They say you never know where you'll find true love.
You just have to be open and ready for it when it comes knocking on your door. I learned this after I found love in an Uber.
Yes, you heard that right! On May 14, 2015, while riding in uberPOOL for the first time in Los Angeles, California, I met the love of my life, Lester.
At the time, I was in LA visiting from Atlanta for a month in an attempt to follow my dreams of becoming a model. I spent my days auditioning and visiting agencies, but on this particular day, I was at a live band recording at a Beverly Hills home studio with some friends before I contacted Uber to take me back to my Airbnb in West Hollywood.
I had never really even used Uber before, and of course I messed up and clicked the wrong car: uberPOOL. UberPOOL is the service that allows you to share your ride and split the fare with another Uber rider who's going in the same direction. Initially I was too terrified to ride with a stranger, but then I thought about the buck or two I'd save.
“What the heck?" I asked myself. “It's too late now."
When the Uber arrived, I immediately spotted this handsome man in the backseat. So I did what any other interested woman would do: I sat in the front seat with the Uber driver. Honestly, I was just way too nervous to sit in the back with a total hot stranger so I opted to sit next to the more familiar one, one with whom I could match a name and face to on an app.
The Uber driver made small talk as he drove us to our destinations, asking questions like, “What are you doing tonight?" Clearly he had an agenda and figured I wasn't going to say anything because he formally introduced me to my backseat passenger, Lester. I found out that Lester was also visiting Los Angeles, but from Detroit only for the weekend, and he was en route to Hollywood to help celebrate his godbrother's birthday.
As we approached my Airbnb, the driver shot me a sly grin. “You guys should exchange phone numbers," he said. And we did.
I didn't know if we'd stay in contact after that, but to my surprise we connected shortly afterward through texts and met at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles the next day. From there, we went our separate ways and I was able to see him again weeks later while visiting a relative in Detroit. We kept the communication lines open by FaceTiming and talking on the phone when we were apart. But our first official date was four months after our uberPOOL ride when he stopped off in Atlanta during a layover.
I picked him up from the airport, and I took him to Spondivits since he loves seafood. I wanted our date to be special, but it turned out to also be surreal.
Lester was a perfect gentleman. He opened my doors, he was attentive, and he was engaged in our conversation. I felt his energy through his gaze, laugh, and words. We truly enjoyed each other's company and were extremely pleased to finally get to know one another in person. It was at that moment that we both knew we were headed towards a serious commitment.
After our Atlanta date, I was even more smitten by him.
Lester inspired me to grow in every aspect of my life, with God, my dreams, and my family.
A month later, Lester visited me and met my family. Once I saw him interact with my mom and my sister, I knew he was a keeper, and we made our relationship official.
Now, 11 months from our initial meeting, I can say we're in the best relationship of our lives. After many flights between Chicago and Atlanta, we've decided that I'd move to Chicago where he currently resides since I have the freedom to pursue my career from anywhere. Although I'm nervous as heck and Atlanta has been my home and support system for 12 years, I realize that it's time for me to start living my life. I know my life begins with him.
This experience has definitely taught me that love isn't always found in the most traditional places: at the bar, at work, in the supermarket, in church, or even on a dating site.
We may have guidelines and fantasies of how we think our love stories should go, but they don't always materialize as planned. I've truly learned that we need to remain open, follow our intuition, and take more chances.
I almost changed my mind about traveling to LA, but my gut told me to just go because it was for my dream career. So, instead of canceling my flight and postponing my dream, I went anyway, only to find true love in the back of a taxi.
As of January 20, 2017, Lester and I are now engaged! He proposed to me in Cartagena, Columbia two days before his birthday! (FYI, my hair was down before the proposal, but he made fun of me so I braided it up, haha sneaky thing.)
He proposed on the rooftop of our Airbnb during dinner. The chef brought out this cake box and she insisted on handing it to me. I kept telling her, "No, it's not my birthday, it's his," and pointing to Lester. He finally goes, "Babe, open it."
I open the cake box and it's a chocolate cake with roses on the side and a freaking ring box! I look over and there he is on one knee, reaching for my hand. He looks at me and says, "You've been the best part of me ever since I've known you and I can't see me spending the rest of my life with anybody else. So can you please do me the honor of marrying me?"
Of course, I said YES!
Update:
After getting engaged, Jenisa and Lester tied the knot in a little over a year later. On May 4, 2018, the pair started their forever together officially in a ceremony in Atlanta. If Jenisa and Lester's unforgettable love story proves anything, it's that there's nothing like God's plan or His timing for your life.
True love can find you when you least expect it, even in the back of an uberPOOL. Congratulations to the happy couple!
This article was originally published in 2015 but has since been updated.
Featured image via Jenisa's Instagram / Bianca Cherisse
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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