How I Learned To Love My Small Breasts
I remember back in the 10th grade when two girls joked about the size of my small breasts. "What will your boyfriend play with?" They asked me maliciously while palming their own overtly abundant breasts. Their words were internalized. Even more recently, a friend of mine off-handedly referred to them as "tiny" while conversing about the kind of bras we preferred. I don't think she realized how damaging her choice of words were, but thankfully the woman in me has matured to a point where I can quiet the insecurities of the little girl who once felt like her A-cup was not enough, that small breasts made her less of a woman, and the idea that men wouldn't fantasize or lust after her petite body.
Oftentimes, it's not you who makes you feel bad about your body, it's the opinions and desires of others that you internalize to the point that it plagues your self-esteem and reopens wounds that haven't quite healed. It sucks. I can pinpoint every single time I've felt badly about my body. More times than most, it was by other women.
I don't remember exactly what age my breasts began to grow, but I remember that swollen feeling that made my chest particularly tender at the time. I remember anticipating in delight at how big of a transformation I'd hope it be in contrast to my flat, prepubescent chest. I knew a girl in my elementary school who seemed to go through her life changes at an incredibly rapid pace. Her breasts had to at least be a full C cup, and she expressed stories of how excruciating her cramps were because her period had already started. Listening to her stories made me feel behind this mature preteen.
I saw women who were older than me whose chests were different from that of a man. I wanted that. I wanted bountiful curves, but I knew my day would come. So when I felt that tenderness, as I said, I was excited. My time was here.
However, it differed completely from stories I heard from classmates who said their breasts grew overnight. I'd go to sleep and wake up relatively the same size. And in the year or two that passed, the growth was very gradual until it just stopped. I was a full A--no more, no less. I was displeased. They weren't big at all. All the stories I heard didn't match up to my own experience and I felt less than myself, less than who I was supposed to be. Of course, the very clichéd tried and true revelation of stuffing my bra became a reality for me in high school. Stuffing didn't do much, but somehow it did something for my self-esteem to appear to have shapelier breasts. It was some time after those girls made their comments to me in our math class that I started adding the extra padding, and for a while I felt better.
I wasn't too concerned about what would happen when the cat was out of the bag so to speak, because although I was interested in sex, I was nowhere near having it. For the moment it did the trick with my confidence in the way I looked. I remember the day when I got caught, though; it was the first real conversation I had with my mother. She took me to get a physical, and as the doctor was examining my breasts (bra-on mind you) my mother could see a glimpse of something white slipping out of my bra. I was mortified. Later on that day, she asked, “Why do you stuff your bra Sheriden?"
I honestly didn't know how to put it into words why, but I am grateful that the moment happened because it forced me to begin to come to terms that this was my body, and I'd have to make peace with it. We went bra shopping shortly thereafter and got bras that made me feel better about my 34A cup size. Pretty, lacy, dainty things have a way of making you feel much more at home in your body, it's an undeniable fact. I relied heavily on bras with plenty of padding to achieve the shape that I wanted.
My first love led me to falling in love with them for what they were without padding. He was my first for many things, and through his love I began to see the beauty in myself. For a long time, I was programmed to think that there was no desire or likeability in having small breasts. He proved me wrong and then some. A man doesn't necessarily care if he cares for you. I grew more confident from it. I said goodbye to padding for good, the least amount the better. I grew to love their shape, their perkiness, the way they are the perfect handful, how sensitive they are to touch, how great it feels to have them grabbed, groped, and suckled. I began to see them for what they are versus for what they aren't and found beauty in that. I no longer settled; I loved them.
I spent so much of my pubescent life being insecure because of what other women told me was wrong about myself.
I was so caught up in their perception of me that I didn't consider my own perception. Insecurities for the most part, remain dormant, usually just the slightest of whispers when doubt enters the room. However, those whispers can turn into screams given the right ammunition and for me, realizing that there were no truth to the venom-laced words I had heard throughout my teenage years granted me access to tapping into the inner confidence that was always there.
My A-cup was and is enough. It's easy to internalize all the things you feel are wrong about you, but instead of that, I challenge you to love yourself for who you are and how you are.
As cliché as it might be, everyone's already taken so why not be yourself and love yourself a little harder because of that truth? I know I've definitely learned to, and I can finally say that I'm happy with being me.
What's something about your body that you had to make peace with and learn to love? Share your experiences with me below!
Featured image by Shutterstock
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s almost that time when the girlies are gonna be hopping in the chair to get the most popular style of the warmer seasons: goddess braids. Goddess braids are not just a hairstyle; they're a statement of elegance, power, and divine beauty. Whether you've recently adorned yourself with these stunning braids or are considering them, one thing remains certain: maintaining them is key to preserving their splendor. In this guide, we'll delve into the art of maintaining goddess braids, ensuring they remain flawless for longer periods.
Let’s start with some pro tips from Breanna Knights, a Brooklyn-based stylist with over a decade of experience in the beauty and fashion industry, specializing in goddess braids. She takes pride in maintaining the beauty and longevity of her clients' goddess braids, focusing on ensuring their scalp and curls remain healthy and hydrated.
Knights’ expertise extends to understanding the tension level, hydration needs, and proper cleansing techniques for goddess braids.
Hydration Is Key:
Moisture is essential for maintaining the integrity of your goddess braids. Use a lightweight leave-in conditioner or moisturizing spray to hydrate your scalp and braids. Pay attention to the ends of the braids, as they tend to be the driest part. Avoid heavy products that can weigh down the braids and cause buildup.
“To maintain neatness and longevity for goddess braid styles, I recommend treating the goddess hair just as you would your natural curls," Knights tells us. "This consists of putting up your hair at night in a bonnet. I also encourage using mousse or a bottle of water mixed with conditioner to make the curls bounce back. These two options depend on if the curls are a synthetic blend, or if it’s 100% human hair."
When it comes to keeping the goddess curls refreshed and hydrated, Knights’ favorite mousse brands include:
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse
Bumble and bumble
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse is a lightweight mousse that enhances curls with a blend of oils and butters, providing long-lasting volume, and bounce without stiffness.
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil
Amazon
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil is a fave amongst the girlies. Reviewers say, “Product works well taming frizzy curls as well smoothing natural hair, human hair, and synthetic crochet or individual braided hair. Adds shine without looking or feeling greasy.”
Knights also recommends using Creme of Nature Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment mixed with water in a spray bottle. “These products are sure to bring curls back to life," she adds.
If you’re looking for particular techniques or tricks to alleviate tension or discomfort often associated with wearing goddess braids, Knights shares that knotless goddess braids are usually done with less tension at the scalp, rather than traditional braids. “I highly suggest gauging tightness throughout your braiding session with your stylist. Should your braids end up too tight, one of my favorite go-to's is the Bumble and bumble’s Hairdresser's Invisible Oil. It provides a cool sensation on the scalp, without over saturating the scalp with oil,” Knights says.
The stylist also suggests a spray bottle with water to relieve tension. Additionally, less styling in the first few days of installing the braids to avoid scalp irritation.
Gentle Cleansing:
One topic that can be confusing when committing to goddess braids is the washing process. Should I wash my braids? How often should I wash them? We had all the questions, and Knights came with the tea. “Everyone’s wash [day] routine is different. To each client’s discernment, by weeks 3-4, if your scalp is itchy or shows signs of dandruff, it would be safe to wash your braids.
"I highly recommend paying more attention to the scalp rather than the braids itself. Keeping the braids up in a bun while saturating the scalp will keep the curls from matting and tangling during the wash process. After washing the scalp I recommend reapplying mousse and tying the hair down with a scarf to help tame any frizz that may occur after washing.”
Protect Your Crown:
One of the biggest keys to the longevity of goddess braids is having a braid bonnet and shower cap to ensure that the braids are dry. Invest in a satin or silk bonnet or scarf to protect your goddess braids while you sleep. Cotton pillowcases can cause friction, leading to frizz and flyaways. Additionally, tying your braids with a silk scarf can help preserve their shape and prevent them from unraveling.
“Combing through the loose curls with your fingers and having a routine to ensure that the hair isn't matting or entangling into one another can help with longevity as well," Knights shares. "The same way you’d care for your curls after a successful wash day would also promote the longevity for any 'goddess' style!”
Courtesy
Regular Touch-ups:
As your natural hair grows, your goddess braids may begin to loosen or develop new growth around the edges. Schedule regular touch-up appointments with your hairstylist to re-braid the edges and ensure a seamless look. Avoid leaving braids in for too long, as this can cause tension on the scalp and lead to breakage.
Minimize Manipulation:
While it's tempting to constantly touch and style your goddess braids, excessive manipulation can lead to frizz and premature loosening. Limit the use of styling tools and refrain from pulling or tugging on the braids. Embrace the natural beauty of your braids and allow them to flourish with minimal interference.
Nourish from Within:
Maintaining healthy hair starts from within. Ensure you're consuming a balanced diet rich in vitamins, minerals, and hydration to promote hair growth and vitality. Incorporate foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and plenty of water into your daily routine for optimal hair health.
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