10 Things They Forget To Tell You About Pregnancy And Childbirth
Pregnancy is the gift that just keeps on giving, but let us be clear on what some of those "gifts" are.
As mothers and/or women who plan to be mothers, the goal with any pregnancy is, of course, to ultimately give birth to a healthy baby. A well-baked, 10 fingers and toes, 6 lbs+, baby boy or girl is clearly a blessing all in its own.
But let's get to the battle of our bodies that brings upon such blessings, shall we?While pregnant with North West, Kim Kardashian was very honest about edema and the levels of discomfort incurred from her body adjusting to the excessive weight gain and fluid retention. She revealed later that pregnancy just wasn't as sexy as some expecting moms in Hollywood made it out to be:
"I'm gonna keep it real: For me, pregnancy is the worst experience of my life! LOL! I don't enjoy one moment of it and I don't understand people who enjoy it. My mom and Kourtney clearly did! More power to them but I just don't relate. Maybe it's the swelling, the backaches or just the complete mindf-ck of how your body expands and nothing fits. I just always feel like I'm not in my own skin. It's hard to explain. I don't feel sexy, either -- I feel insecure and most of the time I just feel gross.
"People just don't tell you all of the gross things that happen during pregnancy or after. Do you know you basically have to wear a diaper for two months afterwards?! LOL! No one told me that! #SoSexy."
Radio Personality Miss Info also said she had some adjusting of her own to do in an Instagram post she wrote while pregnant with her son:
"Contrary to what Pinterest preaches, #pregnancy isn't all glam, glow, and thicker hair, lol. But so far I've had enough grad-level learning, and hilarious TMI struggle to fill a book!"
However, for the rest of us who are hoping to be better prepared (or who are just curious), I created a list of things that they don't tell you about pregnancy and childbirth. We already know about the tender breasts, weight gain, heartburn, and possible fluid retention that makes us look like a fluffy, pregnant Pokemon. But as far as the rest, you may want to take a look at this.
Here are the 10 Things They Don't Tell You About Being Pregnant and Childbirth:
1. Oh Spit!
Spitting happens while pregnant. For some, a lot. For others, none at all. But it happens and it's normal.
Although doctors have not found a direct link to the excessive spitting and being pregnant, some suspect that it's a hormonal thing and/or a result of the constant feeling of nausea (which varies per experience) that of course results in your salivary glands acting up. Be warned though, sometimes barfing does follow.
2. 'Roid Rage
And we're not talking steroids! Be clear that up to 50% of women are effected by Hemorrhoids when pregnant. What are thoooooosse you ask?
Well, for most of us, we know what hemorrhoids are (be it by experience or just common knowledge) but in case you don't:
Hemorrhoids are little veins in and around your rectum that can become swollen due to the strain of your growing uterus and increased blood flow.
Sometimes constipation (another culprit of being pregnant) are the cause of these too. They look like excessive, hanging pieces of swollen skin around your- uh, anus. The effects can either be that they itch or they hurt or both. But the good news? The issue usually goes away after childbirth (ouch though!).
3. Tinkle-Bell
Baby on the bladder! You might have heard of women having to pee a lot during pregnancy but what you may not know is that sometimes you can't hold it!
Your bladder sits directly under your uterus so as your womb-mate grows, the bladder can't always handle the pressure. This may result in an ease to pee from such simple activities as: sneezing or coughing, so be careful!
Just remember the cardinal rule: If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe your seat-y (unless that seat is a couch, then you may be out of luck)!
4. Bleeding Gums...
Yep! Your gums may bleed...and just like spit, it's totally normal (what your baby has to do with your mouth I have no clue, but apparently things get crazy up in there)!
In this case, doctors do know the cause of this though is the female hormone, Progesterone.
5. Baby Got "Black"
This is not a bad side effect at all, but it might be one that most didn't know! You might notice a bit of change in your color while pregnant. This is because hormones amp up your melanin cells, the result of which you may produce more pigment, which will darken your areolas, freckles (if you have any), and more than likely, it will cause that mysterious line that runs from your belly button to your southern region, known as as the "linea nigra." You may also get blotchy skin, known medically as "Chloasma."
Hyperpigmentation tends to be more noticeable in women with darker complexions and typically fades post-birth. But in the meantime, consider it as your little baby picasso using your body as a canvas and coloring you from the inside out (isn't that a cute way to imagine it?).
And now, for the post-birth!
6. Pregnancy Fog
Pregnancy fog is for real. Some women have it so bad that they they can't remember basic sentence structure, let alone simple tasks.
In one Internet forum, one woman said that she forgot everything the doctor told her about her pregnancy symptoms, and would Google her ailments instead of calling her doctor. The result? She thought she was legitimately dying.
According to the Bible of pregnancy (What To Expect When Expecting), pregnancy fog is a result of your hormones having some fun with you at your expense. Also, lack of sleep due to the baby kicking your bladder all night, as well as decreased energy, can contribute to pregnancy fog.
7. The Mucus Plug
A mucus plug is literally what it sounds like--a huge thing of mucus that sort of holds together and clogs up your cervix to ensure that the "water" (your placenta) that you're toting stays together and doesn't drip until due. Post-birth and post your water breaking, you will also lose your mucus plug, but it may take anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Somewhat grossly enough, this can mean your body discharging wad amounts of mucus for some time to come (cue the adult diapers or the "O.G." lady pads).
**Note: Diapers for moms after birth are not always necessary and vary from mom to mom and from reason to reason. Some nurses even give women who have severe hemorrhoids a diaper full of ice to help cool down the discomfort of the swelling in/around their anus. Yikes!
8. Bowel Movements...Oh Crap!
So... if you didn't know, 12-36 hours of pushing a baby might "move" out some other thangs too. Yes, this includes the movement of your bowels and yes, this may happen in a room of people.
Everyone talks about how you're likely to make number two in front of your doctors, nurses, man, and family and friends (whoever is allowed in the delivery room, luckily only but so many people are, but still, one is one too many when you think of pooping), but take it from moms--you will not care one bit about what comes out of your booty while you're pushing that baby.
However, some moms have said that having a child, especially for the first time, puts their body in so much shock that they psych themselves out when it comes to having to use the bathroom after--meaning they become constipated because they are so traumatized from all that pushing just moments prior. Plus, with the stitches, some women and are so scared of the pain because everything-- and we mean everything-- hurts while your body adjusts to birthing a watermelon out of a needle's hole.
9. Speaking of Stitches
Usually, your doctor will chat with you about an episiotomy, just in case you may need one. An episiotomy is a surgical cut made at the opening of the vagina during childbirth to aid a difficult delivery and prevent rupture of tissues. In other words, it's when the doctor clips your cha-cha to make room for that watermelon head to come out of your vagina.
Don't worry, this too shall heal. But in the meantime, this too shall hurt more than a little bit (and you thought the baby being delivered was the end-all, be all. Sorry but, heck naw!).
Whatever you do, please don't Google an episiotomy. Just ask your doctor about it if they have not talked with you yet, and know that those battle scars will heal just as well!
10. Placenta aka The "Afterbirth"
Oh, you thought it was over.
But wait, there's more.
All of your placenta has to come out after birth. No seriously, if it stays, it can infect and harm you. It doesn't sound so bad, but if you are fatigued from delivery and your body can't push anymore, your practitioner may have to forcibly push down on your abdomen region to evacuate the excess fluid.
The plus side (and strange side), it may cause damage to stay in, but once it's out, it can be ingested (yes, you can consume your own placenta), and the health benefits are endless.
Seems like a lot but, take it from a more than a few moms: it is all worth it! And many women experience a postnatal-warrior vibe after giving birth, something that only a badass, mommy-gene can provide.
What are some of your thoughts and experiences on pregnancy and childbirth?
- Adult diapers after delivery? - BabyCenter ›
- This Mom Shared A Picture Of Herself In A Diaper To Show What ... ›
- The Best Postpartum Pads for the First Six Weeks | Mother Rising ›
- An All Natural Postpartum Survival Kit | Mother Rising ›
- Adult diapers for labor and postpartum, seriously?! Frozen wet pads ... ›
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
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As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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