Nia Long On The Importance Of Finding Love: "You're Not Going To Want To Walk Alone"
Nia Long has been serving aging-like-fine-wine goals for women for over two decades as we watched the actress grace the big screen in some of our favorite movies.
But off-screen, her love life remained a mystery until she began dating Ime Udoka, a former assistant coach of the San Antonio Spurs. Last year, the 44-year-old actress got engaged to Ime, while putting a stamp on the career-life balance most women desire.
This will be Nia's first marriage, after being in no rush to walk down the aisle before. As a matter of fact, back in 2013 during the promo for The Best Man Holiday, the mother-of-two opened up about the pressures career women of a certain age have placed on themselves to get hitched, as well as the burden of guilt those same ladies often carry when wondering whether or not they chose career over family:
"I think that women who are extremely driven to success, ambitious, I think they get to a point in their lives where they're like, 'Uh oh. I am 30-something years old, and I don't have a husband and I don't have children yet and what does that mean?' I think what it means is stay in your course because it's going to happen when it's supposed to happen. "It doesn't happen for everyone at the same time, so you can't compare your life to someone else's."
And although Nia encouraged the act of "doing you" while your love life falls into place, the star also made sure to point out the importance of being aware of love, and not pushing a potentially good thing away either:
"You have to have an open heart to be vulnerable to accept it when it does come. I think the more success you have as a woman, you kinda go, 'Well, I don't really need a man 'cause look: I have everything I want,' but the truth is you do need a partner because at some point in your life you're not going to want to walk alone."
[Tweet "You have to have an open heart to be vulnerable and accept love when it does come"]
That's certainly a refreshing way to see things. Career women are often praised for their ability to run successful business or climb the career ladder, but are hardly praised for their ability to remain focused during the time it took to reach a certain level of success. Sometimes that focus might include sacrifices and placing a few things on hold (i.e: holding off on starting a family until later). Quite often when a 30-plus woman is accomplished yet still single, people will use the very thing they praised her for, against her- which was her drive to ensure success and a safety net for herself.
A top-ranking male CEO of a fortune-500 company in his 40's might be regarded as one of the "youngest in his position," plus no one says a word if he hasn't married yet. But if it were a woman, although she'd get applauded on the work tip, she'd be pretty much written off as ancient for all else. We guess that's where the perception of having a "biological clock" that's ticking sets in.
Nia's engagement and her optimism is definitely hope for the new modern, working woman who is here for the dollars and the diamond (ring, that is- aka love!)
Patience truly is a virtue!
Congrats to Nia!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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