No Sex Zone: Why One Couple Is Practicing Celibacy | xoNECOLE
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No Sex Zone: Why One Couple Is Practicing Celibacy

Comments (39)
  1. Niecy says:

    Great article!

    I’m on the celibacy journey as well. One thing I can tell you is, I have YET to have my heart broken by a guy since I’ve kept my legs closed lol.

    Your mind & heart is clutter/overly emotional free. I honestly believe God wants us to practice abstinence/celibacy because it protects us from so much emotional, mental, and in some cases physical pain (STDs/unexpected pregnancies).

    You get to see who’s really interested in you and values you enough to still pursue you, knowing your lifestyle choice. I wish the soon-to-be couple well 🙂

    (15)
  2. Realnessatitsbest says:

    The questions and answers are great and nothing not ordinary for this subject. But for once in these type of abstinence and celibacy articles/interviews I would like to get down to the REAL questions! Like how often if ever have you come close to doing it and how did you talk yourselves out of it? For a woman in a celibate (until marriage) relationship I want to know, has she at least seen/felt the package that she is waiting on? It’s not easy waiting and temptation is a muhfuh so for once it’d be dope to get answers about realistic relationship scenarios when it comes to this subject so that others can put the challenges of it into a realistic perspective. Cuz I KNOW its not all easy breezy as these interviews tend to make it sound. Everyone and every relationship is different but we can all agree that being able to relate to someone about something in that REAL way, HELPS! How many of us related to that video about “what I wish someone would’ve told me about sex” and were able to use it as some sort of therapy towards our own situation? *raises hand* More power to all those holding out! Much respect to you

    (5)
    1. Justa_fan says:

      It is hard, but doable!
      I am in a relationship and after having sex (great sex) for several months into the relationship, we decided to wait until marriage. The thing to remember is that it is a daily decision to wait. Some days are easier than others but you still have to decide. We have slipped a couple of times but still choose to work on waiting because of the positive gains we see and hope that waiting can bring in the long run to our relationship. Waiting has allowed us to express our love for each other through communication, silence and body language. I am experiencing love like I never have before. It is new, at times kind of scary but –very exciting. The artcle highlights why couples choose to do this practice and that it is not impossible. The details you are looking for depend on the person and the relationship. I am glad Necole spared us the details, this truly was a well written article.

      (4)
    2. Stacey says:

      Yea it’s not easy, especially at first.

      At 3 months celibacy I started seeing a guy and he wanted sex. It had only been about 3 weeks. I didn’t tell him I was celibate, maybe the next guy i will, but I considered sleeping with him because it hadn’t been than long and I didn’t want to lose him.

      He broke things off with me and I knew and thanked God that I made the right decision not to sleep with him.

      I’m at 1 year and 4 months now and love it. It gets easier, the longer than you are celibate and you become less and less likely to just have sex on a whim.

      I’m 10x better at vetting and screening men. Since I am online dating, I am extra careful and notice signs so much quicker than before. I am not swayed by crafty wording, haha! I just told a guy I’ve been talking to for 2 days that we weren’t going to work out. Why? Same signs as before (that I’ve ignored before), lazy communication, we are in two different places in life (he in school, me established career), so I can now foresee without clouded judgment by how cute he is and how good he’ll be in bed, that it will not work. He questioned it, but I know what I know.

      (2)
  3. My husband and I did the same thing for almost 7 months while we were dating. I told him I thought he was gay for not wanting to jump on this. Lol! But then he told me how he wasn’t in a rush to be like every other guy, and every other couple. I admired him for that, and felt stupid thinking he was corny or something was wrong with him for being well rounded gentleman. I was so used to dudes being all about sex, I almost missed out on true courtship and one of my best friends. 13 yrs later, that friendship foundation is key in our marriage. I’m grateful.

    (8)
  4. It truly weed out the fake one from out of ur life

    (2)
    1. Deja L Jones says:

      Hey! I completely agree with you on that one. A lot of guys these days sure know how to be genuinely fake. They will actually wait months if they have to in order to sleep with you and after that they’re out. It takes a special man in your life to really be in it for the long haul.

      (4)
  5. I applaud you for posting their story Necole and them for sharing it. Everything is so sexualized nowadays that people love to bash people who are doing things differently especially if it’s for religious reasons.

    (5)
  6. Troy Davson says:

    Where ‘Netflix and Chill’ is actually Netflix and Chillin’

    (4)
  7. There was a time when this was actually the standard.

    (4)
  8. Cici Hech says:

    Its a form of mentally and emotionally cleansing yourself of past attachments and allowing time to truly be ready for the next person and not using them to feel a void.

    (2)
    1. Tanya says:

      I just recently read this article and your response is spot on. I myself am going through a divorce and I know I could easily jump into a sexual relationship to ease my emotional pain, but I don’t want that. I’m consciously making a decision to be celibate until remarriage (if/when) that time ever comes.

      (2)
  9. thank you gor this article. i am also celibate and I’m thankful to see other women doing this AND finding love (with cute guys :D)

    (3)
  10. KikiFitz says:

    I enjoyed reading this article. I have recently recommitted myself to the Lord in this way, and I agree with the other commentator about it being about the self and self-discovery. Heck, I’ve had the sex before marriage and that did not work, so why not give God’s plan a solid try.
    I like the point that was made in this article about not being worried about sexual incompatibility after marriage, because if you honestly speak with your friends who are currently engaging in sex prior to marriage, most of them are not satisfied sexually because they are not open with their partner about what pleases them. So by starting with not having sex which forces more open dialogue, you learn what pleases the other and so once married you will have a greater understanding of what will turn your partner on.

    (2)
  11. Stacey says:

    Sex is so underrated nowadays.

    I’ve been celibate for going on a 1.5 years now, and I am a totally different person! I am myself and not emotionally tied to anyone from the past. I’ve dated 2 guys during celibacy (neither were on board) and it was great to see the real person that I was dating without being clouded by great, or not so great sex.

    A man that truly loves and cherishes you will wait until marriage.

    I was recently disheartened by a friend that told me that that no guy is going to wait for sex with me. I just knew we had a disconnect because that’s okay for her to feel than way but not for me.

    I would just say, if celibacy or being a virgin isn’t your cup of tea, don’t try to discourage someone else who is striving for their better self.

    I became celibate after noticing how I had a deep connection with those than I did not sleep with, one that had nothing to do with sex. I hope to get married to my future husband, a man that loves, respects and cherishes me.

    And ladies, the dude that tells you “well, you aren’t a virgin”, run! And run fast! He is already viewing you mainly in the context of sex so save yourself some time even if he says he is willing to wait after convincing. Coulda saved myself 3 months.

    (2)
  12. Rickey Macklin says:

    Great article and great points throughout the entire thread. To the couple, I say keep on keeping on and may the fruit of your wait be manifested 10 and 20 years into your marriage.

    This article hits close to home because I’m a male who made a decision to be abstinent well over a decade ago – and still am. My decision to wait has been guided by my biblical convictions. However, even in that, it has not been an easy journey. Nonetheless, I choose to wait. The bottom-line is one has to be intentional about the decision and then do all that is necessary to protect the decision made. I too choose to wait until the wedding night. What’s going to make that possible is be being with someone with the same level of convictions.

    Lastly, as I always tell people — God will keep you IF you really want to be kept. I’m a witness. 🙂

    (2)
  13. CoCo Monroe says:

    I think this is beautiful!!

    (1)
  14. Shana Elle says:

    Going through the same situation now, its hard, but I feel it is making our bond strong and our communication is amazing.

    (1)
  15. F–king does not require a deep spiritual or emotional connection and sometimes people just get to a point in their lives when they realize this and refrain from sex… Celibacy is not for another person.. It’s for the self and self improvement… And it sure isn’t for everyone.

    (1)
  16. Aundrea Alexander says:

    *round of applause* I’m loving this. I’m currently on this journey and I need all the support and encouragement I can get so this post was so timely. There’s always gonna be people who question your commitment to being celibate and try to make you feel like you’re the odd person for wanting to do so. So shout out to both of them and everyone else that’s waiting until marriage even if you had sex before.

    About wanting to hear the details… I don’t wanna know so I’m glad they didn’t say. If they accidentally brush up into each other that’s different from touching intentionally and putting yourself in the middle of temptation. This article was tastefully written.

    (1)
  17. jwezee says:

    Little wonder why a high percentage of men ” don’t like talking much” and women talk all year round..we Simply love communicating.. It helps. Why soo much emphasis on something so easy(these days) as SEX, and yet could be soo difficult to handle afterwards ( if little or no communication is attached). Men and Women need to learn to say no sometime..saves us a lot if we learn to do so

    (1)
  18. Pink says:

    Removing sex out the equation does bring a couple closer if both are on the same page. I can speak personally from experience as my man can always read my mind. we are so in tuned its awesome…

    (1)
    1. Stacey says:

      Yes! Easier to cut ties, you don’t feel bonded (through sex) to people you are not meant to be with.

      Men know this too, that is part of the reason they rush to get us into bed, they want us stuck on them.

      The last guy that “broke things off” with me told me and I responded “okay”, it was that simple. I liked him but I wasn’t bonded and really didn’t need to know why. He was sort of surprised…like, “okay?” But that is how it should be, sex is not meant to be given to everyone at all.

      Men are going to be so mad at Megan Good and her husband because i truly believe their book will start great conversations like this.

      So many men were saying she is this and that but he waited for her, same with Ciara, men will wait for us, but we have to find the right now.

      I don’t want 70% of the man that God intended for me. I want 100% of that man and intend to get it.

      (0)
  19. Good for them I really hope they make it through. I know I can’t keep my lips off my boo if and when I’m in love

    (0)
  20. I don’t know about not kissing … I’m an affectionate person , but I’m all for celibacy and really getting to know someone

    (0)
  21. Love it! Simply beautiful!

    (0)
  22. Ruth Less says:

    Beautiful couple. One thing I wish for 🙂

    (0)
  23. Would love to strive for such for the success of a loving relationship with a loving man.

    (0)
  24. Each Love story is unique,

    (0)
  25. jwezee says:

    Little wonder why a high percentage of men ” don’t like talking much” and women talk all year round..we Simply love communicating.. It helps. Why soo much emphasis on something so easy(these days) as SEX, and yet could be soo difficult to handle afterwards ( if little or no communication is attached). Men and Women need to learn to say no sometimes.. Saves you a lot if you did

    (0)
  26. Mike Hall says:

    I commend them; however, I would like to know, once they get married, will they engage in oral sex and or anal sex and if so why? Doesn’t the Bible also discourage sodomy?

    (0)
  27. Abbi says:

    As someone that has been celibate for over 3 years, I can genuinely appreciate the honesty in this article. Sex is a serious connection between two people; and I’ve learned from experience that it shouldn’t be taken lightly. I’m not at all worried about whether or not my future husband and I will enjoy it after marriage because a major part of having great, enjoyable sex is communicating your desires to your partner. Some people negate the fact that a healthy relationship requires much more than having great sex. It’s also vital that two people that are dating and considering marriage focus on the non-sexual aspects of a relationship (i.e. money management, values, child-rearing; etc.) as well. Sex frequently distracts two people that are romantically involved from doing this.

    Whether or not people want to admit it, there are a lot of men and women that remain in unhealthy relationships because they’re addicted to how good the sex is, which can lead to years of wasting time with the wrong person. Even if you have no desire to get married, why would anyone want to willingly waste time dating a person that doesn’t value most of the things that you do? Consider the greater risk of having an unplanned child with a person like this tying you to them forever?

    Celibacy definitely isn’t easy (it’s a daily choice) but as someone commented above, it makes it easier to cut ties with someone of the opposite sex that you’re not compatible with. I think it’s worth the wait. Kudos to the men and women that are out here patiently waiting for the husband or wife that God has for them. God is all about exceeding our expectations, you just got to have a little faith and a lot of patience; but He always comes through!

    (0)
  28. BLAIR says:

    My husband and I have practiced celibacy in our marriage for over a year. We’ve currently been married for a year and 4 months. It’s working for us. It allows us to communicate more and, for me, it allows me to feel like I’m not losing anything or a part of myself when we have disagreements. We both agree that having sex just makes things so much more difficult. We also feel that people rely too much on sex to keep relationships going and forget the whole purpose of intercourse is to procreate (I know some won’t agree, but this is how we feel).

    No, we weren’t virgins when we got married, but prior to him I always felt that when a previous relationship didn’t work that I’d lost a part of myself because I’d given something that I felt was so much more than was appreciated in those relationships.

    (0)
  29. Kandace says:

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We started our celibacy journey almost 2 months ago! It hasn’t always been easy but something I don’t regret! I totally agree with this wonderful couple and gave me even more confirmation on our decision to become celibate and glad we chose that route to continue to satisfy and please our wonderful God we serve!

    (0)
  30. Taj Charmed says:

    Im interested in a couple’s story that had a lasting marriage of 10+ years that practiced celibacy in the beginning of the relationship. That i’ll applaud

    (-3)
  31. Elle Bee says:

    No sex can make you closer, but I can’t not have sex, but I can do it less to better communicate with my man

    (-4)

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