Why One Woman Chose To Embrace Polyamory In Her Marriage | xoNECOLE
Love & Relationships

Why One Woman Chose To Embrace Polyamory In Her Marriage

Comments (126)
  1. Star says:

    I don’t see the point in being married if that’s what you want to do. I also can’t help thinking about the heightened risk of std’s accidental pregnancies. Yes you risk that in a monogamous relationship but the risk isn’t nearly as high. Well if their happy I guess that’s all that matters. It’s a hell to the naw naw naw for me.

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    1. Lola says:

      I agree with you. What is the point.

      (4)
    2. KK says:

      Well, this is an example that I like to use. It’s like having a best friend and other friends that you like to hang out with but that are not on the same level as your best friend. You enjoying the company of your other friends does not negate the fact that your best friend is still your best friend.

      (3)
    3. Dreu says:

      Girl I agree with u completely, if u wanna b free to date numerous ppl then stay single, how can this be love?? How can u ask someone u love to watch u bond with someone else whether physically or emotionally?? No ma’am, I barely wanna share my chocolate, let alone my husband, too many ppl in this world for me to agree to share my spouse, he must b crazy.. Anyone asks this of me, he won’t have an issue cause he’d b single faster than he can inhale his next breath, nonsense!!!

      (3)
    4. Los Labios* says:

      Sounds like “Do what thou wilt”….

      (1)
  2. Another example of strong women settling for less because men know their power and she didn’t… This is so sad to me

    (7)
    1. I agree, if she can have male partners then it’s an open relationship. Polyamory usually means one partner gets what they want. Not a fan.

      (5)
    2. Basically. He wanted it, she went along with it. Nothing empowering about that.

      (4)
    3. Melba Rogers says:

      I just want to see examples of women with more than one husband and I’ll leave this topic alone. I just keep seeing examples of men with more than one wife and people talking about how you don’t own anyone 😴. I swear this is a trend…

      (2)
      1. Ophelia says:

        Neither of them have more than one husband or wife… They both have additional partners…

        (1)
    4. I see where you are coming from. I really hadn’t thought about it that way until I read your comment but let me ask you this: Why aren’t you open to the possibility that if deep down inside if it really wasn’t what she wanted or it would make her unhappy she wouldn’t have gone through with it?

      (0)
      1. Los Labios* says:

        She wasn’t mentally prepared to face the world as single again and let go of her husband due to possibly not being emotionally, mentally, even financially prepared to do so.

        Maybe she got comfortable with one person. She could also be a people pleaser.

        Or maybe she wanted to “get back” at her husband and let him see she could be happy with someone else and have a deep emotional connection with another as he confessed to her, but she possible ended up becoming emotionally fulfilled with her side partner all of the while still desiring her husband, which is the reason she chose to stay in such a set up.

        This isn’t rocket sience. It’s selfish and nasty.

        (2)
    5. Melba Rogers says:

      I’m not for it or against it. Whatever makes one happy. It’s just that every time I read about this topic it’s a woman sharing a man. They can spin it all they want to and talk about how no one owns the right to one person, which maybe true for some but if that’s the case, where are the examples of men making that sacrifice with a woman?

      (2)
    6. Bj Lytt says:

      Its not that men know their power. Its that women don’t. All of the things that symbolize masculity is BECAUSE of women. Majority of the flashy things men do is to impress women. When you walk strongly in your power things like this aren’t even an option.

      (1)
    7. Ophelia says:

      That’s your opinion of what a relationship should look like. Trust me, she is not the only woman in such a relationship. And men do not always present this idea. Just because it is NOT for you doesn’t mean you should judge others from your limited perspective.

      (1)
    8. Are all in agreement hence polymory and there are several different types of poly relationships

      (0)
  3. MaryAnn223 says:

    Through experimenting with this same concept, my husband and I decided it simply wasn’t for us. It was interesting while it lasted, but it just had too many challenges we weren’t willing to wrestle with. Now, we’re on our 35th year of marriage, and wouldn’t go back. We also wouldn’t change a thing.
    Communication is THE most important thing in a relationship. Without it, the relationship is essentially doomed. Through communication, we chose to experiment, and through communication, we chose to end the experiment. We are now happily monogamous.

    (9)
    1. I appreciate you sharing your story here, it’s very honest. I’m glad that you and your husband have the kind of relationship where you can be open about your wants and ultimately what you don’t want and that you were able to explore that together. As you said, it takes a a lot communication and Ev’Yan emphasized that to me in her story as well. I think communication is key in all aspects of any relationship, but doubly so when you open up to inviting others into your space emotionally/romantically as well. You and your husband must have an incredibly strong marriage. Again, thank you for sharing your story.

      (2)
  4. Wonder if she explored men would things change?

    (6)
    1. EXACTLY what I was wondering, myself.

      (3)
    2. KK says:

      Well, it depends on the man. My ex was 100% comfortable with me being with other men because he knew that he was the one I was building my life with. I felt the same with him and other women. Now, in our case, we weren’t frequently with different partners. Having an open relationship did not mean that we were out with someone new every weekend. During the course of our 4 year relationship, he was with 2 other women and he would go months without seeing them (between work, me and his family/friends, he just didn’t have much extra time). I was with 1 other man and I would generally see him about once a month. & No, we did not break up. We are no longer together because he was killed in a car accident.

      (1)
  5. I knew it wasn’t a black man nonetheless…. Do you honey! The devil is tapping at the door, he’s present.

    (5)
    1. Ophelia says:

      That fact that he is NOT black has nothing to do with it. I know black men and women who do the same. Don’t limit your mind. If it’s not for you, that is okay. We should not judge other’s choices. Most of what the masses know about how relationships are supposed to look was ‘taught’… not like people really took the time to figure out on their own. Most people just following the majority.

      (4)
  6. Bre says:

    Definitely not for me. It sort of takes the whole concept of marriage and tosses it out the window. If you want to sleep around and have numerous partners then don’t get married.

    (5)
  7. Misha C. says:

    The one thing I will never understand is how being single or staying single is still seen as the worst way to live life yet I see this idea of the polyamorous lifestyle being pushed more and more. When you are single (as well as mature and clear to all partners) you are free to be with whoever you want, whenever you want. Yet people want to live that lifestyle after marriage. Why get married? If you want numerous partners you can do that without the institution or confines of marriage. I have been practicing abstinence for almost five years and literally avoid dating because my thoughts on sex always becomes a deal breaker. Yet I’ve been told by family, friends, and men who approach me that it’s “not right”, “selfish”, “doing a disservice to myself”, and “not the way to live.” But I know more and more people embracing this idea of a polyamorous lifestyle. Really?

    (4)
    1. Britany says:

      I understand what you are saying, but on average the deepness that you have in a relationship will not compare when you are single. You are able to get sex and some aspects of closeness, but it generally is not the same as in a marriage or relationship. I think that she is able to have the depth, love, desire, home, while also exploring the other sides of her that he cannot fulfill. And the same goes for him. I am in a monogamous relationship, but I can understand how people are open to the possibilities.

      (0)
  8. Jay says:

    Me and wife have been in an open/poly marriage going 17 years now. Yes we have problems both poly related and non-poly related. Like any relationships dynamic there are going to highs and lows and talking through them is how you get through it. No one way is complete, correct way to have a relationship. In this article she says, she’s able to enjoy her husband and her queerness. Well that tell me, that are things that her husband no matter how hard he tries and how much love he gives there are things he can never provide that someone else will be able to do.

    Look at it like this…..we all are individually a puzzle of many pieces and we’re looking for other puzzles that fits nicely with our own. Well there “normally” isn’t one other puzzle that fits all our pieces. We may find one that suits a lot of them but never all. Within poly we’re able to find others who fits the pieces that the other doesn’t and we do with the love and support (I repeat with the love and support) of all parties involved.

    (4)
  9. Kyme Pearson says:

    Where are all the strong men that can deal with their wives having more than one man but coming home to you? *crickets* *tumbleweed*

    (3)
    1. 💣🌚 Thank you!!! It was interesting that she harped on being with other women. I wonder if she’s also able to sleep with men and if he is also open to sleep with either sex?

      (1)
  10. Aims says:

    The author’s bio though. A+++

    (3)
    1. Thank you babes 🙂

      (0)
  11. Kristina says:

    I honestly believe, like she said it isn’t for everyone, but at the end of their escapades they come home to each other. I also feel it creates a safer environment than the husband or wife that is cheating because there are no lies, and no one is running around having unprotected sex out fear of their spouse catching them with condoms.

    (3)
  12. Mona Ramsey says:

    The prince of darkness is winning in her household.

    (3)
  13. Martha Ordon says:

    It’s adultery regardless of how you try to spin it! Which thou shalt not by the way!

    (3)
  14. Nah I’m good .. It’s usually the man whose benefiting from this .. Very few willing to let the wife do her thing.. Plus all I can think of is stds..

    (3)
  15. Shellphish says:

    Interesting and a little scary. I imagine that it would take a lot of communication and soul searching. I’m definitely intrigued.

    (2)
  16. Sophia Hoyte says:

    Yep, encourage our black men to pass on the shite to their sons and so on and so on and so on and so on. Then 500 more years still blame slavery.

    (2)
  17. Over a billion people in this world….. why do folks act like there is some shortage of available suitors. I would respect her better if she said she was bisexual and her husband understood that and accepted it.

    (2)
  18. I believe you should let people do what they want with their own life. But for me, I’m WAY too territorial to share my husband with another woman. It ain’t happening. NOPE!

    (1)
    1. Robyn Leslye says:

      Most of the women in these relationships go along with it to keep the man. They try to make it about something else.

      (1)
    2. Emotionally I couldn’t handle it.

      (0)
  19. Be careful of what you read, it can chisel away at your morals and principles.

    (2)
  20. So what the point in your marriage money children , wats keeping y’all together cause it’s not real love

    (2)
    1. Everyone doesn’t marry for love. Not that this is their story. I have had many tell me if they ever married again, it wouldn’t be for love. I’ve never been married, so I’m no expert. Just sharing what I’ve been told.

      (0)
  21. Robyn Leslye says:

    Simply another broken woman struggling to hold on to a man. Call it what it is.

    (2)
  22. Leslie B. says:

    I personally couldn’t imagine being in a polyamorous relationship. I know for a fact that it wouldn’t work in my relationship. However, it was very interesting to read about how it worked for another couple.

    (1)
  23. KK says:

    I am open to the concept actually. Although I was raised in a traditional household, I have always believed in multiple soulmates. I figured if we can love our mother and father equally, then we can love more than one person equally on a romantic level. I had an open relationship with my ex and the only issue I would run into is someone wanting to become exclusive while being fully aware that I was already in a poly relationship.
    However, monogamy works for me as well. My husband doesn’t share my views and is not open to a poly marriage but he is aware of my beliefs. So, if ever he wants to explore that lifestyle, he knows the lines of communication are wide open!

    (1)
  24. Melva Davis says:

    Well this sort of remind me of Sodom and Gomorrah. The men went around having sex all in the streets and from door to door. They were out of control. And this sleeping around with every Tom Dick and Harry cannot be good nor healthy.

    (1)
  25. Nyk Divine says:

    To each their own but i wouldn’t be caught dead.

    (1)
  26. This is selfish. What’s the point of marriage then? In MANY cultures -marriage is a sacred union, bond and connection with two individuals. Having others enter that holy union, is breaking the entire meaning behind marriage. I read the article thoroughly, and hear this couples reasoning, but it’s not marriage. It’s as if they’re best friend with benefits. Yes, this is not for everyone (at all), but works for some. I cannot. Absolutely not.

    I’m speaking based off how I was raised and MY CULTURE. It’s okay to agree to disagree. We all have different cultures and beliefs. It’s my opinion and that’s okay.

    (1)
    1. Thank you for acknowledging cultural differences. Culture and background play a huge part in what is defined as marriage.

      (0)
    2. Yes, because there are tons of non-religious people married. It’s not sacred for everyone nor held the same for everyone.

      (0)
  27. Toni Childs says:

    People marry for different reasons. It’s not always about it being something sacred. Marriage traditionally was a business transaction within the last 50 years it changed into something for love. Everything isn’t for everybody & it doesn’t make her any less of a woman or weak. Different motives, values, & lives.

    (1)
    1. Joy Lynn says:

      You got it backwards. Marriage traditionally was about love & something sacred. For the last 50 years it’s become a business transaction.

      (0)
      1. VoiceofReason says:

        Actually marriage was about property rights and inheritence. It was only just recently “bastards” could inherit.

        (0)
  28. I think I’d have to been broken down to settle for that. You go into a marriage expecting one thing and he now wants something else. No matter how she spins it, it wasn’t what she really wanting and she’s just settling.

    (1)
  29. No way!!! I couldn’t do it

    (1)
  30. Joi HC says:

    I personally can’t share a man. I’m an Alpha Female- I know what I deserve and I will not settle for less. I’m good with being alone, there is difference between being alone and being lonely. I love myself way too much to share a man.

    (1)
  31. Polyamory or a woman giving her man passes to cheat

    (1)
  32. Noel L'amour says:

    Sorry but you can’t tell me that a woman being okay with sharing her man isn’t suffering from low self esteem and/or daddy issues. If you had a active father in your life who gave a shit about you then you wouldn’t need to do this. You wouldn’t feel the need to do anything to make another man happy.

    (1)
  33. “When I know that partner desires someone else, but he chooses me, he chooses to come home to me, he chooses to share his life with me––that is the biggest compliment and the biggest gesture of love there is”
    —- isn’t this contradictory? There’s a bigger gesture, it’s called choosing to be monogamous.

    (1)
  34. Fix It Jesus says:

    What’s wrong with putting God first in your marriage instead? I hope you guys don’t have kids.

    (1)
  35. Whytho says:

    NEW ARTICLES PLEASE…ENOUGH WITH THE RECYCLED ARTICLES.

    (1)
  36. The One says:

    I think it all boils down to core values. Those generally don’t change with time. It’s also about matching with those who share those same values. People get married…polygamous or monogamous and find that at the core of them, they haven’t found the right match and there is this constant conflict, making wrong, separation, jealously, and over possession of another human being when in essence, we truly don’t own anyone and everyone has the right to do what they will with their own bodies. It’s important to match up with someone who shares those values at the core of them, fully know and understand themselves, what they stand for, and what’s important to them. From that point, I believe two people can grow and evolve together. I don’t believe in monogamy, but know that it’s because it’s my core value. I understand that others don’t share that view and we are all diverse people. There is always a match our there for you. I make it my goal to be clear with me and my needs, boundaries, and values and make it my goal to match with someone who shares those core values. Hence, there is no need to control them, because we are always in alignment with who we are and who we chose to be individually and thus, we can move and flow in the same direction.

    (1)
  37. Kadi says:

    I’m a bit older than this young woman but I can completely understand and relate to her experience. I was in my early 20’s when my husband and I married. After almost 20 years of a monogamous marriage we agreed to start swinging.

    We are completely open and honest about what we want in all aspects of our lives. Did we foresee a non-monogamous marriage? No. But at a certain point. we both wanted to explore sexual relationships with others and through that I discovered that I’m bisexual.

    The most important aspect in maintaining and thriving in any marriage but especially a non-monogamous one is clear communication. I’m thankful to have that in my marriage. I think our non-monogamous years have been some of the best years of our relationship.

    (0)
    1. Mrs S says:

      My husband and I just began our journey in the lifestyle. We are still trying to figure out what we truly want out of it. I recently discovered my bisexuality and want to embrace it. He is completely supportative as I support his desire to want to be with other women at times. We have rules and guidelines for each other, but we are open and honest with each other. I love that I married someone who is completely open minded.
      There is a large black community of Lifestyle and swingers that I didn’t know existed until recently. I love associating with open minded people. I have met some amazing people in this community. It refreshing to find others that share you view points on marriage and sex. I don’t care for the traditional, conventional marriage;we are doing it our way. And I’m loving it.

      (0)
  38. Maria says:

    I have never tried this. I have become open to the idea over the past 6 months. I spoke to my fiancé about it and he doesn’t want nothing to do with it. He says because that isn’t who I am which he is right and he says I’m only saying it because he cheated in the past. But it’s not. Its because if in when I choose to explore my bisexual thoughts I want him to be ok with it and open. I will understand he will want to either join or do his own thing.

    (0)
  39. Jewels says:

    Great article, but alI can say is WOW!!!

    (0)
  40. Rakie Rozay' says:

    This is dope, it actually works for them and that’s all that matters.

    (0)
  41. Is this what God ordained marriage to be? God made marriage one thing and human beings want to turn it into something else..he’s not bring water next time #thatisall

    (1)
    1. Since when did we ever change our minds about anything? 😛 oh yeh… everything. Each to there own but I get your comment

      (0)
    2. God’s original creation design for marriage will be fulfilled once again: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31, citing Genesis 2:24). Marriage vows were manmade. How do u explain men with several wives in the bible? Or is that not what God intended either? Ppl love to bring up God and the bible as long as it does not highlight their own sins….

      (-1)
  42. They both love outside of each other. That was made clear.

    (0)
  43. Brit Walker says:

    Hmm interesting. I just feel an open relationship is just an extra headache with STDs, spouses who don’t feel the same way, kids etc. While it’s a cool thought, it’s slightly utopian.

    (2)
    1. U do realize single ppl and married ppl in closed relationships are subject to stds as well, right. Open does not mean u r ignorant of protection. The highest percentage of black women infected with aids was married women or women who THOUGHT they were in a monogamous relationship. Lying cheating men tend to not use protection bcuz tgat wud make him admit hes planning to do something wrong.

      (-2)
  44. Atlanta Prin says:

    Most people are sharing their spouse and don’t even know…. 80% of people admit to cheating.. and that’s not including the 20% that did tell the truth…. So I don’t understand why people are so critical of this topic…. I thought honesty and trust was key in a relationship…. At least that’s what you get with poly…. People as saying she is settling… But considering the infidelity rate… A monogamous relationship is almost a fairy tale…. Since the beginning of time marriage had always been a business arrangement…. The past 100 years has factored in the love and ECT…. But anyways I could ramble all day about this lol….

    (0)
  45. Women are hilarious to me when they comment on this topic. Why is it so unfathomable for a woman to open her marriage and accept, not settle for, sharing her man. YET those same women either comtinue to stay with a lying cheating man or wpuld stay with a man whom has lied and cheated. Sooooo basically it is OK for a man to b with another woman as long as he lies about it???? It is very possible to love more than one person as well as be in love with mord than one person. We ALL love or are in love with more than one person. Example, we r in love with our mates as well as our children and parents. We love our family and friends. Some say well thats a diff kinda love. No its not. The only difference is Sex with our chosen partner. Marriage is sacred between two ppl. What that means is those two ppl make a promise to each other to b honest and faithful to one another. Being in an open marriage is still being faithful to one another as long as you continue honesty, communicate, and follow rule for which the two of u have set. Most ppl who disagree with open marriage is bcuz they dont want to share but that doesnt mean its wrong for others who choose to. Bible thumpers love to speak of “sins” BUT men in the bible had many wives not just one annnnnnnnd bible thimpers always forget the most important scriptures, let he who is without sin cast the first stone…. No stones to throw anywhere im sure. Annnnnnd… ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE.

    (-1)
    1. Joy Lynn says:

      Yes men in the bible had many wives, just like now. But the bible made it CLEAR that God wasn’t pleased with it. No one here is stoning someone to death. Choosing to speak about sin isn’t the same thing. Speaking against sin is not judging either. You got it twisted.

      (1)
    2. People are sharing their opinions. This topic is highly controversial. I personally couldn’t do it, but I won’t knock it for others. I do believe some are pointing out how much it benefits the man instead of the woman and also questioning how it works. When situations like this come up it’s like a powder keg goes off. I don’t see the correlation in women not agreeing being the same ones who would do the same thing you put twice. Not everyone is spineless and willing to go with things they don’t agree with whether it’s cheating or an open relationship. You’re trying to call people out while pointing back a judgmental finger so I’m confused. Everyone should do what works for them and people can express their agreement or disagreement. That’s not necessarily judging…We judge every damn day.

      (1)
    3. Joy Lynn says:

      I speak against every sin, lying, gossiping, gluttony, fornicating etc. Some sins effects me directly, some don’t and some effect those I love. But what I won’t do is act like it doesn’t exist, I shouldn’t speak about it or I should be proud of it in order to make ppl who embrace sin comfortable. Sorry. Saying that she has low esteem or she settled is NOT judgement, it’s an opinion and observation. Ppl are always trying to hush the truth under the “don’t judge” rule. And furthermore judging is NOT a sin. The bible says to obtain from a certain kind of hypocritical, condemning judgement and this is NOT it. But if you thumped a bible….you would know that. “Judge not, or you too will be judged”. Ummmm, ok. Idc if anyone judges me, but that’s the difference when you know who you are. And like I said, it’s still not a sin so ppl can judge on as long as they know they will judged as well.

      (0)
    4. Well joy. U know i dont thump bibles enuf to know every and all words but i know my relationship with God is different from all others and no man… Or woman…. Can determine different. My sin is my sin. I call it that. Just like u claim to speak out on urs. But i embrace me as a sinning child if God and i will have my day. Others OPPINIONS of MY lifestyle will not change that day. As for low esteem, i dont have that. Strong black woman, i am that. Settling, i am not. I live a very happy productive life which lends no time for judging… Excuse me speaking on others truths. So many ppl spend life, again thumpin tgeir bivle at others and worryin about what others are doin. Honey do what makes u happy over there and leave mine alone. Just because ur OPPINION is to disagree with this lifestyle does not mean that thise of us who agree r any less than u.

      (0)
    5. Again. Bible thumpers alwats speak against the sins that dont apply to them. We r ALL sinners. Your sin is no less than mine. So why speak against mine with teachings of the bible but completely ignore urs. Saying this woman has low self esteem, she has settled, shes not a srrong black woman, that is all judgement of her. Im not the only one twisting things. Everyone turns and twists to deflect their own sins. Or wait a minute, do we have a bunch of perfect ppl without sin here…. No maam.

      (-1)
  46. Gianne White says:

    “Love outside of each other”???? What? Lol!!!

    (0)
  47. Gianne White says:

    “Love outside of each other”???? What? Lol!!! Why even be in a relationship?? Just date!

    (0)
  48. Yeah…It kind of threw me off. People with the mentality of their S/O coming home to them like emotions, diseases, and/or pregnancies can’t be thrown in the mix confuse me. Even if it was on the table that would be enough to stop me in my tracks. I just hope things are favorable and equal for both sides.

    (0)
  49. Ebony Kirby says:

    Finally got a chance to read it… Interesting perspective… Good read!!! Thanks

    (0)
  50. Ojo Temi says:

    Girl!!! Why marry?. You can be together n just be swingers. Same thing

    (0)
  51. Pernell says:

    I grew up in a monagomous family and was taught those values. But to me it never seemed right.
    Now i live in a culture where cheating is quite common. But still im considered crazy for talking about polyamory.
    How can u cheat but condem the idea of being open and honest about the same thing u sneak around to do.
    And when i say i dont believe in people ownership. Ppl think im crazy. Its always MY woman or MY man. And u know deep down u sharing him.
    But one thing i never get is that every polyamorous story i hear, is about a married couple who decided to add others to their relationship. 😐
    So doesen’t anyone realize this before getting married 😕 not that i think it should affect their choice to get married.
    But all the stories seem to be the same 😐

    (0)
  52. Eihtur Tyty says:

    Sounds like an excuse for her to explore the same sex. He’s doing other women and so is she. if it makes her happy…

    (-1)
  53. No shade because things work for different people, but they got married super young before discovering themselves. How does one not know their sexuality? Even if it’s not acted upon you know what you’re attracted to. I am happy that the open spectrum is on both sides of the relationship, but I wonder if that’s for both sexes on each end? I love the openness they have with one another, but the way feelings and DISEASES can be caught when dealing with others would deter me. Glad it works for them though!

    (-1)
  54. Erika Meijer says:

    that lifestyle is not for me personally, but i wont judge her for what she chooses to do with her life. if shes happy, good for her!

    (-1)
  55. Shaun Lymas says:

    This story was crazy. . But if she likes it, I love it. Whatever floats her

    (-1)
  56. Taylor Ann says:

    That’s definitely low self esteem like you called it. She really thinks it’s a badge of honor for her man to be sleeping with anything walking but coming home to her 😳this is some gullible bs

    (-1)
    1. Britany says:

      But if they are both coming home to each other is that still brainwashed. If she is able to sleep with who she wants and explore her sexuality like she wants to. Is that brainwashed or just taking advantage of the situation?

      (0)
  57. Joi HC says:

    She is brainwashed and don’t even realize her self-worth

    (-1)
  58. Tommy Shine says:

    If adults do legal things with each other who cares?

    (-1)
  59. I feel that IF you open the door to polyamory then BOTH sides should be able to explore as they see fit long as the rules are the same for BOTH……outside of that, I don’t feel a one sided polyamory is fair to either of them. But hey if she’s HAPPY I’m happy for her. Different things work for different people in order to be happy…..

    (-1)
    1. THIS!!! Couldn’t be me, but I hope it’s just as equal for both sides. She kept harping on being with women, so I was wondering if she could be with men as well and what were the dynamics?

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  60. Mo says:

    It is what it is. I personally don’t want to get married because I have no desire to be committed to one person long enough to get married. I like to play in the yard when I want to and don’t want to ask permission or “discuss” this with a spouse. I wouldn’t want to be married and have feelings for someone else after I stood before someone’s GOD and vowed to respect my marriage but then what defines “respect” for couples like them? It’s neither bad nor good, it’s their thing and people like them.

    Ethnicity plays no part in this. Her having a Caucasian husband doesn’t make their situation any more or less than what it is. They can give it whatever name and title they want but to me when you are in a committed relationship and/or married and you step outside of that marriage; you become “open” – to me it’s just a different way to say cheating the only difference is it’s not a secret.

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  61. It’s funny some of the comments that are on this thread… Yea Polyamory may not be for you however why knock anyone else for their way of life… My wife and I are heterosexual and Polyamorous and our being Polyamorous doesn’t lessen the love she and I have for each other… I fact our being poly has brought us closer and has removed all of the dos trust, lack of communication… Increased our love for one another and my wife is a Strong Beautiful Strong African Queen…

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  62. The bible is full of polyamorous marriages though…. Just playing devils advocate here. So, why not?

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    1. Glenda Smith says:

      The bible tells stories of many people. However God said marriage is one man and one women.

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    2. By the way people did a lot of things that are not acceptable. Much like we do today. Easily influenced and misguided. But I, if you believe, Jesus death changed everything and Grace and mercy is abundant and freely given. Old law and new law.. There is a difference

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    3. KimBee Burks says:

      Why not? Have you heard of AIDS? I’ll stop there- reason enough.

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    4. The only reason to take on other wives was if a brother or relative died. They didn’t do it for the hell of it. 😐

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    5. It says one man and at least one woman.

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    6. The story of Rebekah and Issac goes way deeper then the cliff note provided. The full events of the story and ending of the story was not all bubbles, rainbows and smiles. Plus I am almost certain that God did not tell hiM to have two wives, it was a plan they devised on their own that went wayyyyyyy sour mainly due to disobedience. See here is the thing. People may have had multiple wives in the bible but that never made it right nor does it mean it was acceptable by God. Secondly we can’t pick and choose pieces just to make a point because if you are not reading and understanding in its entirety then … Well you are just spreading false information and whole lies. Marriage in the bible is not just sex.

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    7. Morgan, the bible like most religious books are chauvinistic. Its to suit men. So, if the case was for man to take care of woman, when did it change to having only one wife

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    8. You said women* more then one. And God allowed men to have more then one wife. It’s all over the bible. Why is it frowned upon in today’s age? The bible is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow, correct?

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    9. Solomon for one had so many wives.

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    10. No men took other wives just for the hell of it. Lol I’ll give you some verses. I do realize it’s 2016. But did God say the bible will change in 2016?

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    11. “As strange and odd as it sounds, polygamy in the Bible protected women. A second or third wife would be far more cared for than an unmarried woman. She would have the opportunity to bear children—especially sons who would be responsible for supporting her in her old age. She would have protection from abuse from strangers. And she would have a home. She might also have the chance to rescue a family. If the first wife was barren, her sons could continue the family name (1 Samuel 1:2)”

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    12. Read the story of Rebekah and issac. Issac took another wife while his wife was still alive b/c his wife couldn’t get pregnant he wanted to have the sons that God promised him would be the chosen ones. Lol he took on his maid. Marriage in the bible is “sex” that’s when you marry someone.

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    13. KimBee sooooo u do know married women in closed marriages get AIDs, right. WHY. Cuz they trust and believe their husband to b only theirs yet their lyin cheatin husband out sneakin and havin unprotected sex. Girl please wake up. Open does not mean AIDs and STDs. It means these two ppl trust and communicate well enough to allow another in and its way less risks for AIDs and STDs than the lying cheating husband or boyfriend.

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  63. Folks been doing this since the beginning of time, without permission. We ALL know this! Whats so wrong with being open about it?

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    1. Nothing in the abstract… But, people have a tendency to keep certain forms of behavior behind “closed” doors, depending on the surrounding social structure , they find themselves living under.
      If one lives within a very strict community, then they will not speak out too loudly , about what they do, if such behavior exceeds the socially acceptable norms. No one is looking to be ostracized from the general ” group “..
      Most people have a side to them that only select individuals get to see. ..
      That’s just the “Nature of the beast”…

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    2. Yep! Totally agree. I am neither for or against this. But I can understand it, without judgment.

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    3. A lot of people are stepping out on their partners without permission. I find people who judge are trying to show their life or way is better, even when it’s not…..

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  64. My Husband and I are polyamorous, it’s so refreshing to read another Woman of colors story. I think polyamory is more common than people realize, just still such a taboo subject that few are open about it, especially minorities.

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    1. Noel L'amour says:

      Question… can you sleep with other men?

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    2. Same here with my wife and I

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    3. Actually I’m just seeing Noel’s comment, I wouldn’t have posted a comment if I weren’t open to conversation lol! The answer is yes. And for the record I am the one who, after alot of nervous chats with my Sister and BFF, approached my Husband with my feelings. At the time when we hashed out an agreement amongst ourselves we didn’t even know there was a term for it. We were also hesitant to talk about it openly due to the judgment of others, we’ve only recently decided to vocalize our marriage. My Husband and I’s arrangement works for us but I’ve noticed most Poly couples make their own rules for what works best for them. My Husband and I are both allowed to have someone else on the side. But there’s no secrets, we talk about everything. Safe sex is also a requirement and we have designated “boo days” where we spend time with our others. Also there’s usually only 1 boo at a time as neither of us are into casual sex.

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