes sense that she doesn’t know much.

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    1. scarletNEGRO says:

      Or maybe she was just with some random dude, a one night stand or something.

      (1)
  3. This makes zero sense. I guess it’s different in the uk but in America she would have gotten her wake up call in grade school.

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  4. I don’t want to sound insensitive but how in the holy hell could she not know she was not biologically related to her very white family?! Why hide it from her when it was clear she was ” different”. Just wow. Everyone in her life lived in a lie and denial.

    (7)
  5. Kim Wanza says:

    Unfortunately many white mothers have a difficult time telling their black children, that they are black and as they get older will in fact, experience racism and prejudice. The black child as a result is culturally loss and not proud of their African ancestry.

    (3)
    1. It means they too are faced with the truth of who is oppressed and who is the oppressor.. History is written in a manner that no matter how atrocious the event White people are never directly responsible.. Even at an individual specific person level.. Some how it was the times and not a people.. The closer people get to pinning responsibility to a group of people (as an example) the more you see books about how the slaves actually loved it and were happier than if they were back in their own land. It forces those things to be addressed.. Any White parent that doesn’t bring those things up are setting that child up for abuse and rejection that can become detrimental to that person.. Especially parents that in other countries that they colonized, claim is theirs and treats the indigenous people like animals by laws, deeds and quiet compliance

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    2. Black people don’t want to talk about it because they think if they don’t White people will be more accepting of them being “they” (white people) hate hearing about their history. They, Black people, too do a disservice to their kids and our people that died in that hate mess and died to fight against.. Literally the entire reason we are in this country and why we aren’t slaves and segregated to the same extreme as they were.

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    3. That is so odd to me. I’m white with black kids–in the South–and that’s something I celebrate. I love their brown skin. And their culture. And hair. Wish discussing their ancestors past wasnt so terrible. Wish racism didn’t exist for them. I’m just shocked people try to bypass it. Sounds like her parebts, though well meaning I guess, missed the spot.

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  6. You mentioned traveling to find her identity, not to sound insensitive… but what about trying to find your biological father. I think that would help the process or at least some closure.

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    1. Did you read the article? It seems her mother doesn’t even know who her biological father is or much of anything about him other than he was a Black man with an Irish accent. Also, it seems like all of this is fairly recent. I think she reserves the right to explore and find an identity for herself inwardly before looking outwardly.

      (4)
    2. Dee Dee says:

      Her mother doesn’t know who her father is. She probably had a one night stand

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  7. While I want this woman to come to terms with the fact that she IS Black, and do so happily and unapologetically, and this article makes u say “wow!!” and “really?!” I think it’s important for the reader to remain sensitive to this beautiful lost soul. She believes she is whoever her parents said she is. This is their fault, not hers. While they were great parents in the sense that I’m sure they loved her unconditionally and made sure her basic needs and more were met, they neglected to let her be who she really was which was more than just their daughter. They needed someone to tell them it was ok to tell her she was Black, as blood doesn’t make you family. So that wasn’t her biological father, who cares? He was still her father. Hopefully if her mother knows more about her biological father she will tell her. We don’t know the possibly painful story on how she even ended up carrying this “dark” man’s baby to begin with. But we know that her father loved her mother and they loved their daughter. At this point she has to make her own decisions and whatever she thinks is best for herself. Half of her whole identity was unknown all her life and she was forced to identify as something she was not. This is something that could have ruined her. Everyone deserves to know who they are at the very least. I’m sad for her. Maybe her parents didn’t want to confuse her or complicate things but they didn’t think it through long term and that choice was pretty selfish. Hopefully she won’t resent them and her mom especially can see where she made a mistake and be a pillar of support for her and acknowledging that her daughter IS Black.

    (4)
  8. Siji Wyatt says:

    Being black is not shameful and her ‘parents’ lied to her about her race as if it was wrong and shameful. Black people are beautiful and black people especially those who are mixed should appreciate their black heritage just as they appreciate the other race(s) they are mixed with. It’s horrible that worldwide brown skin is looked at with disgust instead of with beauty. This poor girl doesn’t know who she is and the ones who claim to love her didn’t love her enough to tell her the truth about who she is.

    (3)
    1. Jackie Kelly says:

      I agree with u 100%.. I have 4 boys who are mix of Jamaican and Salvadoran background and we teach both heritage too them so they are not lost in this world on where they come from… I don’t understand why some parents do this too kids.. it is damaging their self esteem when they get older when they have too face ups and downs in their future…

      (1)
  9. Reminds me of this documentary, eerily similar stories. Kudos to you for reclaiming and living your truth

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxHLpgYwcVY

    (2)
  10. Love Charm says:

    Reminds me of the Dave Chappelle skit.

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  11. The fact is, we live in a racist world. To hide that fact from your kids is only doing them an injustice. People should know where they come from, heritage, because it’s a part of who they are. A lot of people are lost today because they don’t know who they really are. Especially black people
    Black people we come from greatness. The world is very old and America is very young. Everything will come back around. It’s the law of life.

    (2)
  12. Abi Awojobi says:

    This is one of my best friends Georgina 🙂 so brave for sharing this personal story

    (2)
  13. Jalan WB says:

    So sad. Her parents really could have helped her earlier in life but I know they must have struggled with deciding to keep it from her. I think it is unfair for anyone who is raising a child with other identities to not share and nurture their understanding. Much research is being shared about this – look up Chinese adoptees raised in white America who have gone back to china as adults to research and live within the communities they were taken from. “Colorblind” adoption practices and child rearing seems to be failing these children tremendously.

    (1)
  14. This sounds like the black Jewish woman from the documentary “Little White Lie”. Almost the exact story.

    (1)
  15. Tri Lindsey says:

    I hope she finds herself in every aspect. I appreciate the fact that she could share something that most people will criticize.

    (1)
  16. Wait until I get off work.
    I’m going to read this article.
    Wow.

    Update: This was an interesting read.

    She grew up in the U.K. to a White British family with no cultural ties to Blacks.

    Doesn’t know who her biological father is.

    Her mom kept a lot of secrets. Smh.
    Wow.

    (0)
  17. B says:

    I hope you find peace in your situation. Look into ancestry.com DNA test that can be used to find other subscribers who are related to you. Many blessings to you while on your journey : )

    (0)
  18. Thia Rore says:

    I wonder if her father (the one that raised her) knew the truth the entire time and just chose to raise her as his own anyway. If so, that is one strong man, but at the same time it is damaging to the identity of the child, because this is the outcome of that denial.

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  19. This reminds me of a documentary that I watched on Netflix called Little White Lie. The filmmaker had a very similar story

    (0)
    1. Kim Tyson says:

      Sounds like a good documentary! I’m going to add it to my watch list.

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    2. That documentary was so deep and troubling. I’m surprised she still has a relationship with her mom.

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    3. That was a good documentary , but the girl was more fair skinned.

      (0)
    4. Just watched it. OMG. Her entire family knew but didn’t really know. Everyone around her knew but didn’t really know. That’s hard. Her dad when she told him she identify as a black woman, his reaction to her broke my heart. But I can imagine the hell he dealt with married to her mom. Her mama outta pocket

      (0)
    5. Jackie Kelly says:

      Is that the movie with halle berry… there’s a movie with her where she thinks and believes she is a white woman due too some tragic accident she had and came back as a white woman in her mind… I seen some trailer here n there… but I forgot what the movie is called…

      (0)
    6. Karen Murphy says:

      The girl from the documentary also identify more with her black side once she attend a all black college

      (0)
    7. Wow just watched this movie after I saw this comment great movie but sad the way she found out and happy ending!

      (0)
  20. there was a documentary like this one on Netflix. Except the girl can possibly pass as Jewish

    (0)
  21. I know someone like this. I don’t remember his story except that he is visually at least half black. He denies it wholeheartedly and only dates other races.

    (0)
  22. I remember that movie

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  23. Star Tanner says:

    That’s tragic! Glad you are growing from this!

    (0)
  24. Folks it’s real easy. If you look black, most likely you are. Whether you’re half black, 1/4 black. It’s all superficial and meaningless.

    (0)
  25. Dee Syeeda says:

    I have so many questions

    (0)
  26. Like even if she left her house and went to school……how? This proves that self hate is a very real thing. No way a black kid didn’t suggest this to her even if she couldn’t see it from the inside looking out.
    In person I look peculiar and I’m a dark skinned black girl. And my whole life from relatives, to classmates and friend’s, people made me aware that I look different. I just am shocked that she didn’t experience that herself.

    (0)
  27. This reminds of the paternity rumors surround a very popular family. Everyone else sees it but sometimes the people really close to a situation will deny it because the truth is too painful to admit.

    (0)
  28. Right. You know I just finished watching “Little White Lie”. About a girl who grew up believing she was white. Her entire family had her thinking she was white, until the truth came out. The things that people hide in families. Devastating.

    (0)
  29. There was a story like this on Netflix

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  30. A little empathy for her, i met somebody on a bus coming from Boston to NYC with a similar story. At 31 years old she was still struggling with her true identity!

    (0)
  31. Cierra Hill says:

    Why do you have to pick one. You are both and it’s beautiful my son is mixed and looks white but I live in a black neighborhood so he is going to get the same questions also just the opposite way

    (0)
  32. Her parents told her that her skin color can from an ancestor. It’s like saying a child got their blue eyes from their great great grandmother.

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  33. That is my point! I’m totally confused! It’s heartbreaking and sad all at the same time. I wish her the best in finding herself but her “blackness” never left 😒

    (0)
  34. Gail Dunkley says:

    There’s so much more to this story that what’s been shared. How did her Mother come across this dark man? Even upon her birth

    (0)
  35. Belle says:

    I went to school with a girl like her, she was clearly 1/4 black. Both parents were white (so we think). She once addressed in class how some people assumed she was black but she affirmed to them that she’s white because everyone looks different. Hopefully she will grow to see the truth and maybe one day her family will give her the 411 of who she really is. With the way things are going around the world for black people it’s important to know.

    (0)
  36. Ummmmmm… Guess the brown skin just threw you off. Genetic malformity.. Cause you’re totally white.

    (0)
  37. Sonya Rice says:

    I never really understand these kinds of stories. Yes believing what your parents tell you as a child is one thing but once you grow up and understand more about the world around you outside of your parents influence how can you still believe something that’s so blatantly false? If my parents told me I was white all my life I may believe it as a small child but as soon as I got old enough to see the difference I would question what my parents thought me about my racial background long before this girl did.

    (0)
  38. Children are taught about color,they are not born knowing about all man’s sinful prejudices.

    (0)
  39. Natalie brown says:

    I’m more upset and mad at the parents more than anything. To lie to this girl her entire life is like admitting black isnt good enough. Something is wrong with it and with us. Nothing is wrong with BLACK! And the unfortunate part is that her self awareness really didn’t exist. It’s obvious she is a person of color but the fear and self hate is real. Of course I feel bad but I’m more upset than anything else. This was an absolute disservice to her and her entire life experience. God created her in His image… Who would want to taint/ruin/deny that?? I don’t care what the back story is with her mom and that man…this is 100% unacceptable and neglect. Period.

    (0)
  40. I love how people are being so judgmental when they have never been remotely attached to a situation. She never said there wasn’t a suspicion that she wasn’t black.. she noticed how she looked “funny” in pictures with family.. and she did go to have a DNA test done. Colorism is taught just like the ignorance being spewed throughout this thread. My mom never taught me that I was black.. I went to an all white elementary school and never saw the difference between myself and everyone else until my teacher pointed it out to me. From that point on, I knew what it felt like to be “different” and in someways ostracized myself bc I was now the black kid. Listen and quit the judging.

    (0)
  41. People keep asking how she didn’t know she was black . The same way these Wesley Snipes and Viola Davis looking ass Latinos that stay walking around talking about they aren’t black and instead say “I’m Dominican/Puerto Rican/Panamanian”.

    Same concept.

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  42. Renee says:

    Her mom wrong for this her family is anti black . Her mom didn’t care when she was busting it wide open for a black man back in the day. I hope she doesn’t end up like her mom sometimes when people go through trauma their life goes into a spiral

    (0)

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