How I Found A Job That Paid Me To Live Abroad For Free
What does it mean to be an Au Pair?
I had heard the term "Au Pair" before but wasn't really hip to what it actually entailed. Until one December, I stumbled upon the very creative way to live abroad while on a rampant Google search. It struck me that month, during one frustrating day of contemplation and confusion about life and where to turn next, that I wanted, needed, to travel often and experience new cultures. While I've been able to take the international/domestic trip here and there I was craving more frequent jet-setting. But, given my financial situation, I wanted to do it for free, or at least at a low enough cost.
Overlooking Blanes, Spain, my Au Pair hometown
By far, Au Pair felt the most creative.
An Au Pair is a person who lives with a family in another country to help with the kids.
I vaguely remembered Au Pair from a made-for-TV movie back in the day but not as something that seemed accessible. Plus, I had never personally known anyone to do it so I thought it was out of my league. But upon looking deeper into it, my eyes were opened to the opportunity awaiting. I couldn't help but think, Why haven't I looked into this sooner?
That day, I found aupairworld.com and signed up on a whim. Two days later, I had completely forgotten about it and moved on from my moody episode when I checked my e-mail to find multiple applications from families needing an Au Pair. At least 10 families had reached out to me and over the next week, applications kept rolling in. By the end of January, I was practically booking my flight to stay with a family in Italy! However, it didn't quite work out last minute and I thought, what a relief, it was all moving kind of fast.
Nine months later, a family from Spain that I had previously spoken with reached out. "I noticed you still have a profile on here and I would love to chat again if you are available to come in November," the mom had said.
It was mid-October and in reality, I didn't think it would be feasible. I had pushed aside the thought of being an Au Pair and was focused on saving money and finding a full-time fashion job. But, though the turnaround was tight, something inside told me not to say no just yet.
Day trip to Barcelona with my Au Pair little sister
As it turns out, that same week, a friend of mine found out that they had to leave their apartment by the end of October. The family needed me in Spain by the first week of November. Instantly, I felt as though everything was falling into place and the universe was telling me that it was time to take this chance. My friend took over my apartment and before I knew it, my flight was booked and I was off to Spain for six weeks. I decided that since I would already be in Europe, I would travel to different countries for two more months after the gig.
And that's how six countries, 10 cities and three months later, I'm wishing I would have jumped on and benefitted from this opportunity years ago instead of waiting until I was 26.
But I just didn't know! Being an Au Pair is the perfect launch pad for girls coming out of college who don't want to go into the workforce just yet or for young women who just want to travel in general. And while it is certainly not limited to girls in/finishing college, fewer responsibilities back home make it an opportunity more accessible for young women.
A photo taken by my Au Pair little sister in Catalunya, Spain
As I shared my travels on social media, many people reached out to me asking how my experience was, how I did it, and how they too could do it because they felt inspired. So, below is a round-up of key points from my experience as an Au Pair. I hope it sparks a fire in other travel-hungry women like myself and can specifically encourage more black women to seek this out as a travel opportunity.
What Is An Au Pair?
According to aupairworld.com, "An au pair is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family. The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay. As such, he or she helps the family with childcare and can be asked to assume some light household tasks. In return, the host family provides free board and lodging, as well as pocket money. However, the au pair is neither a housekeeper, nor a nanny."
From my research, it's true that Au Pairs do generally have to be under the age of 30. Many sources, such as AuPair.com, also state that having no kids of your own is a general requirement. However, with the site that I used, the terms and conditions are always personalized between the family and the Au Pair. Don't be discouraged based on these guidelines alone because I'm sure being 31, for example, would not count you out.
Photo by my Au Pair little brother while walking him to school
How To Get Started As An Au Pair
I used an independent website, aupairworld.com, in which both families and Au Pairs register for free. After registration, I simply made a profile featuring general information about myself, why I want to Au Pair, my experience with kids, and a few pictures. Families that register will also complete similar sections on their page. From there, the site's "easy find" feature is available to search for matching families. And, like in my situation, families will send applications directly to Au Pairs.
Screen shot of my profile on Au Pair World
How To Choose The Right Family
Of course, there's more to it than registering, picking the perfect family on paper, and flying to their home. After speaking with different families, I exchanged e-mails with my favorites. From there, our e-mail communication consisted of multiple questionnaires about each other, recommendations from close friends/acquaintances, and Skype calls. I also spoke with their previous Au Pairs for firsthand insight on the experience. Finally, I had my parents Skype with the family so they could all meet "face to face."
The family I ended up living with in the Catalonia region of Spain seemed perfect for many reasons. First, the children were 10 and 12 years old, which I felt was an opportunity to hang out with them and help them with English as opposed to caring for younger children, like toddlers. The daughter also dreams of being a fashion designer living in NYC and seeing as I live in NYC now and work in fashion, this was an awesome bonding experience waiting to happen. Finally, I had visited Spain before and knew I would love the opportunity to actually live in the country.
Visit to the Botanical Garden in my Au Pair town; Photo by Au Pair sis
Why Europe?
This was primarily a result of the families that contacted me, with most being from Spain and Italy. The website I used allows you to select the countries you are interested in, and Spain and Italy were among my choices. I also felt most comfortable being in Europe for an extended period as a solo traveler. I had studied abroad in London years ago and much of my international traveling has been in European countries such as France, the Netherlands, and Germany.
A colorful street in Blanes, Spain
What About Visas?
American citizens traveling to Europe for less than 90 days don't (shouldn't) need a special visa. I simply relied on my tourist visa. However, if a family wants you for longer, then they will likely apply through their government for you to stay legally over 90 days. The families typically indicate how long they want an Au Pair and you should also have an idea, right?
Do you want a short stay just to get a taste of another area? Or, do you want to immerse yourself in the culture for up to a year? Keep in mind, a longer stay probably equates to saving more money. This all depends on your expenses back home and what you want to do while you are abroad. Once you have a timeframe in mind, partner with your prospective family to tie up all the logistics and make sure any necessary paperwork is filed in a timely manner.
Standing on Sa Palomera in Blanes, Spain
What About Money And Travel Expenses?
Here is the tricky part. Technically speaking, as an Au Pair the main element to pay for is your flight there and back. You will be living with the family as a regular member, so food, toiletries, and all essentials are covered and sometimes transportation. Family-led activities should generally be covered, as well. Like how I was lucky enough to be offered an extra ticket to a Barcelona football match (a BIG deal) because my Au Pair mom's father couldn't make it, though the circumstances weren't as lucky for their previous Au Pair who decided to shell out a few hundred dollars for the chance to see the famed team play. And of course, there is also weekly pocket money for any activities you want to do in your free time.
Attending the Barcelona vs. Malaga football match at Camp Nou
With that being said, the pocket money is in no way a means to supplement an income. I would say a high average is about 100 euros/week, so 400 euros/month (about $430). This money is only meant to provide you with funds to enjoy yourself in and around your new city, not intended to support any financial responsibilities. Therefore, it is crucial to save if you want to take trips to surrounding countries, go on shopping sprees, eat fancy dinners, or do anything that cannot be sustained outside of a hundred bucks a week.
Eating mackerel in a ponzu sauce in Barcelona
I committed to my Au Pair family about three weeks before my scheduled arrival so I hustled to build up a small stash of funds before I left. Being able to travel through Europe after I was finished with my stint was the ultimate goal. Plus, I did not know when I would have the chance again. I saved about $1300 in those weeks, separate from my personal savings, and accepted that I would use my credit card when necessary. Due to a few setbacks on my trip, my money definitely ran out! But I still managed to keep traveling in Europe and made it back with plenty of stories to tell, despite not a lot of cash.
How To Find Cheap Flights For Country-Hopping
Once you are in Europe, it is easy and cheap to travel via planes and trains. My favorite sites to check for flights were lastminute.com and cheapoair.com. When I found low prices, I would then check the airline's website before booking because often it's even cheaper on their own site. One note is that many of these low-cost airlines do not allow free checked bags so travel light when possible. I always checked the airline's baggage fees before booking, knowing I would have to purchase at least one bag for my suitcase. Even with my bag, my flights averaged around $75 one-way to each country.
Photographing Lisbon's skyline on a weekend trip to Portugal
What Next?
Now, I'm back and I have tons of new destinations under my belt, unforgettable memories, and a new extended family on the other side of the world. At the time that I left, I was freelancing and did not have any major work commitments, so I had the flexibility to leave. I'm now back in the US and able to pick right back up where I left off and am glad I took the chance.
For those of you who may not find it so easy to go, I'm not saying to pick up and quit your job or leave your life behind. But for those of you who are looking for an outlet and a means to travel on your own terms, maybe becoming an Au Pair is the next right move for you.
For more on my journey, visit my blog Eclectic Culture.
Originally published September 12, 2017
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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