Moving Overseas Helped Me Pay Off Over $200K In American Debt
I moved abroad. And never in a million years did I think that would be a possibility for me.
I started working at age 14. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. There were lots of single-parent homes in my neighborhood, and my family was no exception. We knew all too well about food stamps or having the lights cut off because there just wasn't enough money to go around. So, from a young age, I knew that if I wanted certain things in life I was going to have to work for them, so I did.
Struggling Is Not Living
The same was true for college. I knew that if I wanted a good education, I'd be forced to take out loans, so I did. What I was left with, besides a few degrees, was a mountain of debt that only grew as I attempted to have the American Dream, own my own home, and break the cycle of poverty. Pretty soon, all I did was work to live. Just about every cent I had went towards paying off debt or towards some living expense. And to be honest, I didn't really live modestly.
I drove a new car. I bought clothes I didn't need. I had a brand new flat screen TV and a well-furnished condo that I had just purchased, despite being in debt. I hadn't yet learned that although you could buy property with little to no money down that it wasn't a great idea. These were the things I thought were essential or that I had to have to be happy. These were the things I didn't have growing up so I thought they were necessary to tell everyone I had arrived. But really, the thing I loved to do most and that made me the happiest, travel, was either put on the backburner or scaled back dramatically.
Eat, sleep, work, pay bills became my routine. And I was barely getting by or scratching the surface of my debt.
It didn't take long for that to get old. I've always been a big believer in the idea that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity, so I decided to do something different. I decided to find a job that, at the very least, allowed me to live abroad, experience a new culture and another part of the world. But there was a hiccup. I also needed it to pay me enough to keep making payments on my substantial debt at home in the United States.
Moving Forward And Moving On
Believe it or not, getting the courage to leave was the hardest part. I was 28, and while many of my friends were starting to get married and settle down, I was trying to do the opposite. Most people couldn't fathom why I would leave a great job or a cute car and condo for the unknown. But deep down I knew that I couldn't keep slaving away, putting my dream of seeing the world on the backburner, or trying to fit into someone else's definition of success.
Once I had my mind set on leaving, things began to open up for me.
I had taught before, so I decided to renew my license and teach abroad. I found a hiring agency where I was able to create a profile and have access to a large database of schools abroad that were hiring. The hiring agency also had a job fair that I attended and within the course of a weekend, I had four job offers on two continents. The offers came with benefits that I figured were too good to be true: free housing, healthcare, a travel allowance, a tax-free salary, three months off per year. Were they serious? Well there was only one way to find out. Hey, if it's that bad I'll just come home, right? So, I followed my heart and took the opportunity that resonated most with me and never looked back.
Now, as I reflect on that decision seven years later, I couldn't be happier with the outcome.
What started as a two-year contract to work in the Philippines turned into three. From there, I moved to Singapore, where I've been ever since. I met my fiancé and started a life here that I'm beyond grateful for.
Freedom Means A Life Without Debt
During this time, I've paid off roughly $290,000 worth of debt. As it turns out, the benefits I thought were too good to be true were what I had hoped and then some. Suddenly, I had way more disposable income. Without the nagging costs of a car, rent, or United States taxes, I was able to put so much more money towards my debt. Each paycheck, I was able to breathe easier and now looked forward to paying bills. I started a budget and limited my spending significantly.
Each paycheck, I took as much money as I could and put it towards my debt with the highest interest first.
Once that was paid, I moved to the next highest interest rate. I also tracked every dollar coming in and every dollar going out. Knowing exactly how I was spending money curbed the spending alone. Around that time, I also started reading more on personal finance. When I lived in the United States, I received a 401k that was selected for me, but abroad I was forced to manage my retirement by myself. Keeping my long-term financial goals in mind and constantly striving to understand growing my wealth helped me to see what was really important and what wasn't. I traveled at my leisure but kept other unnecessary expenses, such as eating out or getting my nails done, to a minimum.
I also found it tremendously helpful to share my goals. I started blogging and decided to share my lofty financial goals. Even though it was embarrassing to reveal how much debt I had accumulated, it was freeing to put it down in writing and actually acknowledge it. It was also motivating to see the overall balance fall. What started as smaller payments quickly snowballed into bigger payments. Whereas before I was paying tons of money in interest alone, I was now seeing the principal decrease dramatically.
I had an extra spring in my step every time I made an extra payment. I've also always been very goal-oriented and competitive, so now that I had set and shared my goal, there was no way I was going to fail.
As of February, I am completely debt-free. And I'm proud to say that I've done it all while also visiting 34 new countries in the process, for a grand total of 41. Student loans are a thing of the past, I own my property in the United States free and clear, and I've not only started to save for retirement now that the debt is gone, but I've also learned how to successfully navigate the stock market as a result of the people I've met along this journey. It's been a whole mindset change really.
I pay closer attention to where my money goes and although I do treat myself at times, I don't need “things" anymore to feel fulfilled. Instead, I put much more value into the experiences I've had and the people I've shared those experiences with.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image courtesy of Maya McCoy
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Maya McCoy is a Los Angeles native turned expat. She has been living and working in Asia for the past 7 years and traveling every spare moment she gets. In addition to blogging about travel, she also uses her blog as a platform to teach others that travel is possible no matter your circumstances. Check out her blog for tips on travel, personal finance, and becoming an expat.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Monolith. If you’re blessed enough to get several decades under your belt while remaining in your (relatively) right mind, if there’s one word that you will find yourself using more and more often, it’s "monolith." The reality is, that very few things fall into the category of being “something having a uniform, massive, redoubtable, or inflexible quality or character” — sex included.
That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “8 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Should Have In Their Rotation” because, as you’re about to see in a moment, sex is too grand to be limited and, like I tell some of the couples that I work with, sometimes having intimacy issues in their relationship is because they haven’t explored and then discussed the type of sex that they enjoy most.
And, as you’re about to see, there are more than just a few.
1. Oral Sex
Oral GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyFellatio. Cunnilingus. Anilingus (also known as rimming). All of these fall under the definition of oral sex because oral sex is all about using one’s mouth to stimulate their partner’s genitalia. It’s funny because I recently saw an Instagram post where a woman was asking if folks could only get oral sex or intercourse for the rest of their lives, which one would they choose? And y’all, when I tell you that the answers were polarizing as hell. No side really won by a landslide. Interesting.
What I did notice is that when it came to orgasms, specifically, many of the women went with oral sex; which makes sense considering an overwhelming amount of women climax with the help of clitoral stimulation (only about 18 percent can cum from intercourse alone) — and oral sex is one of the best ways to make that happen. If you add to that the fact that you can receive peak sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy — yeah,oral sex is a win for many people whether it’s seen as an act of foreplay or the…main event.
2. Vanilla Sex
GiphyYou know what I saw that was actually pretty good (other than Drew Sidora’s character perpetually playing a victim when she was doing the very stuff that she was accusing her man of): Todd Tucker (you know, Kandi Burruss’s husband) movie,The Pass. If you haven’t seen it (yet), the main married couple are Maurice (Rob Riley) and Nina (Drew Sidora). Nina was already on a slippery slope, off top, because consistent sex in their relationship was not something that she was prioritizing (check out “What You Should Do If You Find Yourself In A Sexless Marriage”). However, when she did “fit it into her schedule,” vanilla sex was something that she was super fond of.
For the record, if there is a sexual position that is the mascot forvanilla sex, it would have to be the traditional take on the missionary. It’s considered to be traditional, conservative — the kind of sex that people who think that intimacy is for procreation more than anything and kinks should be avoided as much as possibly typically go for. In short, super-religious folks are gonna always revert to vanilla sex.
Now even though I didn’t just present vanilla sex to be fireworks central, I don’t think that anything is wrong with it any more than I think that something is wrong with preferring vanilla bean (which is always better than French vanilla, in my opinion) ice cream; especially since science says that missionary is what gets women the most consistent orgasms. Just make sure not to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach to it. Although missionary can be effective, if it’s all you ever do, it can end up becoming somewhat…boring.
This brings me to the next kind of sex.
3. Adventurous Sex
GiphyFolks who have the “I’ll try anything at least once” approach to life are usually all about adventurous sex. These are the kinds of people who aren’t afraid — or even hesitant — to try out certain kinks. They are the ones who you will hear had sex in a strange location and all you’ll do is shake your head or Elmo shrug. They are the people who will videotape themselves more than once (check out “Before You Make A DIY Sex Tape, Read This.”) and create bucket lists (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”), seemingly on a quarterly basis because that’s how intentional they are about trying new things.
Probably the best way to describe those who like adventurous sex is they’re adrenaline junkies which can be cool — so long that they aren’t so “on the hunt” for the next “high” that they don’t realize that intimacy, connecting, and not having to hang off of the chandeliers each and over time are good things too.
4. Morning Sex
GiphyI’ve been working with married couples for close to two decades now and when it comes to the healthiest ones in the bunch, one thing that they have in common is they prioritize sex (check out “Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?” and “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important”). Even if they can’t do it the 90s R&B way (you know, all night long, chile), they will fit in a quickie or some morning sex — and good for them.
Morning sex gives you a good dose of “feel good” hormones at the start of your day, helps to strengthen your immune system, makes it easier for you to be productive through the day, helps you to feel closer to your partner until you can be in each other’s space again and, some studies even say that it can give you stronger orgasms too.
You know, I once read thatalmost 65 percent of women never engage in morning sex — that is absolutely insane to me. Now that you see all of the ways that it can benefit you (and your relationship), if you happen to fall into that tally, maybe give morning sex a shot to see if it can become your new favorite type of sex.
5. Spontaneous Sex
GiphyNatural. Impulsive. Without premeditation. These are some of the words that are typically used to define the word “spontaneous.” When it comes to sex, specifically, what I like about it (especially when it comes to couples who have been in long-term relationships) is that it reveals what happens when people are so into each other that they simply can’t hold back; they’ve got to have each other NOW. Spontaneous people send each other nasty texts just because. Spontaneous people meet up at home at lunch (and not to eat…well, traditionally so…LOL).
Spontaneous people book hotel reservations on a whim. Spontaneous people have sex in the middle of the night. Spontaneous people are oftentimes very vocal about how they feel and what they want when it comes to copulation. One of the best things aboutbeing a spontaneous individual — and definitely liking spontaneous sex — is everything doesn’t revolve around a plan. Spontaneous sex is very lust-driven and since lust means things like “intense sexual appetite” and “uncontrolled desire” — in context, what could possibly be wrong with that?
6. Synchrony Sex
GiphySynchrony is all about something happening simultaneously. So, when you apply this word to sex, it’s when you and your partner feel totally in sync with one another on a physiological level. For instance, some studies say thata blind date is a win or an epic failure based on how much physiological synchrony comes into play because it’s all about things like heart rates beating at a similar pace and evenskin conductance (which is literally like an electrical current that is exchanged) aligning. And just how in the world can you create this if it doesn’t come automatically?
Engaging in things like orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), spending time holding hands and cuddling, being intentional about spending quality time together — all of this can create physiological synchrony which can, in turn, intensify intimacy. Something else that’s cool about synchrony sex is when your bodies are on the same wavelength and you’re able to “breathe together,” it can increase your chances of experiencing an orgasm at the same time as well.
7. Solace Sex
GiphyIf you or your partner is someone who struggles with some level of anxiety, some or more solace sex may be what is needed. Solace sex is basically all about providing someone with reassurance. That said, I do think it’s important to go on record that this shouldn’t be used as a crutch.
What I mean by that is, if you are constantly participating in solace sex because someone has a crippling level of low self-esteem or they are extremely insecure, having sex with them to make them feel better about themselves is ultimately going to be counterproductive and, quite frankly, could end up turning into something toxic.
A lot of people engage in solace sex, whether they realize it or not; and that’s how sex ends up being misused instead of fully enjoyed (some of y’all will catch that later).
8. Make-Up Sex
GiphyHow many times have you heard someone (whether in media or in real life) say something along the lines of“Make-up sex is the best sex”? Any time I do, the characters Marcus and Angela from Tyler Perry’s movie Why Did I Get Married? almost instantly come to mind because remember how toxic they were and yet Marcus said that he didn’t mind fighting a lot because “the make-up sex was insane”? Yeah, it’s unfortunate how many people mistake craziness for passion which is a big part of the reason why I once penned, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” for the platform.
Reconnecting with your partner via sex after a disagreement is fine. Being so poor at communicating that the two of you rely on sex to “gloss things over”? Eh…not so good. At the end of the day, make-up sex should be about celebrating reaching a resolve — not doing whatever you can to deflect from or avoid doing the work that it takes to actually find one.
9. Casual Sex
GiphyIf you’ve ever read my article, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'” before, you already know it’s something that I’m not personally fond of; mostly because I know that casual means things like “careless” and “apathetic.” Luckily, I’m not the only one who feels this way because more and more mental health and relationship experts are saying that our so-called hook-up culture has more “side effects” than a lot of people want to admit. Take the article, “The Problem with Hooking Up” which I once checked out on Boston University’s website. A part of what it said is this:
“Hooking up can be risky because the relationship is not typically monogamous, and when it’s labeled as a friends-with-benefits relationship or other similar pseudo-commitment, it can lead to a false sense of security that might make people be less cautious.”
Are there any pros to casual sex? I mean, if what you’re after is purely recreational sex and you’re being safe (both physically and emotionally), I could see why it’s a “plus” in some people’s books. I’ll just say that as someone who used to be notorious for having sex with friends back in my sexually active days if you signed up for someone to have no real plans for/with you beyond getting off, you can’t get mad when they stick to their end of the deal. Just sayin’.
10. Mindful Sex
Giphy“Mindful” is one of those buzzwords that pops up a lot on the internet these days yet have you ever wondered exactly what it means to be that kind of person? To be mindful is to be fully present. To be mindful is to have a heightened level of awareness. To be mindful is to be intentional about not overthinking. To be mindful is to be super thoughtful and considerate towards others. And if you translate all of this into the act of sex — can you see how mindful sex can be extremely powerful and intimate? There’s no way you can rush through foreplay and consider yourself a mindful sex participant.
There’s no way you cannot know your partner’s needs and consider yourself a mindful sex participant. There’s no way that you can always have quickies only and consider yourself to be a mindful sex participant. Out of all of these, mindful sex is the kind of sex that all couples in long-term relationships should aspire to have the most often because mindful sex truly is some of the best sex (check out “Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels” and “How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?”). If you’re planning on having sex tonight, try and be mindful about it; watch how it takes things to a completely different level.
11. Solo Sex
GiphySolo sex is basically masturbation. Aside from the fact that it’s probably the safest way to enjoy sexual stimulation without the risk of pregnancy or contracting an STI/STD, there’s also no way around the fact that it providessome of the same health benefits as sex with another person does include a decrease of stress levels, reducing the intensity of period cramps, making it easier to fall and stay asleep, strengthening your pelvic floor and, assome experts say, it can help to reduce some of the symptoms that come with perimenopause/menopause as well. Just one (main) word of caution here: if your solo sex consists of sex toys, “too much of a good thing” could affect how you feel about sex with actual people — and not in a good way.
There areplenty of articles out in cyberspace that (fore)warn individuals that sex toys can make it so easy to orgasm that you find yourself either faking orgasms with your partner (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”) or disconnecting on some level with them because you’re so climax-focused that you’re not connection-driven. Solo sex can also make you a selfish (self-consumed) sex partner if you do it excessively too because, if you have mastered how to get your own self off, doesn’t it make sense that being patient enough to show someone else might feel like a complete waste of time? Balance is key with solo sex; that’s for sure.
12. Foreplay
GiphyForeplay is the appetizer before the meal. It’s what sexually arouses us to the point where we want to have sex and, from a physical standpoint, since lubrication makes sex more pleasurable for women, foreplay tends to be very necessary too. And why am I closing out with this one? It’s because some people are so into foreplay that they barely even “show up” for sex. Because they get a lot of what they need from foreplay alone, the act of sex doesn’t seem very necessary for them — which can cause real issues if their partner doesn’t feel the same way.
Bottom line with foreplay is it’s beautiful and essential, more times than not. It’s also something that you shouldn’t get in a rut about (meaning, just like sex shouldn’t always be routine, foreplay shouldn’t be either). Just make sure that you see it in the way that it was intended — warming up the engine before actually driving the car (so to speak).
___
There you have it, y’all — 12 types of sex. Now that they’ve been broken down a bit, which one is your automatic go-to (it always works), which one is your favorite (your preference), and which one should you try out more? Because just like you can havea type of man, you can have a type of sex. AND just like your guy type can keep you stuck if you’re not careful…your type of sex can too.
Learn and explore. Rinse and repeat. Enjoy over and over. In that order too, sis.
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Featured image by Giphy