10 Things They Forget To Tell You About Pregnancy And Childbirth
Pregnancy is the gift that just keeps on giving, but let us be clear on what some of those "gifts" are.
As mothers and/or women who plan to be mothers, the goal with any pregnancy is, of course, to ultimately give birth to a healthy baby. A well-baked, 10 fingers and toes, 6 lbs+, baby boy or girl is clearly a blessing all in its own.
But let's get to the battle of our bodies that brings upon such blessings, shall we?While pregnant with North West, Kim Kardashian was very honest about edema and the levels of discomfort incurred from her body adjusting to the excessive weight gain and fluid retention. She revealed later that pregnancy just wasn't as sexy as some expecting moms in Hollywood made it out to be:
"I'm gonna keep it real: For me, pregnancy is the worst experience of my life! LOL! I don't enjoy one moment of it and I don't understand people who enjoy it. My mom and Kourtney clearly did! More power to them but I just don't relate. Maybe it's the swelling, the backaches or just the complete mindf-ck of how your body expands and nothing fits. I just always feel like I'm not in my own skin. It's hard to explain. I don't feel sexy, either -- I feel insecure and most of the time I just feel gross.
"People just don't tell you all of the gross things that happen during pregnancy or after. Do you know you basically have to wear a diaper for two months afterwards?! LOL! No one told me that! #SoSexy."
Radio Personality Miss Info also said she had some adjusting of her own to do in an Instagram post she wrote while pregnant with her son:
"Contrary to what Pinterest preaches, #pregnancy isn't all glam, glow, and thicker hair, lol. But so far I've had enough grad-level learning, and hilarious TMI struggle to fill a book!"
However, for the rest of us who are hoping to be better prepared (or who are just curious), I created a list of things that they don't tell you about pregnancy and childbirth. We already know about the tender breasts, weight gain, heartburn, and possible fluid retention that makes us look like a fluffy, pregnant Pokemon. But as far as the rest, you may want to take a look at this.
Here are the 10 Things They Don't Tell You About Being Pregnant and Childbirth:
1. Oh Spit!
Spitting happens while pregnant. For some, a lot. For others, none at all. But it happens and it's normal.
Although doctors have not found a direct link to the excessive spitting and being pregnant, some suspect that it's a hormonal thing and/or a result of the constant feeling of nausea (which varies per experience) that of course results in your salivary glands acting up. Be warned though, sometimes barfing does follow.
2. 'Roid Rage
And we're not talking steroids! Be clear that up to 50% of women are effected by Hemorrhoids when pregnant. What are thoooooosse you ask?
Well, for most of us, we know what hemorrhoids are (be it by experience or just common knowledge) but in case you don't:
Hemorrhoids are little veins in and around your rectum that can become swollen due to the strain of your growing uterus and increased blood flow.
Sometimes constipation (another culprit of being pregnant) are the cause of these too. They look like excessive, hanging pieces of swollen skin around your- uh, anus. The effects can either be that they itch or they hurt or both. But the good news? The issue usually goes away after childbirth (ouch though!).
3. Tinkle-Bell
Baby on the bladder! You might have heard of women having to pee a lot during pregnancy but what you may not know is that sometimes you can't hold it!
Your bladder sits directly under your uterus so as your womb-mate grows, the bladder can't always handle the pressure. This may result in an ease to pee from such simple activities as: sneezing or coughing, so be careful!
Just remember the cardinal rule: If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe your seat-y (unless that seat is a couch, then you may be out of luck)!
4. Bleeding Gums...
Yep! Your gums may bleed...and just like spit, it's totally normal (what your baby has to do with your mouth I have no clue, but apparently things get crazy up in there)!
In this case, doctors do know the cause of this though is the female hormone, Progesterone.
5. Baby Got "Black"
This is not a bad side effect at all, but it might be one that most didn't know! You might notice a bit of change in your color while pregnant. This is because hormones amp up your melanin cells, the result of which you may produce more pigment, which will darken your areolas, freckles (if you have any), and more than likely, it will cause that mysterious line that runs from your belly button to your southern region, known as as the "linea nigra." You may also get blotchy skin, known medically as "Chloasma."
Hyperpigmentation tends to be more noticeable in women with darker complexions and typically fades post-birth. But in the meantime, consider it as your little baby picasso using your body as a canvas and coloring you from the inside out (isn't that a cute way to imagine it?).
And now, for the post-birth!
6. Pregnancy Fog
Pregnancy fog is for real. Some women have it so bad that they they can't remember basic sentence structure, let alone simple tasks.
In one Internet forum, one woman said that she forgot everything the doctor told her about her pregnancy symptoms, and would Google her ailments instead of calling her doctor. The result? She thought she was legitimately dying.
According to the Bible of pregnancy (What To Expect When Expecting), pregnancy fog is a result of your hormones having some fun with you at your expense. Also, lack of sleep due to the baby kicking your bladder all night, as well as decreased energy, can contribute to pregnancy fog.
7. The Mucus Plug
A mucus plug is literally what it sounds like--a huge thing of mucus that sort of holds together and clogs up your cervix to ensure that the "water" (your placenta) that you're toting stays together and doesn't drip until due. Post-birth and post your water breaking, you will also lose your mucus plug, but it may take anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Somewhat grossly enough, this can mean your body discharging wad amounts of mucus for some time to come (cue the adult diapers or the "O.G." lady pads).
**Note: Diapers for moms after birth are not always necessary and vary from mom to mom and from reason to reason. Some nurses even give women who have severe hemorrhoids a diaper full of ice to help cool down the discomfort of the swelling in/around their anus. Yikes!
8. Bowel Movements...Oh Crap!
So... if you didn't know, 12-36 hours of pushing a baby might "move" out some other thangs too. Yes, this includes the movement of your bowels and yes, this may happen in a room of people.
Everyone talks about how you're likely to make number two in front of your doctors, nurses, man, and family and friends (whoever is allowed in the delivery room, luckily only but so many people are, but still, one is one too many when you think of pooping), but take it from moms--you will not care one bit about what comes out of your booty while you're pushing that baby.
However, some moms have said that having a child, especially for the first time, puts their body in so much shock that they psych themselves out when it comes to having to use the bathroom after--meaning they become constipated because they are so traumatized from all that pushing just moments prior. Plus, with the stitches, some women and are so scared of the pain because everything-- and we mean everything-- hurts while your body adjusts to birthing a watermelon out of a needle's hole.
9. Speaking of Stitches
Usually, your doctor will chat with you about an episiotomy, just in case you may need one. An episiotomy is a surgical cut made at the opening of the vagina during childbirth to aid a difficult delivery and prevent rupture of tissues. In other words, it's when the doctor clips your cha-cha to make room for that watermelon head to come out of your vagina.
Don't worry, this too shall heal. But in the meantime, this too shall hurt more than a little bit (and you thought the baby being delivered was the end-all, be all. Sorry but, heck naw!).
Whatever you do, please don't Google an episiotomy. Just ask your doctor about it if they have not talked with you yet, and know that those battle scars will heal just as well!
10. Placenta aka The "Afterbirth"
Oh, you thought it was over.
But wait, there's more.
All of your placenta has to come out after birth. No seriously, if it stays, it can infect and harm you. It doesn't sound so bad, but if you are fatigued from delivery and your body can't push anymore, your practitioner may have to forcibly push down on your abdomen region to evacuate the excess fluid.
The plus side (and strange side), it may cause damage to stay in, but once it's out, it can be ingested (yes, you can consume your own placenta), and the health benefits are endless.
Seems like a lot but, take it from a more than a few moms: it is all worth it! And many women experience a postnatal-warrior vibe after giving birth, something that only a badass, mommy-gene can provide.
What are some of your thoughts and experiences on pregnancy and childbirth?
- Adult diapers after delivery? - BabyCenter ›
- This Mom Shared A Picture Of Herself In A Diaper To Show What ... ›
- The Best Postpartum Pads for the First Six Weeks | Mother Rising ›
- An All Natural Postpartum Survival Kit | Mother Rising ›
- Adult diapers for labor and postpartum, seriously?! Frozen wet pads ... ›
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
Getty Images
1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
Getty Images
4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
Getty Images
7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
Getty Images
9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
____
Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images