Mashonda Tifrere On The Importance Of Self-Inflicted Solitary Confinement
Mashonda Tifrere is working overtime.
The Harlem native, who made a name for herself on the scene, had a lucrative career as an R&B artist spanning almost two decades with extensive appearances on songs by hip hop artists like Jay-Z, Cassidy, and the like. In 2009, her personal life was thrust in the spotlight after separating from her husband and having to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage.
Following the dark and tumultuous period in her life, Mashonda felt inspired to embark on a spiritual evolution that focused on self-empowerment and conscious parenting. She set her sights on something greater – herself. She made the decision to dig deep and explore self-love in order to refocus and eliminate unhealthy lifestyle habits.
“As I reflect on my healing, I realize that my peace was never lost. There were times when I pushed it to the side and instead opted to focus on my ego and all of the things that didn't serve my spirit well; but every time I found stillness, my peace would reappear.”
Today, the songwriter turned author has made it her mission to help others uncover and realize their own power and potential. She created Lifestyleher, a platform meant to act as a safe haven for female evolution and to empower millennial women to create bold and honest content by women for women.
THL recently sat down with the beautiful mother of one to discuss her metamorphosis. Follow along as we learn more about Mashonda’s millennial woman’s movement, latest book project, partnership with BeyGOOD + MORE.
THL: You have spoken about the importance of "empowering yourself within." What does that look like for a woman who has no clue on how to mentally and emotionally transform?
Mashonda: It looks like self-inflicted solitary confinement, taking all the time you need to be alone with yourself until you are comfortable there, investing in self-care, and knowing what it is that you want to give back to the universe. For me, helping others recognize their strengths always made me feel empowered.
[Tweet "Take all the time you need to be alone with yourself until you are comfortable there."]
THL: How have you found peace and healing through emotional trauma and life challenges?
Mashonda: As I reflect on my healing, I realize that my peace was never lost. There were times when I pushed it to the side and instead opted to focus on my ego and all of the things that didn't serve my spirit well; but every time I found stillness, my peace would appear, effortlessly. Most of the time it's just us fighting our own good, holding ourselves back, and being our worst enemy. Healing came with time and a lot of effort to want to heal. I write extensively about the art of healing in my upcoming book. In order for someone to truly heal, one must take apart all of the pieces of oneself and keep only the pieces that add to their human evolution. It's a technique and it takes courage and patience.
THL: What tools or resources have you adopted over the years to help transform your life holistically?
Mashonda:
- Meditation – At the very least, 5 to 10 minutes a day of meditation will help you align yourself to the energies around you.
- Pilates and core strengthening – A strong core will physically give you balance in any situation. Pilates trains you to breathe into specific areas of your body.
- Breathing – Learning how to breathe through pain or discomfort is very important. Conscious breathing can be a valuable tool in helping to restore balance, reduce anxiety and depression, and relax muscles.
- Aromatherapy and floral essences – Learning how to use oils to help you shift your mood and energy, this is a natural way to heal. Flower essences have played a huge role in my journey to self-care. Flower essences are herbal infusions, or decoctions, made from the flowering part of the plant, which uniquely address emotional and mental aspects of wellness. I've watched my life transform because of this energetic imprint of the life force of plants. I use Bach Essences and Doterra Oils.
THL: How would you advise women to demonstrate maturity, dignity, and forgiveness post-relationship trauma?
Mashonda: As women, we must recognize our powers. We are magical beings, supremely balanced with an amazing intuition. We must first forgive ourselves - only then will we have the ability to forgive others - and that's the beginning of demonstrating maturity and dignity. We feed our minds with this idea that others can hurt us, forgetting that we own that power to either control our emotions or let others control them. Post-relationship trauma is natural. It takes time to process these experiences. I've learned that pain is a seed for growth. It's never too late begin again.
[Tweet "As women, we must recognize our power. We are magical beings."]
THL: You are working on a new book project Blend: The Modern Day Family. Can you describe the steps you took to create a healthy, happy blended family dynamic?
Mashonda: The steps include time, patience, and understanding. Understanding that everyone has different views and values, being patient with yourself and the others involved, and doing all of this in the name of love - love for yourself and all the children involved. The name and direction of the book has recently changed. I realized that my story is broader than blending families. It's about healing and being the best version of yourself so that you can properly raise the soul you brought into the world.
THL: What advice would the mature, conscious Mashonda Tifrere tell the younger "Mashonda" 10 or 15 years ago?
Mashonda: Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Fear is an illusion. Live in the present moment. Trust your instinct, if it doesn't feel right, it is not right.
[Tweet "Fear is an illusion. Live in the present moment."]
Originally posted on The Holistic Lioness
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, Caribbean culture has always been all around me, from the food to the dancehall and soca music to traditions carried out by all of the Caribbean people living in the city. As a youngin, I loved attending the West Indian Day Parade every September because the floats, steel drums, extravagant feathers, and upbeat music made me feel free and gave me a deeper appreciation for the culture.
As I got older, I learned that the yearly Carnivals happening across the Caribbean put NYC’s little festivities to shame. Traveling to the islands themselves and experiencing the people and culture first-hand really gives you a deeper understanding and appreciation for Caribbean culture.
The history of Carnival celebrations in the Caribbean can be traced back to enslaved people who were forbidden from participating in the Pre-Lenten celebrations and thus created their own celebrations and traditions, which over time developed into celebrations of freedom and rebellion. Each country in the Caribbean has its own unique history of celebrations, as well as its own Carnival traditions that set it apart from other festivities.
What started as a Pre-Lenten celebration is now celebrated during a range of months throughout the year and now attracts hundreds of people from all over the world. Here are six carnivals that you should go to this year to experience this culture for yourself.
Crop Over - Barbados Carnival
Crop Over Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 6, 2024
What better place to celebrate carnival than the home of our Bajan Queen Rihanna? While some festivities start as early as May, the official festival season in Barbados starts in July and ends in early August. Crop Over originally started as a way for plantation workers to celebrate the end of the sugarcane harvest season and has now evolved into a much larger celebration. Crop Over is a blend of both old and new traditions, such as the Ceremonial Delivery of the Last Canes, and Cohobblopot, where bands show off their beautiful costumes and play soca and calypso music.
All of the week's festivities culminate with the Grand Kadooment, Crop Over’s big parade featuring all of the bands and droves of people taking to the streets in their beautiful costumes and dancing to the local music.
Other things to do: Visit Hunte’s Garden in Joseph’s Parish and find peace in the picturesque garden while spotting an array of different birds and animals. If you’re looking for beach relaxation, spend a day at Carlisle Bay, the perfect beach for swimming, taking in some sun, and a possible turtle sighting.
Saint Thomas Carnival
Saint Thomas Carnival Dates: April 28, 2024 - May 5, 2024
No passport? That won’t be a problem for U.S. travelers looking to get in on the carnival experience. Saint Thomas, one of the three U.S. Virgin Islands, is known for its crystal clear beaches, scuba diving scene, and overall vibrant culture. The island celebrates its carnival in late April and features a dynamic lineup of events including colorful adult and kiddie parades, calypso competitions, and street parties. Virgin Islanders are known to love to party, so make sure to fill up before the festivities with some local favorites like johnny cakes, callaloo, and conch fritters.
With its rich cultural heritage and lively atmosphere, this is a carnival experience perfect for a first-timer who wants to ease their way into the lifestyle.
Other things to do: Visit one of Saint Thomas’ many turquoise blue beaches such as Coki, Magens Bay, Brewers Bay, or Lindquist Beach. Coki Beach is perfect if you're looking for a more lively experience and want to snorkel without swimming far out, and Brewers Bay is best known for the sea turtles that you can see from the sand. You can also take a short ferry over to Saint John, another of the Virgin Islands, and spend a day at Lime Out, a floating taco and margarita bar.
Spicemas - Grenada Carnival
Courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority
Spicemas Dates: August 7, 2024 - August 14, 2024
Grenada, also known as the Spice Isle due to its production of a variety of spices, has one of the most anticipated carnivals every year. During Spicemas, revelers hit the streets for lively music, paint, oil, dancing, and good times. One of the most important aspects of Spicemas is Jab Jab, a celebration that involves covering one's body in black oil or paint. This tradition started as a post-emancipation masquerade, in which former enslaved Africans would paint themselves black emulating a “Jab” derived from the French word diable, which means devil.
This was a way of mocking their former masters and also represented rebellion and freedom. Since then, the tradition has evolved into a staple of Carnival on J’ouvert morning, a celebration of freedom, and undoubtedly an element that makes Grenada stand out from other Carnivals across the diaspora. Outside of J’ouvert, Spicemas is a beautiful culmination of colorful and vibrant costumes, steel band competitions, delicious rum, and music that you’ll dance to all night.
Grenada is celebrating 50 years of independence this year, so just know that Spicemas is going to be extra special!
Other things to do: For the ocean lovers, the Molinere Bay Underwater Sculpture Park is a must-see attraction. It is the world's first underwater sculpture park and a popular excursion for folks visiting the island. This year, five new installations are being added to the park, which can all be viewed through snorkeling, diving, or a glass bottom boat ride.
Antigua Carnival
Antigua Carnival Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 7, 2024
Every August, carnival lovers flock to the beautiful island of Antigua for its annual carnival festival. First celebrated in 1957, Antigua’s Carnival started as a celebration of emancipation from slavery and has since expanded into a dynamic showcase of local talent, music, and cultural pride. Some events to look forward to are the Party Monarch and Calypso Monarch competitions, as well as the Caribbean Queen’s Competition.
Antigua Carnival is an almost two-week extravaganza that leads into J’ouvert on Carnival Monday and the main parade on Carnival Tuesday. If you love good music, vibrant costumes, and delicious food, this is the carnival for you.
Other things to do: Take a trip to Shirley Heights Lookout for live music and breathtaking panoramic views of the coastline and ocean. And with 365 beaches in total, you’d be missing out if you didn’t fit in a few on your itinerary.
Bermuda Carnival
Bermuda Carnival Dates: June 12, 2024 - June 17, 2024
Also known as Heroes Weekend, Bermuda Carnival may be smaller than some of the other carnivals, but is still a great time. Bermuda is one of the newer carnivals, originating in 2015. Celebrated in June, this long weekend of festivities draws inspiration from other popular carnivals while also highlighting elements of Bermudian culture. You can expect some similar elements as other countries such as daily fetes, soca music, and a parade filled with different bands and extravagant costumes.
They also celebrate Bermuda’s National Heroes during carnival with a national feast. Bermudians have immense pride in their country and culture, and their carnival is the biggest celebration of the year that you don’t want to miss.
Other things to do: Take a day trip to Crystal and Fantasy Caves, beautiful caves formed over millions of years that you can take tours of. Spend a few hours taking in these beautiful natural wonders and seeing some of the formations and underground pools.
Saint Lucia Carnival
Saint Lucia Carnival Dates: July 10, 2024 - July 17, 2024
Home to some of the most beautiful mountains and beaches in the Caribbean, Saint Lucia has the perfect backdrop for an unforgettable carnival experience. Saint Lucia Carnival didn’t take flight until the late 1940s but has grown into a favorite for both novice and seasoned masqueraders. Formerly held in February, this carnival now kicks off in July which allows it not to compete with the highly revered Trinidadian carnival that also happens at that time. Saint Lucia’s Carnival has grown in popularity over the years because of the lively music, delicious food, and turned-up fetes.
One of the highlights is the Parade of the Bands, where masqueraders adorned in elaborate costumes dance through the streets to the rhythms of soca, calypso, and steelpan music. The best way to prepare for the Saint Lucia Carnival is to stay hydrated and well-fed so that you can thoroughly enjoy the plethora of events and parties happening from early morning to nightfall.
Other things to do:The Pitons, Gros Piton and Petit Piton are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the main attractions in Saint Lucia. Take a hike of Gros Piton or just marvel at its natural beauty. If you're there on a Friday night, stop by the weekly Gros Islet Street Party, which is filled with music, drinks, and local food.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority