I Was Making $13K A Year: How Being Broke In NYC Humbled Me
Once upon a time, I was broke as hell. Not just broke, but broke as hell. Broke is when you have more month left than money. Broke as hell is when you continuously have more week left than money.
My brokest point came after I was laid off from my job at an S&P 500 listed company in 2011. I decided it was time to “give back" and joined Americorp. As a result, I was earning $13,500 annually and living in New York City. This wasn't the only time in my life I was broke before I decided to change my relationship with money, “broke" was a familiar situation.
By 2015, I had turned my situation around and was making nearly $80,000 a year. I got comfortable with my new income, took a couple of bucket list trips and launched my own company. But I will never forget the days I claimed I was “fasting" so that I didn't have to explain not having lunch because the truth was, I couldn't afford it.
As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," and there is a bright side to my days of penny pinching.
I learned valuable lessons when I was broke that I will carry with me throughout my life, and that I believe will help anyone who's in a financial struggle.
Humility Goes A Long Way
I drove a Lexus in college and it's safe to say that I was feeling myself, not exactly Kanye status, but I had a very healthy sense of self. Fast forward to 2011 when my vehicle had been towed for unpaid tickets, and I didn't even have enough money for train fare to get to work -- it was a much-deserved slice of humble pie.
Through my experience I began to understand what it was like to live paycheck to paycheck. While I wasn't exactly sitting in the front seat of the struggle bus, I began to understand what it felt like to question whether or not you'd be able to make ends meet. As a result, I started judging others less. I became thankful for the opportunities I had been afforded, and realized that nothing in this world is given and shouldn't be taken for granted.
You Have To Learn To Legally Hustle
Have you ever felt a job was below you? Right after college, I refused to take jobs that didn't require a college degree--that is until student loan reps started calling. During times of crying broke, I did jobs that I would have previously never given a second glance, and I created income streams using my skills. I sold cars, wrote term papers for college students, learned to bartend, and I even became a photo booth operator at events and private parties. There's something empowering about learning that you have "hustle" in you and that you can make cute ass lemon drop cookies when life throws you lemon peels.
Related: Six Tips For Getting Your Side Hustle Off The Ground In 2019
There Is A Difference Between Friends & Associates
In 2011, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't have a legitimate savings account; I barely had a bank account. A few months prior, my best friend had lost her job and was owed back pay by unemployment. As soon as she received her back pay, she purchased me a plane ticket home and see my grandfather. He passed less than a month later.
I not only learned who my friends were because of their generosity, but also because of their desire to actually be around me when we weren't having fun or spending our coins in a club. Mother Oprah said it best, "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." There are several people who opted not to ride the bus with me and I am beyond grateful that I learned what their intentions were early on.
Maximize & Value Resources
When you don't have money to do traditional twenty-something things, let alone paying your rent, an evolved version of first world "fight or flight" begins to occur. For me, "flight" was returning home to North Carolina, and I wasn't about to let New York City get the best of me. While I didn't become a freegan (although I knew plenty of people who were), I got creative with my life.
A friend and I did a "dining out fast". We committed to only dining out if someone else was picking up the bill. I cut my drinking bill down to zero. If I was going out, it was to open bar events. I started shopping at thrift stores and participating in clothing swaps. I effectively utilized my resources to make my money stretch. To this day, I cut corners where it makes sense. For example, I haven't had cable in five years and I've gotten really good at doing my own manicures.
One of the beautiful things about struggle is that you never know how strong and capable you are until you are challenged.
That's when you learn what you are really made of. Being broke changed my heart and life for the better. Now, would I ever want to be that broke again? Meeeehhh. Not by choice. I think I've had enough of being broke for a lifetime. What are some lessons you learned (or are learning) when you were broke?
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Tonya Rapley is a nationally recognized millennial money expert and was deemed the "New Face of Wealth Building" by Black Enterprise magazine. She is a Certified Financial Educator and founder of MyFabFinance, where she is on a mission to help women break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images