Monica On Falling For Shannon Brown: 'He Told Me The Day We Met I Would Be His Wife'
Monica Arnold has come a long way from the 14-year-old singer who told us, "Don't Take It Personal (It's just one of those days)."
Since then we've seen the singer release a handful of albums, watch her overcome tragedy in a former relationship, and go through a break-up with her kids father before finding love on the set of a video shoot in her current hubby Shannon Brown.
Recently the loving wife and mother of three stopped by "The Breakfast Club" and opened about her experiences as a single mom turned wife, and the battle of her mind that she had leading up to this place in her life. See, for years following Monica's split from ex-fiancé and baby father, rapper Rocko Hill (in which she shares two sons with) her self-esteem took a hit. Although her ex hadn't abandoned his responsibilities as a father, he did fail her as a man. Her man. And like any woman, after a string of bad relationships, Monica blamed herself.
However, we all know how this story ends with Monica finding her happily ever after in Shannon. The couple just celebrated their 6th wedding anniversary! Although Monica regained her confidence as a woman, she admits that before they were married, her hubby gave her the ultimatum to either let him love her or leave (where do they make him, please?)
Peep the highlights below!
On feeling like she failed her children by becoming a statistic + Having Low Self-Esteem After A Bad Break Up
"It's not about how you look. Bottom line is, once you've been through enough, once you've been cheated on, or talked to in a certain way, it's going to break your spirits. I don't care how good you look.
[Tweet "I've always looked the same way on the outside but on the inside, I didn't feel right."]
I didn't understand what took place, I felt bad because I always wanted my children to have two parents. I didn't want them to go through what I had been through, I didn't want them to go through what their dad had been through, not having a dad there at all. And I felt I had failed them in some way and I really had to take a step back and do a self-check and really regroup and that's what I was doing. I was getting "me" together in front of everybody. So no, I didn't feel good about myself."
On Why she believed men when they told her she wasn't good enough
"Well, because of my temper, they never said it to my face, they just acted like it. It never was said, but I think over the years, if there is years of action that just don't amount up to what you feel like you should be worth, sometimes you get confused.
[And they cheat with] somebody that doesn't even remotely compare.
You could just walk into a mall and you get a side eye and you don't know why. And it's like 'What is she looking at?' It's hard. And this is the one downside to what I do. I don't get the option of [the other woman] not knowing me. They get that option where I have no clue who they are. But you know who I am, you know where to find me. That's easy.
So that's the other part that makes it hard when going through [infidelity], but I think it was the best experience for me to go through because it prepared me for what not to allow today!"
On Regaining Confidence and Being Surprised Men Were Interested in Her: "I just felt like a mom."
"Has anyone ever tried to put in your head that you're a single mother with two kids no man will ever want to take that in?"
"Here is the thing. Girls aren't the only thirst buckets out there. So as soon as news kind of came out that 'Ok, I'm single,' it was the complete opposite. It's weird, it was so weird. Because I'm kind of the around the way girl, I don't get butt naked on the 'gram and all that and I'm thinking, 'Those are the kind of girls they like, they ain't looking at me.' But everybody all of a sudden wants to get married when I get single. It was so weird. I didn't know [I was a hot commodity]. I didn't know that. Coming out of a relationship for years, I just felt like a mom.
"But you been looking fine Monica. Don't act like you ain't been fine, now!"
"But people like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure.' Unless we're married, now listen, we're married [flips hair], it goes down! But I'm not an 'action figure' when I'm solo and single.
[Tweet "People like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure. -@MonicaBrown"]
So I was just thinking I'd be the last person [men would get at]. And I'm talking very well established thirst buckets; it was odd! But it was good for my confidence because my confidence was completely gone. I was focused on nothing else but being a mom and I felt like I was the opposite of what every man would want."
On Shannon Giving Her an Ultimatum to Let Her Guard Down or Leave
"How hard was it for you to let your guard down and be like 'Ok, he's actually a good guy?'"
"It took a while. He was like hey, we need to talk. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. You can't measure up one man by whatever you've experienced with another. So let me show you who I am or I'm about to cut this off.
I was naturally nervous. You know, single mom with two boys. And just was very afraid, if anything else.
I haven't had any issues with him, that's the part that is so crazy. And I'm thankful for that. But I think I've had to go through so much hell before him [with men], that I had to ask 'God, could you shed your light? Because I get it now. I get what you're trying to tell me?'
When he and I met, it wasn't long before we got married. He told me the day we met that I'm going to be his wife. We met at my video shoot for 'Love All Over Me', he was the leading man. They had won the championship the week before so the girl that was working for me said 'You need Shannon Brown' and when I saw him I was like, 'Damn, that's like a big, fine version of Chris Brown. Wow, like we just super-sized [Chris Brown] and put like 15 1/2 feet extra on him [laughs].' So when we met, it was instantaneous connection."
On the Advice She Got from a Fellow "Basketball Wife" + the Power of Groupies
"When I started going to the games, it almost was a little scary because you know, I'm about that [life]. I'm not really somebody you could just like, scare up. But it almost makes me uncomfortable when somebody is willing and ready to do whatever to get to a [ballplayer]. And it doesn't matter who! Whoever comes out the locker room, they've been watching these guys since college, some of them since high school.
I'm glad I got a good warning. [One basketball wife] was like, 'I want you to be prepared because everything is about to change,' and I didn't understand because [Shannon and I] were having so much fun. You know, we're going places and just enjoying each other and the seasons had changed. And the season had just ended and they won the championship, and it could not have been more perfect.
And she kept saying 'You've got to prepare yourself for the stories and the lies. You know what's happening in your house, so 'stay' your house. Don't get out your body watching that other stuff.' So I'm glad I got the preparation for it because it's very different."
On People Claiming She's "fake positive"
"It's no such thing as 'fake positive' with a life like mine. You can Google half the hell I've been through. So you can't be fake-positive and get through what I've got through."
__________________________
Yes Monica! You've got to love it when you let love in and let it win! It's so important that we don't give power to our past by letting it wreck our potential future. Here's to Monica and other women dealing with pain and healing from love!
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
Transform Your Space With Home Decor Ideas Inspired By Your Zodiac Sign
Astrology is reflected in our personalities and also in the way we style and prefer our homes. When looking at your zodiac sign and the symbols, colors, and aesthetics associated with it, you can discover ways to enhance your home and have it reflect your tastes and style. Home decor is such a personal perspective in one's life and can create the overall mood for your day and how you move through the world.
Having a home that makes you feel like yourself and reflects to others what you want them to see in you is sentimental, and by studying the stars, you can develop your personal style in the home.
When it comes to your overall taste and vibe in the home, there are a few different areas you can look at in Astrology. Your sun sign, first and foremost, encapsulates you in your entirety and what makes you feel most like yourself. We all know Cancers and Taurus love their home, and they tend to have and create spaces that make people feel comfortable, safe, and taken care of. Their home decor style borders simplicity with comfort, and they know how to create an inviting ambiance.
Your Venus sign also has a way of pointing you in the direction of what aesthetics resonate with your heart, and you’ll want to learn more about the sign your Venus is in and different ways you can express this side of you in the home.
Your Home Decor Aesthetic, According to Your Zodiac Sign
Finally, your 4th house in Astrology, which rules your home, foundations, inner world, and family, is the perfect place to look at and discover how you can reflect more of your personal energy in the home. Having a planet like Jupiter in the 4th house can represent having a large home and a grand taste for extravagant decor.
Having Venus or Libra here could reflect a more feminine and soft touch in the home, and being inspired to create a space that makes people feel at ease and loved.
With Scorpio in the 4th house, people are private with their homes. When you enter, you get a sense of mysticism and depth with unique art surrounding, that gets you sucked in and intrigued by their world. Dive into where the stars align for you, and get inspired by what you can create in the home.
Read below for your home decor inspo for your sun sign. You can also look at the sign of your 4th house or your Venus sign for more inspiration here.
ARIES: Prints & Patterns
Oxido Turkish Silk Throw Pillow With Down-Alternative Insert 23" by CB2
Aries express themselves freely in the home and have a more unique taste than most. They are inspired by colors, design, authentic pieces, and having an exciting energy in the home. Aries has the perfect balance of being a minimalist and also a person with an eclectic taste when it comes to their home decor style.
Prints mixed with simple pieces bring an elegant twist to their fiery personality, and it’s all about self-expression for Aries. Playing with different patterns and styles and having one-of-a-kind pieces works well for them and showcases their personality.
TAURUS: Romance & Luxury
Curvo 95" White Performance Fabric Sofa By Goop by CB2
Not many people can do home decor like a Taurus. The home is essential to this earthly soul, and they tend to have good taste. The Taurus home is filled with candles, lush rugs, deep colors, and an ambiance of romance and safety. Taurus makes the best plant parents, and a space filled with greenery makes them feel at home.
Earthy tones, gem tones, greens, and pieces that have a sense of comfort and luxury are perfect for the Taurus soul. They want to feel beautiful and comfortable in their home, and they want others to feel the same way as well. They are the type of zodiac sign to invest in good, high-quality, pieces.
GEMINI: Modern & Minimal
Gemini’s home incorporates their creative personality and style, but it also represents a more minimalist and intentional side to them. Most Geminis prefer a modern, minimal, and airy home. They don’t like clutter, and they want a space that can help ease their mind.
Different textures, open windows, and a neutral color tone are perfect for the Gemini home. They will have a few pieces of color and charm, but overall, they thrive in spaces that are a blank slate for them to roam, be, and create.
CANCER: Comfort & Connection
Isobel Console
Cancer thrives when there is flow in the home. Unique pieces that are inviting and express comfort, connection, and love are what they are inspired by. Everything has a place when it comes to Cancer’s home and belongings, and they often keep their pieces forever. They see their home itself as an investment, and everything within it has a purpose and special meaning.
Furniture pieces that provide comfort but that also make you want to connect, talk, and enjoy the comforts of the home align with this water sign. Creams, tans, light blues, rounded or uniquely shaped pieces, and an atmosphere that provides calmness are the perfect home decor style for Cancer.
LEO: Maximalism & Mirrors
Lila Adam Chair
Leo loves a space that reflects their sunny personality and, of course, a home with lots of mirrors. They need their home to be a place in their life where they can feel safe and loved, but also feel a sense of happiness and joy as well. They are not so particular about comforts like an earth sign, and they will choose style over comfort any day.
The Leo is a maximalist at heart and needs a large closet, prints, and colors. They aren’t so concerned with trends as they are with what appeals to their eye, and they want a space where they can entertain and enjoy their life with their loved ones.
VIRGO: Neutral & Pops of Color
Ruffle Marble Decorative Bowl
Virgos are the rulers of all things health, and they want a space that reflects good well-being, simplicity, and a healthy lifestyle, but also a home that looks lived in and has charm. They aren’t minimalist, but they aren’t maximalist either, and they tiptoe between the two with their home decor style.
Neutral tones thrive in Virgo's energy, but they also like a pop of color in the home as well and will have a space that showcases their mutable character. Flowers, rugs, plants, simple home decor pieces, crystals, and neutral backgrounds provide the perfect ambiance for Virgo.
LIBRA: Beauty & Venusian Energy
Light Beige Wabi-Sabi Painting
Credit: Etsy/Getwallartgallery
Libras are ruled by Venus, the planet of love, and they take good care of their home. This is an area of their life where they exemplify a lot of beauty and comfort, and they want to experience love in the home and for other people to feel this energy when they enter. Libras typically have a more minimalistic style, and they know how to say a lot with very little.
A lush white rug, with a cream or pop of color couch, and a functionality of the home that makes people want to connect is perfect for Libra. They will have photos and sentimental pieces of loved ones around the home, and their home decor style reflects their Venusian energy.
SCORPIO: Emotional Depth & Deep Tones
Chambord Grand Pendant
Scorpio loves a moody atmosphere in the home. Blacked-out curtains are a must, and a sense of privacy and emotional depth in the home are, too. You will see a lot of dark colors, browns, burgundies, deep blues, and blacks in the home of a Scorpio, and they are intentional about every piece they have in their space.
They tend to be more minimal, but they do love to adorn their walls with pieces that reflect their heart and make them and others feel something as well. Scorpio’s home tends to look like a vampire's den, and they want their space to feel intimate, mysterious, and intriguing.
SAGITTARIUS: Free-Spirit & Feng Shui
Dowel Counter Stool
The Sagittarius home reflects their free-spirit personality. Sagittarius is one of the signs that is not home too often, so when they are they want things to be easy to find, easy to move around, and a little bit more quiet than all of the energy of the outside world.
They don’t have too much in the home because they prefer to keep things light and accessible, but they wouldn’t necessarily be defined as minimalist either. The Sagittarius has a bold personality that needs a room that’s going to match, colors that will enhance their mood, and a spiritual taste of Feng shui that reflects their inner wisdom.
CAPRICORN: Natural & Traditional
Morrell Dining Chair
Capricorns take their time with their home. They wait till they can acquire the best of the best for themselves and spoil themselves with things that bring them a sense of comfort and groundedness. They want their home to feel organized and comfortable and reflect their hard work and what they have accumulated for themselves.
As with all earth signs, plants are a must, and they enjoy a lot of earthy pieces, woods, and different natural materials as well. There is something traditional about the home of the Capricorn, and they provide a lot of history and value here.
AQUARIUS: Unique & Eclectic
Marais Sectional
The home of the Aquarius is inspired by their other-worldly, cultural, and magnetic personality and interests. Aquarius has a space that is unique and eclectic, and that represents everything that inspires them. They have a lot of pieces that some may not think to put together right away, but the way Aquarius does it makes it look like a masterpiece.
The Aquarius is the trendsetter, and they often do things ahead of their time. They love color, pattern, different aesthetics, and a lot of eclectic pieces on the walls and surrounding them. They need a space that can fuel their wondrous soul and that feels inviting and conversational to friends and family as well.
PISCES: Comfort & Luxury
Carson Bench
Pisces love their home, especially their bedroom, and the comforts of it. Pisces puts comfort over all else when it comes to their home decor style, and they have a home that makes others feel calm and at ease. Pisces' most important home decor piece is their bed, and they prefer the best bedding, the most luxurious bedroom furniture, and lots of pillows and items of comfort.
They have a good balance when it comes to colors and neutrals, and they overall just want to feel like they can wind down in peace when they are at home, and it’s more about how things feel rather than how they look for Pisces in the home. Their style is dreamy, sentimental, and comfortable, with a little bit of magic.
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