I Traveled To 6 Countries In 16 Days
I once read a quote that said, 'I always wondered why birds can stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth. Then I ask myself the same question.' That quote alone made me want to travel and see the world, and not only share my experiences as a traveler, but also share those of others who have explored different cities and cultures.
Michelle A. Smith @Theshiftstarter, a frequent traveler who took a 16 day, 6 country trip by herself. This is her story.
Hello, My name is Michelle from Brooklyn, NY. In my 33 years of life, I have already visited 6 continents, 32 countries and 104 cities. My most memorable travel story was last year when I decided to not wait for a travel companion or friends, picked up and decided to take a 16 day, 6 country trip by myself. I started in Moscow, Russia to Singapore to Bali, Indonesia, to Thailand to Hong Kong and ended in Dubai.
The thought of traveling by myself was terrifying, much less actually doing it. As a black female from the city, I stuck out like a sore thumb, especially in Russia where they stared at me as if I was an alien from outer space. However, I decided before I started this journey, that I was going to be open, courageous, embrace change and be still enough to absorb the experience. My trip went from me being "the cheese that stood alone" to "the life of the party." I had dinner with Balinese children for Christmas, dressed in Royal Thai garb for New Years, scuba dived in Kho Phi Phi Islands and rode on camels in the desert of Dubai.
There are a few things that made this thee most memorable trip:
1. You learn so much about yourself being alone. What you think are your weaknesses actually evolve into your strengths.
2. Your navigation and memory skills are sharpened because you have no one to depend on to help you find your way (I watched the movie "Taken" several times.)
3. You wake up on your own time, make your own plans and never have to worry about someone's opinion on what you should/not do.
4. Your 'cultural awareness' bucket starts to overflow, making you eager to learn different languages, try new foods and different ways of life.
5. People gravitate to you because they are just in "AWE" that you are brave enough to roll solo in a foreign country. You meet people from all walks of life and make new friendships and connections.
Once I returned home, I was proud of myself for conquering another fear. I encourage others, if you are going to get to the next level in life, to move out of your own way, get out of your comfort zone and DO.IT.AFRAID.
Here are some tips I have for people who are interested in traveling to the countries I visited:
1) As an avid traveler the key to getting the most bang for your buck is to find airlines and flights with multiple and long layovers. That allows you to leave the airport and tour a country you may not necessarily want to stay at.
2) Moscow, Russia - You need a visa to leave the airport. Unfortunately, due to the weather, my flight was delayed coming in so I didn't have enough time to leave, tour, and get back in time for my connecting flight. I learned the hard way that this culture is not very warm and friendly. If you look different they will stare. Don't expect small talk or/and English translation while you wait either. I spent 3 hours there and couldn't wait to board my flight to Singapore and put such an unfriendly experience behind me. This is not a "tourist friendly" country.
3) Singapore - The Singapore airport gives a free 3 or 5 hour tour from the airport to the river with a cruise around the city. My phone died before I got on the boat...no pics captured. Singapore is what I describe as the Mr. Clean version of New York. The entire city is spotless. While it was a pleasure to visit, I didn't absorb the culture.
4) Bali, Indonesia - I arrived here on Christmas Eve. This country is like one big, outdoor spa. Depending on your interests and tastes, there are certain parts of the country, like Ubud, dedicated to yoga and meditation (where they shot the movie Eat, Pray, Love). Then there are parts like Nusa Dua for rest, relaxation and beaches, where you get $10 full body massages for 2 hours! Bali is also big on the fish manicure and pedicure! I didn't last more than 1 min! After 4 days here you definitely leave with clear mind and your body feels rejuvenate.
5. Thailand - I brought in New Years in Bangkok and while I am a New York City gal, this city was a little too gritty for me. The one thing to know about Bangkok is that food is prepared outside on the street. The inner OCD in me was very skeptical at first because my thoughts were, "Where is the food being cleaned and prepared?" However, ironically, there are very few cases where people actually get sick from eating the street food.
If you grab a hotel along the Sukhumvit, you will be right in the middle of everything,
including Bangkok's very immaculate train stations. Take the river ferry and visit 'The Grand Palace' in Wat Pho, where you will see the largest reclining Buddha. Remember, this is a temple and very sacred to the Buddhist religion, so arms and legs have to be covered to even enter the gates. On your way back, be sure to get off the river boat and visit the Lubua Hotel. Their rooftop is AMAZING and it's also where the scene was shot for the "Hangover 2" (on those infamous steps overlooking Bangkok).
I also flew to a small island called 'Krabi' and rented a room in a small guesthouse. Krabi is similar to Phuket, a small beach town. There I took a catamaran to go scuba diving in the Kho Phi Phi islands. For anyone who is a certified scuba diver, the reef here is AMAZING! I saw my first large octopus ever, no sharks siting though. Also, in Thailand, elephants are considered sacred animals. Here you will get a chance to ride one, which was so cool!
6. Hong Kong - I had a 15 hour layover in Hong Kong, so I stored my luggage in an airport locker, grabbed a train map, bought a train ticket, converted some money and headed into the city. The cool thing about Hong Kong, much like Singapore, is that mostly everyone speaks English. It is a metropolis with lots of ex-pats who are there to work. I didn't notice much fog but the city was buzzing. 'Lan Kwai Fong' is similar to midtown Manhattan, lots of bars, restaurants and music blasting into the streets. A great place to meet people and have China's largest jello shot! I partied at a club here, until the wee hours of the morning, then hopped in a cab and went back to the airport to catch my flight to Dubai.
7. Dubai - I LOVE Emirates Airline. I flew them to Dubai and South Africa before, so I knew what to expect on my 2nd visit here. Emirates put me up in a hotel since my flight back home wasn't for another 23 hours. I went to the travel desk and booked a desert trek for 8 hours. There was ATV riding, camel riding, then a dinner and show right in the middle of the desert. What caught me off guard was how cold the desert gets at night, so always look at temperatures and don't assume warm places don't get cold.
My stats are:
16 days
6 countries
7 cities
9 flights
68 hours of flying time
4 country visas
6 currency conversions
3 language translations
1 helluva jet lag to recover from
...this trip was so worth it and I would do it over in a heartbeat!
If you have any questions or comments regarding the different cities or Michelle's travel experience, feel free to drop them in the comments!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
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A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
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