Why You Shouldn't Have To Apologize For Looking Like Yourself
Since when did looking like ourselves start being considered a hot mess?
In a day and age where the "natural" look includes contoured cheeks and eyebrows on fleek, it's easy to forget that there was once a time where makeup didn't rule a good part of our lives (and time for that matter). Once reserved for special events and date nights, the art of having a "beat face" is pretty standard these days, with most of us refusing to step out the house if our selfie game ain't strong or if our highlight isn't right.
Social media has us putting on for the gram and snapchat and now everyone is a critic. So it was no shock to see people weigh in on Keke Palmer's choice of not wearing makeup after posting this image to her SnapChat.
Of course people had negative things to say, but it was amazing to see the support of other women and celebrities encouraging Keke's look.
Even K. Michelle weighed in.
It's soo powerful to see other women stand up for one another instead of tearing each other down!
Teen star Zendaya did the same when she rushed to the defense of a Youtube star last year who posted a before and after makeup picture of herself after a Twitter troll took jabs at the girl. Zendaya's classy 140 character clapback included a photo of herself sans makeup as she gave the commenter a side eye. But it wasn't the first or the last time Zendaya went bare faced. She posted a video early last year encouraging young girls to be happy with themselves saying:
“Not trying to have a preach moment, but it should not be a phenomenon if a girl decides to—or not to—wear makeup. If you want to beat that face down, then beat it down. If you want to go natural, then go natural. Do you, booboo. Be happy.”
Keri Hilson also touched on something similar a while back after posting a photo of herself in high school. She wrote:
"10th grade Keri. ? Ohh, you young girls don't know how lucky you are in the fight against puberty these days. Yall have lashes, weaves, make-up counters, brow appointments, contouring, youtube beauty tutorials...WE had to figure that sh-t out. I didn't even have foundation. All I had was lip-liner & roll-on gloss. ☝️This is a tomboy trying. #braceface #ididmyownhair #stayedupallnite #sleptlikereginakingonfriday"
Preach Keri! Times are different and there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a beat face, just like there's nothing wrong with walking out without one. True beauty lies within.
[Tweet "There's nothing wrong with a beat face and there's nothing wrong not having one."]
In a Youtube video comedian, motivational speaker and YouTube star Lilly "Superwoman" Singh (makeup-free and all) vowed to never apologize again in the event that she is caught slipping. It all started when she caught herself having a busy day of meetings that left no room to get her face "beat," which led to her apologizing for wearing her natural face. The 26-year-old (who has a whopping 5 million followers on YouTube and 2 million followers on Instagram) admitted that although she loves makeup, there is nothing wrong with going a day or two without it and in the event that we do- we should offer up zero apologies.
Besides, we woke up like this, right? Flawless!
Today I was really busy running around, doing a bunch of things and I had two meetings. So before the meetings, I had no time to get ready like I usually would and I found myself texting the people I was having a meeting with, who are also my friends like 'Hey, just a heads up, I look like a mess. Sorry, don't judge me.' And I did that twice. And that's because I was dressed like [in a hoodie], but moreso, I didn't have any makeup on my face and I have dark circles under my eyes and I have a whole bunch of acne and and I have half an eyebrow or sometimes one eyebrow. But a few hours after my meetings when I calmed down a a little bit and gathered my thoughts, it really hit me that I actually apologized to people for looking like a mess and not wearing makeup.And I was like 'Girl!' Did I really just apologize for not wearing makeup? And then I yelled at myself like- since when do I have to apologize for looking like myself? And since when did looking like myself considered 'a mess'? And I really, really and truly mean this. I love makeup and I love the way it makes me feel and when I go out, I enjoy putting on makeup and it does give me a sense of confidence but since when do I have to feel bad when I don't wear makeup? And I feel like I don't just do this because I know a lot of my other girlfriends message me and say 'Hey, I look like a mess. I'm not wearing makeup, don't judge me.'
Why do we do that? That is not okay! Looking like yourself is not something you need to be sorry for. And I feel like I just had the greatest realization of life today. And I mean this in the most humble way. I try to be a really nice person and really kind to people and just humble and honest and that's what makes me pretty. Not the makeup on my face.
And when I see other people and what draws me to other people is how they make me feel. Not the makeup on their face.
She ended the video with this encouragement to young girls:
So I just really wanted to remind all of you girls, especially if you are younger, you don't need to wear makeup. You can and there is nothing wrong with it, it's awesome but if you don't, you're still awesome!
Yes!!!
Peep Lilly's (aka Superwoman) powerful PSA on the next page.
What do you think of people feeling like celebrities should always have a beat face?
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
Courtesy
I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
Courtesy
That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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