This 27-Year-Old Left Corporate To Be A SoulCycle Instructor
The room was a kind of sticky warmth that hinted that nobody was leaving without a good sweat.
I clipped my shoes onto the pedals and began to cycle slowly, warming up my stiff calf muscles as I mentally prepared for the workout ahead. The door closed shut, leaving me and a handful of others in a nearly dark room, lights dimmed and candles flickering at the front of the instructors' stage. Dani Robertson paced back and forth, warmly greeting individuals with smiles and promises of a judgment free zone where old and new comers could relax and unwind. There were no real rules but one—you had to quiet the negative thoughts for the entire 45-minute SoulCycle session and “choose happy."
“In my classes I like to call it 'happy hour,'" Robertson says. “It's basically a time where you go to class and set your own intention. You want to go and get some things off your chest. You want to sweat."
The idea of choosing to be happy—choosing to live a life that you love—may seem foreign to some and impossible to many, but for Robertson, it's become her life mantra. At 27, she's chosen a path where many fear to go, one where you eradicate self-doubt and ratify possibility. A year ago, Robertson wouldn't have guessed that she'd leave behind her "traditional" job in ad sales to venture into a career path that is still somewhat undefined, and three months ago you couldn't have told her that she would be leading a room of others on their own individual journeys of freedom and self-awareness.
Growing up in Atlanta, Georgia, Robertson didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. She tried sports and various activities in hopes of finding the one thing that made her feel “full," but all came up short when it came to fulfillment—or purpose.
What she did know was that she wanted something that made her feel alive and motivated her to wake up every morning in anticipation of the day ahead. Although money was important, it wasn't the motive. Living with just her mom and twin brother she understood the hunger for it, but refused to feed into it. “I realized at a young age that money is just a means to an end; it doesn't really complete anything internally," Robertson says. “I knew that people feared money. I knew it was something that was needed in order to do good and live a certain lifestyle. But I knew I wasn't going to allow that to bully me into a lifestyle that I didn't want."
"I realized at a young age that money is just a means to an end."
After graduating from Georgia State University, she took a job in New York at a publicity agency that she interned with the previous summer, but after two months of waking up to a job that robbed her of her joy, she quit. “I was like I can't be this miserable. I can't look forward to another week of this misery."
Thanks to a few connections and a surprisingly good interview, she snagged a position in ad sales at Nickelodeon. But like the previous job, she had a gnawing feeling that she was settling for a steady paycheck. “I've always believed in my heart that everybody knows how they feel within themselves," says Robertson. “It's nothing that they can describe. Everyone has their thing that they know deep within their heart, and one of the things that I knew was that I always felt like I was supposed to be happy. I always thought that was something I was supposed to always feel. I expected to feel it."
Thinking that a change of scenery would do the trick, Robertson left behind her New York lifestyle and transferred to the L.A. office under the assumption that the more laid-back atmosphere and sun-filled days would be just the antidote to her career woes. “I thought that would do it. I thought that would break the chain, and it didn't."
Robertson was unsure of her next steps, but remained opened to new experiences that would reveal the answer. When a friend invited her to the gun range she obliged (though she firmly states that she's against gun violence), and found herself gripping a shotgun, too scared to pull the trigger. “I was petrified. I did everything that you had to do and all I had to do was pull the trigger. It was probably the most symbolic moment of my life. I remember telling my friend I'm not ready; I don't think I have a good grip. And all I had to do was make my index finger move, and I was afraid. I somehow told my finger to move and I did it and then it was like everything was fine. It was like trusting what I believe in my heart and that I should be happy, and that if it doesn't make me happy, then for lack of a better reference, pull the trigger."
But as the experience showed her, firing the proverbial gun was easier said than done. She left Nickelodeon at the end of the summer, and by fall she was working in ad sales at Quantcast—a company that she describes as good, but not good enough. “Good is awesome, but in my life it's not good enough. I should reach for great and excellent, and I should literally max out what I can do. Good is cool, but if there's more, why don't I deserve to get more?"
Robertson stayed a few more months but her mind had already left the job, and as one door prepared to close, signs lit the path to another that stood open. The first came in the form of a friend, who encouraged Robertson to try out a SoulCycle class. The session proved to be both physically and emotionally challenging, forcing her to push beyond her limits as tears streamed down her cheeks. After one session she was hooked. “There were certain instructors who could literally call that out of me. They would inspire me to work harder, and I was moved, but I was scared. It was like I would love to do that, but I can't. That's not even my vibe. It just wasn't me, but I kept riding as rider."
Robertson quieted the thought of leading the pack until once again purpose gave her a nudge while attending a SoulCycle session at Oprah's “Live the Life You Want" tour. “I don't believe in coincidences; I believe that everything happens on purpose and with reason, and so it was there so I was like okay cool. It's a sign."
"I don't believe in coincidences; I believe that everything happens on purpose and with reason."
She took on a part-time position as a front-desk attendant at the Santa Monica studio while continuing to work full-time at her job and attending class as a rider, but by the spring she once again felt that it was time leave her full-time position to pursue the one thing that brought her fulfillment. “I remember being on the bike like this is fun, this is ridiculously fun. It was an amazing pressure to literally figure out what I wanted to do and what I loved, and what I cared enough to wake up early in the morning for. “
In her downtime, she also focused on finding happiness within herself through reading and meditation, what she refers to as training. “Sometimes your mind is so chaotic that it just won't settle down. You go to bed at night and you can't focus. You want to fall asleep but you can't fall asleep, and you have to be able to calm yourself down and get your mind to be at peace. So I learned a lot about that. I really just got in touch with me and what I wanted and what I thought I wanted, and I was riding more. I could tell that I was just feeling better."
During one particular session she unknowingly rode next to a scout. A week later she ran into the same woman on her way down the escalator when the scout stopped and asked if she ever considered being an instructor. “It was such a moment of validation and I was extremely shy at the moment. It's the sweetest compliment you can ever get, like you can do what you never thought you could do. It really opened me up emotionally."
After going through an intensive training program—one that challenged her core values and gave her an even deeper understanding of who she is—she was ready to guide others on their quest for finding their own happiness. “I've had certain riders tell me, 'Wow you really made my week' or 'I never thought I'd cry,'" she recalls excitedly. “Like this is real life. This is how life should feel. We should be moved."
And in Robertson's class you'll feel just that. As I pedaled feverishly over the next 45-minutes, I challenged myself to be present, to tap into the thoughts and emotions that often spill onto the pages of my journal and in the occasional text message to a confidant. As she sporadically shouted out affirmations I reflected on my own dreams and goals, and asked myself the same question that she did just a year ago: Why don't I deserve to get more?
“So often I was held back by fear. A beautiful quote that I heard is 'feel the fear, but do it anyway.' Don't run from fear but go deep within it. That's how you get rid of it and that's how you get better.
If you sit there and your life becomes average or not what you want it to be then it was your decision. And I just always felt that I was more powerful than fear."
Likewise, girl. Likewise.
Want to #chooseHappy and ride out with Dani? Head over to the SoulCycle location in Downtown Los Angeles.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images