Charlamagne Tha God On How He Balances Being A Husband, Father And Executive Producer
Charlamagne Tha God has never been one to be politically correct. As one third of the popular morning show,“The Breakfast Club," the radio personality doesn't hesitate to ask any and everything that’s on his mind, which has admittedly gotten him into some trouble over the years. But despite having made more enemies than friends, he’s always honest and true to his brand--and it's definitely paid off. Off the strength of his name alone he's snagged roles in television (Empire) and film (Ride Along), not to mention a shout out from Drake in the Grammy nominated diss record "Back to Back."
But what most people don’t know is that off the mic, Charlamagne is a family man. The South Carolina native is a husband and father of two little girls, and he’s adamant about keeping his personal life off social media.
Before the 35-year-old graced the airwaves--hosting the “Brilliant Idiots” podcast in the afternoons and the MTV series, Uncommon Sense at night--he was running the streets, landing him a few jail stints before an internship at a radio station showed him that he could make a career using his mouthpiece. So he cleaned up his act, took the necessary steps to change his life, and began to make a name for himself as a tell-it-like-it-is radio host.
But the road to redemption wasn't easy. In the process of becoming who he is today, he had to be humbled. Four times, to be exact. Being fired from various radio positions allowed him to see the bigger picture in what seemed like constant setbacks. After his initial layoff he asked himself, “Was I doing everything that I was supposed to do?” He admits to initially “abusing” the fame and celebrity of being a radio personality, but has since decided to only use his platform to empower others.
xoNecolehad a chance to speak exclusively to Charlamagneabout his new book "Black Privelage", a new series that he’s executive producing and the importance of showing his daughters what love is by marrying his high school sweetheart. And let's just say that we’ve definitely discovered a different side of the radio personality, off the air.
You are currently juggling a demanding career with fatherhood. What will you tell your daughters (who are seven and four-months-old) about love, relationships, and knowing their worth?
You have to show your kids love. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to get married. Me and the mother of my kids have been together since high school. When you have your seven-year-old daughter asking why you and mommy don’t have the same last name, that affects you as a man. It made me think, ‘Well, why don’t we? What’s stopping me from taking that next step?’
Love is something you have to witness. It’s good to see two parents living in the house, embracing each other, laughing and talking; you have to lead by example.
I spoil my daughter, not only is she growing up in a loving household, I spoil her so no man is going to be able to provide for her because she’s got me.
She also understands the value of a dollar, and how hard her parents work to provide the life she has. At seven-years-old, she’s sassy. She already has plans and goals and things that she wants to accomplish, and I’m not going to let anyone take that from her. I’m going to let her be a strong as she wants; I’m not going to let her be submissive to anyone. You have to really empower your children and teach them that they’re bosses, kings, queens and goddesses.
On set of MTV's "Uncommon Sense."
I’ve always said having two girls is “The Player's Curse.” Whenever you’ve broken a lot of hearts in your life or you’ve treated women a certain way, God will give you women to raise. Everyone says it’s a blessing, I believe that, but I also believe it’s a little bit of karma because it makes me think about how I deal with women. The way I treat any woman is how I would want someone to treat my daughters. I already know someone is gonna read this and say, “look what you did to Lil Mama” (referring to the infamous July 2011 interview on The Breakfast Club where he made the rapper and actress cry). First of all that was five years ago, and my daughters will be well equipped to snap back at jokes better than Lil Mama.
How are you able to keep your personal life with your wife and kids separate from your public persona?
First of all, I’m not raising my kids via social media. I never felt like that was a place for my family to be. I don’t knock anyone who does it, but I don’t want my family on Facebook or Twitter. That’s something I chose not to do. Some of my homies have told me that they wish they would have listened to me and not put their kids on social media because now when they’re out in the streets, strangers recognize their kids. We live in a creepy world where people want to take photos with celebrities family members and that doesn’t make sense to me. I see girls taking pics with Drake’s father and that’s just weird to me.
You have been fired four times but you never gave up. What have you learned from those times you were let go, and how did it help you to grow personally and professionally?
On the set of hit show "Empire."
When I think about getting fired in radio, it never phased me because the extremes I come from before radio were much more harsh. [Over the holidays] I was literally back at home sitting on my mom’s porch looking back on the times where the police came here and arrested me. There was a time the police had my father and I sitting in the same cell for a weekend because they had this crazy idea that we were some kind of drug kingpins, which was so far from the truth. Those experiences were harsh, so in order to bounce back from that, I had to change my lifestyle. I moved myself out the hood and went back to night school and got my diploma. I said I wasn’t going to sell drugs anymore and I wasn’t going to hang out with the same crew. I worked at Taco Bell, in the mall and I work in telemarketing; if I could bounce back from all of those situations, getting fired was light. Every time I got laid off, God humbled me, showed me the responsibility that comes with having the power of the microphone. Once I learned that, the sky was the limit. Everything else was a learning experience. In life I feel you either win or you learn. When I think about all of the times I’ve been fired, I wouldn’t change anything.
You have several radio and TV projects in production. You seem to be in your prime right now, so do you take every opportunity that’s presented to you? How do you make sure you’re not burning yourself out?
[Tweet "I never do things for money. Everything I do is because I love it. I do things for purpose."]
I never do things for money. Everything I do is because I love it. I do things for purpose. When it comes to the Brilliant Idiots podcast, it’s a way for me to express myself more and go into detail about things that I’m feeling. I started doing it because I like creating content with my friend, Andrew Schulz, now we’re selling out shows in London doing the podcast live.
Radio is my love and my passion. I wake up everyday enjoying it and we’ve [The Breakfast Club] had tremendous success. iHeart Radio recently signed me to another five-year contract, that’s effortless.
As far as Uncommon Sense on MTV, I’ve always wanted to do a late night talk show. I used to watch Arsenio, Chris Rock, Bill Maher and Chelsea Handler, it was something I always wanted to do. I’m doing it because I love to do it and it’s an opportunity for me to give other voices a chance to be heard. It’s always meaning over money. I’m never doing things for a check.
I can’t burn myself out because everything that I’m doing is being fueled by love and that isn’t a resource that can get burned out.
I came from South Carolina to New York and worked for Wendy Williams for free for a year. Wendy and her husband told me they couldn’t pay me, but they gave me a place to stay. You tell me how many kids nowadays would recognize opportunity if there wasn’t a paycheck attached to it. I recognized the opportunity to do something I loved to do on a large scale and I took it.
On air with Patti LaBelle for "The Breakfast Club."
In the age of social media, people don’t necessarily have to have any talents or viable skills to land their own TV or radio show. What is your talent and how were you able to discern that this was your purpose?
Growing up I was always a radio junkie. As a kid I would turn on the local radio station’s “Top 9 at 9” I always knew who all of the radio jocks were and I would take my cassette tapes and record different songs on the radio. Initially, I wanted to rap because that’s every guy in the hood’s dream. You have to understand that a young black man just wants to be successful and when we see other people that look like us that are well off, they’re usually in entertainment or playing sports so I wanted to do that.
I have a tattoo of Wolverine holding a microphone on my arm because I thought I was going to be a rapper, but I didn’t realize that mic symbolized my radio career. I didn’t have any formal training, but I wasn’t doing what everyone else did cause. I used to sit back and wonder why radio personalities weren’t asking the most obvious questions or really giving their opinions on the music or the artists. I always wondered why they didn’t sound human. So if you ask me what my talent is, I would say the gift of gab. But I hate that people think this is so easy. I’ll go online and I’ll see someone say that such and such is “the next C. The God” and automatically I assume that they do radio, but I check them out and they’re just tweeting! That’s just words! Get on the mic and let's see if you can speak well enough to make people gravitate towards you. Keeping someone entertained for four hours is difficult. Wendy Williams has a gift--she can literally turn the mic on and talk for four hours straight, she doesn’t need a co-host or anyone else in the room; she can just find things to talk about and that’s hard to do, I’m still perfecting that. We’ve brought interns in the room on The Breakfast Club and we’ve had them read Angela Yee’s “Rumor Report,” and they sound terrible! Then they realize how hard it is to convey their thoughts to millions of people.
I have heard a few people say they don't know a successful person who doesn't read. As an avid reader, what books have impacted you the most?
I tell everyone go get as much education on Toltec wisdom. Don Miguel Ruiz has written a series of books: The Four Agreements, Voice of Knowledge, Mastery of Love, and The 5th Agreement, they even come in a boxed set. Those books have had so much impact on my life and have reinforced a lot of things I already knew.
Also, Robert Green’s, 48 Laws of Power, The 33 Strategies of War and Mastery. Sometimes books just reinforce how we’re already living and it just gives us the language for it. The Law of Attraction is something that I’ve always believed in. I’ve always believed that if I thought about something it would happen so I read something like The Secret by Rhonda Byrne or The Answer by John Assaraf, it just gave me a reference point to explain my thought process. All of those books shaped my mind into the way I think and move right now.
[Tweet ""A lot times people have dreams and aspirations, but they aren’t putting in the work." @cthagod"]
Since you’re in a coveted position to provide people with opportunities, how do you decipher who’s ready to be “put on?” What do you tell people who feel like they’re always overlooked for opportunities and no one wants to give them a foot into the door?
I believe the universe helps those who help themselves. Even the Bible says “faith without works is dead.”A lot times people have dreams and aspirations, but they aren’t putting in the work and create the opportunity to be seen. If you’re dope, I should hear about it and not just from you. If you’re really putting in the work and putting your feet to the ground the way you need to be, other people will speak for you and you will get noticed. When people see you building your own fan base then they do your research and they’re like “this guy or this girl; there’s actually something there,” of course they’re going to assist you and lend out a helping hand.
When I was doing radio in Columbia I started perfecting my craft, going to different websites All Hip-Hop or SOHH sending my interviews to them back in 2004; I started to get noticed and that’s when someone helped me because they saw me helping myself, and that person was Wendy Williams. She gave me an opportunity to sink or swim. That’s the other thing about opportunity people don’t realize, I can give you the opportunity, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to prosper, all it means is that you get a chance and Wendy gave me a chance to prove myself and I think I did pretty okay.
What are you working on in the New Year?
I’m transitioning into executive producing shows because I know a lot of people that are talented and come to me with great ideas and I just happen to be in a position to make some of these ideas come to fruition. I’m the EP of two shows that have already been picked up. We just shot the pilot for one of the series with Rick Ross and Va$htie. I’m also doing another show with rapper Noreaga. He’s a foodie so we’re going to make him the black Anthony Bourdain and let him go to all these different places and eat.
[Tweet "I believe when you’re placed in positions of power it's so you can empower others. -@cthagod"]
I’m working and putting myself in a position to help others do the things that they want to do. My book is out now. I’m always working! I see Steve Harvey, Ryan Seacrest and Wendy Williams and I’m going to be that for my generation. In doing that, the biggest thing that I want to do is empower other people.
'We Had To Heal To Love': Taja Simpson And Ryan Easter’s Journey To Lasting Love
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One of my favorite things about interviewing married couples and hearing their diverse “How We Met” stories is the way they affirm true love and integral beliefs. One principle that I wholeheartedly believe is that one must truly know and love oneself before effectively doing it for another human being, and Taja Simpson and Ryan Easter’s story affirms this.
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
When you’re both a marriage life coach and a doula (like I am), it’s not uncommon for people to want to talk to you about birth control. And indeed, it is a bit of a tricky topic when you’re married because, although it should pretty much be a given that condoms should be used when you’re single, who wants to have, what I call, “college sex” (which is sex with a condom because sex in college tends to need it…A LOT — LOL) when you’re in a long-term, committed and monogamous relationship (for the record, I do know some couples who do it and the husbands hate it)?
Still, when you’re not ready to have a baby, it can be…let’s go with the word “trying” to land on a birth control method that is reliable, healthy, and doesn’t have a ton of side effects.
One option that has been around since, shoot, forever (although technically, it became defined in the early 1930s) is the rhythm method. And although I’m not sure if any other form of birth control creates a more polarizing response than it does because it has been around for as long as it has, I do think it’s worth discussing what it is, along with its benefits and challenges, just so you can make a truly educated decision regarding if it’s the best route for you and your partner to take in this particular season of your family planning journey.
Are you ready to look past the myths about the rhythm method and get into some actual facts?
What Is the Rhythm Method?
GiphyAnother term for the rhythm method is natural family planning; that makes a lot of sense when you take in the fact that the rhythm method is a completely chemical-free approach to avoiding pregnancy. What I mean by that is, instead of relying on things like hormone-filled birth control to manipulate your menstrual cycle, the rhythm method is all about keeping up with the natural (pardon the pun) flow or rhythm of your period, including your ovulation time, in order to avoid conceiving — until/unless you are ready.
How Effective Is the Rhythm Method?
GiphyOkay, so before diving even deeper into why you may (or may not) want to consider using the rhythm method as your own personal birth control option, let’s discuss how effective it actually is. For the most part, depending on what source you reference, most medical-related data is going to say that the rhythm method has a success rate of somewhere around 75 percent or a failure rate of between 8-25 percent.
How does that line up with other types of birth control? Well, condoms, when used correctly and consistently, have a success rate of about 98 percent, while the pill, when taken daily and around the same time, has a 99 percent success rate (which is why many people end up getting the side-eye when they are pregnant while claiming that it happened while using birth control).
Some other pretty reliable forms of birth control include IUDs, patches, “the shot,” vaginal rings, and diaphragms although, since some of them also contain hormones and hormones tend to come with side effects (like spotting, nausea, headaches, mood swings, a drop in your libido and weight gain), when a woman doesn’t want to go the permanent route (like cutting or burning her fallopian tubes), that is what ends up making the rhythm method so appealing.
And just what are some of the other proven benefits of the rhythm method?
What Are the Pros of the Rhythm Method?
GiphyWhen it comes to some of the reasons why the rhythm method is actually a good look:
- It’s cost-effective
- No hormone treatments are involved
- Birth control-related side effects are not an issue
- It’s a great way to learn about your body via your menstrual cycle
- There’s no “downtime” when it comes to getting your system off of hormones from birth control
Yeah, definitely, if you’re someone who doesn’t want to take anything that will alter your body’s hormones and/or you don’t want to wait for the hormones to leave your system in order to get pregnant at some point, the rhythm method is worth considering.
That’s not to say that it doesn’t come with its own set of challenges, though.
What Are the Cons of the Rhythm Method?
GiphyAs with most things in life, just like there are benefits that come with going with the rhythm method, there are some potential setbacks, too:
- Again, its effectiveness isn’t as high as other birth control methods
- Spontaneous sex can be a bit of a challenge
- If your cycle is not consistent, the rhythm method can be somewhat unpredictable
- There may be a learning curve (and you could get pregnant in it)
- For obvious reasons, most of the work/effort falls on the woman
When it comes to some of my (doula) clients, the two things that I hear the most as to why they can find the rhythm method to be a bit, let’s go with “taxing,” is because 1) there is a lot of planning that is involved and 2) when you don’t have everything down to a science, you usually have to end up using a condom anyway. And that brings me to something else that you strongly need to factor in when it comes to using the rhythm method: tracking your ovulation.
The Main Hack to Rhythm Method: Tracking Your Ovulation
GiphyAlthough reportedly two-thirds of women use some form of birth control, the rhythm method is very low on the list of options. Personally, I think it’s because so much prepping and planning are involved if you want to avoid pregnancy at all costs. I mean, not only do you need to track when you’re ovulating, but you’ve got to remember that sperm can live inside of you for up to five days, which means that not only is your actual ovulation day the time when you can get pregnant, so are a few days before and around 24 hours after.
This alone can get a bit dicey if your period isn’t regulated, and if that is indeed the case, you have to be even more hypervigilant about taking an ovulation test (on a monthly basis), checking your basal body temperature (which needs to be done every morning; if it’s slightly elevated, there’s a good chance that you are ovulating) as well as your cervical fluid (it tends to have the consistency of egg whites during ovulation).
If you want to get pregnant, all of this helps you to know when to have sex. Oh, but there’s another side to this coin: If you don’t want to conceive, this is the time when either you have to go without copulation (or engage in say, oral sex) or use another birth control method — and who wants to basically be abstinent for a week or have “college sex” for that long? Every…single…month? Yep — like I said, the rhythm method is a lot of work; it’s basically like a real live at-home science project that you conduct on a monthly basis.
Oh, and if you’re someone who is thinking, “No problem. We’ll just pull out during that time” — well, just keep in mind that the pull-out method is somewhere around 80 percent effective, which comes down to somewhere around one in every five people getting pregnant from using/doing it. Plus, I don’t know why so many people want to ignore the fact that pre-ejaculate/pre-cum contains sperm, and guys don’t always know when that is going to spill out, so pulling out before climaxing may not be a surefire bet that you still won’t end up with a plus sign on a pregnancy test at some point. #justsaying
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So, what am I saying — that when it comes up to the thumbs up/thumb down game, the rhythm method gets the thumbs down in my book? Nah, that’s not my overall point. What I will say is that this form of birth control requires a ton of personal accountability, that sacrifices will have to be made, and there isn’t a lot of room for error. Oh, and since again, it’s a form of birth control, and if you do happen to get pregnant before you’re ready, whatever decision you make is going to alter your life for the rest of your life…just make sure that you approach this option while being sober-minded and with a partner who will take it as seriously as you do.
And one more thing: also remember that it’s a lot of work for something that has around a 75 percent chance of working in your favor (if you don’t want to get pregnant). Now, if you’re all for taking those odds, have at it. Otherwise, set up an appointment with your doctor ASAP. Technology is ever-changing. They might be able to find something that is more suitable to your expectations, your schedule…and your sex life. Something that is less work, may have fewer side effects (than other popular methods of birth control), and is even more reliable. #againjustsaying
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