
You get what you pay for.
That’s what I’m telling myself as Tiannia Barnes, footwear designer and owner of the Tiannia Barnes luxury shoe brand, explains to me why I should stop shopping for bargain pumps at ALDO, and start dropping $300 plus on a pair of quality heels that are relatively scuff mark and scratch resistant.
“I'm going to bring this right on in for you so you can go forth and be great in a super pair of shoes!”
Class is in session, and I’m all ears.
“You have to invest in your shoes. If I buy this classic pump for $350, this is going to last me and I'll be able to wear it with my jeans, with my skirt, going to church, going to work, wherever,” she tells me. “If you're going to invest in your shoes, you're going to invest in quality because your expectation is that they're going to last for a while. “
So no more $80 online shoe boutique shoes then?
“There's no way that I, personally, would spend a lot of money at a store buying a shoe that's like $80. Because in the next month, you're going to go and buy another pair that's $80, because that one is probably going to tear up or something's up with the material. It's not going to last you a year, two years. I mean, that's very rare."
I think about the neon green faux-suede pumps buried in the back of my closet, the ones with black scuff marks that the shoe repairman I took it to said wouldn’t likely ever completely come out. I wore them to a club in Atlanta. They only lasted one night.
And while I won’t be running to my nearest Louboutin store and whipping out my credit card, I’m already internalizing the quality over quantity lesson that was just schooled to me by the fashionista.
On any given day Tiannia is working tirelessly on her Italian-made shoe line, often burning the midnight oil long after leaving her 9 to 5 as an IT Program Manager and getting her 11-year-old son settled in for the night. Ironically it’s her corporate experience and background in math and industrial engineering that’s enabled her to transition into fashion. She’s crunching numbers, finalizing designs, working with a graphic designer to create the technical specifications for the shoe, and developing a solid supply chain system to help move her product from the factories of Italy and through her e-commerce website that she distributes. It also helps that she has her MBA, and has learned that setting up a business is more about the execution than the idea.
Despite always wanting to be an entrepreneur, her corporate path is what armed her with the knowledge and tenacity to follow through with her dream of being her own boss.
Before tapping into the industry, however, she first had to commit to her dream.
Growing up in Oklahoma City Tiannia remembers always having an interest in fashion. Her mom wasn’t big into the latest trends, but she describes her grandmother as fashion-forward. Her Barbie and Ken dolls were always dressed sharp, and in high school, long after her plastic childhood friends were laid to rest, she designed her dress for the senior prom in an effort to stand out from her peers dressed in their department store finds. As an adult she took a liking to Gucci’s timeless designs and Guiseppe Zanotti’s bold prints, starting her growing collection in college and later, when her career afforded her the opportunity to travel, incorporating shopping sprees into her vacation destinations.
“I would go to Miami a lot because I have friends down there, and I would just talk to the people in the stores. I'd walk into Jimmy Choo and connect with the salespeople,” she says. “I had a person in Vegas, Miami, and New York, that would email me every time they had that semi-annual sale, and that's when everything would be like 40% or 50% off, so that's when I would buy my designer shoes.”
As her collection grew so did her interest in design, and just as she did back in high school she found herself raw sketching her own prints as a creative outlet. Even then, she had no intention of becoming a shoe designer—she just had the passion for fashion, so much so that she took a class for shoemaking in Cleveland, Ohio, working with London-trained shoe designer, Sissy Puccio, in order to gain further knowledge and understanding about the business, from patternmaking to prototyping. It was then that she realized this was more than just a passion, this was a part of her purpose, and it was time to take it her visions beyond the paper and turn it into a tangible product.
“Once I took that shoemaking class, then I had to make a commitment to starting a business. I knew this was something I love and I had a passion for it. You've got to have that burning desire inside of you, that's what you should hone in on because many people start businesses, and that's fine, but the business that's going to be successful is the one that is deep down in you, the one that you have that intuition about because that's your real gift. So, I had to commit to starting a business.”
Without that commitment she wouldn’t have taken the necessary steps to be her own boss, because while many entrepreneurs boast about their flexible schedules and not having to answer to another, they sometimes fail to tell you is that the grind is real. Tiannia first had to research whether or not she should establish her company as LLC or an S-Corp, and go through the tedious paperwork process of becoming a real business. She then worked with a designer to create her logo and business cards to push her brand and researched her target audience to determine what kind of price point she wanted to sell her high-end shoes at. Once the foundation was established she then had to design the structure.
She connected with the Italian Trade Commission in New York to help refer her to the best designers and manufacturers to fit her needs. She then traveled to New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago to interview four different shoe designers and persons with experience in the footwear industry to determine who would best guide her through the process—she decided on a gentleman in Chicago who had a successful footwear business.
“It didn't matter that he had a men's footwear shoe line and that it was nothing like mine, what mattered is that he had the knowledge and the principles to get me to the next stage of getting my shoe made, because I was very green in that area.”
After going over her sketches and important details such as comfortability, quality, material, and the construction of the shoe, he worked with her to find a factory in Italy that worked with her to design the prototype. After a few back-and-forth exchanges where the prototype was marked up and redesigned, she finally had a finished product in hand after a few months, just in time to prepare for the launch of her Fall 2015 line.
But the work was far from over.
With inventory in hand, she now had to develop a website to push her products, which are exclusively sold online, and connected with a PR agency that scored interviews with Forbes and Fast Company, adding credibility to her budding brand.
Oh, and did I mention that this was all self-funded?
“The funny thing is that when I started my business, I said I want to self-fund my business because I didn't want anybody to come and take my baby. I don't want to lose control of anything; this is my vision,” she says. “So I said no, I don't want any investors. That was before I knew how much it took to actually start a new business—you know with the branding and the marketing and all of that stuff. “
Recently she was granted a small business loan but chose to only take out enough to get her to the next phase. She’s also let go of the “me only” mantra and has been taking meetings with potential investors, which has been a learning experience in itself since many investors are more concerned with their return as opposed to the idea in itself. She advises anybody looking for investors to be mindful of what outcome they’re looking for, and to find somebody who’s just as interested in your business as much as their financial gain. For those who may not qualify for a small business loan or aren’t able to lock down investors, start by reaching out to family, friends, or even tapping into a 401K.
“I really do believe in investing in yourself, that's a huge component because nobody knows your dream and vision better than you, and nobody's going to take care of it better than you.”
Tiannia, who recently relocated from Connecticut to New York for business reasons, is hoping that her hard work will soon pay off and allow her to transition into her role full-time. In the meantime, she’s directed her attention to her new collection, which will take her style options from three to ten. The collection includes a few surprise twists to her more classic designs, and a color palette inspired by the sunset, ocean, and vibrant colors ins[red by her travels to the Caribbean and beyond.
“Not to give a lot away, but there's some fur involved, I’ll just say that!”
Being her own boss has allowed the designer to tap back into who she really is outside of the college degrees and being a former wife. It’s helped build her confidence and get back to the foundation of who she is as a woman.
“Who is this new Tiannia? Who is Tiannia that's not the wife? All of this is a journey, and it's a personal journal for me to get back to who I really am, and what I'm really supposed to be doing with my life. When you follow what you're supposed to be doing, the universe or God will actually lay your path out, and I have a huge testimony about that.”
For a little girl growing up in the mid-west, the real journey started with fearlessly putting her best foot forward, one stylish shoe at a time.
Featured image courtesy of Tiannia Barnes
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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