Numa Perrier Of Black&Sexy TV Talks BET Deal, Ownership & Reshaping Your History
Numa Perrier has always had a knack for storytelling. At the age of eight, she was penning short stories and dramatic romance novels—about adults, not kids. In high school, she considered journalism but found that she preferred writing plays and monologues over news reporting. And when she later got behind the lens of a camera, she fell in love with the idea of bringing her stories to life—both through screenwriting and acting.
“I read a lot. I had a very vivid imagination, and my world was just not normal, so it just fed me in that way to not be like everyone else,” she says.
The co-founder and her team at Black&Sexy TV have mastered the art of turning real-life situations into storylines that will have you sipping tea while waiting for the next dramatic scene to unfold.
On September 17th the world tuned in as the entertainment and lifestyle network transitioned from the computer screen to the small screen for the debut of their popular YouTube web series Roomieloverfriends—a show depicting the lives of two roommates who blurred the lines between friendship and relationship after a one-night rendezvous turned into an all out love affair.
Although it’s been six years since the 2009 launch of Black&Sexy TV--a web-based (YouTube) channel featuring webisodes geared towards people of color, which to-date has over 114,000 subscribers--it seems like just yesterday they were meeting with executives at BET to discuss the transition from Internet to television.
“It went really fast, we started meeting [with BET], and it was a matter of months,” Perrier says “No one could believe how fast, but they were determined, and they really wanted us a part of their fall programming.”
Roomieloverfriends is just the beginning of their television takeover. They’ve also cut a deal to run Sexless—a series about four female friends navigating the dating world while remaining abstinent and celibate—and Hello Cupid, where two best friends dive into the world of online dating. Their first show, The Couple, executive produced by Spike Lee, has also been in development with HBO for two years, which they hope will be released soon.
“With BET we were able to work really fast because we were just taking what we’ve already done and putting it on a screen, but The Couple—we’re developing that into a new format, it has to go through different approvals, it’s a longer process.”
It all seems like a modern day film fairytale. One of instant success after the integration of social media catapulted the content creators to the forefront of the web series revolution. Although Perrier credits YouTube for allowing them to gain visibility at a fraction of the cost, she admits that building a fan base and viewership didn’t come without its challenges.
First there was the funding. The founders funneled their own money into their vision and what little return they received on their investment was recycled into making another show or hiring another team member. With each successful video, they were able to build the foundation of their business brick by brick.
There was also trouble with finding a platform to launch their web series. They initially tried creating their own site, but failed. After multiple attempts they finally turned to YouTube, which offered both technical support and partnership opportunities once they started gaining a strong following through consistent content—something that she says they wouldn’t have been able to pay for on their own. Saving dollars through YouTube enabled them to create more content to attract a larger audience.
“I always say content is king, no matter what anybody says. If you’re not making content and finding ways to improve on and be consistent with that content, you need to find another way, because that is the main way to push through,” Perrier says.
With consistent content came the offers from large television networks. Perrier believes that having ownership and not having to rely on Hollywood executives to green light their projects gives them an advantage over other content creators who are trying to break down Hollywood’s doors.
[Tweet "If it’s about them opening a door for you, I think that we’ll always be disappointed. "]
“If it’s about them opening a door for you, I think that we’ll always be disappointed. Because even if they open the door and let us in, what happens when we get inside? Are you really welcomed at the table? Are you getting what everyone else is getting? Will you be invited again? There’s this constant anxiety of am I acceptable? And for us we’re always excited for any entity to come talk with us about what we’re doing and how we can partner up together. Hollywood is coming to us; we’re open to all conversations every time we make a deal that is good for our brand. But at the end of the day, it is ownership that matters to us.”
It’s obvious that Perrier is passionate about this topic. Watching many of her peers struggle to get into television and film, even with their own level of success, is a topic that hasn’t been ignored. An article on Indiewire noted that this year 73 pilots are in the works that will feature black actors, at least half with leading roles. However, the percentage of pilots that actually make it to television vary by broadcast and cable network. Although it seems as if Hollywood is embracing black television, even honoring a few our leading ladies at this year’s Emmy Awards, there’s still concern that there aren’t enough characters—or executives—of color being represented in Hollywood.
Recently, movie producer Effie Brown, who serves as a producer on HBO’s Project Greenlight, attempted to defend her reasoning for wanting a diverse directing team over a script centered around a black female prostitute character, in which fellow producer Matt Damon interrupts her to say, “when you’re talking about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not the casting of the show.”
In her New York Times article, Issa Rae, who recently scored a pilot deal with HBO for her new show “Insecure,” notes that behind the scenes it can be very white, making it difficult for our stories to get told.
And in the words of Viola Davis—the first African-American woman to win an Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a drama—“The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity.”
And we haven’t even begun to talk about the brothers.
Perrier believes the solution lies within being our own boss and not relying on the powers that be to welcome us with open arms.
“It’s ownership that gets us out of bed in the mornings, and it’s ownership that makes us not have to kiss anyone’s ass. If none of these people come to us, we still have our own thing. Trying to get into the Hollywood door is always a mix of how do I get through this thing with dignity? Every little thing is about trying to be accepted by people who weren’t going to invite you in until they saw dollar signs around your head.”
To those looking to break into the industry without waiting on Hollywood, she offers this:
“The way the Internet is set up now, if you feed your fans, you will feed yourself well. Impress your audience, don’t impress those executive—they don’t care about you. And the ones who really do care about you, they will show it with their actions, and then have that conversation and make a deal. That’s how you do it. Otherwise, focus on your audience.”
[Tweet "If you feed your fans, you will feed yourself well."]
The House That Numa Built
Perrier’s wisdom stems from over a decade of experience creating and crafting content both in front and behind the camera.
It was 2007 when Perrier was first scouted to join the Black&Sexy TV crew. At the time the Beverly Hills Playhouse trained actress was an LA transplant looking to get her big break in acting and producing. She had starred in a few television shows (General Hospital) and a number of short films, but it was her own production, Judi: A Series of Memories, that would allow her to really flex her creative chops. The dramatic short, which was based off her relationship with her sugar-addicted diabetic foster mom, was both poetic and poignant. She recounts the experience on her personal blog, House of Numa:
When my Mom died - I felt as if the air had been sucked out of me. Nothing could prepare me for the impact, the despondency, the grief that slammed into me with a blunt force. She was gone. As was my father, as were two of my brothers. Too many losses. Writing it now I feel again the twist in my belly, the tension and grip of hanging on to the memories. I slowly crawled out of the pain and eventually regained focus. I never lost sight of what I wanted in life, but I was operating in a numb blur.
Some years later I was able to make a film that extracted the memories of my relationship to my mother. I wanted to carve out the emotional tapestry of my perspective. This was my first film made with the close collaboration of friend Taye Hansberry. I knew very little about cameras and editing at the time, but this project was a milestone for my expansion as an artist. It was the first time I put the voice of my writing into a visual form.
Telling stories, her story, would become the foundation of her films. In her second film, La Petit Mort, she explores the depths of femininity through the simplicity of everyday tasks such as putting on a bra or hiking up a pair of pantyhose over the folded layers of the stomach. Working on the project took her back to her unconventional childhood growing up on a farm in Washington. Living with her white foster mom, black father, and adopted siblings gave her a different perspective on life and who she was as a person.
“Me knowing who I was really was dictated by my own self. Not ‘this is how things are done,’ or ‘this is how you turn into a woman.’ None of those things were really laid out, so it just kept me distinct.”
Even how she defines the idea of being feminine is abstract, and certainly reflective of her more fluid upbringing. To Perrier, being feminine means being open and letting things in, both literally and figuratively. It’s being flexible, not boxed into some rigid concept. “I don’t assign words like ‘weak’ or ‘soft’ to being feminine,” she says. “I assign openness and a willingness to lean towards something as being feminine.”
In a sense, she explores who she is and her identity through each film and each role that she creates—ones that are often pulled from personal experiences.
When writing for the show The Couple (created by Jeanine Daniels and co-founder Dennis Dortch), Numa and Dennis--who share a daughter together--funneled their own relationship woes into the scripts. It’s part of what makes the series so relatable—it’s more reality than imagination.
Having worked together since 2007 when Dortch discovered Perrier’s work on Myspace, the pair have managed to find their rhythm in balancing work and romance. On set they’re very much in work mode: utilizing their complementing skill sets to continue studying and building their digital empire along with their Creative Director Brian Ali Harding, creating content that can be monetized through their paid subscription service, and, as of recently, managing their collaborations with BET, HBO, and Issa Rae Productions.
Perrier attributes their family-like business structure to her ability to balance her work and family life. On her blog she recalls carrying a five-week-old Rockwelle on set while they finished the final two days of filming Roomieloverfriends. Being able to make decisions on her own terms without the discomfort that often comes with being managed by a subsidiary party has been vital for Perrier.
“If I want to come with my child and breastfeed all day, then that’s what I’m going to do because that’s my set. Everyone just had to accept that ‘hey, Numa’s here with her baby.’ Everyone was onboard with it, and she has grown up with everyone. I almost want to cry when I talk about it because everyone has been with her since before she was born, and because we were doing our own thing, we were able to integrate a family life into the work life.”
Without Dortch, Perrier says she doesn’t know how she would be able to manage her heavy workload and motherhood.
“When other women and my friends ask me, ‘well how do you it?’ I say, ‘well first of all you have to have the right father in place.’ I wouldn’t be able to do this if I were a single mother; I don’t know how single mothers do it. I really, really don’t.”
Being partners in business and at home certainly doesn’t come without its challenges. Perrier, who is six years younger than Dortch, admits that she can be handful (“I know there are times where he’s thinking I’m going to kill this woman because she drives me crazy”), but like managing their employees they’ve set guidelines to help manage their relationship. No fighting, just loving. And occasional dates that tend to flow into wrok conversations, which she says is the better relationship.
“When he’s in the director chair and I’m in the actress chair, that’s really healthy for us.”
I jokingly tell her that their relationship reminds me of Salim and Mara Brock Akil—minus the marriage part.
She chuckles, “No, we’re not married, but his time is running out!” She’s kind of joking, but not really. “It’s getting to the point that we have some things we need to sort out fast. You know, I’m a romantic, why not? We should. We’ll have a Black&Sexy wedding. I’ll keep you posted.”
In the meantime, they’re doing what works for them. I also ask her if with all of this work, does she ever take a break or go on a vacation.
“We celebrate a lot. We find any reason to celebrate. I always have to tell [Dortch] we’re going to celebrate. We’re going to get a bottle, and pour it out. We’re going to invite everyone over and celebrate this thing right now. But, a spa day is in order.”
She pauses as she tries to remember the last time she escaped from the hectic day-to-day of her crazy creative life.
“Oh! I did go to the spa for my birthday, in December. It was the first time in years. Me and mother…our birthdays are a week apart. So I took her to the spa for me and her.”
The experience was especially significant given that she’s still in the process of building a relationship with her birth mother. As an immigrant from Haiti who arrived in America with four kids under the age of five, the single mother decided that it was best to find someone who would better take care of her kids, and set up a private adoption in hopes that they would one day be reunited once they were adults. Though Perrier tries not to hold any resentment against her mom, she admits that she suffers from abandonment issues, and that it’s something she’s been actively working on through therapy sessions and identifying areas of improvement, and even opening herself up as a confidant and mentor to people who’ve been through similar situations.
“I try to connect with them, encourage them, and be someone that they can possibly lean onto. And I try to set a different path for my own daughter who has a different history already.”
She’s made a point to reshape her own history, remembering the words of friend and designer Melody Ehsani:
[Tweet "I am not my history."]
“It really spoke to me, and it was kind of a precise way of saying you don’t have to do what your parents did; you don’t have to do what your culture has done in history; you are not your history; you are your own unique person.”
“That’s something that I really believe in, mainly because my history has been so fragmented,” she continues. “I couldn’t look to my past and say this is who I am, because then I’m taking on things I may not want to take on. If I am my past, and no one in my past has ever lived their dreams, does that mean I continue the cycle of not living my dreams? Or nobody ever had a name for themselves, do I continue that because those are things that have happened for me or even in my childhood? I really don’t believe in that, and I think that we’re capable of doing whatever it is that we want to do.”
As a black woman, mother, artist, businesswoman, and visionary—she’s certainly redefining her history and telling her own story.
Catch Black&Sexy TV's Roomieloverfriends on BET, Wednesdays at 11PM/10PM CT.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images