'Pick Your Brain Over Coffee' -- Is It The Best Approach?
Have you ever slid into your favorite influencer, industry expert, or entrepreneurs' DM asking to pick their brain over coffee?
Slowing raises a hand.
You may be wondering why you never received a response or why you received a consulting rate sheet as a reply.
From afar, we live vicariously through other people's social feeds, studying the way they move so we can mimic their steps to success, but when hitting the "like" button isn't enough you slide in the DMs to ask if you can “pick their brain."
Nowadays, this question has become a topic of discussion on and offline about the proper ways to set a meeting with someone you admire to get their insight or advice. Many of our favorite women to follow have cried on their Insta Stories or had a long rant on Twitter about the exhaustion that comes with being asked to “pick their brain."
We asked a few women whose inboxes get filled with inquiries to share their feelings on this unpopular question and what advice they give aspiring entrepreneurs, young professionals, and influencers on how to properly reach out for the advice they are looking for.
Chelsea Williams
Her Occupation
Founder & Chief Strategist of ThatsChelsea.com
Location
Washington, D.C.
Pick Your Brain Requests
Chelsea's wellness site has garnered her opportunities to speak on panels and to be booked as talent on television. The busy writer receives around three to four inquiries to “pick her brain" a day and feels that the request needs to be more formal.
How She Responds
“I typically respond explaining why I don't participate in these types of meetings. I then offer to provide a Calendly link that includes my schedule and rates if they want to continue the relationship."
Why She Doesn't Think The Pick Your Brain Approach Works
“It took some of us years and thousands of dollars to acquire this knowledge. This is worth more than the price of a cup of coffee. I have two degrees; I'm certified in my field and pay for continuing education courses throughout the year to maintain my credentials. Employers pay their employees for their time and expertise. Why is that we view entrepreneurs and independent contractors/consultants as unworthy of the same treatment?"
Her Advice
“In my opinion, one of the best ways to approach someone is to be present. Show up to a workshop, conference, or meeting that they are either attending or hosting. Tell them what you have learned thus far from their platform and/or experiences. Ask if they have a consulting fee and let the person decide if they want to turn the relationship into mentorship. I feel more comfortable mentoring someone who has been in my circle, rather than someone who I have never interacted with."
Michiel Perry
Her Occupation
Founder of BlackSouthernBelle.com
Location
Charleston, SC
Pick Your Brain Requests
“For every person who doesn't like the pick your brain email, there is also someone who loves it," the Southern Belle admits.
The former lobbyist left her Corporate America job to start up her website BlackSouthernBelle.com and, in four months, gain $50K worth of sponsorships. Her lifestyle website sent her to London for speaking engagements, as well as public appearances throughout the South.
How She Responds
"The first thing I do is Google their name and then connect on LinkedIn. I try to respond within a week and schedule something over the next 6-8 weeks or ask them to follow up in a few weeks if my schedule is crazy. I find that asking people to follow up in a few weeks is a good way to filter people who are serious about the request or just doing because they are sending out a blast of emails."
Her Advice
“I would tell people who are trying to connect with busy people to try and work with people who fit their personal and professional personality. If you are shy, connect with a mentor who keeps a low key social media profile. If you are the life of the party, send a bold email to a person who fits your style. Picking your brain can work for everyone but it is best when the strategy is targeted to fit your style and the style of the person you are reaching out to."
Marielle Legair
Her Occupation
Personal Brand & Publicity Strategist & Founder of Women Who Influence
Location
New York
Pick Your Brain Requests
The author of upcoming book, The Personal Brand Bible for Ambitious Women moved from her hometown of London to establish her career in the Big Apple. Marielle receives around four to five “pick your brain" questions a month about her career in PR or her move to a new country. “I'm willing to help because I know what it's like when you want to make a big career or life change," she shared.
Why She's Willing to Help
"The question in itself doesn't bother me, but people need to get better at networking. We all need a strong support network and I wouldn't be where I am today without the guidance of mentors. But the key that's all too often overlooked, is to add significant value before even needing to make an ask. That's why I wrote The Personal Brand Bible for Ambitious Women because I've encountered so many women who don't know how to network effectively, which will have an adverse effect on their long-term success."
Her Advice
“Adding value and taking the time to build a rapport before 'needing' something is key. Otherwise, you look like a user. Plus, there are so many alternative ways to fill knowledge gaps before approaching a busy person, such as attending seminars, listening to podcasts, and reading career profiles online. There's nothing more annoying than a random person contacting you to ask a basic question that can just as easily be found online!"
Kandia Johnson
Her Occupation
Communications & Visibility Strategist
Location
New York
Pick Your Brain Requests
As Kandia builds her consulting business and brand that has taken her to Africa to lead workshops and share her expertise, she filters her "pick your brain" requests each month by fielding questions.
How She Responds
“There's a difference between someone looking for free business advice versus the person who needs a mentor or business bestie. At first, I'm leery because many people forget that investing in yourself comes at a cost. To get to any level of success you want, there will always be an investment or sacrifice. You can't go to a therapist for free, you can't grow a six-figure business for free, and you can't join a gym for free—so how bad do you want it?"
Her Advice
“With the power of social media, you can take time to study that person, add value to the relationship and build a relationship them. sometimes you can attract mentors by what you create. For instance, let's say you heard them speak at an event, you could write or vlog about the top 10 things I learned from [he or she]. You could also invite them as a guest on your podcast or to speak about their experiences on your FB live or YouTube show."
Whitney Headen
Her Occupation
Managing partner of 19th & Park Creative Agency & Founder of The Life Currency
Location
New York
Pick Your Brain Requests
Whitney's past experience working for some of today's most popular media brands has made her someone people want to connect with. “It begins with someone saying they admire the work that one of my companies has created and [they] would love to pick my brain about how they can apply some of the same strategies to their businesses or personal brand," she shared.
How She Responds
"I usually always answer with 'I offer 15-minute consultations' and after that, we can discuss the opportunity to join one of the five coaching sessions I conduct per month. If the person is really interested in gaining information, they almost always book the session with me. I feel extremely blessed to be in a position to offer help and expertise to those who don't have the same skills, however, I am consistently protecting my magic to make sure I'm not taken advantage of."
Her Advice
“Approach people for informational interviews and come from a place of wanting to learn and listen versus a place of trying to gain an outcome or a tangible result of the interaction. Also, mentorship has to be an equal exchange, I've never gained a mentor by asking them to mentor me. I've made myself able and opened myself up to learning and absorbing so that the relationship naturally fosters itself."
With the advice from these women you are well on your way to securing a meeting and maybe even a mentor with a woman who inspires you.
- 8 Ways to Appear More Professional As An Entrepreneur - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Six-Figure Entrepeneur Shares Best Career Advice - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Argument For Letting People "Pick Your Brain" - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 7 Ways To Say No To 'Pick Your Brain' Meeting Requests ›
- How To Say No To People Who Want To Pick Your Brain ›
- How to Ask to Pick Someone's Brain—Without Being Annoying ›
- A Smarter Way to Manage “Pick Your Brain” Requests ›
- How to Handle Requests to 'Pick Your Brain' ›
- What To Say When Someone Asks To 'Pick Your Brain' | Collective ... ›
- Don't Say "Pick Your Brain" - The Awl ›
Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Curate The Vibes With These Black-Owned Candles For Every Mood
Black women of the 90s and early 2000s had incense, and Black women of today are fully embracing our luxury candle era. Candles have become just as important as our perfume selections, and as a luxury candle connoisseur, I keep all of my favorites in stock in my storage closet.
Whether you’re moving out for the first time and want to try new scents or looking to set the mood for a self-care day or sexy evening, consider these Black-owned candle brands to curate the vibe you’re looking for.
If You’re Feeling Bad & Bougie
The Original Candle
If you’re the bougie friend of the group, this candle is for you. Hanifa has become a staple luxury brand; with celebs like Tracee Ellis Ross, Jennifer Hudson, Naomi Campbell, and Danielle Brooks seen in her designs, they have become everyone's favorite brand. They recently launched their first candle, The Original. The candle is infused with notes of mandarin, orange blossom, caramel, sandalwood, jasmine sambac, and vanilla.
When Wash Day Comes...
"Wash Day" Candle
Cavo
Need some inspiration to get up and section that hair so you can get to washing? Not to worry. This pineapple, mango coconut milk, and sugar candle will have your house smelling as good as your favorite conditioner.
Wellness Girl Necessity
Sunday in Brooklyn Candle
If you’re a girl who loves clean scents that clear the energy in your home and feel like the best Sunday you ever had, you need this candle. Infused with wild basil and lemongrass, it’s guaranteed to help you find your zen.
For Sunday Brunch If You’re Hosting
Champagne Showers
Champagne Showers is the perfect candle for a birthday celebration, Sunday brunch night in, or toast to your next big win! The candle includes a blend of bright bergamot, peach fizz, and creamy woods. It’s a bubbly fragrance that’s as sophisticated as our girl, Jackie Aina.
After You Listen To SZA
"After A Good Cry" Candle
Cavo
Let the tears flow, and let the healing begin. This rainwater, lavender, vanilla, and bean and bourbon candle is just what the doctor ordered if you’re getting over a breakup. But once you’re done crying, just remember you're worthy of much more, okay?
For The Lover Girl Era
"Love" Luxury Candle
If you’re done crying and have found the one you’ve been waiting for, let this candle burn as warm as your love for your new boo. Harlem Candle Co.'s "Love" fragrance represents a dramatic, romantic theme with both masculine and feminine accords melding beautifully together, infused with crisp apple and watery green notes.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images