Nia Long On The Importance Of Finding Love: "You're Not Going To Want To Walk Alone" | xoNECOLE
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Nia Long On The Importance Of Finding Love: “You’re Not Going To Want To Walk Alone”

Comments (77)
  1. NIKKY says:

    SOOOOO HAPPY FOR HER… LOVE NIA

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    1. ryan A.K.A. Beyonce side piece says:

      Go SPURS GO!

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      1. Claudia Jordan's Warts says:

        I’m happy for her but the only thing she can’t teach too much of anything to me but maybe if I get knocked up then he will marry me. I want a man to marry me because that’s what he wants to do from jump not because we don’t popped some babies out but to each it’s own.

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        1. My Opinion says:

          @Necole

          Ok, that’s fair. You’re a good person. Good luck in life you deserve it. You, however, didn’t answer my question. If you prefer not to, that’s ok I understand. Take care.

          The question was. Would it be acceptable and not a problem if you never married and never had any kids? What’s going on now with young black women and the black community is they’re serving 2 incompatible G0d’s and it’s not working. Their own maternal instincts and desires combined with the customs and traditions of they’re black mothers grandmothers and great grandmothers. And, the black feminist ideology of “have fun wait until 30 to look for a husband”. Young black women not seriously looking for a husband until 30 is causing a lot of problems later in life for black women. Young (welfare, working poor) women “having fun” ending up having babies, they can’t afford, by men they have no business even being involved with. Older women who easily could have gotten married to an eligible man in her 20’s even if they waited a little later for kids. In her 30’s desperately want to get married and have a family but can’t find any (decent) men of any race interested.

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          1. @MyOpinion Would it be acceptable if I never had kids and never married? Yes, if that’s what I wanted, it would be acceptable. Whose to say it’s not acceptable??? It’s unfair for a woman to be pressured into what society says is right versus what she wants. People say it’s unacceptable to divorce but the divorce rate is high. Get where I’m going here. Again, I hate to see women shunned just because they choose (CHOOSE being the keyword) to wait and their priorities are different. There’s nothing wrong with waiting if that’s what you want, just like there is nothing wrong with having a kid in your 20s, if THAT’s what you want.

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        2. My Opinion says:

          Congrats to her, however, feminist telling young black women to have fun and wait until 30 to look for a husband will never work for the majority of black women. The reason is most young black women in their 20’s Want to be mothers. For the year 2009 the average age of first time black mothers was 22 and 80% of all black births were to black women under 30. Feminist dismiss this and blame black men for those pregnancies. The truth is being a mother is the single most important goal to the majority of young black women just like it was for their black mother, grandmothers and great grandmothers. Feminist ideology and the customs and traditions of black grandmothers and great grand mothers is not compatible leaving many young black women over 30 single with kids and wanting to get married but unable to find (working) men of any race interested. Waiting until 30 Might work for a very small subset of black women ie multiple degrees, working over 60 hours a week and minimal interest in marriage and being never married is acceptable and not a problem.

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          1. I have not had a kid yet but I will say I’m glad I waited. The reason being, I did take my twenties to not only establish myself so that I knew my kids would be okay under any circumstance, but I made sure I experienced life first. It really makes me cringe when I hear women say, ‘If I didn’t have these kids, I would have this and that’ because that statement has regret and resentment towards motherhood embedded in it. It’s almost like screaming to the mountaintops, I would have been so much further in my career, I would have been traveling, I would have been making more money, I would have been so much happier if I didn’t have these kids’ and that’s not fair to your children. There shouldn’t be regrets. For me, I wanted to experience most of the things I always dreamed of, before I took on the responsibility of another life. I know in my heart that I can be a much better mom (to my future children) and wife (to my future husband) than I would have years ago before I figured myself out.

            With that being said, and to piggy back off of your comment (this is a personal blog in the making) — what they don’t tell you is that if you spend most of your twenties focused on career, by the time you are 30, most of the men you meet that are your age or older have already been married, engaged, have kids and so on so the dating pool is so much smaller unless you want to date way younger — and most of the time they aren’t ready. I mean, what can you do?

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        3. momofthree says:

          I don’t know, Necole Bitchie. I think you are only as strong as your options. I think the woman who says “I would do xyz, if only I did not have my kids” has already closed her mind to stepping outside her box. You have re-tweeted story after story of Bitchie graduates who do not let having kids stop them from getting their college degree. So why then would you limit your view of traveling, or opening up your on business, or whatever you want to do because you choose to have kids early in life. If anything, seeing the world through the eyes of a five year old makes you stop and think. I have three kids. I was pregnant with the last two while getting my Masters. Did I enjoy writing 20+ page papers while nursing. No, but I did it. Did I enjoy flying with my kids when they were little, not always, but I also knew the excitement in their eyes when landed far outweighed the miserable flight to our destination. If you truly want to do something in life. Do it and if you don’t that is fine too. Being married is not easy, neither is being a mom, but don’t let either one stop you from what ever it is you want to do.

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        4. Tam says:

          Unconvention seems to be better. People have a tendency to do as other people do wrapped up in competition. Like its a race. Or do it for status and to look good. She kept true to herself. Thats a lesson lots a women have yet to learn.

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          1. Ebony says:

            Thank you. I’ve been married for two years and we are not ready for children. I see a lot of women my age having children left and right. I love my life the way it is and no one should feel pressured by society to do anything. Many women with that competition mindset are in depressing marriages and unhappy with their life.

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        5. c'mon Jay says:

          You’re entitled to your opinion but keep in mind not everyone thinks the way you do. I think the point of the article was to express that approaching things non traditionally is ok. Not everyone feels the need to do things in a certain order. Sidenote: a baby dont necessarily mean a marriage.

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        6. Nikki Nicole says:

          It doesn’t seen like he proposed to her cause they have a kid together, that’s the case he would have done it sooner. Seem like they took their time & he did it on his terms.

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        7. BAD says:

          I don’t think that’s why he married her. The baby was born FOUR years ago. It could be that they both vowed not to get married because of the baby but rather when they were both married.

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        8. heya says:

          there is no right or wrong way to love I know lots of people that had kids then married but does that make it wrong because they didn’t marry 1st then procreate unless you aND you’re partner practice abstinence in your relationship things do happen and a child may come I say and long as the love is strong and the relationship is great there’s no specific order of how anyone should love

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        9. OMG says:

          Well, love doesn’t grow over night.. When you with someone you do have make sure is this the person I’m going to be with until I’m in my casket. I’m happy for Nia Long she deserves the best and another thing, we don’t know what was going on over the time period, she’s seems very private sometimes and I’m happy she is.

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        10. My Opinion says:

          @Necole

          My comment was more about waiting until 30 to start Seriously looking for a husband, family and then of course kids. You fall into that professional/owner working over 60 hours a week subcategory. The question is, Necole, since you responded to my comment. Are you Also glad you didn’t get married in your 20’s? Is it acceptable and not a problem if you never marry and never have kids? It seems like that’s what’s happening to a large percentage of Professional black women who wait until 30 to look for a husband. They end up with no marriage and no kids. Note: In my first comment should have included “no kids”.

          ……Small subcategory of black women who have minimal interest in marriage and kids. Being never married and never having kids is acceptable and not a problem to them.

          I don’t know why you all are down voting me. lol It’s the truth. Average age first time black mothers 22 and 80% of all black birth to black women under 30! There is a direct correlation between waiting until 30 to look for a husband and the black illegitimacy rate, black never married rate and a large percentage of black women never having kids. Necole even said “the dating pool is so much smaller.” ie available husbands to have kids and family.

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          1. I still have so much time. I don’t want to rush just for the sake of saying, I got married. If I stood next to a woman, the same age that got married and divorced, guess what, we are both in the same boat. It doesn’t make her a better woman than me because she jumped the broom at one point, and it doesn’t make me a better woman than her just because I chased success before marriage. AT the end of the day, we both learned from our experiences and our choices. So to answer your question, just because I haven’t gotten married yet, doesn’t mean I never will. I still have a very positive outlook on what the future holds and I’m so proud of the woman I’ve become as I navigated adulthood. I went from having this long list of wants to just, ‘I want to marry someone I admire and who will walk in purpose with me.’

            I can only hope that when I do get married, I have a life partner who loves and cherishes me and everything I bring to the table. I think for the most part, women just want to be secure in knowing that their husbands believe they are one of the best things that have happened to them. That she adds to his life and makes him a better man and vice versa.

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        11. Yes to this I wish there was a share feature so I could share your comment on my Facebook

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      2. Why? says:

        I thought they were already engaged lol

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        1. luckydog says:

          So did I. Engagements can last a long time these days. Some of ya’ll getting way too excited, way too soon. Still kills me how some of us have no problem having a kid with somebody, but get cold feet when it comes to marriage????

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    2. Tam says:

      That’s right nia! I remember people going in on her for being unmarried but pregnant with his kid. She stuck to her guns and will likely have a sucessful marriage because of that. Plus it doesn’t make her son any less a blessing. Gotta do whats right for you and not whats right for “society” or other people. We live in a world where the blind lead the blind and a lot of peoe live mechanical societal based lives and thats why divorce #s are through the roof. #dowhatsrightforyou

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      1. luckydog says:

        Who gives a sh*t if divorce “numbers” are through the roof? What we need to be worried about is the “number” of Black children born to single moms who are not adequately equipped to care for them. Babies are not a blessing when they’re a burden to society. Ms. Long may not fit that category, but far too many of us do!

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      2. Tam says:

        In moderation for WHAT? Not a single curse word. Smh

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        1. twist says:

          To myopinion, how exactly do you “look for a husband”? I don’t know many women who in their twenties would meet and date a caring man who would be a perfect husband but refuse to marry them when asked. Chances are if you are in your 30s or late 20s and you are not yet married it is simply because you have not yet met the right person; no amount of “looking” is going to change that.

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    3. Oh well says:

      She does not age!!! Wow she looks amazing!

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      1. Ladii says:

        Totally off subject but did anyone else know comedian sommore is nia longs sister?!? Totally blew my mind. They found out hey have the same father.

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    4. Ms.L says:

      Hello world Jesus loves you. He died a terrible death Just for your salvation so you can be with him. Receive him into your life today and make him your lord and savior just by praying to him and asking him. God bless you.

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  2. Missy D says:

    How is this a lesson on waiting? That is wonderful that this has worked out for them but what about those of us who don’t want to have children out of wedlock? This is just pushing the message that your baby’s father may marry you if you hang in there long enough. Ladies, don’t do it.

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  3. Staywokehomie says:

    Awww! Congratulations! They deserve it!

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  4. Amy says:

    I love me some Nia. Go on with your sexy man! SN Is she expecting a baby or did they just have a big dinner?

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    1. PolkaDots says:

      @Amy –> She’s fat.

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  5. RDK says:

    congratz to her, but people needs to understand that no all relationships is the same. and certain types of patience doesn’t work for everyone. there is no blue print to a perfect relationship. it’s a hit and miss you got to pray and hope that you make the right moves and everything work out in the long run, like i said it’s a hit and miss there is no blue print to a perfect are a ok relationship.

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    1. Claudia Jordan's Warts says:

      Bingo!!

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  6. Drizzy says:

    Love is in the air AND I RECEIVE IT!

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  7. Very nice! Congrats , both of her kids look like their dad. Handsome boys ?

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  8. MMM says:

    Beautiful! She just doesn’t age lol. Still looks amazing! Congrats to them both!!! ??❤️

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  9. George Smith says:

    a year at best

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  10. They’re so cute together!! I’m happy for Nia! Love her!

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  11. Awe congrats!!! Go Spurs Go! ❤️

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  12. Everybody dont wants to get married as soon as they meet someone. Congrats to her.

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  13. As she stated “you can’t compare your life to someone else”. The End

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    1. Terri Green says:

      I remember her saying that. Very true indeed!

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  14. gortu says:

    Necole I applaud you for stating the facts because you couldn’t have said it better. Some cultures would prefer their love one to have it all before marriage such education, financial stability and then the fairy tale wedding, but let’s not forget times have changed and most women are reaching for gold because they don’t want to be in a financial bind. Gone are the days when men want to be the sole provider of the home. There are only few that exists, so my advice to women is to wait for God’s time and while waiting, pray, work hard and never give up on love.

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  15. Shari Amor says:

    I thought she was already married. Congrats

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  16. Awesome congratulations to her

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  17. A says:

    So happy for her, cute couple & family!

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  18. roseinweeds says:

    over the moon for her!!! she looks so healthy and well from the inside and its showing on the outside! i hv adored her and her work for yrs (i mean who didnt wanna be nia??!)….much love to her!!!

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  19. Truth Hurts says:

    I hope this doesn’t become a battle post of career women who put love/marriage on hold vs women who settle down in the family life. As one wise woman once said, if you have to resort to ad hominem (dissing) tactics to make your choice look good, you’ve already lost. Do you, but live up & own your choices, & don’t cry about the opposite later.

    Congrats to Nia Long but personally I couldn’t go her route. But whatever, she’s living her truth.

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  20. Marsh Bonny says:

    Its about time

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  21. She’s about to be THEE most beautiful Bride!!!

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  22. Shawn says:

    Congrats to the happy couple! Get married when you and your partner are ready, not when everyone else ready for y’all to get married. No one else has to live in that marriage except the two people who say ‘I Do’ to each other so it’s very important to wait until both parties are ready regardless if it’s 2 years or 10 years. It’s about what the couple feels is best for them!

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  23. Shon Golson says:

    I’m ☺ for her!!

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  24. king23 says:

    Ridiculous how long she’s been fine as hell. Congrats to them. He’s a smart man for finally locking her down.

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  25. Proverbs 31 says:

    This makes me think of my sister in law…after 5 years of being together and 1.5 of being engaged, my (then boyfriend) and I were getting married. I was 23 then and she was 40 or 41. While I was at her house the day before she sat on the bed watching me gush over my wedding attire and she confessed that she was jealous of me. I asked why and she said that it wasn’t fair that at 23 I was getting married and here she was in her 40’s and was not married and her biological clock was ticking. I asked her if she believed in God and Christ and she said yes, then I asked so why is she worrying about a biological clock when she serves the author of time itself? My advice to her and any other women that feels the way she feels is to live life and stop searching for something that YOU are meant to find, you are to prepare to be found. I used to think when I was a teen that I would not be married until my mid to late 30’s because I am independent, career oriented, and never got too serious or tied down in any relationships I was in. I loved to succeed and travel and just live my life, I never imagined that I would be married as young as I did but while I waited, I would pray for God to be preparing me to be a wife and prepare my future husband to be my Husband, whomever he was…What is for you is for you and it will happen according to God’s timing, which is perfect since He knows the things that will occur in our lives before we do…when you go and try to “find” or “force” a marriage or relationship, you end up in a situation that is not necessarily the best for you…My sister in law did this, worrying about her “biological clock and her Husband, who she met while they were both in relationships, beats on her…

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    1. Chica says:

      A timely word. Thank you!

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  26. Taylour says:

    Very well written article Necolebitchie your articles are becoming more refined. Which I think they have always been well written I think I’m just living the personal perspective given. It’s like food for thought that has u yelling at ur phone when reading saying “I know that’s right!” This is why I’m so faithful to your blog cause your the best at what you do love

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  27. lulu says:

    I guess I’m in the minority here. I got married at 25. I had already completed grad school and had a real job before getting married aND was just building my career As a newlywed. I’ve always been focused on success. In fact, as a married woman, I just completed another degree (this month) to better my career. So why can’t u have both??? You can! You do not have to choose. If u happen to have a great guy while building your career, I say go for it!!! 🙂 you don’t need to cut off your social life to build your career…this coming from a studyholic (during school) and 40 hrs a week person…

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    1. Lets Be Real says:

      I don’t think you’re in the minority with your way of thinking. I know several women in your same situation. They were able to get married and succeed in their careers. Ideally, that’s what I would have wanted too. You are blessed. As an attorney I would not have had any issue with finding love and building my career. I just haven’t found anyone yet. So I think its two different things going on because I have friends who completed law, medical and graduate school that are single not because they put the career first…. its simply because they haven’t found anyone to share the success with.

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      1. terry says:

        Are you and your friends limiting yourselves to only black partners? Don’t limit yourself, especially when you are a likely surrounded by many non-blacks in your work life. ijs.

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  28. lulu says:

    I mean I was 26…whoops

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  29. W84R8 says:

    Hansum couple gd lkg fam!

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  30. Alisha says:

    I hate when women tell other women what they Need!! You don’t need a man.. Smh

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  31. carpediem says:

    What about getting married young and having kids later? My husband and i have been together for almost 13 years (married 10). Our daughter is 3. We spent our 20’s supporting each others dreams. There is no set definition of how to live ones life. People really need to focus on what makes them happy and add value to their lives. I married young because i met a man of noble character that had a value system that aligned with mine. Money, stability, careers and our child came later. We worked together to obtain those things. Our love is richer and deeper for it. I know that he has my back and he knows that i have his. I love the fact that we grew together instead of apart. Everyone that knows us admires our relationship. But that’s the thing, it’s ours. Everyone has their OWN journey and we should respect that.

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  32. celebrity car girl says:

    Congrats and God Bless their Union. There are so many men who never marry their baby mamas. Key is they are both mature now. Athletes usually take longer to settle down, but usually marry their childs mom. Necoles comment is correct. As you get older ladies the dating pool is smaller. If your 25 start dating men 30+ you have a better chance for a ring! 20’s is for fun!

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  33. Bee Graham says:

    I thought she was married to her first sons dad. Hhhmmm…..

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    1. Portia Doss says:

      They were engaged but never got married

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  34. We all need some form of companionship.

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  35. BUT it’s ok to be happy alone finding yourself

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  36. Uhh it’s nice to have one but you don’t need one

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  37. Ken S. says:

    I’ll just get a puppy…..

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  38. She deserves to be happy.

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  39. Everybody doesnt want companionship though….some people are actually alright without having one….

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  40. I truly believe that only GOD can bring you happiness, once you have him every thing will fall in place. We are all different some people can walk alone and not everyone finds happiness, its all a daydream. If you find the one then happy days.

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