This article is in partnership with The Home Depot.
For the last seven months (honestly, for life), I've been a salt bath-taking, incense burning, face mask-rocking, meditation loving, gratitude recording, cardio slaying Mama, and while that's still absolutely the case, I've graduated. My brand of self-care has expanded, not just to include the people I love and live with (twenty-four-frickin-seven), but also the space that we love and spend ALL of our time in, together, constantly. The walls that once seemed to be closing in on me, are now supporting and reinforcing the peace I'm actively cultivating.
While it's easy to get swept up in the chaos and lack of control out there, I choose to focus on and revel in the harmony and control that I can set up here. And thanks to science (I friggin' love science), The Home Depot, and a little research, I'm keeping myself and my family safer at home like a boss. Our space is the ultimate fully connected home - a self-care haven, and that's the focus of today's "focusing on the GOOD" gratitude entry! I'm thankful for:
1. Good music.
Music is life. I can't sing, or dance. But I find that the right song shifts my mood, instantly, every time. Music keeps me connected to the peace inside me, and that's why my phone stays connected to one of my many wireless speakers around the house!
Options:JBL Link Music, JBL Portable, and Sonos One
2. Good lighting.
People burn all the scented candles and love on their salt lamps, but smart lighting does it for me! Research shows that certain types of lighting may improve mood and energy levels, while others may contribute to the opposite. Lighting may also directly impact concentration and appetite. In addition to saving on energy costs, smart lighting and the easy-to-use timers support my natural circadian rhythm, turns the kids bedroom into a whole party, adds razzle-dazzle to my décor, and lights up my mornings with energizing tones. I'm thankful for the instant mood-shifting it provides, and that I can control the whole system from my phone!
Options: Philips Hue White and Color Ambiance BR30 Smart Light Bulb, Philips Hue White and Color Ambiance LightStrip, Philips Hue White and Color Ambiance A19 Smart Bulb
3. Good temperatures.
I get chilly when the temperature outside dips below 75 (I may actually be a lizard, and I'm definitely anemic). Much to my family's dismay, I find it uncomfortable when the thermostat inside reads lower than 76 degrees Fahrenheit and have multiple heating pads stashed around the house. I used to stalk around the thermostat (I still do sometimes, out of habit), but can be even stealthier now because I can make my micro adjustments to the temp from my phone or on a Google Nest smart display! Smart thermostats are the best thing to happen to me this year (aside from robot vacuums).
Options: Google Nest Learning Thermostat 3rd Gen, Google Nest Thermostat E, Google Nest Hub Max
Courtesy of The Home Depot
At The Home Depot, we make sure your shopping experience is safer and more convenient!
1. BUY ONLINE OR PICK UP IN-STORE
Free in-store pickup in hours, ready and waiting for you at your local Home Depot store.
2. DELIVERY.
Let the store run to you with free delivery to your doorstep. With over one million eligible online items delivered, get the store at your door.
3. THE HOME DEPOT APP.
The Home Depot App has Image and Voice Search, Product Locator, Augmented Reality, and Project Calculators. And you can browse and buy over one million products from wherever you are. This is how to do more on the go!
How are you "home-caring"?
Featured image courtesy of The Home Depot
RELATED
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images
