'Don't Be A Wife To A Boyfriend': 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single | xoNECOLE
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‘Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend’: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single

Comments (110)
  1. KM says:

    If I could just plaster #2 in my head every time I leave the house 😅. I’m so guilty of being that girl who thinks every guy, fling, cute random stranger could be “bae”. I could be talking to a guy for a few days and already thinking about how he’ll propose, what our kids what look like, will his family like me. Extreme I know. But at least I KNOW lol. I definitely want to and AM learning how to correct this and to just “go with the flow”.

    Great read!

    (41)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      LOL!!! WYS!!! I was totally that girl (as you can tell). One date and I was thinking “ooh, I wonder if he’s the one.” Hey, we all have our moments. Thanks so much for sharing your comments!

      (6)
      1. 4thewire says:

        MS SHONDA. (GOOD NAME BTW :)) YOU JUST COVERED DATING FOR EVERY TYPE OF WOMEN WORLD WIDE (CULTURE EXCLUDED) if a girl or women can read and comprehend this is it.

        I thank the universe for XO NECOLE and the girls………………..this needs to be retweeted into every household with young ladies excellent post.

        NECOLE just loving this website #DAILY GEMS TO LIVE BY

        (0)
        1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

          Wow! Thank you so much for saying that and thank you for your comments. I only speak my truth and I know I’m not the only one that’s been through it so I’m so happy to encourage and inspire others. Bless you sweetheart!

          (0)
        2. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

          Wow!!! Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it!!! I can only speak my truth and I know we struggle with it day in and day out.

          (0)
  2. Jazii Jay says:

    Wow this article was made for me. All around me friends, family, and coworkers are getting married and having second and third children. Except me. I’ve gotten to the point where my faith in God is suffering, and I have days where I question if I’m going to be a cat lady. I hate cats. Great article.

    (39)
    1. A says:

      I can relate to every word you wrote!

      (4)
  3. Alicia Brown says:

    < ----- went on a blocking spree last night. No hot line blinging over here boo

    (36)

  4. Karyn says:

    The whole “don’t be a wife to a boyfriend” a classic scenario of easier said than done… How do you prove yourself to be wife status especially in this generation? And test his husband qualities without pushing certain boundaries of boyfriend/girlfriend?

    Dating is too complicated, which is why I don’t bother. I love constantly upgrading, spoiling and focusing on me 😊

    (13)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Thanks so much for sharing your comments! Great point and trust me it’s definitely not easy especially when you’re naturally a giver or a lover (like I am) but it was more about finding a balance between how much I gave to someone and how fast. Sometimes I was doing everything I could for people who weren’t meant for me or for people who didn’t appreciate it in hopes that they would love me more; not realizing that not everyone deserved what I could offer – especially if they weren’t giving it back in return. Trust me, it’s not always black and white and it can get confusing at times. 🙂

      (16)
    2. lkanony says:

      It’s not always clear cut and dry in terms of how a woman can “prove” she’s “wife material”. I think it doesn’t really matter what generally wife material is, but what HE sees in the woman overall in terms of character, what he’s attracted to in regards to her physical appearance, or how he feels she can fit into his life for the better overall. Plus, if you’re willing to be monogamous and having no man but him, THAT’S THE MAIN NECESSITY of being “wife material”. After all, there are women who can’t, won’t or don’t cook full course meals and they manage to get a husband so that defunct the statement “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach….” It’s more THE EFFORT the woman makes that touches a man’s heart in that arena and in general…not to mention her appreciation in HIS efforts towards making her feel special. Nevertheless, in the beginning, the man primarily shows what or who he is and makes the most effort if he’s genuinely interested in having a fulfilling relationship with the woman and she has the opportunity or privilege to choose. Yet STILL, as a woman even if the relationship is off and running, I’ve always said a woman should only fit into the role she’s in….a girlfriend should not do things a fiancé would do and although a fiancé is close to home base, STILL, a fiancé should not do things a wife would do….stay in the lane you’re in and follow the driver’s (the man) lead has been my theory. If both of you like the ride, then you both will likely get to the destination of marriage.

      (0)
  5. D. Clarke says:

    Read this because I like to read and it came up on my FB timeline.
    I am male and I agree with everything except ‘Don’t be a wife to a boyfriend.’ Granted, something’s should be left for after marriage, but the attitude of ‘I’m not doing this or that without a ring’ has been overblown.
    My girlfriend of almost a year has clearly displayed to me that she is an awesome girl…smart, gorgeous, funny, amazing cook, and very thoughtful and giving. We have great sex on a regular, we also go out alot, have pillow talks about our future goals, about our feelings, about life…she listens (not just want to be listened to) And in return, I treat her as my,queen,….as if we’re already married….she doesn’t even have to tell me she needs somethiing, I observe and make sure she has. I listen to her. I make her priority. I give her 100% because she gives me 100%. She makes me want to resolve any problems we have promptly and smoothly and be around her as much as possible. Not because she proven to be a good girlfriend, but because she proven she’ll be a great wife to someone one day by not having the “not until I have a ring” mentality..and trust, I’ll make sure that’s me!
    I’ve had exes that thought that way and would even,tell me “not until we married.” That got so annoying and felt like they were pushing me. Nothing good comes from pushing someone for marriage because they’ll either do it just so you can shut up,…or get overwhelmed and,leave.
    Don’t let this new age “Housewives of Atlanta” thinking leave you in the dust. If you think you have a good one,…go all out. The key is to make sure both of you have the same goals. Once you realize y’all dont, then it’s time to move on. What if guys said “I’m not opening a car door for her until we’re married”…or… “I’m not taking her to a nice restaurant until we’re married?” No, show that person you like or care about exactly how much you like and care about them. There’s nothing wrong with that. Where people mess up is messing with the same type of person and finding them in the same place you found the last one (i.e. club). Giving someone your all might leave you in the dust,…not giving someone your all WILL leave you in the dust.

    (22)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Hey, D Clarke! Thank you so much for sharing your comments! I love hearing from the guys! 🙂 Hahahaha – “RHOA thinking” – not over here but that was too funny. I totally hear you and feel you and believe me, that’s not the whole theme of the article and it’s totally fine to show your man what you’re capable of but unfortunately and at times we do that too soon or to certain people who don’t truly deserve it or even reciprocate it. That’s the conflict. I don’t have an issue with doing it but I do have an issue when it’s not reciprocated and it’s one-sided. That’s all. Thank you again and I’m glad you shared your thoughts. I love balanced conversations. 🙂

      (4)
  6. Lauren says:

    Best post on here I’ve read so far!

    (8)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Wow! That means a lot! Lot of great stuff on the site! So, thank you so much!

      (3)
  7. Monica says:

    Great article and sooo true! As a now married woman of almost 11 years (together 14) I recognize these truths listed! What I would like to add is for THE ONE he can and will give you ALMOST (nobody is perfect) everything you want without effort, hints or ultimatums! WHY, glad you asked because like you the desire to make you smile and happy will supercede all the foolishness! He would rather hurt himself than you! When your heart breaks, his does too! Yes ladies, be your authentic selves BUT allow HIM to put forth effort to please YOU also! No doubt you will hold your end down, but you have to assess if he will do the same! Going in trying to prove you are “Superwife” might cause HIM to fall back and let YOU “do your thang” remember though, start out….(we know all that) so don’t start complaining when you are doing it ALL. See what he is about early before investing so much, DATE, talk ask ?s, give honest answers but never assume what he is saying and showing is not real! See and hear it for what it IS, listen to you intuition and LOVE YOU enough to quickly exit if you KNOW he is not the one! Sorry for the long post but I want my sisters and brothers to experience that feeling of loving someone, someone loving you back and having your back! It’s an amazing feeling and pray you find it with that ONE!

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    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂

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  8. Nina says:

    This is same old advice that we have seen over and over again. It seems very basic and surface level.

    For me, the ultimate “rule” is to choose a good man who wants the same things as you do, and wants them with YOU, and then connect with him emotionally and mentally, and not just sexually. If you do this, worrying about micro-rules like “not giving away the milk for free” just fall to the floor, unneeded. With the right guy, the rules don’t matter. With the wrong guy, all the rules in the world won’t save you or the relationship.

    So basically, have discernment.

    (9)
  9. “Excellent”!!! I’ve been single for a year and a half after being in a 10 year relationship!!! I truly dislike the single life!!! What has happened to the men in this world???? I could write my own book!!!

    (7)
  10. Laniyah says:

    Yes facts. “DON’T BE A WIFE TO A BOYFRIEND!”

    (5)
  11. Trust me I learned my lesson … A lot of guys want you to wash their ass, give them your liver, look like Kim K, cook and clean before they even consider calling you wifey.

    (5)
  12. Sarah says:

    Def. been crying almost every night because I feel so lonely, being over 25 and never having a bf, makes me really sad. My heart aches seeing families. After my day is done, I have a dry phone and stare at my celing. I need to get out more, I have a wonderful church family and serve as a Reservist. I attend concerts and enjoying reading and cooking. I feel embarrassed that I have never had a bf. I have social media and am respectable w/ my post. I am not thirsty and am making an attempt to look okay when I go places. Just feeling sad and alone. I am a DVet as well….sometimes these articles make me feel bad that I have a desire for companionship, its easier to tell singles–oh dont feel this way ect. I will keep praying…

    (3)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Hey, Sarah! I’m thinking of you my “sister.” Please don’t feel bad. I want to encourage you through my experiences and not downplay your feelings. Believe me – We’re all human and we’ve all been there wondering “when is it going to happen for me.” We all have to wait for something – whether it’s companionship, love, careers, etc. But sometimes it’s not so much about what we’re waiting on; rather it’s about what we do while we wait. So, keep doing what you’re doing. You’re a believer so you know God has a plan for you and even though relationships can make life meaningful, you can still be single and happy. Feel what you feel but know that our lives have a purpose beyond our single or marital status. Thank you so much for sharing your comments.

      (2)
  13. temi says:

    I needed to read this article today! !

    (4)
  14. OMG that was most amazing thing I have read

    (4)
  15. Veronica says:

    Amen! Great read!!

    (3)
  16. Nothing but the #TRUTH!!!! A LESSON VERY WELL LEARNED THE HARD WAY!!!!

    (3)
  17. Not this single girl I would never play the wifey role without a ring on my finger, that man might get way too comfortable and never proposed to you.

    (3)
  18. “Understand, however, we can only change those things we have the power to change. While we have the power to influence change, we can never force change.” — powerful stuff right there!

    (3)
  19. Girl… I can’t even be a girlfriend sooooo… Yeah..

    (3)
  20. Shene says:

    This is exactly what I needed to read!! I was a wife to a boyfriend for 7yrs a military gf!!! Two beautiful girls, me supporting rapid deployments and his now pro MMA CAREER later I’m his ex gf!!! I am in the process of accepting me as a single black mother!! I am learning the hard way to love myself. To rebuild my “brand” so to speak.
    My ex was so comfortable and because I was his gf (disposable) but carrying out wife duties it created a war between us. We are co parenting I am not going to knock him as a father but infidelity played a huge factor in my case.. I really love reading articles like this. Gives hope and a positive reminder of a bright future.

    (3)
  21. Don’t be treated like a girlfriend by a husband.

    (2)
  22. Lana says:

    Such a good article filled with many truth’s and aha! moments. Much of it applies to me and I am thankful this article was shared…

    (2)
  23. Patrika says:

    It’s like the universe was trying to tell me something I hardly go on Twitter and the 1st article is this and it’s weird because I’m turning 30 in January and I was freaking out like I have no kids I’m not even dating and all my friends either have one or both so I’m very happy I read this and I will definitely try my hardest not to over think this

    (1)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Patrika congratulations on turning 30. I felt some type of way when I turned 30 but when it happened I felt better. It’s natural to feel like that though because society convinces us we should be married, have kids, have this and that by a certain age but don’t worry about that. Live your life and on your time. Happy early birthday and be the best, beautiful 30 you can be.

      (1)
  24. Amina says:

    I am literally dealing with #6 rite now!😩😩😩 Its like a drug. Old habits die hard. *Cues Vivian Green Cursed🎤🎤

    (1)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Awww bummer! Hey, it used to be hard for me too but it’s amazing what happens and what things you make room for when you purge all the bad stuff. Thanks for sharing your comments.

      (1)
  25. Kyla Ky says:

    #2 – If only my friends would understand this! One of my friends is ready to marry a man if the first date goes well, literally. She meets a guy and is already planning her wedding and everything, it’s extremely annoying. They all disappear after a while and she doesn’t get it – she’s turning them off, they already feel pressured.

    #3 – I can’t do that. If I have to mold him, I don’t want him. If he isn’t what I’m looking for, I don’t bother. If he said he doesn’t believe in marriage, God etc it would be a deal breaker. I wouldn’t continue dating him hoping he’d change.

    #7 – This one is hard but I guess it’s all about reciprocating. I go all out for people and have to stop myself from doing so. However, if a guy is willing to go all out for me, I would do the same for him.

    (2)
  26. monica says:

    See I’m dealing with a difficult situation with me and a friend guy of mines that has me so confuse but after reading your article I think I know how to handle it thanks so much

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  27. Ashley says:

    Great read! Needed this.

    (1)
  28. Ima wife to a real man!!! Ayyyyyye!!! Thank you Jesus for looking out!

    (1)
  29. “6. Don’t make excuses for people who need to be excused out of your life.” Mooooiiii, dankjewel nykeishhhh

    (1)
  30. sassy says:

    Hey Sarah you and I are in the same boat. I have had many short term realationships but nothing long term.

    (1)
  31. I just started following you on Twitter, and am enjoying the incite you give. I love #1. If a man sees you as his wife, he will marry you. A lot of young women play wife trying to prove they’ll make a good wife only to fool themselves and a lot of times end up heart broken. Self-love and self-worth are so important. Thanks, for this. Retweet!! ~Everybody’s Cheerleader

    (2)
    1. Love says:

      You are so right , in part it is the woman and in part it is the man playing the game of “show me how good of a wife you will be!”

      I will, when I AM a wife.

      That is the standard nowadays, live with the boyfriend, cook, clean, laundry, take care of his kids if he has them.

      (0)
    2. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Thanks so much “Everybody’s Cheerleader!” Such an honor to hear that! Make sure you tweet me so I can find you and shout you out on Twitter. 🙂

      (-1)
  32. TheBronzedAndTheBEAUTIFUL says:

    I guess I’m pretty guilty of these things…

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  33. I should of read this like 6 years ago Good advice !!! $

    (0)
  34. So relevant for our generation of girls who think it’s okay to play house!

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  35. I have a few friends that are wives to their boyfriends.. doing the most without the ring ..

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  36. Trea Hollis says:

    Yup. Did that when I was younger but no more playing house. I lived and learned at a young age. I live alone and will continue until I’m married lol

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  37. Just talked about this

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  38. Ashley C says:

    Such a great read! I definitely needed this!

    (0)
  39. AJ says:

    Great advice. Wow #6 spoke volumes. I am learning that a person will continue to drop in and out of your life until you block or delete the behavior. It’s a matter of knowing you deserve better.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Thanks so much! Trust me, I’ve definitely had to block and delete people because I knew I didn’t trust myself until I was truly ready to move on. At least you’re learning now.

      (0)
  40. I love everything about this article

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  41. Ayrria Hicks says:

    This is so true !!! Wisdom!!!

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  42. Yesssss, great article!!! As women it’s in our nature to want to cater to our men, but we have to find a balance. That can be hard sometimes though because you wanna be a good girlfriend and prove all your great qualities, but at the same time not do too much and look like a fool if it doesn’t work out. Just have to learn to give our great qualities to the ones that deserve it. An when you find the one that truly deserves it, you’ll know because he’ll make it known. I’m still learning this myself, so I really enjoyed this article. #Sharing

    (0)
  43. Ruvimbo says:

    I absolutely love this article.Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with us. I have been single for 3 years now, i have no pressure to get married but i constantly am trying to get into a relationship. Its only recently that i thought to myself hey snap out of this and focus on your career, family and God (in no order). If loves happens to come along that’s great, if it doesn’t i will just keep on moving 🙂 There is more to life.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Yes! Focus on you for now and “do you boo!” 🙂 Thanks so much sharing your comments and I’m happy to share my personal experiences with others because that’s what it’s all about.

      (0)
  44. Britney says:

    What an AWESOME read!

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  45. Great advice for all ages!

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  46. Régine says:

    Thank you

    (0)
  47. Charmel says:

    OMG!! #10 is ME MEE MEEEE!! I get so concerned about my age, that I forget to just enjoy where I am now, and make the best of it. It’s like I have a “plan” and I just have to follow that plan, and if it doesn’t happen, I’m in a huge “rut”. This has real helped me realize that it’s okay, it’s cool…just live.
    Thanks love!!!

    (0)
  48. Read it. Y im so cute today

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  49. I learned this the hard way

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  50. AA says:

    WOW, great read. I needed this. I really needed this. Thank you !

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  51. ALSD says:

    Great read. Can we get an article for divorced women? I think they need encouragement just as much as the single women. Just a thought

    (0)
  52. K says:

    Wow, this article was made for me. Unfortunately, most of us reading it won’t take heed to it. It’s an excellent read and an excellent start to unlearning old behaviors. I’m going to have to purchase your book for me and my friends LOL.

    (0)
  53. Janice says:

    Great read!!! I’m happily married but I will be sharing so that some of my single friends can take some of this in! Thanks for the info!!!

    (0)
  54. Nyia E says:

    A good read, I needed that!

    (0)
  55. HoneyButter says:

    Love this! Great advice…

    However, Im a giver, a caterer whom loves to please. So what if he isnt my husband. Im gonna show case my qualities and whatnot from a good wholesome and genuine place. If hes gonna take advantage and just milk it for his own personal gain then so be it. Kick dat azz to the curb. I do whats natural to me. Im not gonna be all rough like a brillo pad for some rule. Makes me happy to serve, help, cater my friends, family and boyfriends. Unapologetically.

    (0)
  56. HoneyButter says:

    Ive been too good in my relationships. But I have no regrets because at some point they will realize what they lost when 80 (me) got away and they end up with (20) all beauty but dumb as a bucket of dead shrimp. Life is all lessons. If your a good woman who caters, dont worry it will be missed. Be you and remain confident. No heartache and pain necessary.

    (0)
  57. Dominique says:

    This really spoke to me. I could write more, but I’m trying to hold back tears on this train. Thank you Necole for creating this platform.

    (0)
  58. I love this post!! It backs up everything I promote in my own relationship coaching business!! I love your realness and life lessons! Let’s change the hearts of women everywhere with this mindset!!

    (0)
  59. CJolie says:

    I’m at the point in my life (early 20s) where I’m just focusing on myself and working toward my career. In relation to number 1, being 100% satisfied with myself + my situation is most important. Also letting it flow an not expecting too much from whoever I meet. This article gave me reassurance!

    (0)
  60. Amber says:

    Girl this was so good, write a book asap.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Hahaha! Thank you, Amber! Actually I did it’s called Reality Check: There’s a Reason Why You’re Single. Link is in the article, but I”m definitely working on the next one. Thank you so much! 🙂

      (0)
  61. Danielle says:

    Guilty of the over 30’s worry and I’m only 20. Article kind of woke me up.

    (0)
  62. Luke 7:48 says:

    Great article and well written! Thank you for sharing some of your personal moments. May you continue to be blessed with happiness.

    (0)
  63. Danielle says:

    This article is so me! I’m 22 years old and I’m a full time college student along with being a part time worker working various jobs. I have family and friends who love me dearly and I love them. But I constantly find myself thinking about love. I’ve never had a relationship before. Never been on a date, etc. I’ve always felt like everything in my life is going good so why I haven’t met the right guy? I tried the whole internet dating thing but that just wasn’t working for me. I’m definitely that girl who meets a guy and starts catching feeling way too soon, but I no longer want to be that girl. I want to remain patient like you said its just hard sometimes cause I question if I’ll ever have my moment you know. But I just need to learn to love myself more and really make more take for me before investing time into someone else because next year will be my last year of college and I’m slowly but surely getting into the “real world.”

    (0)
  64. Carea Baker says:

    I just love everything about this! I’m forwarding this to some friends, great advice!

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  65. Anonymous says:

    It sa

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  66. Jane Hayslett. says:

    Wow! Thank you Ms Shonda. Am really blessed with this article. Thank you for sharing your personal moments. May you continue to grow in God’s wisdom. Remain blessed and happy. Am truly inspired. My best… “Nothing happens overnight,things takes time”. Sweet truth.

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    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Thank you so much, Jane! I love the “sweet truth” reference. God bless you!

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  67. Monica Freeman says:

    Thanks, for sharing ur story. Beautiful!!!

    (0)
  68. roseinweeds says:

    ill be honest and say im not a fan of these type of articles bt i think the takeaway here is…dont get caught up abd lost w the wrong dude. what does it really mean to not be a wife to a bf???! in some cases, u having sex w that dude crosses the line.

    it all comes down to appropriate discernment and boundaries. be sure u are courting and then let love take u where u need to go.

    (0)
  69. Michele says:

    Excellent article. Excellent advice. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing AND for using your real-life example to remind those who say that they trust and believe in the Lord to continue to do so while they /we wait for their/ our prayers to be answered.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Well, thank you for taking the time to read it! It is my hope that others will be encouraged by my experiences and stories. Thanks for sharing your comments.

      (0)
  70. Adam Safar says:

    This is a big test for women because there are a lot of guys out there just trying to have a girl as a for sure thing when all else fails. I like this last comment about she don’t want to get a job though. That’s really funny. There are always the advantages and disadvantages having someone you can depend a rely on.

    (0)
  71. FrankeTheWoman says:

    I think this is a great read but what about those that do NOT want to be married. I just don’t want to be married and no that does not mean I don’t want commitment. Im just so jaded at the institution of married and have been this way for years.

    I don’t want to go all into why I think that marriage in modern day is a farse because I respect those that chose this route just not for me.

    (0)
    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      Hey, FrankeTheWoman. I totally understand your point and I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” or “weird” about how you feel about marriage. I get judged all the time because of the choices I’ve made so far as it relates to having children and waiting, so I totally respect you as well. 🙂 Everyone’s journey is different on this thing we call “relationships” so whatever works best for you even. The point with that single phrase is simply to make sure you don’t give so much of yourself to someone who isn’t willing to give as much to you. Love is a two-way street. Thanks so much for sharing your comments. 🙂

      (0)
      1. FrankeTheWoman says:

        Ok that we can totally agree …”The point with that single phrase is simply to make sure you don’t give so much of yourself to someone who isn’t willing to give as much to you. Love is a two-way street.” There is no combating or debating that! Thanks!

        (0)
  72. Sunshine says:

    I think a lot of people on here r tripping on that whole don’t play wifey…. But if we can real for a moment here… Whilst I knw everyone’s experience with this is different I can definitely admit to playing a wife to a boyfriend oooo hell even to a guy that wasn’t even sure I deserved to be called his girlfriend…. The more they held out the more I tried to be what they wanted meanwhile these guys weren’t even scratching the surface of what I wanted or needed but I was too consumed by working on being good enough almost as if I needed them to validate me…

    Girlfriend..is the yer you are alryt but let’s see where this could go aka the assessment
    Wife..is the this is it stage no one else I rather be with
    *at least it’s meant to be that way*

    So to conclude all my rambling it’s not a bad thing that he is taking his time to give his approved stamp on you why is yours too easy to attain and you really have to question yourself if you saw yourself marrying all your last few boyfriends

    Are you just trying to get married so u can say someone found u worthy or you found someone you don’t want to spend life without?

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  73. Veronica says:

    It’s 9 months later and I had to come back to this article for affirmation. Thank you for this

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  74. Tabitha says:

    So I was on Instagram and the title of the book popped up as an ad so instantly googled it and came across this page. All I can say is God sure does work in mysterious because I was meant to take in all of this information on this exact day given of what I’m going through. These 10 points have given me hope to continue on and persevere. Oh and I also plan on buying the book!!!

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    1. http://xonecole.com/wp-content/themes/xon/images/xoicon.png Shonda White says:

      blockquote, div.yahoo_quoted { margin-left: 0 !important; border-left:1px #715FFA solid !important; padding-left:1ex !important; background-color:white !important; } Wow!! Thank you, Tabitha! The Lord knew what you needed when you needed it! I’m glad this helped bless you! Thank you so much! 

      Shonda White New Book Now Available: Don’t Be Wife To A Boyfriend: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single Website: ShondaBrownWhite.comSent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

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  75. How exactly do you play wife? Either you are one or you aren’t. If a man wants to marry you, its not going to matter if you live together or not. I respectfully disagree. If I want to cook for a man, clean the house, live with him, whatever I’m going to do that. I dnt understand how me holding off my love and affection towards you and not loving you the way I desire is supposed to get me a husband. In fact, wouldn’t me so called ‘acting like a wife’, be more of a reason for him to see me as a wife and want me as a wife. Women we make it too complicated when it really isn’t. If you don’t let a man know where you stand and what you want in a relationship i.e. marriage then you will never get that. But if a man wants to marry you, he will whether you live together, dnt live together, have sex on the 1st day or make him wait til marriage. Men will step up to the standards you present them if they really want you. There is no secret formula you have to follow. If you want to live with your man you dnt have to hold off simply because you’re afraid he won’t marry you. Just love how you choose to love and make your wants and needs known and if he truly wants to be with you, he will step up to meet those wants and needs period. There is no way to ‘play wife’. You are either a wife or you’re not. We over think relationships too much and men aren’t that complicated at all.

    (-1)
    1. Courtney says:

      That cow metaphor though… yikes.

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  76. It’s common sense but these females are stupid.

    (-4)
    1. Sometimes we just can’t see it until we’re out of it. Lol!

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  77. Simone says:

    I prayed for him… oh come off your soap box… Was an interesting read until you started quoting bible passages and praying for people… come on seriously?!?!

    (-3)
  78. Lmao nope. I will continue to play housewife forever. I refuse to get a job lmao

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