Keepin' It Locked 'Til She Gets A Rock: Insecure's Yvonne Orji On Being A 32-Year-Old Virgin
If you have ever tuned into an episode of HBO's standout Insecure, you have probably fallen in love with Issa Rae and her best friend Molly. Molly truly embodies the every woman. She's struggled finding a man, finding balance in the workplace, and still managing to find time for drinks with friends.
Molly, whose real name is Yvonne Orji, is a Nigerian-American who attended George Washington University. She grew up with the dream of being a medical doctor until she realized that she couldn’t bare the sight or smell of blood. She also flunked organic chemistry (how can you be a doctor and flunk your science courses right?).
Not wanting to disappoint her parents, she compromised by obtaining her Master’s in Public Health. During that time, she entered into the Miss Nigeria in America Pageant and when she realized she didn’t have a talent, she prayed and God told her to “do comedy”. It was her first step in the right direction as far as accomplishing her purpose in life.
Recently, our favorite TV girlfriend appeared on The Breakfast Club and shocked us all when she revealed that she is nothing like the character she plays on television. She also dropped gems the entire interview, took us to church and had us all feeling like we too could reclaim our power!
Here are 6 things we learned from Yvonne Orji during her TBC interview that will restore your faith in your life's purpose:
When God Says "Move", You Move
When asked how she got started in comedy, the Insecure co-star simply stated that one day she heard God say to pursue comedy so she did it. How often have you heard God tell you to do something or put something in your heart to do and you don't do it because of the risks that "might lie ahead". When God says move, you move, just like that (yes I just remixed Jesus with Ludacris, don't judge me).
[Tweet "When God says "Move", you move. Just like that. "]
Own Who You Are, No Matter Who Tries To Judge You
Yvonne, despite her character Molly’s sex life, is a 32-year-old virgin. Charlamagne jokingly told her that she played her character a little too well to be a virgin but Yvonne persisted that this was in fact her truth.
“Personally, I had plans to have sex when I turned 18. I was dating [a guy] and I had it figured out. But, I got to college at 17 in D.C and then I got saved.”
In a world where women especially are practically forced to compete with the next beautiful woman on social media, at school, the mall or even at work, Yvonne wears her 32-year-old virginity proudly despite judgement from both her male and female friends. She even has her own line of tees that bare the slogan, "Keepin' It Locked Til I Get That Rock."
Social media does a great job at making us feel as if we have to hide who we truly are but when you willingly lie to others about who you are, you’re devaluing your own self worth. Live and own your truth unapologetically and shine bright like the diamond you are.
[Tweet "Live and own your truth unapologetically and shine bright like the diamond you are."]
You Don't Finish In Second Place, You Win
Yvonne recently got an African tattoo tatted on her arm. In her native language, the tattoo translates in English as "We don't finish in second place, we win". We as women often struggle with accepting our victories and, in turn, settle with just simply finishing. Yvonne reminds us all we don't play to finish, we play to win.
Your Parents Don't Always Know Best
Yvonne recounted when she had to tell her parents that she no longer wanted to go to med school and feared they would not support her. She recounts:
“I was supposed to go to med school. I have a masters in public health because I delayed telling my parents that I wasn’t going to go to med school. After I got my Master's, I worked in Liberia and then finally I was like, 'Uh, okay so, do you realize that you should not chicken out and tell them what they want you to do is not what you want to do?' Like, how many degrees can you get before you tell your parents that you’re not going to med school?”
Growing up, she was surrounded by a supportive tribe and to veer from the path that had been laid for her was unconventional. She admitted she watched very little television growing up so the idea of her being an actor was unconventional but she knew that it was her heart's purpose and despite her parents' opinion she pursued and in 7 years (1 year less than if she would've gone to med school), she scored her big break.
Use What's In Your Hands
Ivonne vividly recalls a time where God asked her one of many rhetorical questions: "What's in your hands?" To which she replied, "If I knew, I wouldn't be crying right now," she recalls laughingly. That night she went to sleep and recounted waking up and seeing the scripture in Psalms 31:15 that read "My times are in your hands." She told God she would give him one more chance to fulfill the promises He had for her and instantly she began to "write her way out". Her next move proved to be her best move.
Sometimes People Will Help You Just Because You're Favored
Ever heard the phrase "favor ain't fair"? Yvonne knows that firsthand as she admits that she has openly asked people for help in her career along the way simply because she knows she had God's favor. In spite of how hard you work (or don't work), there are some things that naturally just come to you because of your unmerited favor. Don't shy away from open doors, walk through them, you deserve it.
[Tweet "Don't shy away from open doors, walk through them, you deserve it."]
Want to learn more about Yvonne Orji's journey? Catch the full interview below:
You can also check her out on the hit show Insecure on HBO.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images