Are You Cheating If You Have A Work Husband?
There are honestly some things that you just can't tell your man that you can tell your work husband.
Your work husband speaks your same language and understands all of your “inside jokes." He drinks coffee with you every morning, knows your birthday, your favorite food, all of your pet peeves, and he is always there when you need to vent. A day doesn't go by that you don't talk and laugh with him about absolutely nothing.
A work husband is a type of office spouse that you work with and share a special work relationship with that can be very similar to the one that you may have with someone that you are intimate with, like with your husband or boyfriend.
When I first heard of the term “work husband" or “work wife" I immediately thought, “Oh hell no! I wish my man would have a work wife!".Now that I have thought more about it, the idea of an office spouse is not bad as long as certain lines are not crossed (okay, I wouldn't be cool with my boyfriend even using the word “wife" when referring to someone else - even if it was just a work wife).
If you are in a relationship, but have a close male friend at work, it is important to keep your relationship with them strictly nonsexual and completely platonic. Although you know in your head you would never cheat on your significant other, you have to keep in mind that the same person that you call your work husband is someone that you spend all day with, take lunch breaks with, and share all of your thoughts, hopes, and dreams with.
Even though you may not see it or admit it, there is some form of intimacy between you two with the type of relationship that you have - but you are just not intimate. Well, not yet.
Just think about it. You are with that work husband all day long. You share a special bond. And what if he is walking around looking like Michael B. Jordan, too? Whew! What are you going to do?
Before your innocent work marriage turns into an affair, utilize the tips below so that you don't break up their happy home or yours.
Don't keep the relationship secret.
If you feel the need to not tell your man about another male friend, then honestly, it looks suspicious. Your man should know about your male friends, and you should know about his. Just think about it and put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if your man had a close female friend at work, but didn't tell you about it? Yeah, I know, all hell would break loose!
Introduce them, but don't make it awkward.
If you have a close relationship with your work husband, then your man should definitely meet him. The meeting should be casual - maybe at a happy hour or at your job's holiday party. When you introduce your work husband to your man, introduce him by using the title that he has in your life. For example, if your significant other is your boyfriend, the introduction should be, “Hey, this is my boyfriend, my honey that I am always telling you about." This will show your man that you are not ashamed to tell the whole world who he is, and what he means to you.
Remember, what happens at home, stays at home.
When you first got together with your man, everything may have been like heaven on Earth, but we all know that things happen, and that heaven doesn't last all day, every day. There will be times when your man upsets you or when you two will go through some things. When this happens, keep these private details of your relationship away from your work husband. Honestly, it isn't his business, and I'm sure your man wouldn't want you crying to another man about him. Would you care if he vented to another woman about you? Yeah, I thought so.
No texting after dark allowed.
I don't know about you, but if my man's phone buzzes late at night, my head switches around so quickly, and I wonder, “Who in the hell has the audacity to text/call him this late at night?" Unless it is an emergency, I always felt people should have more respect for me as his woman and not call or text his phone late at night - especially his female friends.
The same should go for you and your work husband. Although you and he have a special bond, keep the text messaging to a minimum, especially after hours. If there is something that you need to tell him and it is late, let it wait until the next day.
Don't look like a side-line chick.
Personally, I have a few male friends, and most of them are in relationships. When I see their girlfriends or wives, I make sure that I am friendly and I try my best to make her feel comfortable. I never want my friends girlfriends to think that I have something going on with their man.
You should try to do the same with your work husband. Whenever you are around her, make sure you acknowledge her and look at both of them when talking. Even more, find something nice to say about her. Every woman can admit that flattery is the easiest way to a woman's heart, so make sure you tell her how much you've heard about her (and if she has on a nice outfit, it is okay to tell her that too).
What do you think about having work husbands or work wives? Do you have one, and if so, how do you keep the relationship innocent? Let us know below!
Featured image by Getty Images
- Seven signs you have a work spouse - CNN.com ›
- Urban Dictionary: Work Husband ›
- Signs You've Crossed The Line With Your Work Spouse | HuffPost ›
- Your Work Husband: 4 Rules for Keeping the Peace at Work and ... ›
- Why Scientists Think You Should Have a Work Spouse | Inverse ›
- Are you crossing the line with your work spouse? - Chicago Tribune ›
- Subtle signs you have a work spouse - BI ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images