A Career Coach Shares The Best Way To Negotiate The Salary & Benefits You Deserve
As a hiring manager, I often see a substantial difference between men and women when negotiating salary and benefits. Sadly, women often sell themselves short in this area, especially young women.
In a survey, Linda Babcock of Carnegie Mellon University found that 57 percent of men negotiate salary and benefit job offers, and only 7 percent of women do the same.
If you're like most women, chances are you aren't charging as much as you're worth. Yet rightfully so, women are in uproar about fixing the gender pay gap. But we have to realize that one of the first steps in improving this begins in the job offer stage. Whether you are looking for a job or currently employed and hoping to negotiate your current salary and benefits, put a higher value on yourself, increase your confidence, and watch what happens.
I recently connected with Millennial Career Coach Jacqueline V. Twillie, who helps women prepare for performance reviews. Below she shares her thoughts on salary negotiation and what you should ask for at work.
What do you think are some of the things that women forget to ask for when negotiating?
Twillie: The top five benefits that women forget to ask for when negotiating salary are: additional vacation days, work from home benefits, mentorship, a signing bonus and equipment or software that will allow them to perform at the highest level.
What kind of negotiating tactics do you recommend?
Twillie: Prepare, Package, Practice, ASK!
- Prepare for each negotiation thoroughly a 5-10 minute Google search is not enough. I created a negotiation toolkit with strategy exercises to help women prepare to negotiate everything from a relocation package to a raise.
- Package wisely. Do not negotiate issue by issue. This is a rookie move and after the second ask, you can come off as unprepared or greedy. Group the things that are important to you together so that you increase your chance of getting what you want.
- Practice with a salary negotiation coach and aloud so that you get comfortable asking a higher salary.
- Now ASK! Once you get an opportunity do not let it go, if you have prepared and practiced you should be ready to ask. Do not be discouraged if your negotiation does not turn out exactly how you pictured it going in your head. No one comes out of the womb a negotiating pro.
So what happens when your negotiation attempt takes a sour turn and you're denied?
If denied, keep a positive attitude and ask have any exceptions been made. You will be surprised at what the response will be. After listening to the response intently then ask what will it take to revisit the topic and ask for a time frame. It is important at this phrase to find out exactly what they manager wants or needs to see from your performance for you to get what you ask for.
Some Millennial women are hesitant to negotiate salary because of their lack of experience. What are your thoughts on this?
I recently met a mother of a 16-year-old boy who applied for a summer job at a car wash. On his job application, he asked for 75 cents higher than what minimum wage. When the hiring manager asked him why he wanted 75 cents more, the 16-year-old boy said confidently that he has been washing cars for at least two years and because of his experience he should get paid more than someone with no experience.
I shared this story because millennial women must recognize the value they bring to their first job, regardless if they have direct work experience. They are many skills women will use in their first job that they gained from being in a student organization or working in their local community. Those skills shouldn't be undervalued, which is why I see a lot of Millennial [women] hesitate to negotiate because she does not realize her transferable skills.
Before you start a new job or go out for that next promotion, I recommend that you take a page from Twillie's book and Prepare, Package, Practice, & ASK. It is time for women to speak up and get what we want and deserve.
Watch Twillie's Career & Salary Negotiation Workshop below:
What has your experience been like negotiating salary and benefits? Share with us below!
- Salary Negotiation Tips (How to Get a Better Offer) ›
- This Is How You Negotiate a Higher Salary | Inc.com ›
- The Exact Words to Use When Negotiating Salary | On Careers | US ... ›
- How to Negotiate Salary: 37 Tips You Need to Know - The Muse ›
- 15 Ways to Negotiate a Higher Salary - NerdWallet ›
- Negotiating Salary 101: Tactics for Better Compensation | Women ... ›
- This Is How Job Seekers Negotiate For A Higher Salary ›
- How to Negotiate a Higher Salary After a New Job Offer (With Scripts) ›
- How To Negotiate A Higher Salary - Business Insider ›
- How To Negotiate A Higher Salary ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images