Moving Overseas Helped Me Pay Off Over $200K In American Debt
I moved abroad. And never in a million years did I think that would be a possibility for me.
I started working at age 14. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. There were lots of single-parent homes in my neighborhood, and my family was no exception. We knew all too well about food stamps or having the lights cut off because there just wasn't enough money to go around. So, from a young age, I knew that if I wanted certain things in life I was going to have to work for them, so I did.
Struggling Is Not Living
The same was true for college. I knew that if I wanted a good education, I'd be forced to take out loans, so I did. What I was left with, besides a few degrees, was a mountain of debt that only grew as I attempted to have the American Dream, own my own home, and break the cycle of poverty. Pretty soon, all I did was work to live. Just about every cent I had went towards paying off debt or towards some living expense. And to be honest, I didn't really live modestly.
I drove a new car. I bought clothes I didn't need. I had a brand new flat screen TV and a well-furnished condo that I had just purchased, despite being in debt. I hadn't yet learned that although you could buy property with little to no money down that it wasn't a great idea. These were the things I thought were essential or that I had to have to be happy. These were the things I didn't have growing up so I thought they were necessary to tell everyone I had arrived. But really, the thing I loved to do most and that made me the happiest, travel, was either put on the backburner or scaled back dramatically.
Eat, sleep, work, pay bills became my routine. And I was barely getting by or scratching the surface of my debt.
It didn't take long for that to get old. I've always been a big believer in the idea that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity, so I decided to do something different. I decided to find a job that, at the very least, allowed me to live abroad, experience a new culture and another part of the world. But there was a hiccup. I also needed it to pay me enough to keep making payments on my substantial debt at home in the United States.
Moving Forward And Moving On
Believe it or not, getting the courage to leave was the hardest part. I was 28, and while many of my friends were starting to get married and settle down, I was trying to do the opposite. Most people couldn't fathom why I would leave a great job or a cute car and condo for the unknown. But deep down I knew that I couldn't keep slaving away, putting my dream of seeing the world on the backburner, or trying to fit into someone else's definition of success.
Once I had my mind set on leaving, things began to open up for me.
I had taught before, so I decided to renew my license and teach abroad. I found a hiring agency where I was able to create a profile and have access to a large database of schools abroad that were hiring. The hiring agency also had a job fair that I attended and within the course of a weekend, I had four job offers on two continents. The offers came with benefits that I figured were too good to be true: free housing, healthcare, a travel allowance, a tax-free salary, three months off per year. Were they serious? Well there was only one way to find out. Hey, if it's that bad I'll just come home, right? So, I followed my heart and took the opportunity that resonated most with me and never looked back.
Now, as I reflect on that decision seven years later, I couldn't be happier with the outcome.
What started as a two-year contract to work in the Philippines turned into three. From there, I moved to Singapore, where I've been ever since. I met my fiancĂŠ and started a life here that I'm beyond grateful for.
Freedom Means A Life Without Debt
During this time, I've paid off roughly $290,000 worth of debt. As it turns out, the benefits I thought were too good to be true were what I had hoped and then some. Suddenly, I had way more disposable income. Without the nagging costs of a car, rent, or United States taxes, I was able to put so much more money towards my debt. Each paycheck, I was able to breathe easier and now looked forward to paying bills. I started a budget and limited my spending significantly.
Each paycheck, I took as much money as I could and put it towards my debt with the highest interest first.
Once that was paid, I moved to the next highest interest rate. I also tracked every dollar coming in and every dollar going out. Knowing exactly how I was spending money curbed the spending alone. Around that time, I also started reading more on personal finance. When I lived in the United States, I received a 401k that was selected for me, but abroad I was forced to manage my retirement by myself. Keeping my long-term financial goals in mind and constantly striving to understand growing my wealth helped me to see what was really important and what wasn't. I traveled at my leisure but kept other unnecessary expenses, such as eating out or getting my nails done, to a minimum.
I also found it tremendously helpful to share my goals. I started blogging and decided to share my lofty financial goals. Even though it was embarrassing to reveal how much debt I had accumulated, it was freeing to put it down in writing and actually acknowledge it. It was also motivating to see the overall balance fall. What started as smaller payments quickly snowballed into bigger payments. Whereas before I was paying tons of money in interest alone, I was now seeing the principal decrease dramatically.
I had an extra spring in my step every time I made an extra payment. I've also always been very goal-oriented and competitive, so now that I had set and shared my goal, there was no way I was going to fail.
As of February, I am completely debt-free. And I'm proud to say that I've done it all while also visiting 34 new countries in the process, for a grand total of 41. Student loans are a thing of the past, I own my property in the United States free and clear, and I've not only started to save for retirement now that the debt is gone, but I've also learned how to successfully navigate the stock market as a result of the people I've met along this journey. It's been a whole mindset change really.
I pay closer attention to where my money goes and although I do treat myself at times, I don't need âthings" anymore to feel fulfilled. Instead, I put much more value into the experiences I've had and the people I've shared those experiences with.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image courtesy of Maya McCoy
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Maya McCoy is a Los Angeles native turned expat. She has been living and working in Asia for the past 7 years and traveling every spare moment she gets. In addition to blogging about travel, she also uses her blog as a platform to teach others that travel is possible no matter your circumstances. Check out her blog for tips on travel, personal finance, and becoming an expat.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. Thatâs why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who arenât afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, theyâre ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Donât forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: âIf I get married, I want to be very married.â In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance â otherwise, whatâs the point?
Really, whatâs the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, yâall) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be â folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And Iâm not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how theyâve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Letâs all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content thatâs like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: âSome of your readers arenât going to want to hear this but itâs worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when theyâre not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if youâre expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, youâre going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.â
Adrienne: âTalk to people who respect your man about your marriage. Iâve never believed that you shouldnât ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who donât respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so thatâs where things go left. Sometimes, you need an âoutside inâ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesnât respect marriage, or isnât someone who holds your man in high regard, donât ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why youâre friends with her at all.â
Shellie here: Iâm big on engaged and married couples having a âvillageâ of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out âWhy Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'â to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: âSome of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. Itâs where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make â7â difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if youâre waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ainât gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying youâre gonna be spontaneous andâŚnever are.â
Paulette: âInitiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it â I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. Weâve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when weâre the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isnât âYoung and the Restlessâ, where youâre just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.â
Shellie here: Whatâs a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via â5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.â
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: âReenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. Weâll go back to where we had our first date, or weâll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to âplay outâ later on.â
Gaia: âIf you want to âmom your husband,â you need to have kids â or at least get a dog! I didnât realize how bossy I was until I got married. Itâs because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought thatâs what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They donât try to change each other, and they definitely donât make any demands. Theyâre very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Donât be that.â
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: âGo to therapy for your childhood. Iâm dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. Itâs hard to be an adult in your marriage when youâre still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If youâre at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.â
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. Itâs hard to be an adult in your marriage when youâre still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: âMeditate together once a day. Even if itâs just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; itâs totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if weâre focused on each other, we can take onâŚwhatever.â
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: âAn argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and youâre home-free. Thatâs all I got.â
Rachelle: âThat advice that you just got? That sums up what itâs like to live with my husband. Heâs very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldnât want âtwo of meâ in the house [LOL]. Heâs right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.â
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: âBe prepared for your partner to change â not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now itâs not the person you stood with on your wedding day; itâs someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and thatâs just not how life is. If youâre rigid, controlling, or donât know how to adjust, you donât need to marry anybody. Youâre gonna be miserable, and so will they.â
Madison: âPray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how itâs more than just what weâre getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens â and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I donât think youâll regret it at all.â
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens â and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: âCheck in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldnât assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I donât mean sharing each otherâs schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, âHow are you doing? How are you really doing?â. Itâs a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.â
LaTasha: âGive each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a manâs phone, and I wonât start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because weâve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldnât feel like jail.â
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: âAsk your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they havenât changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Donât personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we donât know what our partner will think or âcause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. Iâve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.â
Wynter: âItâs okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just donât go with people who donât have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesnât need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they donât tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girlsâ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someoneâs wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.â
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: âSTOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and thatâs not what youâre doing if youâre constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if weâre gonna be real about it.â
Yvette: âI already know that some women are going to assume that my man mustâve done something to say all of that (LOL). Heâs a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that heâs forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. Iâve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.â
Allen: âSh- t, thatâs bars, babe!â
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: âWhy anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. Itâs delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others arenât â or that what you do isnât âas bad,â and thatâs why you deserve forgiveness and others donât. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. Iâm here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you canât see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isnât for you.â
Danyelle: âI donât know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but itâs a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ânothingâ when your man asks you whatâs up because, if youâve got a man like mine, heâs gonna say âOkayâ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isnât his responsibility, itâs mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, thatâs not going to get you anywhere either.â
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: âHave more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people donât think like that. If youâve got a friend since college, youâve been through some things and youâve learned to forgive and move past it. If you canât see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didnât take vows with; thatâs ludicrous. Before anyone else, Iâm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. Itâs because I value her more than anyone. Thatâs what marriage is.â
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: âEven if youâre not about âtraditional gender roles,â discuss what the expectations are for the home. People donât divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and youâll look up, and itâs been 20 years already.â
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Gems. Pure gems, yâall.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, âMarriage is not a noun; itâs a verb. It isnât something you get. Itâs something you do. Itâs the way you love your partner every day.â And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether youâre married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)âŚbetter.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images