Inside The Mind Of BJ The Chicago Kid: “Some Women Are Better Cheaters Than Men”
“It's like alright, check it. If the man is cheating, the woman is cheating, too. Because she knows about the situation, she's cheating herself."
It's a Friday afternoon and I'm on the phone with BJ the Chicago Kid, and the conversation is getting real. We're talking relationships, more specifically about whether or not he agrees with the statement that all men cheat. My stance—everybody is capable of cheating. His—women run game better than men. “I'm not going to say all men cheat, but I know women who are better cheaters than men," he assures me, speaking as someone who's been on both sides of the game. “You live and you learn. But the key is not committing when you know you shouldn't commit. Period."
As an R&B singer, BJ knows a thing or two about love. Falling in love. Falling out of love. Staying around too long caught up in the midst of it. It's something that permeates throughout his music filled with soulful melodies reminiscent of the jazz and gospel vocalists that he grew up on in his Windy City home—the same sound that has earned him a spot as a backup singer for the likes of Mary Mary and Jill Scott, and penning tracks for gospel artists Lalah Hathaway and Shirley Caesar. His smooth vocals packed with an unapologetic brashness make him a force to be reckoned with in an era where Auto-Tune reigns supreme, something that didn't go unnoticed by Motown when the artist first caught the ear of his future label with the 2012 release of his debut EP Pineapple Now-Laters.
Let BJ tell it, he's a young cat with an old-school soul. One who casually slips in life lessons disguised as metaphors, and who only hangs around his kind—a special breed of folks who refuse to succumb to mediocrity. “You've got to stay around people who are sharp just like yourself. You are who you're around."
"You've got two minutes to whine. You've got two minutes to cry, and then you get your ass right back in that boat and get in this water and you make this thing happen."
In truth, it's his level of focus and determination that has kept him going no matter how tempting it may have been to give up on his dream. Because, hell, he's been there, too. Like many artists he's had to submit to timing. Though he's been in the game since packing his bags and moving to L.A. at the age of 19, he's finally getting his chance to shine in the spotlight nearly a decade later. It's enough to make anybody question whether they're walking the right path towards their purpose.
“You only have two minutes to question it and then you've got to get right back in the boat. You've got two minutes to whine. You've got two minutes to cry, and then you get your ass right back in that boat and get in this water and you make this thing happen. We're adults, we're not children anymore. You have to do what you really have to do."
And he's certainly doing just that. With the recent release of his debut album In My Mind, he's not taking the spotlight, or his voice, for granted as he takes us on a melodic journey through the trials and tribulations of lovers past. Wanting to get a closer glimpse inside the mind of BJ beyond the booth, we chatted with the singer about lessons he's learned about love and about chasing a dream that doesn't always yield fast results.
Don't Get Married If You're Not In It To Win It
I heard this from an old couple: If you're going to get married, you get married knowing you're willing to work any and everything out. You have to be in it to win it; it's not like you do this and I'm gone. It's like if you're here then you're here. So I'm more old school when it comes to thought processes and certain things like that.
Signs Will Let You Know When It's Time Let Go of A Relationship
Time will tell you. Something will always let you know if too much is too much. Life will always give you clues. Life gives you clues if somebody's cheating, you just don't want to see it. It's that thorough, that part of the world being round never changes. That's the realest shit ever. You always have signs of whatever is going on, you just choose to ignore so much in life until that one day it gets too close and now you're trying to stop it and it's like nah, it's over.
What His Mom Taught Him About Women
They're gentle souls, the one that love you like she do. The ones that remind you of her you take care of. My mom is so gentle, she teaches lessons from how you have to treat her. She's never the judgmental type. She's the one that's really thugging it with me. I love that lady.
Staying Focused On the Dream
You've still got to stay married to the dream no matter what. You're the only one who had the dream, so you've got to understand that you're the only one that's going to believe it some days. Are you ready for that? Are you prepared to keep going when nobody else wants to keep going? Are you prepared to keep going and still come up with results when nobody is around? You've got to be spiritually, mentally, and physically into this thing--and it's going to expose you at some point.
Go Hard, Even If You're In It Alone
"Nobody moved me to L.A., it's just my get up and go. I don't need another soul to prove that, I prove that in doing what I do. I keep the control on that part of things. I feel like that's just life. Ain't nobody going to want to work with me if they don't see that I'm busting my ass. If I'm not busting my ass, they ain't finna put in their time."
Use Your Voice To Kill the Ignorance
Our generation is worse, but it's better too. The bad gets worse and the good gets better. It's not like the bad overdoes the good. The world evolves, and that's one thing I love about it because everybody has the chance to be who they authentically are. Are you the bad motherfucker or are you the good motherfucker? And I feel like we need to take our stages and our voices more serious; we need to use these speakers more seriously. So that responsibility, that's where I'll kill the ignorance.
There's Power In Positivity
I don't focus on the negativity because I'm too busy trying to be positive. Like seriously. I'm not tripping on who's doing it and what they're not standing up for, I'm too busy trying to stand for what I'm standing for.
There's No Such Thing As Mistakes
Everything that happened was meant to happen. I'm not one of these people that thinks that I got in the way of God's plan, and what is God's plan if I got in the way of it? That makes no sense. God's thoughts are not like ours, so everything that was supposed to happen happened.
Check out BJ the Chicago Kid's new video for "Love Inside" below.
Featured image by Brad Barket/Getty Images
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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