The Power of Manifestation Helped Me Get My Accessories Line On Nasty Gal
As entrepreneurs, often times the very things that we want is within our reach, but our thoughts keep us from being able to grab hold of them.
I recently learned about the true power of the law of attraction and manifesting the things I wanted into my life after my accessories line, Modern Day Hippie had it's official launch on NastyGal.com. Looking back I now realize that my journey of leaving a toxic corporate job and taking a huge leap of faith for my business helped to bring my dreams into reality, but at the time I didn't realize that my negative thinking was holding me back from seeing the full potential of my brand.
When I first started Modern Day Hippie, it was really just a passion project and creative outlet for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always sought to showcase my individuality through my clothes - specifically thrifted and vintage clothes. I love being able to take an item that was trendy 15 years ago and flip it to make it more modern. I have always considered myself the definition of a free spirit, and wanted my brand to reflect that. In 2014, I decided to pursue it as a side business and Modern Day Hippie was born.
Photo Credit: IG, Modern Day Hippie
What no one warned me about was how hard it would be trying to start a business while working full-time. Especially working full-time in a corporate environment for a large fashion company where people thrive on constantly crushing your light, personal dreams, and goals. I lost sight of why I really started Modern Day Hippie, instead, I unhappily focused on building someone else's dream. I suffered from depression and often times felt defeated. Right as I decided to make a change, I received an e-mail and the opportunity of a lifetime - an interview with the current CEO of Nasty Gal, Sheree Waterson. At the time, I just thought this would be another corporate interview since I had already went through three interviews for the Web Merchandiser position thatI applied for a few weeks prior. I had no idea that this day would change my life forever.
I didn't get the job, but I walked out with more fire and passion inside of me than ever before. Instead of talking about the job, we talked about the Law of Attraction and our favorite books. She mentioned that God plants success inside of us, but it is always up to the individual to tap into it. I had never had such a spiritual interview before and I knew that this was not a coincidence. The last words the CEO repeated to me as I walked out of her office were words that I was all too familiar with. They were words that have guided me my entire life: Failure is not an option.
Photo Credit: Modern Day Hippie
It was at this moment that I knew I had to stop making excuses and get to work.
Over the next six months, I experienced some of the hardest personal challenges I have ever had to endure. I left my job, a long-term romantic relationship, friendships, and the financial security I had grown so comfortable in. I didn't realize that God was removing everything out of my life that would not help me advance to the next level. It felt like my entire world was crashing down. Often times, I had no idea how I was going to pay my bills or where my next meal was going to come from. The only thing I knew was that I had a vision and that God was going to make it happen.
I won't lie, this was the scariest period of my entire life! I spent many nights up late worrying about my next move. Money was a major stress factor. Then one day I realized that by focusing on the negative, I was only going to attract negative energy into my life as the result of my own thoughts. In order for me to truly receive what I know I deserved, I had to completely change my entire mindset. I had to consciously choose to vibrate at a higher level. Everything I have ever received in life, it was because I believed in myself and manifested my biggest desires. I had to brainwash myself with so much positivity and light that there was no other choice but for me to succeed.
My vision board.
I even reached out to a Nasty Gal accessories buyer that I had met a couple of years prior through mutual friends and sent her an inspiration deck outlining my company, why I started it, and who I thought the Modern Day Hippie girl was. Initially I just wanted honest feedback from a buying perspective, but the last slide in my deck really hit her hard. It was a a breakdown of the meaning behind products I was currently working on, including the hats. I explained how I felt like there was a disconnect in my generation, specifically between spirituality and the urban community. I grew up in Atlanta and always felt like these were both two very important sides to me. However, I noticed that a lot of free spirited/spiritually based companies market to a very specific stereotype - it is a predominantly affluent, white, and older crowd (ex: Free People). I wanted to break the stereotype, cater to younger audience, and bridge the gap. You can be from a diverse ethnic background, love hip hop culture, be considered fashionable, and also choose to seek a higher meaning to life. You don't have to choose. I am all of these things and constantly seek to break out of any boxes society chooses to place me in. The buyer asked if we could have a meeting to discuss my brand in person and to bring samples. She reviewed my samples and I left the meeting feeling a sense of accomplishment.
In the meantime, I started to write out a weekly and monthly list of goals I wanted to achieve. I created a very specific and detailed vision board of everything I wanted to happen with Modern Day Hippie and my personal life. I practiced meditating more in times of fear and darkness. I only focused on the positive. I woke up every day thinking about Modern Day Hippie and went to bed thinking about how grateful I was to be present in this moment.
So when Nasty Gal reached out to me about hat designs that were intended to be a personal project, I knew that the power inside of me had reached a new level. I wanted to figure out a way to bring an element of spirituality and confidence to my brand, but still remain relevant to who I am as a person: fun, wild, and bold.
Fast forward to today, and my designs are live on the Nasty Gal site! This is exactly how I always knew it would happen.
I felt that I need to share this story because so many times I hear people doubt themselves and their God-given purpose. We have to know that greatness is inside all of us.
If you have an idea but don't know where to start, WRITE IT DOWN.
Write it down over and over until you begin to map out exactly how you're going to get there. I am not the richest person nor do I have all of the business knowledge, but I trusted my instincts and always bet on myself. You have to believe that you are going to be successful no matter what obstacles are put in your way. You have to embrace change and trust that there is always a bigger plan for you. God did not put a purpose on your life and intend for you to fail.
One of my favorite rappers of all time, Biggie Smalls, said it best:
"Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it, and live the phrase 'Sky's the Limit.'"
See you ladies on top.
Gabrielle Lopez is the Owner and Creative Director of the online e-commerce site, Modern Day Hippie.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images