Moving Overseas Helped Me Pay Off Over $200K In American Debt
I moved abroad. And never in a million years did I think that would be a possibility for me.
I started working at age 14. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. There were lots of single-parent homes in my neighborhood, and my family was no exception. We knew all too well about food stamps or having the lights cut off because there just wasn't enough money to go around. So, from a young age, I knew that if I wanted certain things in life I was going to have to work for them, so I did.
Struggling Is Not Living
The same was true for college. I knew that if I wanted a good education, I'd be forced to take out loans, so I did. What I was left with, besides a few degrees, was a mountain of debt that only grew as I attempted to have the American Dream, own my own home, and break the cycle of poverty. Pretty soon, all I did was work to live. Just about every cent I had went towards paying off debt or towards some living expense. And to be honest, I didn't really live modestly.
I drove a new car. I bought clothes I didn't need. I had a brand new flat screen TV and a well-furnished condo that I had just purchased, despite being in debt. I hadn't yet learned that although you could buy property with little to no money down that it wasn't a great idea. These were the things I thought were essential or that I had to have to be happy. These were the things I didn't have growing up so I thought they were necessary to tell everyone I had arrived. But really, the thing I loved to do most and that made me the happiest, travel, was either put on the backburner or scaled back dramatically.
Eat, sleep, work, pay bills became my routine. And I was barely getting by or scratching the surface of my debt.
It didn't take long for that to get old. I've always been a big believer in the idea that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity, so I decided to do something different. I decided to find a job that, at the very least, allowed me to live abroad, experience a new culture and another part of the world. But there was a hiccup. I also needed it to pay me enough to keep making payments on my substantial debt at home in the United States.
Moving Forward And Moving On
Believe it or not, getting the courage to leave was the hardest part. I was 28, and while many of my friends were starting to get married and settle down, I was trying to do the opposite. Most people couldn't fathom why I would leave a great job or a cute car and condo for the unknown. But deep down I knew that I couldn't keep slaving away, putting my dream of seeing the world on the backburner, or trying to fit into someone else's definition of success.
Once I had my mind set on leaving, things began to open up for me.
I had taught before, so I decided to renew my license and teach abroad. I found a hiring agency where I was able to create a profile and have access to a large database of schools abroad that were hiring. The hiring agency also had a job fair that I attended and within the course of a weekend, I had four job offers on two continents. The offers came with benefits that I figured were too good to be true: free housing, healthcare, a travel allowance, a tax-free salary, three months off per year. Were they serious? Well there was only one way to find out. Hey, if it's that bad I'll just come home, right? So, I followed my heart and took the opportunity that resonated most with me and never looked back.
Now, as I reflect on that decision seven years later, I couldn't be happier with the outcome.
What started as a two-year contract to work in the Philippines turned into three. From there, I moved to Singapore, where I've been ever since. I met my fiancé and started a life here that I'm beyond grateful for.
Freedom Means A Life Without Debt
During this time, I've paid off roughly $290,000 worth of debt. As it turns out, the benefits I thought were too good to be true were what I had hoped and then some. Suddenly, I had way more disposable income. Without the nagging costs of a car, rent, or United States taxes, I was able to put so much more money towards my debt. Each paycheck, I was able to breathe easier and now looked forward to paying bills. I started a budget and limited my spending significantly.
Each paycheck, I took as much money as I could and put it towards my debt with the highest interest first.
Once that was paid, I moved to the next highest interest rate. I also tracked every dollar coming in and every dollar going out. Knowing exactly how I was spending money curbed the spending alone. Around that time, I also started reading more on personal finance. When I lived in the United States, I received a 401k that was selected for me, but abroad I was forced to manage my retirement by myself. Keeping my long-term financial goals in mind and constantly striving to understand growing my wealth helped me to see what was really important and what wasn't. I traveled at my leisure but kept other unnecessary expenses, such as eating out or getting my nails done, to a minimum.
I also found it tremendously helpful to share my goals. I started blogging and decided to share my lofty financial goals. Even though it was embarrassing to reveal how much debt I had accumulated, it was freeing to put it down in writing and actually acknowledge it. It was also motivating to see the overall balance fall. What started as smaller payments quickly snowballed into bigger payments. Whereas before I was paying tons of money in interest alone, I was now seeing the principal decrease dramatically.
I had an extra spring in my step every time I made an extra payment. I've also always been very goal-oriented and competitive, so now that I had set and shared my goal, there was no way I was going to fail.
As of February, I am completely debt-free. And I'm proud to say that I've done it all while also visiting 34 new countries in the process, for a grand total of 41. Student loans are a thing of the past, I own my property in the United States free and clear, and I've not only started to save for retirement now that the debt is gone, but I've also learned how to successfully navigate the stock market as a result of the people I've met along this journey. It's been a whole mindset change really.
I pay closer attention to where my money goes and although I do treat myself at times, I don't need “things" anymore to feel fulfilled. Instead, I put much more value into the experiences I've had and the people I've shared those experiences with.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image courtesy of Maya McCoy
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Maya McCoy is a Los Angeles native turned expat. She has been living and working in Asia for the past 7 years and traveling every spare moment she gets. In addition to blogging about travel, she also uses her blog as a platform to teach others that travel is possible no matter your circumstances. Check out her blog for tips on travel, personal finance, and becoming an expat.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images