How I Found A Job That Paid Me To Live Abroad For Free
What does it mean to be an Au Pair?
I had heard the term "Au Pair" before but wasn't really hip to what it actually entailed. Until one December, I stumbled upon the very creative way to live abroad while on a rampant Google search. It struck me that month, during one frustrating day of contemplation and confusion about life and where to turn next, that I wanted, needed, to travel often and experience new cultures. While I've been able to take the international/domestic trip here and there I was craving more frequent jet-setting. But, given my financial situation, I wanted to do it for free, or at least at a low enough cost.
Overlooking Blanes, Spain, my Au Pair hometown
By far, Au Pair felt the most creative.
An Au Pair is a person who lives with a family in another country to help with the kids.
I vaguely remembered Au Pair from a made-for-TV movie back in the day but not as something that seemed accessible. Plus, I had never personally known anyone to do it so I thought it was out of my league. But upon looking deeper into it, my eyes were opened to the opportunity awaiting. I couldn't help but think, Why haven't I looked into this sooner?
That day, I found aupairworld.com and signed up on a whim. Two days later, I had completely forgotten about it and moved on from my moody episode when I checked my e-mail to find multiple applications from families needing an Au Pair. At least 10 families had reached out to me and over the next week, applications kept rolling in. By the end of January, I was practically booking my flight to stay with a family in Italy! However, it didn't quite work out last minute and I thought, what a relief, it was all moving kind of fast.
Nine months later, a family from Spain that I had previously spoken with reached out. "I noticed you still have a profile on here and I would love to chat again if you are available to come in November," the mom had said.
It was mid-October and in reality, I didn't think it would be feasible. I had pushed aside the thought of being an Au Pair and was focused on saving money and finding a full-time fashion job. But, though the turnaround was tight, something inside told me not to say no just yet.
Day trip to Barcelona with my Au Pair little sister
As it turns out, that same week, a friend of mine found out that they had to leave their apartment by the end of October. The family needed me in Spain by the first week of November. Instantly, I felt as though everything was falling into place and the universe was telling me that it was time to take this chance. My friend took over my apartment and before I knew it, my flight was booked and I was off to Spain for six weeks. I decided that since I would already be in Europe, I would travel to different countries for two more months after the gig.
And that's how six countries, 10 cities and three months later, I'm wishing I would have jumped on and benefitted from this opportunity years ago instead of waiting until I was 26.
But I just didn't know! Being an Au Pair is the perfect launch pad for girls coming out of college who don't want to go into the workforce just yet or for young women who just want to travel in general. And while it is certainly not limited to girls in/finishing college, fewer responsibilities back home make it an opportunity more accessible for young women.
A photo taken by my Au Pair little sister in Catalunya, Spain
As I shared my travels on social media, many people reached out to me asking how my experience was, how I did it, and how they too could do it because they felt inspired. So, below is a round-up of key points from my experience as an Au Pair. I hope it sparks a fire in other travel-hungry women like myself and can specifically encourage more black women to seek this out as a travel opportunity.
What Is An Au Pair?
According to aupairworld.com, "An au pair is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family. The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay. As such, he or she helps the family with childcare and can be asked to assume some light household tasks. In return, the host family provides free board and lodging, as well as pocket money. However, the au pair is neither a housekeeper, nor a nanny."
From my research, it's true that Au Pairs do generally have to be under the age of 30. Many sources, such as AuPair.com, also state that having no kids of your own is a general requirement. However, with the site that I used, the terms and conditions are always personalized between the family and the Au Pair. Don't be discouraged based on these guidelines alone because I'm sure being 31, for example, would not count you out.
Photo by my Au Pair little brother while walking him to school
How To Get Started As An Au Pair
I used an independent website, aupairworld.com, in which both families and Au Pairs register for free. After registration, I simply made a profile featuring general information about myself, why I want to Au Pair, my experience with kids, and a few pictures. Families that register will also complete similar sections on their page. From there, the site's "easy find" feature is available to search for matching families. And, like in my situation, families will send applications directly to Au Pairs.
Screen shot of my profile on Au Pair World
How To Choose The Right Family
Of course, there's more to it than registering, picking the perfect family on paper, and flying to their home. After speaking with different families, I exchanged e-mails with my favorites. From there, our e-mail communication consisted of multiple questionnaires about each other, recommendations from close friends/acquaintances, and Skype calls. I also spoke with their previous Au Pairs for firsthand insight on the experience. Finally, I had my parents Skype with the family so they could all meet "face to face."
The family I ended up living with in the Catalonia region of Spain seemed perfect for many reasons. First, the children were 10 and 12 years old, which I felt was an opportunity to hang out with them and help them with English as opposed to caring for younger children, like toddlers. The daughter also dreams of being a fashion designer living in NYC and seeing as I live in NYC now and work in fashion, this was an awesome bonding experience waiting to happen. Finally, I had visited Spain before and knew I would love the opportunity to actually live in the country.
Visit to the Botanical Garden in my Au Pair town; Photo by Au Pair sis
Why Europe?
This was primarily a result of the families that contacted me, with most being from Spain and Italy. The website I used allows you to select the countries you are interested in, and Spain and Italy were among my choices. I also felt most comfortable being in Europe for an extended period as a solo traveler. I had studied abroad in London years ago and much of my international traveling has been in European countries such as France, the Netherlands, and Germany.
A colorful street in Blanes, Spain
What About Visas?
American citizens traveling to Europe for less than 90 days don't (shouldn't) need a special visa. I simply relied on my tourist visa. However, if a family wants you for longer, then they will likely apply through their government for you to stay legally over 90 days. The families typically indicate how long they want an Au Pair and you should also have an idea, right?
Do you want a short stay just to get a taste of another area? Or, do you want to immerse yourself in the culture for up to a year? Keep in mind, a longer stay probably equates to saving more money. This all depends on your expenses back home and what you want to do while you are abroad. Once you have a timeframe in mind, partner with your prospective family to tie up all the logistics and make sure any necessary paperwork is filed in a timely manner.
Standing on Sa Palomera in Blanes, Spain
What About Money And Travel Expenses?
Here is the tricky part. Technically speaking, as an Au Pair the main element to pay for is your flight there and back. You will be living with the family as a regular member, so food, toiletries, and all essentials are covered and sometimes transportation. Family-led activities should generally be covered, as well. Like how I was lucky enough to be offered an extra ticket to a Barcelona football match (a BIG deal) because my Au Pair mom's father couldn't make it, though the circumstances weren't as lucky for their previous Au Pair who decided to shell out a few hundred dollars for the chance to see the famed team play. And of course, there is also weekly pocket money for any activities you want to do in your free time.
Attending the Barcelona vs. Malaga football match at Camp Nou
With that being said, the pocket money is in no way a means to supplement an income. I would say a high average is about 100 euros/week, so 400 euros/month (about $430). This money is only meant to provide you with funds to enjoy yourself in and around your new city, not intended to support any financial responsibilities. Therefore, it is crucial to save if you want to take trips to surrounding countries, go on shopping sprees, eat fancy dinners, or do anything that cannot be sustained outside of a hundred bucks a week.
Eating mackerel in a ponzu sauce in Barcelona
I committed to my Au Pair family about three weeks before my scheduled arrival so I hustled to build up a small stash of funds before I left. Being able to travel through Europe after I was finished with my stint was the ultimate goal. Plus, I did not know when I would have the chance again. I saved about $1300 in those weeks, separate from my personal savings, and accepted that I would use my credit card when necessary. Due to a few setbacks on my trip, my money definitely ran out! But I still managed to keep traveling in Europe and made it back with plenty of stories to tell, despite not a lot of cash.
How To Find Cheap Flights For Country-Hopping
Once you are in Europe, it is easy and cheap to travel via planes and trains. My favorite sites to check for flights were lastminute.com and cheapoair.com. When I found low prices, I would then check the airline's website before booking because often it's even cheaper on their own site. One note is that many of these low-cost airlines do not allow free checked bags so travel light when possible. I always checked the airline's baggage fees before booking, knowing I would have to purchase at least one bag for my suitcase. Even with my bag, my flights averaged around $75 one-way to each country.
Photographing Lisbon's skyline on a weekend trip to Portugal
What Next?
Now, I'm back and I have tons of new destinations under my belt, unforgettable memories, and a new extended family on the other side of the world. At the time that I left, I was freelancing and did not have any major work commitments, so I had the flexibility to leave. I'm now back in the US and able to pick right back up where I left off and am glad I took the chance.
For those of you who may not find it so easy to go, I'm not saying to pick up and quit your job or leave your life behind. But for those of you who are looking for an outlet and a means to travel on your own terms, maybe becoming an Au Pair is the next right move for you.
For more on my journey, visit my blog Eclectic Culture.
Originally published September 12, 2017
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Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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