Guarded: How I Learned To Love The Walls I've Built | xoNECOLE
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Guarded: How I Learned To Love The Walls I’ve Built

Comments (44)
  1. indiesbeauty says:

    I wish this article was longer because it speaks to me. I’ve always had walls up because I’m naturally guarded. Not necessarily because of what I’ve been through but because before I open up to a person, I want to make sure I’m safe to do so. Not everyone one you meet has your best intentions in mind. The best scenario for me is when relationships are built organically. This give me the time to determine if the walls are coming down or staying up. When your an introvert but your also very out going it’s hard for people to make sense of it. Your talking at party’s and meeting new people but it’s all surface relationships to me. Everyone is not the same when it comes to opening up to others and no one should feel bad about it.

  2. SDJP says:

    A quarter way through this article I favored the link in my bookmarks because it speaks to me, my experiences and my personality so much.

    Today many share things if only for likes and followers to showcase the appearance of a great life to the world. But I often wonder if these people actually know themselves beyond what they project on their Instagram page.

    To all of us who don’t share and disclose all of ourselves to everyone we meet, we are not misfits or socially incapable, we simply navigate life and relationships on a path less traveled.

    Lastly, thank you if only for this quote alone: “my walls haven’t been built for fear of the opposition but in honor of the beauty inside of me.”

    I will be back to read this article and comments many times we I need some encouragement, so thank you for this piece!

  3. Kyla Ky says:

    Wow, this is me! I’ve always been guarded, I don’t think I’ve ever opened up 100% to anyone. It’s always difficult to explain because I assume people think something has happened for me to be this way but I’ve never had issues with people, I’ve just seen what my friends have gone through.

    Dating always seems impossible because I just can’t open up enough to let someone in. I don’t like people knowing everything about me. I can’t even count the amount of guys that slowly stopped trying because I wasn’t letting them in.

    Other than my family and best friend, I don’t think anyone really knows me. I’m like the complete opposite of all my friends, they share everything which makes it awkward when I don’t do the same.

  4. Kanisha says:

    This was meant for me! Thank you, as an introvert I battle with a lot of these characteristics until recently I’ve come to accept them and it has helped me understand myself and others a lot better. balance, for me, is key. and you’re right I had to learn to let go.

  5. Nicki says:

    This is a letter to my heart. I thank you

  6. Terry says:

    Beautiful truth.

  7. Ilese Lee says:

    Use discernment,
    And wisdom, you were created from love and radiate love why build a wall? It entraps your love!!! LOVE WITHOUT FEAR EGO AND ETC., youll notice The wall COMES CRASHING

  8. Cleopatra Myers says:

    I have been dealing with this internal battle my whole life in relationships and you Ms.Milner have expressed the challenges and rewards of protecting your light ( I call it “”protecting my peace”) delicately and honestly.

    I forgive myself for being the “toos” often, I constantly observe( I like to call it “surveil”) those who want to be apart of my life for that very purpose.Nobody ever wants to feel like their ability to be vulnerable can result to dismissal or rejection.No one wants to expose pieces of their soul to anyone just to be neglected and judged.

    It’s comforting to know that there are other kindred spirits that recognize how special their light is and do what they can to protect it. You are right, this world can do alot to put that flame out, but it is up to us to keep it burning. Respecting ourselves enough to be guarded and careful is a form of love, self-love. Atleast in my perspective anyway. 🙂

    Thank you for your words!

  9. Excellent article!I think ppl always want to know every little thing about you.To use it against you or their own personal gain.

  10. Aari N. Sutherland says:

    This article spoke to me in a enlightening way. I am the type of person that was the opposite of this the writer in this article. I am so open, always letting everyone in and telling people deep things about me when they did not even deserve it (in retrospect). Doing this caused so much heartache because I thought I trusted them to keep things I said to themselves, and I thought they were friends all in the end to find out they just wanted to know things about me so they can throw it in my face, or tell other people and make fun of me.

    Reading this article made me sad and happy because I wish I was not so “open” with people, however I realized by reading this it is good to keep yourself guarded, and also instead of telling people my business because they seem nice…they should instead earn my trust first. Sometimes being quiet and just observing, I could learn a lot about someone which will help me to not be so overzealous with certain people, and speaking for the sake of “filling in silence”.

    I found this article browsing @oldmanebro’s twitter. I am glad I read this, what a Gem. Thank you.

  11. Tammy says:

    I needed this. I am way too open and trusting and this “Every single one of the friends/lovers who have rallied for my transparency proved themselves to be people who wanted access to the depths of me just to say they saw what I had inside…not because they actually wanted the responsibility of protecting it’….is what happens. Thank you for this article.

  12. Trisha says:

    Oh my, this is perfect!

  13. Keep those walls UP

  14. Yasmine Simone says:

    Exactly what I needed today.

  15. Grace Love says:

    This article is completely me.

  16. Deanna says:

    I’m honestly speechless. I am this article and I see myself even in some of the comments. I am a human fortress. When people have remarks at my funeral it will be puzzling to some bc no one knows me completely. I’m at awe at this article. The quickest way to get cut off is demand my walls to come down. I will keep my walls before I keep you and your demands.

  17. Well said. I am guarded because I have seen all my life what unguarded looks like and what benefits it reaps. Like you said WATCH. Being guarded has given me the ability to observe others and their behaviors before I give them access to my kingdom. It has help me have hindsight and see things before they happen. Being guarded also allows you time to nuture you.

  18. Rose A says:

    Great Article! Wish it was Longer!

  19. Speak it like it is, reall

  20. jules says:

    Thank you Iman! I happen to be a guarded person and many throw accusations at me. I will no longer judge myself too harshly due to thr unkind comments. Your words are an oasis in the desert.

  21. Kayla Althea says:

    *shakes tambourine*

  22. LaTasha says:

    [praised danced out my wig] This article was so good. Thank you so much I needed this!!

  23. Kellen says:

    This hit home. Thank you.

  24. Honey dip says:

    Omg yes! I needed to read this…. And the timing of this was perfect! Thanks for posting

  25. Samu says:

    I love this article.I struggled with this for a while until I realised that the people who are meant to be in your life God will reveal themselves in good times and challenging times

  26. Marissa says:

    I can relate to every word of this article. I recently had to let go of someone important to me because they couldn’t understand my need to protect myself!

  27. Zina says:

    Just when I thought I was the only one like this. It’s a constant battle for me and I’ve always thought this was a flaw, but this article has helped me realize that this isn’t a flaw. As mentioned some folks are worthy enough to actually see/know you for you while others are simply not. Definitely gonna bookmark this article. Love the new site Necole! ❤️

  28. Alta Joseph says:

    LOVE this article!

  29. As long as you’re not using the walls to hide from love. He should understand that trust is built with time

  30. HoneyButter says:

    Man I have walked away from many friends and even some family because I always needed to defend who I was and why I am guarded and not easily trusting. This article really spoke to me. Short and sweet. Yet powerful. Thank you for this!

  31. Drea says:

    This definitely spoke to me. Yes, I yearn for transparency that surpasses staged social media photos, plastered smiles, and pseudo-pleasantries. And no, I’d rather not share my life story to have it extracted, examined and picked apart. I so needed this today, as I’ve been working hard to protect my peace lately and I’m exhausted. Thanks for sharing your truth!

  32. damien says:

    This is just great

  33. Kendra says:

    Absolutely love this!! So true for me right now!!

  34. Pearl says:

    I felt as though this article was meant for me today! LOVEEEDDD IT

  35. Oenz says:

    Beautifully written! It reads like an extension of Paulo Coehlo’s “Manuscripts Found In Accra”.

    Some folks will never understand the importance in gaining another’s trust and respecting it at all cost.

  36. Germaina says:

    I so needed to read this. This spoke to me so much so I was in tears a third of the way through. Thank you for your beautiful words.

  37. Dominique says:

    Iman this has become one of my new favorite pieces. Beautifully written.

  38. Purity says:

    Last night, my boyfriend of a year came home and said we need to talk. This article is basically a summary of what we discussed.

    After I felt like he’s been my best friend for a while, he says I’m too calculated and guarded, I’m too quiet. It scares him. He says the only emotion I show is love, and it just can’t be enough. I felt like he was dumping me for loving him. I guess I should just love my walls.

  39. Chymere says:

    This resonates and I see it does with so many other women as well. I’ve always had these conversations, they’ve always lead to splits and break ups. Then I realized-through the consistent patience and compassion of people who truly love me-that even though I’m guarded, some people actually do break those walls without pressure of trying to force me to open up. It’s an understanding that comes with solid relationships. I get that now. It also, like you’ve expressed so eloquently here, doesn’t make me impossible to love or against love itself…just a path I tread carefully. Beautiful piece!

  40. BadddTeacher says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I constantly struggle in new and existing relationships with finding the balance of opening up enough or too much and fighting with myself to prove that I am worthy of loving and being loved despite the battle wounds that I have.

  41. Linda says:

    I feel like this piece speaks to so many ladies… they aren’t too strong for the world


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