How To Find The Good In Goodbye
Have you ever been in the car and started singing so loud that you forgot other people could see you and possibly even hear you?
I remember when I first heard Beyoncé's “Best Thing I Never Had." When I reached the part where she says, “Thank God I found the good in goodbye," you would've thought I wrote the song the way I belted it out. I can remember a time when I thought I couldn't live without a certain someone, or when I doubted another door would open after another door had closed.
I'll never forget when I was in college and I went through a terrible break-up. I found out my ex had been cheating on me. I was so hurt and distraught that I actually called my mom crying and sobbing and told her, “I'm sorry for not always listening and for not always taking your advice." I couldn't stop crying and I was so depressed that one day I literally quit my job, drove home to my mom's house and stayed there for about a week.
There was another time a few short years ago when I was dealing with a difficult situation as it relates to my career. My work environment was toxic and I found myself dealing with extreme anxiety, and I even experienced a panic attack. Funny thing is, they offered me a promotion with a significant pay increase and I turned it down. I basically told them, “Bye, Felicia" and accepted a new position with a different company and made a lateral move instead. Some people thought I was crazy for turning it down but for me at that time, peace of mind was more important than the number of zeroes on my check.
What's interesting now, however, is when I look back at those dark times in my life I realize what I once thought I wanted was exactly what I didn't need. There's a liberating feeling knowing that what you once thought was the best thing in your life became the best thing when it was actually removed from your life.Even though we may experience bad situations, we can still find the good in goodbye.
Some of us struggle with moving forward because all we can see is what we left behind versus what lies ahead. We're focused on what we lost instead of what we look to gain, but sometimes the very thing we are holding onto is the very thing that is holding us back. I've definitely learned how to find the good in goodbye and I want to encourage someone to start the process to help keep you moving forward.
Keep in mind, when I refer to the term "goodbye," I'm not necessarily referring to us saying farewell to our loved ones when they pass away even though we still have to find a way to keep living when those situations arise. Instead, I'm referring to the relationships, jobs, careers or even dreams that have ended or appear as if they're headed nowhere. Whatever it is you're struggling to cope with or move forward from, here's how I find the GOOD in Goodbye:
G – Get out of the way and let God do his thing.
How many times have we tried to do things our own way, ignored God's plans or got mad at God because things didn't go as planned? It's okay to make plans for our lives because like they say, “If you don't plan, you plan to fail," but the conflict arises when we try to play God and orchestrate things without consulting Him or even after talking with Him. I don't know how many times I've prayed for God to send me a sign and remove certain people, places or things from my life that would hinder my growth. Then, as soon as it happened I would make excuses or I would avoid the signs because deep down inside that's not what I wanted. It's like when we get advice from our friends - sometimes we're open to receiving and sometimes we're not because we'd rather ignore the truth.
Now, I know it's not just about what we want but what we need. Just like from my story earlier, I wanted so bad to be with a certain someone despite how they were treating me and even though it was clear that they didn't want to be with me. At the end of the day, God knows just what we need when we need it. There's a good quote that says “Be god or let God." In other words, I've learned to get out of the way and stop trying to force things to happen. We can repeatedly and hopelessly try and create the life we want by manufacturing defected relationships or situations that will eventually be recalled; or, we can hand over control to God and let him guide and lead us so that He can make room for what we really need.
O – Open your heart and mind to something greater.
Just because something ended doesn't mean we won't have the chance to experience something greater. Every now and then, certain things have to end in order for something bigger and better to begin. Yes, it's hard when things go awry or relationships end and we have to take a moment to deal with the pain and release a good cry, but we can't stay there forever. We have to pick ourselves up and keep moving.
Had I stayed crying and complaining over my past break-ups and situations, I never would have been open and available to receive the love from my husband. Had I not said goodbye to them I wouldn't have been able to say hello to him – my husband. Had I settled for convenience, chaos and toxic environments, I never would've stepped out on faith and fought for something better.
Just because you haven't met “Mr. Right" doesn't mean it will never happen. Just because you hear 10 “No's" doesn't mean you'll never hear a “Yes." I'll never forget when my husband was laid off during our first year of marriage. Even though it was a tough time, he NEVER gave up. He always believed there was something greater coming not only for him but for us as a family, and everything he believed would happen for us has come to fruition. When things don't necessarily go as planned, we have to trust that God is still at work and can bless us with something greater. We have to put our hope in Him, not man.
O - Observe the greater purpose and focus on what's important.
I truly believe we all have a purpose, and at times, the culmination of one thing can lead to the birth of so many more things not only in our lives, but in the lives of others as well. What's more encouraging than being able to help or encourage someone who is going through something you've already overcome? There's an encouraging verse in Genesis 50:20 that says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…"
That's why I do what I do. That's why I write what I write. I understand now more than ever that all of the so-called break-ups, disappointments and failures I experienced in the past actually prepared me for this moment – to help someone else who may be going through similar situations. Our tests form our testimonies. I have to ask myself sometimes, "What is my attitude in adversity" because I realize others may be watching and my actions and reactions can influence how they will deal with life's interruptions. So, when things get difficult and when I get discouraged and can't see clearly the good in goodbye at the moment, above all I have to remember my purpose so I can keep going.
D – Declare the victory!
It's funny when we experience break-ups, heartache, or we hear the words “goodbye" or “no" we immediately find ourselves crying and focused more on what could've been instead of what could be. As human beings, it's totally natural, of course, to feel defeated and disappointed. We live, we love, we laugh and unfortunately we hurt.
But how often do we take the time to rejoice about the potential catastrophes we avoided like: constant and unnecessary drama, abuse, pain, lies, cheating and so much more? It only takes me a second to think about where I could've been had I done X, Y or Z; had I taken that position or had I stayed with "Tom," "Joe," or "Keith." Think about how much you could be going through right now had you stayed a little longer or had they not walked away? Think about the job or position you were overlooked for and the long hours you would've spent away from your friends and loved ones had you accepted it.
Like I said earlier, there is a liberating feeling knowing what you used to desperately desire ended up being something you could actually live without. Everything runs its course. If certain things and situations had not ended when they did, they could have very well prevented us from living life to our full potential. That's the victory! I'm thankful to God for each and every blessing – the ones I prayed for and even the ones I didn't know I needed; the open doors and even the ones He closed.
Are you finding the GOOD in GOODbye? We want to hear your story below.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Your April 2024 Horoscopes Are All About Applying Pressure & Disrupting The Status-Quo
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
April is a powerful month of the year, but it’s also adding some pressure. With Mercury going retrograde and an Aries Eclipse, the energy is high this month, and there is a lot of internal growth occurring. The month begins with Mercury going retrograde on April 1 until April 25, in fire sign Aries. With the Sun also in this bold sign until April 19, there is a lot of passion flowing through the world, but with this comes impulsivity as well.
Mercury retrograde in Aries will be guiding us in a new direction and giving us clarity on where our true interests and needs are. Mercury retrograde is not the time to create new plans, sign contracts, or make any big purchases, but it is the time of the year when we can gain some much-needed clarity to make better decisions moving forward.
Venus enters Aries on April 5, and Venus in Aries is all about self-love, self-confidence, and being courageous in the pursuit of love. This is free-spirit energy, and Venus in this fire sign reminds us that through love, anything is possible. A few days later, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries, and this is a time of immense transformation and new beginnings. Eclipses are the time of the year when massive changes occur, and with this eclipse being in Aries, a lot of what is happening is reflective of the personal growth you have been through over the past six months and what you are moving into for the next.
Eclipses are not about setting intentions, they are more about preparing for your new beginnings and getting key insights into where you are headed.
What April 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Taurus Season officially begins this year on April 19, and this change of pace is much needed after the very active first half of the month. When the Sun is in Taurus, we are more grounded, patient, and secure in what’s happening around us, and this is also a good time of the year to go over your personal finances. The Full Moon of April is happening on April 23 in the sign of Scorpio, and this is the Worm Moon of 2024. This Full Moon is an opportunity for closure emotionally, and a time to let go of what doesn’t align with your personal growth and your commitment to love.
Venus moves out of Aries and into Taurus on April 29, bringing in a new reality when it comes to love and relationship matters overall thrive under this energy. Venus in Taurus is focused on security, comfort, and pleasure, and by the end of the month, self-care is necessary. Before April ends, Mars moves into Aries, and Mars loves being in this sign. Mars in Aries is taking us to where we need to be and doing so in a way where you feel excited about the future and the path you are headed on right now.
Overall, a lot of changes are happening this month that disrupt the status quo of what you thought life to be. This is an eye-opening month, but you are coming out of it feeling even more capable and prepared for what is ahead. Claim your blessings and own your power in life.
Read for your sun and rising sign below:
ARIES
You are truly the star of the show this month, Aries! This month is about you and what you can do with the hand you're dealt with. This is your season to shine, and by the end of the month, you are going to have a new outlook and grasp on all that is possible for you. However, this is not a small feat; the month begins with Mercury going retrograde in your sign until April 25, and you are going to be learning more about yourself through growth moments that can feel challenging at times.
There is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your sign this month on April 8, and you are truly embarking on new territory in your life right now. Keep the focus on things that are light and inspiring, and try not to get carried away into the chaos. With Venus in your sign for most of the month, you have love on your side right now, and your emotions are especially powerful. Mars, your ruling planet, enters your sign on April 30 before the month ends, and you are leaving April with a renewed passion for life overall.
TAURUS
April requires your patience, Taurus. The Sun is in your 12th house of closure for most of this month before entering your sign, and you need some time to process your emotions. You are in a good space to receive, but you need to be able to open yourself up to that and take a step back to allow your blessings to come to you. With Mercury in retrograde this month, you are getting an opportunity to look at experiences of your past in a new light for healing to take place.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and with the Sun in your sign, you have extra confidence with you now. This is the time to focus on your personal goals in life and create space for the new to enter. On April 23, there is a Full Moon happening in your opposite sign, Scorpio, aligning you with love. Partnership matters come full circle for you at this time, and you will feel a deeper connection within your love life by the end of the month. Venus enters your sign before the month ends on April 29, and the things you were remaining patient on this month are coming into full bloom for you now.
GEMINI
April is about taking care of your responsibilities, Gemini. You may feel like there is a lot more on your plate than usual, but with the right work ethic, you can make anything happen this month. April is a time to make an effort where you want to prioritize your energy, and also look to see where you can ask for help more when you need it. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month, and you are looking at your social circle, community, and friendships in a new light during this time.
The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries happening on April 8, is a breath of fresh air for you. Any challenges you have been feeling about being misunderstood or unheard in your community have come to light, and you are ready to turn a new page here. New beginnings are possible for you this month, but you have to be the one to initiate them. By the time Mercury goes direct on April 25, you will have a clean slate and clearer perspective when it comes to connecting with the right people and dedicating yourself to your dreams.
CANCER
You are focused a lot on your career, professional goals, and how you want to show up in the world this month, Cancer. With an eclipse happening in April, your emotions can feel a little heavier at times this month as you are ruled by the Moon and feel its transits more strongly than most. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of April, as well as Mercury retrograde and matters here are coming to light and changing your direction moving forward.
The New Moon Eclipse on April 8 is an opportunity to redirect your energy, and to set your intentions for a financial future that aligns with your creative passions and goals. This month is all about thinking big-picture and long-term. The Full Moon at the end of the month happening in fellow water sign, Scorpio, is a good opportunity for closur,e and any self-doubt you were feeling at the beginning of the month is being swept away. Your heart is in the right place, and that’s what's going to lead you to your success.
LEO
This month is all about thinking things through thoroughly and being the type of person you are proud of, Leo. You are balancing your need for more stability and security in your life with your passion for adventure and community. With the Sun in your 9th house in April, this is a good month to travel or to set your intentions for future vacations. Things may not be turning out exactly as you thought they would right now, but with the right perspective, they may be better.
There is a New Moon Eclipse in a fellow fire sign on April 8, and you are flowing well with the energy during this time. This is an exciting eclipse for you, and opportunities you hadn’t seen before are coming into full view for you now. By the time the Full Moon comes around on April 23, however, you are going to be looking to slow down a bit more and enjoy the comforts of your home. Loved ones, family, and support systems play a big factor in your life as the month ends, and you are leaving April overall with a new perspective.
VIRGO
April is a month of overcoming obstacles and remaining confident in yourself, Virgo. Any limitations you have been feeling in your life come into focus for you this month, and you are looking to break free from the self-doubt that has been keeping you away from experiencing life to the fullest. Being a Virgo, you are ruled by Mercury, and whenever Mercury is in retrograde, you feel its effects more strongly than most. With Mercury retro this month, you are getting an opportunity to reflect, emotionally rejuvenate, and reconsider.
On April 23, a Full Moon is happening in your 3rd House of communication, and you are getting the answers, guidance, and clarity you have been looking for. Anything emotionally and mentally heavy you have been pondering over and working through at the beginning of the month is being released for you by the end of it, and you are letting go of negative energy this month. By the end of April, Venus moves into your 9th house and love is everywhere for you. You will be leaving the month with a newfound joy for life.
LIBRA
Communication is key for you in April, Libra. This is a month when a lot of the energy is in your opposite sign, Aries, and you are truly making sense of it all right now. There are new beginnings to grab a hold of this month, but there is also a need to clear the air and set the record straight in the process. The New Moon Eclipse happening on April 8, is creating an opportunity for love, connection, and deeper partnership in your life, but it’s also reflecting to you what needs to happen within you before that can occur. April is a big learning month, and you are rising above any previous confusion in your life, especially when it comes to love.
With the Full Moon on April 23 happening in the sign just after yours, this Full Moon will be in your house of income, and you are gaining some closure here. Financial matters come full circle at the end of the month, and you will see a return on your investments. Before the month ends, your ruling planet, Venus, enters your 8th house of commitment, and some Libras may see a relationship go to the next level during this time. The clarity you are gaining in April is creating more room for growth and connection within love overall.
SCORPIO
April is an eye-opening month for you, Scorpio. You are moving through an inner awakening this month and are going through a lot of personal transformations that change your trajectory moving forward. This is the time of the year when you are looking for new ways to take better care of your health and prioritize the work you want to do in this lifetime as well. The Sun is in your 6th house of daily routine for most of the month, and you are focused on finding happiness in the little things in life.
The Full Moon of the month is happening in your sign on April 23, and this is a powerful Full Moon of closure for you. A lot of this year is about figuring out what is for you and what isn’t and taking your passions and interests more seriously. During this Full Moon, you are aligning more with what truly resonates and letting go of what doesn’t. On April 29, Venus enters your sister sign, Taurus, and love matters are a space where you are receiving new blessings as the month ends.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a more emotional one for you, Sagittarius. You are finding your way through what is presenting itself, and are learning more about your own heart in the process. With the Sun in your 5th house of romance for most of April, there are a lot of opportunities for self-expression, creativity, and happiness, yet with Mercury also retrograde in this same area of your chart, you may be finding yourself more challenged here than usual as well.
During the New Moon Eclipse on April 8, think about what sort of perspectives help you and which ones have been hindering you. Ponder over whether you are making important decisions in your life from the heart and a place of clarity or from a place of fear of whether or not you are worthy of what you truly want. The Full Moon on April 29 will be helping you let go of what no longer serves your heart, and giving you that space to emotionally understand it all better. Perspective is everything for you this month, and more optimism may be needed on your part for the time being.
CAPRICORN
April is a fresh start for you, Capricorn, and you are starting from square one in many ways this month. You are finding yourself in a space of inspiration and insight, and you are looking to set your intentions and focus more on your manifestations right now. However, with the Mercury retrograde happening this month, you may find yourself needing to be home more or the people closest to you may need more of your time and energy as well. There is a sense of being pulled in a few different directions in April, and your guidance for the month is to think ahead.
The Full Moon happening on April 23 is an opportunity for you to get the full picture of your connections, friendships, and support systems. The people you find by your side this month are ones that you have worked hard on growing with, and you are discovering where your soulmates are. Venus enters a fellow earth sign before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling a new sense of romance and mystery in your life that is elevating your mindset overall.
AQUARIUS
There is a lot of positive energy coming into your life this month, and self-care is key right now, Aquarius. Your emotions are running higher than usual, but you are overall liking what you see play out for you this month. With the Sun and Mercury retrograde in your 3rd house of communication for most of April, extra patience is needed in the day-to-day, and this isn’t the time to rush perfection. Balance rest with effort, and remember that some of the best things in life will come to you without force.
There is a New Moon Eclipse happening on the 8th, and this eclipse is an opportunity for you to express yourself, communicate how you have been feeling, and allow new connections to take place in your life. Dreams are being fulfilled for you this month, and the universe is showing you just how good things can get for you. The Full Moon happening at the end of the month will be eye-opening for you when it comes to career matters, and you and others are seeing how far you have come here.
PISCES
Even though Pisces Season has officially come to a close, you are just getting started on all the abundance that is awaiting you this year, Pisces. April is one of those months when things are just working out for you and when you get to soak in where you are feeling fulfilled and supported in life. Most of the Astrology transits of the month are in the financial areas of your chart, and a lot of your focus in April is on your abundance and receiving your due rewards and blessings here.
Once the Sun moves into Taurus on April 19, the energy moves into your 3rd house of communication, and you will feel confident to express your ideas, insights, and wisdom. On April 23, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and you could be traveling around this time, connecting with like-minded souls or overall feeling a heightened sense of passion for life. Venus moves into your 3rd house before the month ends as well, and you are overall hearing good news this month, Pisces.
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